Societal Pressure

>>17998768
Have you ever experienced love, anon?

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>>17998768

There really isn't that much pressure. You're exaggerating the amount of pressure because you're hyper sensitive to it. You see pressure everywhere because you want to see it. You want to see it because inside of yourself you aren't convinced that its best to stay single. You aren't convinced that you don't want to get married or have kids, so your mind creates this boogeyman that is struggling and clawing at you to change your mind when in reality the boogeyman is you.

You know you want companionship, even if its not a girlfriend. You want these things but you're afraid of failure so you convince yourself you're better without it yet you can't manage to nullify the part of you that thinks "what if"?

The biggest source of pressure is you. The force thats causing you to feel like shit about this is your own insecurity. I know its really difficult to read this and not feel attacked but I encourage you to be honest with yourself about this because being stuck in between your own fear of failure and this over-exaggerated picture of society you're painting is not a good place to be. You'll never crawl out of this place until you start being painfully honest with yourself about why you feel like shit and who is actually making you feel that way.

>>17998786

Well. There was 1 girl that I fell really hard for. But nothing ever came of it, infact we never had sex. I met her on a vacation, and we kept really good contact. I fell for who she was. She didn't want to do a LDR tho, and ended up meeting someone else, that really fucked me up. That happened a year ago, and I still smile whenever she texts me.

If that doesn't count, then no, I havent

>>17998798
Whether or not it counts is up to you.
'
My question though: wouldn't you like to recapture that feeling?

Love is something truly unique and in spite of the pain you may go through to achieve it I always believe it's worth it in the end. Love doesn't have to be about the societal norm of marring and copulating, but the happiness and contentment you find in another. Love is both defined and without definition. It all depends on your personal beliefs.

>>17998791

Well, there is a lot of pressure. People around me about girls all the time. It's hard to avoid. I travel a lot too, and people ALWAYS ask me when I come back from trips "hey man, how did you enjoy the girls in that country? ;)". Everytime.

>You aren't convinced that you don't want to get married or have kids

Oh believe me, this I know 100%. I don't want kids. Fuck no.

>>17998807

>My question though: wouldn't you like to recapture that feeling?

Well, it was a wonderful feeling hearing her voice when we'd call, and when she'd smile at me on skype. But shit man, the feelings i experienced after all that shit ended were so fucking bad I never want to go through that again. It really fucked me up. I got really bad anxiety from that Tbh. Had to go to therapy. It wasn't the root cause, but it through me over the edge, and that was the most miserable I've ever been. It actually overshadowed all the good feelings I had

>>17998809

>Well, there is a lot of pressure.

Nah man, there isn't. You want to know how I know?

If girls really didn't matter at all to you then it wouldn't bother you. If you were COMPLETELY OK with not being with girls or having a relationship then seeing people with their girls and talking about them wouldn't bother you that much but it does bother you. It bothers you so much to hear about it and see it everywhere that you said it makes you feel like shit.
Like I said, I'm sorry that you're going through this but you're not going to be able to even begin to fix your problem until you start dealing with all the denial you're swimming in. I say this with sincerity, my friend.

>>17998818

*threw me

wow, I wish a girl were texting me. JUST SAYIN'

>>17998818

>But shit man, the feelings i experienced after all that shit ended were so fucking bad I never want to go through that again.

In other words, exactly what I said. You're so terrified of failure and going through the pain you convinced yourself you're better without it but deep down thats a crock of shit and you want those feelings again. Why can't you just admit it to yourself?

You went through a bad time and now you're afraid of getting hurt again. That's completely normal dude, but this whole "I DONT WANT A GF EVER AGAIN" is a massive massive overreaction to your problem and its OBVIOUS that thats not what you really want or else all this "pressure" you're claiming you're going through wouldn't be bothering you so much.

>>17998820

I don't think that's what it is. It's just I've been really working hard to be successful, and do the right thing. So hearing that we are all suppose to find love and everything fucks me up. Because I don't want to be "weird" I don't want to be "wrong".

There is this guy at work, he's 40. He said a virgin, never had a girlfriend or married. People joke about him all the time behind his back, call him weird and shit. I feel bad for him, he's a good worker. But I don't want to be that guy who people make fun of and that society deems as abnormal. I really don't want to be that. I've see it happen with other people as well..

>>17998831

I mean, I didn't want a girlfriend before I had met her. I didn't want love, but she made me feel different. I hear you're saying it was a over-reaction. But the 1 time I let my guard down it really fucked me up.

>>17998844

You're in massive denial. I hope you see the light soon, friend.

>>17998854

I don't understand why you think that I'm lying

>>17998852
That's sort of the thing, anon, love is pain. But it can be such an amazing thing do you really want to let a single bad experience ruin it for you? For the rest of your life? To go without that feeling for the hundred years you have on this earth?

I know the feeling more than you think as I also I'm attending therapy as of now for reasons like your own. But it hasn't made me lose faith in love or anything.

You need to ask yourself: is it worth it?

>>17998873

Denial is not the same as lying, and it doesn't make you a bad person. I'm not saying this to attack you in any way. Everyone struggles with this stuff.

Its blatantly obvious that in the few posts I've shared with you that you either aren't willing or aren't ready to face the real reason that this "societal pressure" bugs you so much.

You've been really hurt in the past and now your knee jerk reaction is to come up with any justification or reason you can to avoid it and never have to face that kind of heart ache again. I get it.

Like I said, I hope you are ready some day to be honest with yourself.

>>17998875
>>17998874

I've been thinking this way even before that 1 experience Tbh. But that 1 experience really fucking bothered me

>>17998888
I'll tell you what anyone else with a bit of hopefulness in their heart will: you shouldn't stop trying.

>>17998953

But I haven't even started trying..

>>17998768
>>17998798
Just stop giving a shit. I'm about to turn 25 and my story is basically the same as yours. A ton of people I knew in high school and college got married already, all my coworkers are married and just 3-7 years older than me, it's everywhere.

But it doesn't matter. Being "weird" is better than being someone you're not. And I embrace being weird, because it makes everyone else "boring" then. If you don't feel as if having a girlfriend and eventually having kids is your thing, whether it makes you "weird" or not is not your problem, but other people's. Just be true to yourself. There are plenty of people who are doing this right now, even older than us.

Of course, when we get into our 30's like this it might actually become an obstacle in the workplace. I've kinda noticed it already. Some employers like having employees that aren't in relationships, because then they know they can work you to the bone since they think you have nothing else to spend your time on. You either have to start lying, or start getting aggressive in terms of how work gets delegated to you and the positions you take over.

Have you thought at all about asexuality, anon?

I find myself in a similar situation. No desire to date, certainly no desire for casual sex, and I can't ever really see myself getting married. I find women attractive but I'm not really attracted to anyone if that makes any sense. So I think I might be asexual. Once I started thinking more about it I started to come to terms that I just never would want a girlfriend. Like you said I'm still confident I could if I wanted to put forth the effort, and I would certainly be open if the right person came along. But I feel less pressured to find someone now, and as long as I have a couple of really good friends in my life I'm totally happy and fulfilled. People tak about falling in love and everything but I think I can express that same capacity to love and care about people through my friends and family.

Sex is constantly used in movies and advertising, so it's easy to feel out of place as an asexual. You absolutely do not need to date someone just to fit in. If you wish to be single, then stay single.

>>17999316

I'm not asexual. I am attracted to women

>>17998768
It's because everyone else ever feels a constant drive to be loved, validated, and bang. So they talk about it a lot and assume you're lying if you say you don't want that. He'll, I kinda think you're lying to yourself right now. But if you are le special snowflake who literally honestly has no desire for a gf, then just ignore it and realize they just say that because that's important to them.

>>18000178
I think it could be nice to have a cute girls to just talk with, and get her to smile and laugh.

But I have no desire to hold someone's hand, do cute things for each other, sleep in the same bed, frequent sex, and the whole "I love you" thing. I don't really care about that shit. Especially the bed thing, I don't really want to share my bed with anyone.

Im in a similar boat. Once I finish this degree and get a good job I'll probably just settle for whatever i can get. Feels too awkward being around couples when im single.

I have above average looks and Im fit, only issue is im 5'6.

>>18000318

>I'll probably just settle for whatever i can get

but the thing is with that.. if you do that, your chances of having a shit relationship and divorce are really high. I hate when people say "just settle". What if I want to settle for MORE and not less?

Right now I make about $60,000/yr. it's a steady job and I can support myself comfortably. But, it's not enough. Not so much the money, but I want something more challenging. So, While I work, im studying to go into a much bigger career. Where I'll be challenged everyday, and advancement is imminent. Plus I'll be making $150,000 after I've been there a while.

I can't settle...

Don't ever settle for less, always settle for more

>>18000364
ok well Im going for a job development job/programming so it's fairly challenging and I would like to get either a master's in CS or masters in Comp Eng. So career wise and $ wise I'll be well above average.

So as you can see from above Im not that appealing to girls, so i'll just settle and have something instead of nothing.

It's better for you to stay single.

"Societal pressure" is newspeak for TV propaganda.

>>18000416

Nothing may be better than having something you don't really want..

>>18000429

It really fucking is.

>>18000448
yeah but it feels shitty being physically undesirable, like depressingly so. I see fat guys with decent looking girls and I'd just like to have someone too.

>>18000591
Your height doesn't play that much, it's just your mindset that you need to change.
There is a guy in my class, he's 5'4 but girls love him, he's funny and intelligent and it's enough because he doesn't care at all about his height.
But yeah, it must be tough to feel that you have to settle if you want to be someone's special. Best of luck.

>>18000591

One of my friends is like 5'6-7 and he has had lots of sex with hotties

Do lsd + mdma with her. Bang her. Have good times.

>>18000815
Can't do drugs

That's sad :(

Well get drunk with her then.
Not nearly as good as above mentioned combo, but still works.

>>18000878

She's 18, I don't want to supply alcohol to a minor

>>18000951

Nigger

>>17998791
Holy crap, anon, you really hit the nail.
Took a screenshot

>>17998791

>you know you want companionship, even if it's not a girlfriend

What does this mean?

>>18002292
Not OP but I would like to make new friends post college who are genuinely interested in creating/maintaining a friendship with me. A lot of people my age (25) see friendship as a placeholder relationship for single people while their looking for a partner or coupled up peers just see you as an forgettable optional extra in their life. I want meaningful friendships like when we were teenagers.

>>18002756

Friends get more difficult to maintain as you get older. I'm still friends with 4 of my high school friends. But, we rarely actually get to hang out because of careers and their girlfriends. It's nice having people to text regularly tho.

Other friendships I've made haven't lasted very long. There was this girl that became pretty close with me. We'd talk about everything, help each other through our problems, had some really fun conversations, and were just good friends. I really enjoyed our friendship. Well, it seems almost as soon as she got a boyfriend. All of that ended. I'll hear from her maybe once a month now. It makes me feel like shit Tbh. Like even after all the bonding we did, that I'm still replaceable.

Do whatever you want, obviously. Everyone is basically just stumbling around trying to enjoy their lives. Things obviously get complicated in practice but it all basically reduces down to that.

Guess what a thing is that a lot of people find very fun? Sex and relationships. Sex is fun, romantic companionship is fun, or at least should be. Intimate relationships are an aspect of human expreience which you are not obligated to experience, but which you might want to before dying, because it can be fun and gratifying.

Beyond that, it's another aspect of human life that you may like to experience before you croak, because why not have lots of experiences while you're around? But it's all really just about looking at your life and deciding what you think you'll enjoy. If you're not interested in that stuff, its fine. Everything is fine and always will be because our lives don't matter, but they can be fun.

>>18003142

>Intimate relationships are an aspect of human experience that you are not obligated to experience

Thank you for this

don't give in to peer pressure u weak niggr

>>18003157

You don't give in?

Your care to much about what other people think op.

Just do my philosophy, go do what you want to do in life and pursue it, pursue self improvement. And if you meet someone along the way, great, bend for them if you care for them, but don't ever let that stop you from doing what you wanted.

"You wouldn't care so much about what others think of you, if you only realized how seldom they do." -Eleanor Roosevelt