Offering Advice

>>17997451
self-bump

What would you say is the best way to be successful if you find yourself spiraling downwards

>>17997483
Self-discipline and a positive attitude.
A spiral down is usually self-fueled.
Details?

My fiancé and I suck at foreplay. I suck at telling him what gets me horny and he sucks at being curious enough. This results in me seldomly being horny anymore when we have sex. Which is pretty unsatisfacting. How do we learn to be good at foreplay?

>>17997451
should I go after women that like me or after women that I like?

For some reason those are mutually exclusive.

>>17997504
Talking about it until you are comfortable enough to laugh about stuff together *during sex*.
Before the foreplay sit down with him and a cup of tea and tell him you are nervous about talking to him about what you want and you want him to be more curious/bold.
Men like to solve problems - make it a problem for him to solve and he'll get to work.
Be positive; point out *you* are the nervous one and you need his help!

How do you personally weigh in on the perpetual virginity/promiscuity debate on /adv/?

>>17997505
First, a question
If you were a "woman you like" would you date you?
If yes, the women you like.
If no, do you like the sorts of men women you like would date?
If yes, grow into such a man and go after the women you like.
If not, ask yourself why you like women who like bad people.

>>17997451
How does one find girl for marriage and how do you know (or minimize chances) she wont turn crazy / bich in the long term?

Why 5 kids? How hard is to raise kids? What did you do so they havent ended up as bad people? Was it worth it in the end?

>>17997520
largely the 'wha?' school.
Promiscuity is foolish
>Promiscuous people, especially women, have higher rates of violence, STDs, pregnancy, abortion, sterility, and later in life higher rates of divorce, poverty, and even freakin' *cancer*
There are very good reasons to wait for marriage. I have no idea why people wonder if they should wait.

How did you find 4chan? What other boards do you frequent?

>>17997528
>How does one find girl for marriage
Look among women who share your values and interests
>and how do you know (or minimize chances) she wont turn crazy / bich in the long term?
Get to know her family and friends as well as her. If her family or friends are crazy, it increases the odds she will be, too. That is really difficult, though
>Why 5 kids?
We like kids. We tried to have more, but couldn't
>How hard is to raise kids?
Not too bad, especially once they are 6 and older

>What did you do so they havent ended up as bad people?
Given them plenty of freedom within strict boundaries and taught them that actions have consequences

>Was it worth it in the end?
Yes. I wish we could have more.

>>17997519
Good pointers. He wants to try to make me squirt and I thought that would be a good starting point since that would require him learning to get me very horny in the first place. Maybe I could combine those two thing somehow.

I have another question. How do couples deal with the inevitable personal changes both will go trough? What if one matures not at the same tempo as the other? How do you find "common ground" again?

Is legal marriage worth it? Is there a point? I absolutely want to have one life partner who I create a family with, but I'm not sure if the institution of legal marriage is too convoluted and risky now to even bother with.

>>17997535
I've been an IT guy a long time - someone pointed it out o me a looooong time ago (2006, as I recall)
I go to /g/, /k/, /pol/, /lit/, sometimes /r9k/
I pull things from /wsg/ for the kids if they are funny

>>17997502
Just in a career sense I feel like I'm stuck in the same repeating pattern and spiraling downwards

>>17997532
I agree with you entirely, but what do you say to people who argue that you need to get experience, sow your wild oats, and figure out if you're sexually compatible?

I believe that you don't need to have experience with others to know yourself, and that you can tell if you're sexually compatible by knowing yourself and communicating with your partner, but I'd really like to hear what you think.

>>17997540
Inside marriage there is a sort of "three humans" thing going on - as in, her, him, and The Couple.
You find out you had issues and problems you never realized, as well as hidden strengths and skills. but if you work on The Couple as much as youself while also helping him? It all works out.
There was a short story called 'A Bucket Full of Air' that said something like,
'inside marriage courage is a heavy ball. Sometime he carries it, sometimes she carries it, sometimes they carry it together, but the secret to marriage is never let it get dropped, even when you're tired'.
That's close. If you realize that you might have to take the load for a while until he can take it back the common ground never goes away

>>17997541
It isn't as bad as you are told; and the benefits are certainly worth it.

>>17997539
Interesting. Thank you.

>>17997551
Oh!
training or a cert. Just seriously thinking about a change can reinvigorate your work outlook.

>>17997554
I think they're weird.
Women don't need to practice to give birth - they instinctively know how and even if alone it happens.
'Sow your wild oats' means 'admit I have no self-control'.
And sexual compatibility is a weird way of avoiding saying 'can I actually enjoy sex with someone I am attracted to?'

>>17997566
Well it's not a great job nearly three years here but I'm finding myself asking is this job really worth all the hassle I make it but then I find it makes me less positive and unable to find something else

>>17997560
Alright, thanks OP. I'll definitely look more into it. I don't like the idea of relationships having to be validated and officiated by the government, but that's a whole other political can of worms.

For now I'll just be with my guy because we want to be togther. We are saving legal marriage for at least 25 if we decide to do it. He's much more keen on it than I am. That's 4 years away and we have already been together for almost 3.

The thing isn't we are also waiting, and I'm not sure when the best time to start having sex would be. If we are going to get married, I'd ideally like to wait until then, but I'm not sure.

>>17997556
So basically, if both still make being a couple a priority too and as long as one can help the other along if things get difficult, chances are the relationship will survive?

I still have another question.

We're both rather young (24) and have been dating since a bit more than a year, been engaged since 6 months and will get married in summer. We knew each other 2 years prior to dating.
We want to have a baby as soon as possible and are thinking about trying to get pregnant even before summer.
My parents are really happy for us (they got married at age 21 and immediately had kids). But his parents aren't thrilled at all. They were married for a very long time before having kids. They were almost 40 when they got their first baby.
Now I am aware that it is rather soon to get married after dating for one year, but i feel like this isn't us making hasty choices we might regret later. Do his parents have a point or should I ignore their doubts?

>>17997579
>I don't like the idea of relationships having to be validated and officiated by the government
Then don't think of it that way - think of it as a public declaration of your mutual love and commitment that you take so seriously there are witnesses.
Your ages now?

>>17997451
Do I have to tip my uber driver or no?

>>17997451
hey op, hope you can help.

So i´m with my gf for 6 month and i realy love her! The problem is that i find that things that were special for us are no longer that special and we dont feel such amazed like the first "times". As i said i love her, and i believe she loves me, we are together all days of the week.

>>17997587
That is definitely what I see marriage as, but not necessarily the legal part. Like we would have the ceremony and all that even if we don't do the legal part.

Both 21.

so how did you ever get over your first love? or were you lucky enough to marry her?

>>17997585
My rather strongly held personal opinion is....
if after 6 months of dating you aren't willing to marry the other, you should stop dating
AND
If you want to marry the other person, why wait more than 6 months to do it?
So IMO you guys are right on track!
Wait for marriage for the kids, I think
And kids are a ton of fun! They require a lot of time and attention when little, but not as much as you think. I say go for it

>>17997588
I usually do, but that's how I was raised. I have no pro or anti-tipping advice

>>17997556
So basically, if both still make being a couple a priority too and as long as one can help the other along if things get difficult, chances are the relationship will survive?

I still have another question.

We're both rather young (24) and have been dating since a bit more than a year, been engaged since 6 months and will get married in summer. We knew each other 2 years prior to dating.
We want to have a baby as soon as possible and are thinking about trying to get pregnant even before summer.
My parents are really happy for us (they got married at age 21 and immediately had kids). But his parents aren't thrilled at all. They were married for a very long time before having kids. They were almost 40 when they got their first baby.
Now I am aware that it is rather soon to get married after dating for one year, but i feel like this isn't us making hasty choices we might regret later. Do his parents have a point or should I ignore their doubts?

>>17997589
No one can make everything all new all the time. Start taking a view towards making what is even better

>>17997594
WHy wait so long?

>>17997598
I fell in love with someone else.
There is no "the One".

>>17997451
wathever
>neet for 5 years
>dont want to be a neet anymore
>dont want to study or get a job either
>life sucks so much

>>17997600
My words...
Why wait to get pregnant till we are legally married? We have a wedding date set and the baby would be due about half a year later. It would be the perfect timing for various reasons. I was reluctant at first but my finances argument was that every day we wait longer is a day less we will be able to spend with our kid. Kind of hard to find a counter argument to that...

Regarding the wedding, we both would opt for a very small and simple one, but we know that would upset a few of our relatives (namingly his parents...). Do we consider this or do this the way we want it? iow, is it rude to have a small and rustic wedding if my mother in law would prefer a traditional one in church with all the shabang?

>>17997610
For marriage? Or sex? To me it doesn't seem long, but what's your opinion?

I base it mainly on being carful. My main priority is having this relationship flourish and thrive and building our lives together. I'd never want to do anything to risk losing him. I don't see any downside to waiting besides that it will take patience and self control. Statistically, people who wait longer to get intimate, date for three years or more, and wait until 25 to 32 to marry have to most success. I know statistics aren't everything, but they do have weight.

>>17997619
You are conflicted.
Do you have a solid daily routine?

Not relationship-related, but need advice nonetheless.

I'm finishing my Master in 1 year. After that I will have the chance to do an Educational Master in English, enabling me to teach in high schools and such. This will help me in the future, since I want to teach English in Asia. However, I have no passion about high school teaching and feel really nervous every time I think about teaching here (Netherlands).
What should I do? Should I suck it up and do the Master or just get a non-academic teaching certificate?

>>17997622
Just misleading vividness

made a post elsewhere but should I lose my virginity to an escort? Im 21

>>17997625
Correlation is predictive, yes, and saving virginity for marriage is a huge predictor, but I worry about building a habit of chastity within the relationship. I was mainly just curious, though.

I'm moving out for the first time with three friends(four total, including me). I want the master bedroom, but so does the one girl so she doesn't have to share the bathroom with men. Nobody's taking that argument seriously, but I don't have a better reason for wanting the room. Is there any way to get the room without a good reason or should I think about getting over it?
Also, my shoes smell and baking soda doesn't help.

>>17997636
>I have no passion about high school teaching and feel really nervous every time I think about teaching here
Feels like you answered your own question.
I'd skip the master's

>>17997628
aometimes i wake up early to pee?
no conflict here tho, i have always been like this, even as a kid whenever i had free time i spent it alone in my room

>>17997641
No

>>17997647
Are you willing to pay a bit more cash for the privilege?
>shoes
-use a pumice stone on your feet
-for a solid week rub your feet with hand sanitizer, let it dry, then wash them with soap and water, let them dry, then go to bed
-Get new socks, all new, and get ones that wick away moisture, like aetrex
-only wear socks once before washing them
-put new shoe liners in

>>17997646
I thought of that as well, so that's why we decided to get progressively more and more intimate as time went on. We are saving actual sex for either marriage or some other mark, but after nearly three years we do other things. We make sure to communicate tons, and both of us find physically expressing love and taking care of each others' needs to be incredibly important. Thank you for talking to me about this though, just putting it into words helps, and having an real example someone happily married with lots of children who agrees waiting is good is very comforting.

/adv/, and the real world, can get very depressing in those areas.

>>17997641
As a matter of fact, why the Hell did the thought even cross your mind?

>>17997649
But I do want to teach in Asia. I just much prefer 1-on-1 teaching or something like that. I sometimes wonder if it has to do with the children here, who I'm always told are very assertive and often have a big mouth, which I'm nervous about.

>>17997665
good luck to you

>>17997663
I'd be willing to pay more, but how much would be fair?

How do I turn a passion into a career? I chose literature as a Major, and I can probably get a career in editing/proofreading or translation, but my real passion is sports. However, I know I'll never be good enough to be a professional athlete.
Should I pursue a career in sports or should I just give up on my passion/dream and get a secure and comfy career which I won't really like?

>>17997677
You'll need to work that out with the roomies, if it comes up. But it is a bargaining chip

>>17997679
You could be a sports writer, I suppose, or write sports-based fiction.
Get training in management/marketing/law and work with sports teams.
Make your passion a hobby and your career about supporting your family.

>>17997650
i guess no advice for the neet

34, zero money or prospects, life a complete joke, pretty much want to kill myself.

I wish I was you.

>>17997718
You have no conflict.
Most people wake up to pee

>>17997748
Change is easier than suicide. Change something, anything.

>>17997451
Thanks, all. Off to a meeting.