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Anonymous
"You are a really great guy, but no" 2017-01-28 05:33:31 Post No. 18000596
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"You are a really great guy, but no" 2017-01-28 05:33:31 Post No. 18000596
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Hey, it's been a while since i was here. I hope you won't mind me asking a question or two, and i hope you dont mind reading a longer post.
So whatever i do, i generally try to do my best, to see if i can find better ways to do it and so on. But whatever it is, it never seems to be good enough. Well, at least in the eyes of other people.
You see, i have many friends. And i do mean friends, not just some people i hang out with. We help each other, we talk to each other, we interact, even sometimes live together.
Recently i started working for a friend. Its not something im schooled for, but it is something i can learn and work with. We go way back, i really respect him, he respects me. But he told me Im not being so productive, and that im not thinking that much with my own head, that im not always considering all the options on my own, and that its slowing down the business. Of course, i differ between a job and a friendship, and i completely respect and understand what he said.
But something else bothers me. Even though i always did my best, always did what i know, and the best way i know in the given moment, ive always had some similar comments. Not only when it comes to work, but also when it comes to women and relationships.
If i only had a nickle for every time ive heard: "Oh you are a really good/smart/handsome/gentle/responsible/considerate man, but you are not doing it right/I cant be with you/dont like you that way/why didn't you do it that way/[random reminder that i failed at something]..."
At the end of the day, i know i did what i could at that moment, but i am also aware that problem isnt in everyone else, but in myself. I feel like im always afraid, stiff, concerned, and that it always influences my results. And i am always afraid of letting people down. Sometimes too much.
I know its not a completely specific question, but how can i approach this problem? How do i start doing things with not so much pressure i create by constant worrying?
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>>18000596
tl;dr
no matter how hard i try in anything, i mostly fail to achieve what is expected of me
how do i make peace with this?
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>>18000596
Not meeting expectations is shit because it makes you feel like you broke their trust, while it might not have been such a big deal.
The way i deal with it is whenever someone asks something of me i'm not 100% on i warn them ahead of time i'm not that experienced at it and might muck it up
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>>18000616
>The way i deal with it is whenever someone asks something of me i'm not 100% on i warn them ahead of time i'm not that experienced at it and might muck it up
well its the same thing i always did, when it comes to work at least. but at the end of the day, the result is what matters and what is expected to be good.
but its not that particular thing in this case. i honestly wasnt using my head that much, not because im lazy or stupid. but because i was constantly stiffed and afraid of not fulfilling expectations.
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>>18000623
I don't know what kind of line of work you were in, but when i always asked other people's opinion and got some input before i made decisions to make sure it's all well planned out and done at a level my boss would expect.
Being afraid of letting people down is actually the fear of being ashamed for your actions.
Asking your boss to evaluate you every now and then is a good start
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>>18000634
that in itself isnt a problem. he is doing that.
problem isnt in work itself, but my inability to cope with fears.
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>>18000767
You probably need some positive stimuli in that case, a pat on the back for a job well done and the sorts. If there's serious mental blocking going on visiting a therapist might be a good idea
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>>18000785
>If there's serious mental blocking going on visiting a therapist might be a good idea
it certainly is. ive been going for some time on and off, but mostly talking about other stuff. generally, even though things get really hard at some point, i always learn something.
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>>18000805
Bringing this up next session is definitely a good idea, although you might think so sometimes your shrink can't actually see into your mind, sometimes you have to bring things up yourself. Good luck OP
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