Got my first rejection letter after a job interview. Is this

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Got my first rejection letter after a job interview. Is this a good way to respond? I really did appreciate the opportunity, and even though I didn't get it, I feel it gave me a lot of confidence that I could even get an interview while still in school.

"Hey John,

Thank you for getting back to me on the decision. I'm sure that the pool of applicants was a very good one. There are a lot of talented people in the Media Study department, and while I'm still early on in the program, I'm very fortunate to have worked with some of the people I have gotten to work with.

While I'm definitely disappointed that I wasn't chosen from the pool of applicants, I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity to sit down and have an interview. I had a nice conversation with you, and it was a nice experience to meet everyone in the office.

If it isn't out of line, could I ask what I may have done differently, or what steps I should be taken to boost my presence and desirability in the future?

Again, I just wanted to say thank you for the opportunity to interview, it was a pleasure meeting you and everyone else. Perhaps somewhere down the road we will have the opportunity to meet again, and work together in some venue.

Regards,
-Ethan P."