Another Relationshit Thread

>>18001203
>but he's proposed an open relationship
abandon ship and abort mission
repeat
abandon ship and abort mission

i know the feel of throwing away many years of investment, and the feel of someone bamboozling you for an extended period of time by pretending to be something they are not (and the personal embarrassment of falling for it for so long). it sucks. but the sooner you gtfo, the sooner you can begin to move on.

>>18001220

This man means everything to me. He's the only person in the world that understands me. He's so funny, and kind, and we're so alike in every single way but this. I'm trying to be understanding, I know men have a biological urge to 'spread their seed', but I wish I was enough for him. I can't just jump ship, he's my everything and without him I have no family or friends of my own. I'd literally be living on the streets, and who could love me then? I'd rather come to terms with an open relationship, but I don't know how to curb my jealousy and fear.

Perhaps propose threesomes, I don't know if you're into women but regardless, he'll be able to try new women but you'll be able to get in on it too without being left out. Plus if you do it with a different woman every time you won't have to worry about him getting too attached to someone else. That's the best scenario I can come up with.

Honestly though, unless this is just a phase for him, your relationship could be tough to hold onto. He hasn't proposed in 7 years? That's not a good sign.

Honestly that was my only idea, your situation sucks ass and I wish you the best.

>>18001258

A threesome might be a good start. He hasn't proposed because he wants to finish college and have a home first, which was supposed to happen within this year. I've tried to be very patient, I know how much men hate being nagged about marriage.

Thanks for the well wishes.

>>18001258
This, except the proposal part.

My gf is bi and after six years in the relationship we grew the balls to fuck a girl as a couple. Even I was surprised by how much that brought us closer instead of apart. I'd be fine without it I think, it's not something we need, but we're coming to a pace of one girl every two months and it's perfect.

This of course will only work if you have at least a tiny bit of curiosity in girls or being a cuckquean.

I only disagree with the proposal because I'm 8 years with my gf and I haven't proposed because we're not financially stable enough for marriage. So it can't be taken as a red flag at face value.

>agree to open relationship
>start meeting and seeing other guys inevitably more successfully than he will be with girls
>find some who would make even better partners than your SO
>SO inevitably becomes territorial and jealous and his reptile brain will once again make him attracted to and want to chase you
>option 1: monkeybranch and leave him behind broken-hearted for a better guy in sweet revenge
>option 2: use your leverage and charm to create a polyamorous harem centered around you with multiple guys and no other girls

>he doesn't have the time to cheat
People make the time. If he didn't have the time to cheat, how would he have time to juggle an open relationship?

Your head is rewriting your perceptions to match what you really want to believe. You're so obsessed with him that you're denying his obvious self-centered behavior. You need to get your shit together and be a whole person for yourself. Stop being dependent on this douche bag, and you'll start seeing the situation for what it really is.

You're probably better off not hearing this but...

Your relationship will never be the way it was before. It doesn't have to end or become bad, but it will have to change, one way or another.

You have this idea of how relationships should be and so far your relationship somewhat fit the mold so you were content with it. Now it doesn't and you have to find a new mold for it, something else to make it fulfilling and magical. But first of all you have to destroy the old one. See, we humans love and appreciate things by creating illusions and expectations around them and relationships are some of the best examples of this. We take relationships and romanticize them to no end. And that's how monogamy become so important. We like to think that having only one partner makes the relationship stronger, richer, purer and whatnot (and in a sense it does, simply because you believe that).

But you have to realize that this happens only because of your ideology. The main reason why monogamy is important is because you believe it to be important.
>inb4 uncle /pol/ comes in and argues that monogamy is objectively better
It may be, it may not, but it's irrelevant here. The reason OP wants monogamy is because she was taught to crave it. So, in order to be content with your relationship again you must destroy this belief system you have about monogamy. Which is really hard, because for decades society has been imprinting it into your brain. First step is rationally admitting it to yourself. If you read my post, understand and believe it you're past that already. Then you have to keep reinforcing it. Whenever you feel sad or betrayed because your boyfriend wants an open relationship remind yourself that you feel that way because of a lie you keep telling to yourself. And then experiment the open relationship. Go talk to other men, flirt with them. Don't only fuck them, try to form a connection. It will eventually start to feel good, which will overturn your thinking.

(cont)

>>18001364
But, as I said, your relationship will not be the same. The way you see your partner, the way you love him, something will be missing. That illusion, that lie, without it the relationship becomes ... almost lifeless. So you'll have to find another illusion to cling onto, something that feels real and wonderful. You'll have to teach yourself to love in a different way.

If you ask me you're better off leaving and looking for someone else. This illusion that you've been fed your entire life is quite important, really. I call it an illusion, but in a sense it's real, at least in your subjectivity. It makes you feel, experience and enjoy things, it gives life some meaning. You said that you're nothing without that man. That's another illusion and it's nearly not as important as the one I've talked about. If you were to give up one of them, you should give up the illusion of him, not the illusion that allows you to love.

So yeah, my advice to you would be to leave. Because the alternatives are to either stick with it and be jealous and unhappy for the rest of your life or do what I suggested, break the illusion and replace it with something else. But finding something else is really hard, the chances that you'll succeed are slim.

>>18001369
>>18001364

Thank you for the well thought out response, I really do appreciate it. I'm not ready to give up on this, so I suppose I'll try to take baby steps in changing my perception of love.

>>18001283
>How to be a thot

>>18001433

What's a thot?

Threads like this make me sad.

>>18001269
>hey adv how do i become okay with my boyfriend cheating on me?
>w-well maybe a threesome would be ok
>i know men hate being nagged about being faithful

Jesus, you are the beaten wife stereotype. Grow a fucking spine and break up with him, anyone deserves better than this shit.

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>>18001383
Or you can sit down and work on this until it eventually passes. Physical attraction expectantly comes, and goes, and comes again. The same thing happens with romantic love, platonic interest, and conscious commitment.

That's why relationships should be built on all types, so that when one is inevitably weak, the others can compensate and hold down the ship until it returns and balance is restored.

When both partners believe and understand this, they can get through anything really.

This is usually a sign that the guy you are with got with you because you were hot and then he grew to like you and not the other way around. This is why he wants to have sex with other women; you weren't originally anything g but that. Most guys don't get into any relationship when they're young because they like the girl, they just like the sex and deal because that's what's expected. It's only after a guy is cheated on by someone he -really- desires that he'd understand what it means to "be with someone" and not just making them happy occasionally for sex.

Same thing where people don't understand emotional points in movies and such unless they lose someone very close, etc. Certain emotions can only arise after maturing, which just means "experience real pain".

Maybe try a couple wigs and different outfits/uniforms. Try to be a different person in the bedroom, maybe slapping him around a bit. I'd try this kind of shit before bring another gal in the picture

>>18001239
>he's my everything and without him I have no family or friends of my own

All you idiots proposing "bro open relationship free love bro" are missing that OP is being isolated and the recipient of abuse tactics

Get out of this relationship.

>>18001466
This. Male or female, nobody deserves to be treated like this. 7 years down the drain. Sickening.

>>18001239
You know, I thought it was a cliche, but why is it only scumbags like OPs boyfriend that get women to be so super attached to them?

>>18001494
She's been in the relationship 7 years. He didn't act like this at the beginning, it's a long slow process. It includes destroying the other person's self esteem to the point where they believe they can't live without the abuser and then you end up with wrecks like OP.

>>18001203
Dude sounds like a fucking tool. There's probably countless guys out there who would treat you better than he does, and you would probably get along just as well with most of them. There's no reason to feel like you're not good enough, because you'd in all likelihood be more than good enough for most normal guys. Unfortunately for you though, the guy you ended up with is a dirtbag and not a normal guy.

>>18001258
Yep, threesome is the way to go. If not even that works, then you need to step up your game.

Get a new hair color, wear sexier clothes, go out at night with him (e.g. dinner) and surprise him with tease (no sex) but later give him a blowjob on the street. You see, men need to feel a conquest. That is the only thing he is not getting from you.

>>18001220
Fucking this

Ultimately, he is pushing for the open relationship because he wants to fuck around and it is entirely about him. He may already be fucking around. You say he doesn't have the time but people that want sex find the time and unless you are with him 24/7 you can't really absolutely guarantee he is faithful. The fact you've been together so long and he hasn't proposed and has postponed it until after college is also bad sign.

I think you should either cut him loose or basically start cheating on him. Not necessarily as revenge, but to see if there's any point in the open relationship for you. It really sounds like there isn't, but if you are going to pursue that route it shouldn't be because he wants sex with someone that isn't you. Him fucking other girls won't make him interested in you, it is just the path of least resistance.

>I'm trying to come to terms with it, and I wish that I wasn't such a jealous person that I could be happy with sharing him

Don't change your moral beliefs or lower your standards for somebody else unless for the better.

>without this man I am nothing.

7 years is a steep time, yes. But remember that the basis of a relationship is two INDIVIDUALS uniting to share their life together. Without him, you will feel broken for a while, but that doesn't change the fact that you have your own individual identity.

>>18001220
Oh, and this.

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58KB, 382x600px

>>18001220
It will hurt as fuck, but do it, girl.
We love you and we are with you.
You deserve what you need.

>>18001220
First post best post. As usual.

>>18001203
>he doesn't have the time to cheat on me, before anyone suggests that
Maybe he needs some hobbies and time to himself.

He can't commit. Whats the question? Clearly it won't work so cut your loses and find someone else.

>>18001203
Leave. He isn't worth your time. Any other guy would be lucky to have you and know it.

>7 years
>don't already have kids

think maybe if you guys had kids sooner, his responsibility level would shift and he'd want more sex from you due to stress? just throwin sumn out there.. i unno

>>18001283
Pretty much this. There's nothinng wrong with it either. The other responder is probably from /r9k/ like half the people on this board.

>>18001203
I am in a two girl relationship and its hard to keep balance. If he is loosing his sex drive towards you this might be normal due to the length of the relationship but if he is bringing up a more than one relationship and sex is the reason then he won't be able to keep balance. I treat both my girls with respect and love and even then there will be a disbalance, example the other girl might be into action movies and there is a marathon she wants to watch with you, then the other girl will feel left out. By what you posted he just wants the sex and that is just stupid.

Find the self worth to tell him it's basically over between you and him.. that you basically died when he said he wanted to sleep with other women.. let him know those 7 years meant something to you.. and just go. If he doesn't feel like absolute shit and apologize by any available means and tries making it up to you, just stay away.

But do not feel like you should kneel to that cowardly way of life. You deserve better. You are better off living with family.