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Break up or convert to Christianity

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Last night boyfriend of 6months gave me an ultimatum out of the blue: convert to Christianity or break up with him. He did not know I was, at my own pace, opening up to god. I was going to tell my boyfriend when the time was right. I was just going at a pace that felt right. I am already baptized Roman Catholic but I never strictly followed it, instead believing that you can be a good, wholesome person without devoting yourself to religion.

It just happened out of nowhere: one hour I'm driving to his house to spend my weekend off together (I had so much fun stuff planned that night), the next, we're sitting in his car crying, with my boyfriend ready to text a friend to hang out "if it didn't go well with me". Implying he would send me home, I suppose, if I did not accept to change myself to take god fully into my heart, right then and there. That is a lot to impose on someone. You don't give someone you love an ultimatum. It was very sudden and very hurtful.

I need a lot of help and guidance, and I'm willing to accept god into my heart if he can help me. I'm going through a lot of pain and suffering and I am lost.
>>
He said that just by being with me, boyfriend and girlfriend, was straying him from god. This was back when I had Wednesdays and Thursdays off, I work retail so having Saturday and Sunday off was not in my power when I had my current position at the time. He is saying that he wanted to be with me, but his religion requires placing god above friends, girlfriends, and even family. And it was somehow my fault that he couldn't always go to church when he wanted to be closer to god. I said, that if god is so important to you, don't let me stand in the way of wanting to go to church. But then I got promoted and have Sundays off now too so I guess he doesn't feel like he has to change his schedule just to go worship.

He said that taking gods name in vain was hurting and disrespecting him. But I wasn't aware when I was even doing it. Even something as little as "omfg" or "oh my god", "god damn", "Jesus Christ". They're all words for emphasis for me and it wasn't that big of a deal to me, but it was to him. In actuality I had lessened much on my swearing after meeting him.
>>
I'm just very sad that things will never be the same. My gut told me he wasn't right for me, but we worked it out that we can still remain friends. Like I can come over once a week to go to church and play vidya and watch movies with him
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Your boyfriend is a faggot.
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>>18023599
Lmfao

Dump this loser
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>>18023614
This
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>>18023599
you already are converted to christianity since you are baptized.

What he is asking is that you change your behaviour completely but he is putting the "christian sauce" all over it to not make it appear like he is controlling.

God works in his own way and there is no point to force people to change their behaviour. In the end, you'll figure it out on your own, and for some people that leads to a calling and for others that leads to being a devoted wife and for some they keep having a tumultuous relationship with God like a petulant kid but keep going back. However, if God is that important to your boyfriend, he should understand that whatever you go through, it's between God and you.

I don't think this warrants a break up but you really need to sit him down and get a clear idea of his expectations. Right now it sounds like he wants a quiverful wife or something of the sort. However I CAN understand that if God is very important to him, you need to figure out some ways that you go to worship together and how to stop cursing (many people have curse jars) for other reasons than religious. It's not clear to me why suddenly he put you in front of an ultimatum. It's not clear to me either what he wants out of you and what you are willing to do. So some soul searching and some talking is needed in any case.
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>>18023599
Top fucking kek. Can this fucking faggot.
>>
>>18023599
>I need a lot of help and guidance
Do you really?
>(...) That is a lot to impose on someone.
>You don't give someone you love an ultimatum.
>It was (...) very hurtful.
>My gut told me he wasn't right for me

Very true. Trying to blackmail someone into his worldview, his own view of spirituality is disgusting. Generally, blackmailing someone you claim to love is most disgusting.
The fact you're warming up to the idea of god is less relevant, it's okay to change your spirituality and values as you see fit.
The important question is: do you want to be with a man who blackmails you?

What does that say about him as a person? As a boyfriend? As a religious person?
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>>18023620
This is a great reply. Your first sentence makes me feel better. I agree with you on all points. We have sat down and talked A LOT about everything, and yes I decided things will never be the same and it warranted a break up. You don't give an ultimatum to someone you love.

Unclear on what he exactly wants outside of being closer with god.

Also I actually do not curse or swear very much at all. It usually is when I'm driving and even then, it's not much.

Time will heal this

>>18023632
Yeah I need a lot of help and guidance. I have nowhere to go outside of work, nowhere to feel safe, have issues feeling welcome in friends houses, etc

The last part is what really gets me. What DOES it say about his character? I'd rather be just friends
>>
Say okay fine bye bye and watch him come back. Up to you if you still want him.
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>>18023599
Lol if you think you've had it bad, imagine being a jew dating an evangelical.

My first ex was born - again Christian. Although he never tried to convert me I guess he realized it was never going to work with me having different beliefs than him. Although I came from a jewish family I was pretty much agnostic and had a coexist viewpoint at the time.
So we broke up, didn't talk for awhile, but still ended up being acquaintances in the years to come. We both went to the same art school, but he lived in Georgia while I lived in New York so we went our separate ways after graduation.

7 years later his art blog/instagram is filled with nothing but drawings of naked women with big tits and exaggerated wide hips and thick thighs.

Not sure how Christian-like that is...
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Opening yourself to the feeling of the divinity in you is something that must come out of your reasoning. What he is asking you is to convert to some senseless form of believing something for the sake of a foreign desire.
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kek
ffs, these religious nuts have gfs... and I'm here lonely as hell
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>>18023758
This is what hurts: me and my boyfriend met on okc. I explicitly stated I wasn't interested in someone who's religious. My bf said he wasn't a very devout or strict Christian. And he wasn't. But a month and a half ago he changed, saying he wanted to be more closer to god
>>
Marriage is a sacred union between two people before God. Internalize that for a second. When you make that decision, it is forever. You're basically telling God, this is the one, forever and ever. So you must really be certain, really be sure. People have forgotten what this means, but essentially it means you have put God before the two of you, and vowed your lives before God to one another.

I guess what he thinks is, if she believes in God like I do, then she will be good. But this isn't what guarantees a successful union, not a ring, not a vow, not the fancy wedding photos. What will keep you together is the both of you WANTING to be together. You've really gotta want it, and you've really gotta support one another, not come on /adv/ and complain about each other every other week.

He should not have given you an ultinatum, no. If anything he should have known you were good for him to begin with, if he thinks forcing you to turn to Jesus is the answer, maybe he's just confused in a shortsighted way. Jesus is Lord though, that's for sure.

>>18023620
>baptism

Acts 19:4
Then said Paul, John verily baptized with the baptism of repentance, saying unto the people, that they should believe on him which should come after him, that is, on Christ Jesus.
>>
>>18023599
Your boyfriend sounds like ICOC. Does he open up the bible and show you the passages where it says you can't be a disciples unless you follow all the teachings. In that line of thinking, to him you're not a Christian because you don't practice. And Christians are not allowed to marry non Christians according to scripture as well. That might be his issue
>>
>>18023795
You are entirely right, I think that's what he believed. And we wanted to be together. I can't tell you how great things were until last night. I was so happy I had finally found someone worth spending the rest of my life. I WAS good enough to begin with

>>18023804
Yes that is part of the issue too. He dislikes that I'm a different religion, even if we worship the same god

I guess how can I move on from this? It was really hurtful. I can't see myself ever dating again after this. It's just one heartbreak after another. Doubting if I'm even relationship material anymore. Obviously I'll just need some soul searching and time, but anything else?
>>
Don't do it. Religion is dead.
>>
I'm in a similar position as you in that I'm slowly opening up to God. If someone suddenly ordered me to convert it would ruin everything. I'm sorry that happened.
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>>18023599
>>18023602
It seems to me like your boyfriend is not only an asshole for giving you this sort of ultimatum, he's also fucking crazy. Run.
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>>18023836
>I WAS good enough

He does wanna marry a Christian girl though, and it is the Christian thing to do.

Just give it time. Maybe his friends are forcing ideas into his head as well, so he's feeling like "now or never", but there's plenty of time.
>>
>>18024179
Then he should have told me from the beginning, or when I brought up marriage.

Thanks for talking everyone, I just wanted to hear your thoughts
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>>18024365
hmm.. maybe he was uncertain about his own position, and perhaps now that he's arrived at it, he feels strongly about it and wants to make sure you're both walking down the same path? Just a thought I guess.
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>>18024386
but maybe his understanding of the faith is also still very limited.
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Your god is a fairytale created by men to control men.
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>>18023780
You said he was non religious originally, but none are more zealous than recent converts. Did he recently find his way to a new church or something like that?

>>18024403
People like you are why I call myself agnostic even though I'm certain in my lack of faith.
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>>18023599
Yeah I don't think that's right. He's basically taking the free will that God himself gave you. It's every individuals choice as to whether they want to believe and accept or not. Happy you're opening up to a connection with God though, don't let this bonehead ruin that for you.
I would personally break up with him myself and then tell him it's not cause you don't want to convert but he shouldn't be forcing you to choose because of said reason up there.

Develop your relationship with God at your own pace, and wait for another potential partner.
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>>18024411
He wasn't non religious, just not very strict which is what I liked. Initially I wanted I one religious because I know of the unnecessary rifts religion creates, but I decided to love him unconditionally anyway, even if he was Christian.

>>18024412
>Develop your relationship with God at your own pace, and wait for another potential partner

That's exactly what I'm doing now, you hit the nail on the head.
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>>18024474
Either way has he started going to a new church, or hanging out with a religious group? From my pov either he's met people that are influencing his views or he hid them hoping you'd be too emotionally invested to leave. If the latter it's a dead end, but the former may be reasoned with.
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>>18023599
Textbook abusive behaviour. Threatening your relationship based on adhering to something he believes in is extremely manipulative. Dump him and get away. Now.
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>>18023599
He's a fucking asshole who does not understand how faith works (or just enjoys the label) because you CANNOT force someone to believe in God.
Religion is not something you do for someone. Specially someone who has a backup plan if you give up.
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>>18023758
most people are religious
you being an atheist that thinks religion is for nuts makes you an outsider
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>>18024620
>most people are religious
most people say believe in god, but not in religious institutions...
and, yes, IMO religious people are either retarded and easily convinced, or simply nuts.
>>
>>18023599
Tell him to convert to Islam.

Also 6 months is barely a relationship. GTFO
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>>18023599
part1
The bible says on Romans 3:23 "For all have

sinned, and come short of the glory of God;"

and Romans 6:23 "...the wages of sin is

death;..."

Some people think that once you die, it's all

over but according to the bible depending on

whether you believed or not on the Lord, we

either go to heaven or to hell, going to hell

can be refered to as the second death on the

bible (revelation) 20:14 "And death and hell

were cast into the lake of fire. This is the

second death."

(revelations) 20:15 "And whosoever was not

found written in the book of life was cast

into the lake of fire." on the next chapter

we read 21:8 "...and all liers, shall have

their part in the lake which burneth with

fire and brimstone: which is the second

death."
you may think that in order for God to send

you to hell you must have done something

horrible but just telling a lie is punishable

by hell according to the bible.

You may think that God is a bad guy for

having this high standard but actually, if

anyone wants to go to heaven all they have to

do is believe on the Lord (Romans) 5:8 "But

God commendeth his love toward us, in that,

while we were yet sinners, Christ died for

us." The Lord Jesus died on the cross, went

to hell and after three days rose again so

that we could be saved by believing on him,

since he suffered the punishment of sin for

us we don't have to go to hell after we

believe on him.

Someone made the question acts 16:30 "...what

must I do to be saved?" and the reply given

to him was (acts) 16:31 "and they said,

Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou

shalt be saved, and thy house" They could

have answered him by saying, repent and sin

no more and thou shalt be saved or do good

works and thou shalt be saved but the answer

they gave to that person was Believe on the

Lord and thou shalt be saved.
>>
>>18023599
part2
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that

he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever

believeth in him should not perish, but have

everlasting life." John 3:18 "He that

believeth on him is not condemned: but he

that believeth not is condemned already,

because he hath not believed in the name of

the only begotten Son of God." Faith on the

Lord Jesus Christ is all a person needs to

get into heaven.

Lastly, on Romans 6:23 we read "For the wages

of sin is death; but the gift of God is

eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord."

A gift is not something that you have to work

for, and it's also something that can't be

taken from you. If you accept the Lord Jesus

in your heart right now, you'll pass from

death unto life, forever, no matter what. God

bless you.

Any questions?
>>
>>18024495
No he hasn't hung out at a new church. Believe me I want to understand why he did such a cruel thing so suddenly. Seriously everything was 200% good up to last night. It was all completely out of the blue. So when he gave me the options of breaking up or converting, I chose both. Breaking up for cruelly doing an ultimatum on me, and opening up to god more because I really fucking need the guidance.

When asked about it, I pointed to a bible and said
>I know you aren't right for me anymore, but I'm doing this for me

Thank you everyone for your insight.
Things have settled down now. He is deeply sorry, and confirms he'd be even sadder if I had chosen to cut contact instead of remain friends.
I said that even though he was an asshole, it doesn't mean I get to cast him aside when the going gets rough. I am mad and not even close to forgiving him, but he's good company.

I'm his first real girlfriend by the way

Goodnight everyone, thank you all
>>
>>18024634
>and, yes, IMO religious people are either retarded and easily convinced, or simply nuts.
That's a big part of why no one's dating you
>>
>>18024732
nah, I don't even do effort, and I reject all the ones known to be religious. funnily enough, they all confirm my theory: all of them are known for being religious *and* nuts
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>>18024754
Xd you mean they reject you
Follow me @XxCoolcat_sniperxX for minecraft let's plays
>>
lol christfags
>>
Hey /adv/ I just want to say: this feels pretty fucking bad. Everything I held dear and secure was suddenly taken out from under me, and I never asked for that.

I've been in many relationships, all just to find someone to settle down with, and they all keep ending in heartbreak. Each time, I do some self improving and learn from what I did wrong. This time, I don't know what I even did wrong.

My main question is: wtf do I do
I'm 25. I question if anyone would even want me, or if I'm relationship material anymor

Is there anyone else here that's been in a situation where everything is fine, then suddenly... break up? Like you had no warning whatsoever
>>
>>18023599
>we're sitting in his car crying
If you mean he is also crying, it could be pressure from parents/friends.
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>>18024668
I dunno that you should have broken up over ultimatums personally.. in relationships, ppl have to make many along the way, this was probably a premature one on his part.. may be worth saving if he understands the wrong he did. can't expect the guy to be perfect if he's being influenced or just learning about relationships as he goes.. i think he really likes you, he just handled it poorly.
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>>18025440
you are attracted to retards
either be a retard or let a non retard take you
>>
>>18025642
That makes me feel better. By worth saving you mean that we could become back together again?
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>>18025646
yes.
>>
Update:

I forgive him. He realizes he made a mistake and is deeply sorry. We are working things out. We are unsure if the relationship will ever be like it was before, but I never wanted to discard him.

I may be stupid for this, but I genuinely think that something odd must've happened, or he must've been influenced by something different, because the whole ordeal was so out of the blue, as if my boyfriend was bottling up thoughts/emotions. I always told him he can tell me anything, as I told him everything. I knew I could trust him.

He showed and said he was willing to give it another shot but acknowledges that my shattered trust in him must be rebuilt.

But seriously guys. Religion can be shitty sometimes. It creates so much unnecessary stress and this is why I avoided being too strict of a follower. I believe you can be an excellent person without going all hardcore
>>
>>18023599
He shouldn't have given you an ultimatum like that. If he truly cared about you, he would ask you to consider it, and explain it's something very important to him, not force your hand.

Even if you do work things out, I wouldn't stay with him if I we're you, something like this is a pretty bad sign, and the relationship won't work out.
>>
>>18025961
I'm glad things worked out for you OP, just remember that if anything like that happens again that you be sure to ask him why he's talking about these things so abruptly. Lots of arguments stem from misunderstandings and if you both genuinely care for each other you should be sure to have a serious conversation about what the problem is.
>>
>>18025976
Anon you're right. In my gut I know Christianity is important to him. And it probably won't change. I can only hope he goes back to being a less serious Christian like he was before. Apparently it's also important for him to marry someone of the same faith, though he wholeheartedly agreed to marriage with me before this whole thing came up. Basically if there were issues he should've said them beforehand.

If it truly doesn't work out after repairing this I will let him know.

>>18025979
You are right also.
I didn't want to just break up and cut contact even though that's the standard advice here

Thanks for talking to me guys. Just wanted to update too because so many OPs just make the thread then abandon it
>>
>>18025440
>I'm 25. I question if anyone would even want me, or if I'm relationship material anymor
Your sexual market value is still high, it's going to go down soon, though. But you will always be relationship material as long as your personality is good.
>>
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>>18023602
>>18023599
>>18023606
>but his religion requires placing god above friends, girlfriends, and even family
What kind of Christian is he? I can't think of any normal churches that espouse that kind of heavy dogma.

Sounds like a Seventh Day Adventist or something

Either way, ultimatums out of the blue are a red flag and forced conversion is another. He gave you a two-for-one deal. Flee.
>>
>>18023599
in b4 by convert he means become a barefoot pregnant mute housewife
>>
>>18026685
>What kind of Christian is he? I can't think of any normal churches that espouse that kind of heavy dogma.
This is standard across all Christian groups. There's a verse in the bible where Jesus says specifically that.
>>
Doing anything is meant to be done together with someone to guide you through the process and use them as a role model in attaining the goal set. In this case try and convert to Christianity with your boyfriend but ensure that he is there to go through the stages with you, if he isn't i'd suggest breaking up with him. No strong person can ever tell you to do something and not go through it with you.
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