Just want to live a happy life, but feel trapped in a high stress one

You say you've recently begun, so is it possible to quit? Honours isn't for everyone, my friend was literally getting 3-4 hours of sleep by the end of it, and that was par for the course. I don't mean to scare you, the point I'm trying to make is that it's just going to get worse, and you're barely coping now.

>>18022444
Yeah, I'm barely a week in, so quitting is an option. Right now it's more the fear of working impossibly hard, rather than it actually happening. I'm terrified that it will start getting worse and worse, and leave me a wreck who's another year older and with a piece of paper he has no intent to use.

But if I were to quit, I'd have no idea what to do after that.

If you're not going to use it, then what's the point? Don't study for the sake of studying

>But if I were to quit, I'd have no idea what to do after that.
Have you considered just working whatever job you can get until you work out what you want to do?

Btw where do you live and what are you studying, if you don't mind me asking?

>>18022455
Was supposed to reply to >>18022452 but you get the point

>>18022455
In Australia studying biochemistry. The thing is this honours was meant to gauge if I enjoyed it enough to be willing to do a PhD and such. It's been okay so far, it's just the continual fear that the stress will start building up and building up. So right now my mind is in theoreticals, rather than knowing for sure, so I really don't know what to do.

>>18022465
Well you're definitely not in the right headspace to do this right now. Why not drop it for now and pick it up again next year? Or perhaps you could do it part time over two years?

>>18022468
I already delayed it a year, and I'm pretty sure that if you drop out at this stage, they won't take you back.

>>18022472
Then look into doing it over two years. Also it doesn't seem right that they wouldn't take you if you dropped out now, if this is your first step to doing a masters or PhD

>>18022468
At the same time, I'm caught between whether all this worrying is because it's real, or it's just regular anxiety I always feel when returning to university or school. But, I've never had such palpable doubts before, but maybe that's because this is a total change, working nine to five, compared to everything else I've done in my life.

>>18022475
I don't think I could bear going even slower, and throwing away more years. The way I see it, I either commit or throw it away, they are ,y two options.

>>18022480
Well how much do you NEED to do this? If this is the sort of anxiety you feel at the start of every year then maybe you could just power through it, but at the same time, there's no point in putting yourself through this stress if you don't need to

>>18022480
That's why your fear is so high. If it is ONLY A or B then the weight of that choice becomes huge and crushing. What if I try and it's too hard? What if I don't do it and I regret it forever? What if I try it and I crumble? You're putting your life-eggs in one basket, as if that was the one single and only thing.

>>18022482
The anxiety comes every time I start something new. If I were to get a job, I'd be feeling the same too, but at the same time I have a new worry I'm that I'm doing something that will never lead anywhere, it detracting from me maybe being able to become a proper writer.

So, I dunno. It could be normal nerves, it could be something more. That uncertainty only makes it worse.

>>18022487
Well it's my only real choice anyway. If I were to go part time, I'd also have to get a part time job too, so it doesn't really fix anything.

I think I'll give it another week or two, and if I don't love it, im going to quit. It's just the PhD I can't bear, stuck there for 4 or more years in that sterile fucking place.

I wish there was a job I could do where I'm just left on my own without constantly there being other people around to see me if I screw up, and me needing to pretend we're all best friends. What I wouldn't give to just be able to live a life where I'm left alone. I feel like I'm always being pushed towards other people, when I don't really want to be.