Please just talk to me if you have been through abuse

well, my dad was very abusive (not sexually though...).
it affected me greatly. i was highly depressed till i finally got ssri's ar age 27.
i was suicidal and i have very low selfesteem. i am a people pleaser and i have zero confidence. i never stand up for myself and i avoid all conflict is posssible.
he was mentally and physically abusive. as in hitting us, threatening to kill us, lock me in the bunker, stuff like that.
you're definitely not alone.
the thing that helped me THE MOST. was developing empathy for my dad. i had to realize that he didnmt do all this because i am worthless and donmt deserve love. or because i do everything wrong. he did what he dis because he was extremely overwhelmed. he was depressed, struggling with alcoholism and a lot of other things. sure, he should have gotten help instead of trying to be a dad. but the point is, i needed to realize that it was never, not a single bit, my fault. and that i couldn't habe done anything to prevent this. i am not a piece of shit that deserved that treatment. and he isn't a monster either. he was just a human that was at the end of his energy and nobody to reach out and offer help.
your ex was probably very distressed too that he ended up abusing you. he probably had a very fucked up childhood too. not that that's an excuse for his actions. but it is a factor that releases guilt you might feel.
now what you need to do is find out what (healthy) actions you can take to never get in such a situation again.
not dating any guy again is NOT healthy action.
building up a social circle that you trust and that you could reach out to and fall back on would be a way better idea. or working on your skills of telling people when they step over your boundaries.
there is a oot to do. go to work instead of feeling sorry for yourself. it has happened. no amount of being sad and sorry will change that. everyday you waste on feeling like a poor victime is a day of YOUR life you will never again get back.

>>18006342
Wow thanks for sharing. How did the ssri's help ? because i sometimes think that they cant fix my mind setting if you know what i mean so what if i stop taking them and my mind setting ruins my mental health again?

>>18006342
Not OP here but this is the kind of advice I needed instead of the bashing I received here yesterday when I asked for help. OP I ruined my life yesterday telling the truth to my family. I send you a virtual hug, I hope my intentions and good vibes get to you.

>>18006388
they definitely won't "cure" you. but they get you a temporsry wnergy to really dig deep and work on the issues you have. i was worried about never again being able to cope without them too but decided to still give it s try. i tookt hem for one year and then really slowly faded them out. i had one day where i had a bit of a headache but that was about it.
it's not like i'm the most productive and happy person alive, but it definitely helped me get out of my slump (igot a new job whilst on medication and started a new and very good relationship. those two things help me imensely with coping with "not so good" phases).
i still have spaced out appointments with my therapist (about once every 6 months) to chek in on how i'm doing, but i am perfectly capable of being a somewhat happy, balanced and functioning person without constant therapy and no medication. i would take ssri's again. just much, much sooner.

if you have any other questions, ask away!

>>18006401
what did you tell them and why?

>>18006412
One of the family memers told me how afraid was of being poisoned by other family member, so I told him about the sexual abuse and prohibition of eating from that other family member. I'm sorry not to tell exactly but It did broke my spirit all the answers from yesterday. I don't want the same today.

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>>18006437
and how did that ruin your life? you think it would have been better to keep your mouth shut? i don't think so...

>>18006408
that sounds very comforting thanks! Did you have any weird side effects at the beginning of taking them? and how long did it take until they helped?

>>18006321
OP an essential step is to realize that absolutely NONE if this is your fault or anything to be ashamed of. Depression is the natural and sane response to bad experiences, not a sign of inadequacy on your part.

Look, if you stub your toe and it hurts and you yell "Ow" or even cry for a while - that's natural and normal, isn't it? You experienced intense emotional and psychological pain, and your reaction was the psychological and emotional equivalent of "Ow".

But of course yelling "Ow" doesn't make the pain in your toe go away, and in extreme cases you might need a doctor's care. In the same way, you shouldn't try to get through your pain alone. Speak to a doctor, therapist, counselor, support group or friend, to help you get through this.

It is NOT a sign of failure to get help.

>>18006453
I had to change medication 3 times till i found one that didn't make me very sleepy or unable to sleep. telling your doc if you aren't happy woth sideeffects is crucial. i think a lot of people just give up after the first medication doesn't meet their expectations.
I can't remember exactly but i felt like i got better pretty fast. Maybe 2 or 3 weeks?

>>18006482
One last question. Did you have social anxiety too and if yes how did the ssri's effect them? Is it suddenly just as if your have no feeling of fear and anxiety and that makes it easier to talk to people or is it unusual at the beginning?

>>18006511
I never was exceptionally shy, so i didn't really notice big differences there. Actually, working on my issues is juat now (2 years after finishing medication) starting to be fruitfull. A week ago i finally stepped in for myself at work. It felt great. Ssri's aren't magic. They won't transform you into a perfect human. They just give you a temporary boost and slot to work on your issues.

I dis and so have loads of anxiety, but more about myself and what others think about me since i have an underlying feeling if not being worthy (which has it's roots in me thinking i could have prevented this if only i would have tried a little harder and been a bit better. Since that obviously didn't change shit, my conclusion was that i'm just not worth anything in general).
What it did in my case was give me back some peace so i could sleep at night instead of being caught in mental loops. Which gave me a lot of energy back i desperately needed to get stuff done like applying for jobs and so on. Achieving things made me feel capable. I also felt like i finally got help and that i'm not facing this alone. It gave me hope for my future

>>18006595
no of course they wont magically make my life perfect and get rid of my past. Thank you again for sharing it was very comforting to read about your experiences!

Hey OP, I've experienced emotional abuse and manipulation, verbal abuse, and sexual abuse. You're not alone and it's not your fault. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I struggled for years, believing everything was my fault and thinking I was stupid, worthless, etc.
Recently I had the opportunity to be apart of a psych hospital program and I also take lexapro, as well as have an awesome support network of family and friends to help me deal with my depression, suicidal ideation and attempt, and eating disorder. It's tough sometimes, but I've come to a point in my life where I like myself and who I am. The experiences I've had, both positive and negative, have influenced who I choose to be today and I celebrate myself.