A long tragic tale about my nonexistent sex life

>>18007708
>the too long to read

>>18007715
I warned it would be long. This is what I get for being desperate enough to air my problems here of all places.

File: e0ec45fa9b2390845deaa66d0a6931d7.jpg (86KB, 625x573px) Image search: [Google]

86KB, 625x573px

I think you seriously need to reconsider the reasons you're with him. You don't sound happy at all, nor a good match.

You say there's more important things than an enjoyable sex life with your significant other. That may be true, but it's still a huge part of any relationship. A relationship without desire is doomed to fail.

Besides this, the way you write about him, it sounds like you stopped properly liking this guy a long time ago. Nobody wants to be with a lazy fatty, especially when you yourself are successful.

Rather than simply staying with him because he's a nice guy or a 'good person', sit down and either write a list or at the very list consider reasons why you should be or shouldn't be with this guy. Because right now, this reads as a cry for logic from an outsider's perspective because you're too scared to change your current situation or unsure of whether what you truly want is the right thing.

I'll give you a hint though. I think you need to ditch the anchor.

>>18007721

TL;DR DO YOU SPEAK IT

>>18007742
You're very right. I havent had many boyfriends but he is the first to not be abusive in some way so I see why I've latched on. I genuinly enjoy spending time with him but at this point our relationship is that of two friends who live together. We cuddle and I get dressed/undressed infront of him but there's nothing sexual happening. I stay because I dont know what a truly fulfilling relationship feels like.

he sounds stressed or depressed. i'm not saying it won't get any better, but it might be for the best if the two of you split.

he needs to get his shit in order and realize letting himself go this far when you've tried your best to get him back on his feet has its consequences. conversely, your constant push for him to get better may have had a reverse effect on his mentality which stressed him out and makes him feel guilty, depressed, etc. as mentioned earlier.

i've been that person before (and now i am in your position), and so has my current bf, who has recovered remarkably because i treated him the way i wished i was treated during that stressful period.... which means a lot of patience, encouragement and space. i think only until you reach that point where your bf was, you would understand what it feels like in order to motivate him.

>>18007773
I stay because I was that person when I was a teenager. I was so depressed and lazy and could hardly muster up the motivation to do anything. The difference is I had no one and he has me. I know if someone helped me I would have recovered faster. It took me years to stop sucking when I was alone. It's probably unfair of me to expect the same from him because we're two different people. I've thought of leaving but he's finally started taking better care of himself and working harder. I'm so tired but consider waiting a little longer because perhaps he'll stay consistent and come out better. A part of me is scared he'll slip into his old ways then and all my efforts would have been a waste.

>>18007796
preach, i had no one too and had to pick myself up. but he needs to get his confidence back and that may take a long while. you can choose to stick it out, or try to re-build your relationship, which will take a hell lot of patience... but the two of you might come out stronger out of it.

i wouldn't express something so brutal like "can we fuck other people" unless you guys were close to breaking up... talk about a confidence killer. you need to be very careful in your wording.

for example, for his weight loss, you can suggest to him to cook with you healthy meals together. make the experience fun for the both of you. even if he does a crappy job cutting shit up or something, just make it a fun experience and motivate each other to make the next meal better. like remind him why you are the most valuable person in his life, because he already knows inside that he's on thin ice. you don't want him to crawl towards you, you want him to skate to you.... if that makes any sense.

you can't look at your efforts and investments on him as something you do til he's back on his feet or he will lose the motivation to stay that way. it's a lifestyle change for the both of you.

but no one is asking you to stay with him. fuck, i wouldn't have dated me if i was still at my deadbeat stage. whether to stay or not is worth it is entirely up to you. i don't think either decision is a bad one... but leaving is certainly the easier route.

>>18007847
Thanks for those suggestions about cooking together. Usually cooking is left to him because my work takes up so much time. I go to the gym and have been inviting him to come too which has helped him at least be more active.
I specifically suggested he see other women because I felt so bad that I wasn't interested in sex. I thought he would be thrilled but I can see how that would be hurtful. He must have felt really thrown into the friend zone. Thank you for being so helpful. It means a lot to me.

>>18007708
You are no longer sexually attracted to him, and you've told him he can sleep with other women. What exactly is the reason for the relationship still existing? You guys are pretty much just friends living together with one supporting the other financially. It sounds like it'd be best for the both of you if you ended the charade and broke up.

>>18007868
you're welcome, just don't feel too bad about taking up either decision. its an experience in the end, and that's always valuable.

And then she cheats and dumps him.