How can I gain attraction to my gf?

>>18017158
tl;dr
gf is 11/10 person (intelligent, kind, understanding, interesting, socially intelligent) but doesn't match my preference physically. What can I do to increase how attracted I am to her so that sex is more fun?

(Currently sex is more than alright, it's really fun as she is exciting sexually but I would like to WANT her more. I'd like to cum due to me being attracted to her and not being able to stop myself, not forcing myself to cum just due to hand technique when I'm jacking myself off)

>>18017158

>Can I do something to get more attracted to my gf?

No. People usually feel more like their partners more if they find then compatible. But if you still have second thoughts after so much time... it doesn't look like it's gonna change.

>>18017158
>>18017161

People like their partner more*

I don't know how I wrote that so wrong.

>>18017161
>>18017163
I'm thinking I could do something to connect to that feeling of compatability on a deeper lever? I just don't know how

>>18017165
>>18017163
compatibility* level*

me too man

>>18017165

Is she your gilrfriend or just a fuck buddy? Do you actually do shit together or just fuck and pillow talk?

>>18017169
we started out as fwb a year ago but now we're exclusive and presenting each other as gf and bf to other people isn't very far off. Maybe a month

>>18017158
>psychology major at prestigeous uni
Sorry to tell you this OP, but some majors are just unemployable regardless of how "prestigious" the college is. Enjoy retail cuckery

>>18017174

So your are not GF/BF for others yet. But what about you two? Do you go on dates? Help each other? Hang out?

Or do you just fuck a couple times a week?

>>18017158
Tl;dr.
My advice is: buy her big tits.

>>18017181
not in the us, 99,5% guaranteed a job after getting my degree
>>18017186
hang out, fuck, go to the movies, watch movies together, hang out at parties, talk about and dive deep into our issues and work together to understand them better, talk philosophy

>>18017196
>not in the us, 99,5% guaranteed a job after getting my degree
Enjoy to misleading stats. Sure you'll be guaranteed to get a job, it'll just be a low paying retail job or a barista or something. How many of that 99.5% do you think actually end up working is psychology? Probably 5-10% at best

>>18017196

So... fuck buddy then?

Here's the thing, I talk philosophy with strangers. That's not really a deep connection.

Do you buy clothes together? Remind each other of appointments? Talk when one is sad? Do you do the mundade with each other?

Parties and sex are fun. Talking about Freud, Plato and Hitler is interesting. But that's still superficial. That's why you still see her on a superficial level.

Maybe you two like the relationship like this. Well, you seem to want more. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. Maybe I'm wrong.

But from an outsiders perspective, you two might be exclusive, but not serious.

>>18017203
no man, it's not. what's with having to stress that shit in this thread, it's clearly not relevant
>>18017210
what's your point?
We talk when the other one is sad, we induce difficult states to be in because we want to get to know each other and ourselves better. We talk about issues that make us cry and she knows me better than my parents or any of my friends does

>>18017216

>what's your point?

As I said, I know I may be wrong. But going from what you write, I get the impression that you two are not serious yet. That idea is reinforced by the fact that you say she is perfect except for how atracted you are to her.

Either you two are serious and you are really really shallow, or you two just are fuck buddies and the relationship lacks the deeper connection needed to look past just her looks. I believe the second one is true.

If I'm right, getting closer might help you realizewhat a great girl you have and want her more. ALso, keep im mind that even if I'm right, either one of you might not want a more serious relationship. That's also a possibility.

>>18017230
Why would it make me shallow to have a great connection with someone but lacking physical attraction?
I know you're trying to help but that's ignorant

also I know that it's silly for me to get involved with the opinion of yours stating that we aren't serious yet but I don't understand how you can take this answer >>18017216 and come to the conclusion that we aren't serious. But whatever

>>18017254
>Why would it make me shallow to have a great connection with someone but lacking physical attraction?

Because if she really is a good partner and you really make each other feel and be good, then her looks shouldn't turn you off so much that you can't cum.

We all know when our girlisn't the prettiest one around. But that fact that she is there for us makes her more attractive (at least for me, of course). If her looks are a bigger turn off than her personality, then she is a monster or you are just shallow.

And as I said, I'm pretty sure you two don't have that much of a connection, so the first option was just to be throughout. I don't think that's what's going on here.

Last weekend I had a heart to heart with a friend. She cried, we talk about our families (things I don't tell most other people, much less friends) and we talked religion and shit. We are friends and we both know nothing is gonna happen. So again, just crying together is not a relationship. Talking "deep" topics like philosophy is not a relationship.

Another example: The more "philosophycal" our talks got, the farther away I was getting from one of my friends. We were really tight, but we drifted apart. The last few times we saw each other, we spent our talking about "deep" shit like that because neither of us could connect with the other in a more simple and human level.

This are just my experiences and they don't have to apply to you. But if you wanted advice from a thind, unrelated party, there is mine. You two have fun, but that's not a relationship yet.

OP, what about my suggestion? >>18017187

>>18017158
Why don't you help her gain some weight? You can talk to her about it and buy her lots of chocolate milk, peanut butter, etc.

>>18017263
I can cum, I'd just like to be able to do it sooner and with less effort.
>I'm pretty sure you two don't have that much of a connection
ok internet man

what defines a serious relationship?
>>18017266
she shouldn't need surgery or really change at all at my will, I'd much rather change my perspective to see her in another light
>>18017293
Yeah I would have considered it if she hadn't had an eating disorder and I don't want to fuck with that. If it were to be an alternative it would have to come out of her initiative

>>18017591
>what defines a serious relationship?

Knowing the other person won't be perfect and still wanting to be with them. If you have to make an effort to fuck her (and image her with a different body) then she is basically a fucktoy, dude.

You can't be serious with someone if you can't accept them for who they are. Keep wishing she looked different and you'll live frustrated.

>>18017612
I don't want to think that it is that dichotomous. We connect on multiple levels and I don't want to lose such a great connection (I don't care if you say that it's shit, it's not) because I lack 10/10 complete attraction to something as dumb as physical appearance now that I know how much of a good person she is

>>18017631

You can be friends. No expectation to fuck then.

>>18017640
I feel like that isn't enough though. I want to be close to her, body against body, no clothes, watching her and talking to her

>>18017687
>I feel like that isn't enough though.

Tought luck. You are a shrink, or at least going to be one. How do you think having a man that supposedly loves you be always disapointed in your body feels like?

>>18017702
I suppose it'd feel somewhat shitty to know that he wasn't 100% attracted to my body but great that I was such an awesome person that he didn't want to leave even though he could be with someone he found more attractive

>>18017721

Hahaha! Really? So having your SO be perpetually disappointed enough that he has to ask for help to be more attracted to you is not gonna be awful for her? Dude, do both of you a favor and walk away from this.

>>18017733
why would she know? I love being with her and I know she loves being with me. Sex is fun and sexy. The relationship isn't a catastrophe because attraction isn't 11/10, you're naive if you think that every happy relationship in the world has that.

>>18017755

It doesn't have to be "11/10". But you are here asking us how to be more attracted to her. You don't have to worship her. Just be content enough.

Do you really think she won't notice? Do you really think people can't tell how you feel about them? Come on.

>>18017765
What is content enough?

>>18017775

Enough not to go for help to like her more. If you realize you don't like her enough, you should realize this relationship is going to hurt her.

>>18017777
Alright, tell you what. Would you ever pursue a relationship that you had reason to believe would fail down the line? If yes, why? If no, why not?

>>18017785

If it "might" fail, I'd go for it. If I already don't feel attracted to her, then I'd give it up.

>>18017785
>>18017794

Sorry, forgot the "why". Because in the first case, we might not have to deal with the problem. We don't know.

In the second, I already know the problem. So I know we have to deal with that.

>>18017794
Why? All this might change, I'm more attracted to her now that I know her better than I was when we first slept together.

>>18017798

So the relationship IS gonna fail UNLESS you become more attracted to her.

Can you see how that's different to: This relationship MIGHT fail?

Dump her. If she's unattractive then there's no point to the relationship. On top of that if she's underweight she's headed for health problems. Do you want to deal with her hair falling out at 30 and then be giving her enemas in her 40s because she can't shit on her own or watch her die of heart failure at 50? Because those are the things you're headed for.

>>18017755
Just gonna jump in here, im with the other guy. Youre sounding more and more defensive the deeper this guy probes, which leads me to reason you are not 100% sure on how you feel

Keep in mind we are all just internet ppl and you dont have to prove shit to anyone, but you are

Anyway, i dont think you can change her physically, and being in perpetual disatisfaction will eventually lead you to cheat or something stupid

>>18017814
Absolutely. My reasoning has been that I can enjoy it while it lasts because I do enjoy it. She shares that view with me, I expressed that I was having doubts when we got back together and she was on board with that we enjoy what we have when we enjoy it and don't spend so much time thinking about what will be.
>>18017859
dude I've gotta ask you, why does enjoying something now mean that I'll have to enjoy it for the rest of my life?
>>18018024
I know man, I've had that realization during this discussion aswell. I am perfectly content with everything about the relationship, apart from the shame that I feel in regard to that I SHOULD be more attracted to her for her sake. I believe that runs more of a risk of ruining the relationship than the way I actually percieve her.
My reasoning is that it's perfectly alright for me to love spending time with her as long as I don't feel like I should be somewhere else because I could do better.

I allowed myself to get defensive in order to dig deeper into why I feel the way that I do, I don't know if it was very effective in answering my question but I suppose I gained some clarity in that this thing is an issue to me, and that it actually is something that I'll have to deal with sooner or later