How do i deal with my gf being overly jealous? We're fighting

>>17992357
>How do i solve this
she's bad news, buddy, you can't solve this one. you either get out or for some reason submit yourself to this ridiculous control.

>>17992357
Leave her.

>>17992357
She won't ever change her mind. This is not a situation where logic or reason can help. If you conduct your social life like a normal human being, she will feel jealous and miserable. If you do what's necessary to keep her happy, YOU will be lonely and miserable.

This is the kind of fundamental incompatibility that will just get worse and worse the longer this relationship goes on.

>>17992357

She sounds like nothing short of intense therapy will help her. This level of jealousy is not normal and must stem from crippling self-esteem issues or bad past experiences. I doubt whatever you could say will get through to her. Maybe set limits to what is okay and if she's unable to agree to them or to respect them, then breaking up seems like the wisest option. Her jealousy will destroy your social life otherwise and it's difficult to recover from something like that.

>>17992375
thus

OP here.
Saw all your points, and you're saying exact same thing i was thinking about when cooling down. I by no means am perfect myself, for example whenever somebody continues to ignore my fair points i get frustrated. And when i get too frustrated i explode, it's nearly impossible for me to be emphatic, which is the case whenever we fight. I really don't wanna just leave since she has alot of good qualities and was willing to compromise in every other aspect besides this one.

>>17992398
dictating who you can and can't be friends with without reason is super unreasonable.

OP Again.
Okay, so after reading all the comments again how should i talk with her when we meet? Are there any things i should be prepared for? Let's go with a worst case scenario, she doesn't wanna change shit and tells me to choose between her and "others" How do i deal with her reactions when i decide to leave?

>>17992398
I can see how that might make it hard to have a serious, calm discussion with her about how it makes you feel.

I would recommend that you both see therapists, separate and together. If you both arent willing to make that effort then break it off and work on yourself. It is an incredibly small ask to make of her if you both love eachother.

>>17992426
>she doesn't wanna change shit and tells me to choose between her and "others"

I feel like a cliche self-help book saying this but..

Stick with "I feel" statements. Does it make you feel angry, sad, mad, upset, concerned, etc... then describe why it makes you feel that way focusing on how certain things affect you (never ever blame or accuse her of anything) Never start a sentence with the word "You". And sum it up with the impacts it has on your life.


So something like,

"I feel trapped when you ask me to choose. I try my best to respect your feelings, and i would never want you to feel hurt. But i hurt too. I feel hurt i can't keep dear and wonderful friends i have had for so many years. And ultimately it makes me sad because i feel like your hurt is more important than my hurt. Which also makes me feel like how you feel is more important that how i feel, which i don't agree with. I hope we can compromise and find equal respect for one another's feelings."

Be more specific to your own feelings though, i was just spitballin'

And if she blows up, says you're wrong, etc just calmly explain this is how you feel and only you can only know your own feelings (which is why sticking with the "I feel" statements is so important)


>How do i deal with her reactions when i decide to leave?
"Im sorry you dont agree with me, but i can't change my feelings and I need to move forward with or without you."

or if youre definitely gonna dump her

"I dont want to be in a relationship with you any longer, we are breaking up. I wish it could have worked out better but I am moving on." Then if she has questions stick again with the "I feel" statements to diffuse any argument.

bueno?

>>17992462
OP here.
Thank you very much. This helps me alot, and i think it will actually help me dealing with frustration. I've never ever thought that i'd have this specific problem with her, but maybe i was just blinded by my feelings and didn't see the signs. I'll definitely use this and probably post on friday.
/Thread

>>17992426
she's gonna be mad as fuck. You're gonna have to deal with that. She's going to break up with you, probably. I don't see her changing.

do you REALLY think i couldn't see what you were posting on here??

>>17992559
Yes.

>>17992559
Wait, I can answer this one! Go fuck yourself.

>>17992375
This exactly