The ways of a sucessful relationship

Fulfillment of middle term expectations. Everyday respect for each other.

>>17992141
>Fulfillment of middle term expectations
I don't think i get it, explain to me anon.

You imagine yourself where you want to be in 5-10 years, if a relationship, either work or love, is pushing you away of it, then it will very probably collapse.

Some people want to have children, others want to move to another city, or country...

>>17992131
>How to bond with people

Where to start
First of all, honesty is important. And if you want to be emotionally intimate with her, that means more than just not lying. It means sharing things that you might not necessarily want everyone to know. It means trusting her with information that makes you vulnerable. Don't just blurt out a bunch of secret for no reason, obviously. It means when you get upset about something, talk about it. It means if you're confused about something, ask for help. It means treating her as a partner, one you can bounce ideas off of, tell jokes to, or vent to.

This means that, first, you need to be honest with yourself. You can't share what you're feeling if you don't ever sit down and think about your emotions and why you're feeling the way you are. People who aren't self-aware are going to have a much harder time connecting with others.

And the corollary is true, too. Listen to her. When she wants to talk about something that's upsetting her, listen, empathise, and validate her feelings. Understand that when people are upset about something, they aren't always asking for advice; sometimes they just want to vent. Give them an outlet.

Understand that the word "love" means different things to different people. Don't waste your time thinking to yourself, "is this really love? Am I in love with her?" A much more useful question is: "Do I enjoy being with her? Am I looking forward to seeing her? Am I comfortable around her or am I looking forward to going home?"

That's a start.

>>17992218
My life plan is pretty much buy a comfy house in some quiet and safe neighbourhood and get old there, she is quite in the same vibe because we've talked about this before and she wants something like this too, so i think it will be easy for me to fit her in my plan, since i wont have to change anything in the course.
>>17992223
>First of all, honesty is important.
Not a problem to me, i'm really a honest person(sadly, some people can't take it).
>Understand that the word "love" means different things to different people. Don't waste your time thinking to yourself, "is this really love? Am I in love with her?" A much more useful question is: "Do I enjoy being with her? Am I looking forward to seeing her? Am I comfortable around her or am I looking forward to going home?"
That's good to hear, i think people use words like love and hate pretty naively, i'm the kind of person who pays more attention to actions than words.

Everything else you said i've already have an ideia, since i've being friends with her before we get romantic, but from my experience, romantic relationships are more complicated and demanding than friendships, that's why i'm so insecure about it.

>>17992310
>(sadly, some people can't take it).

You sound autistic desu

>>17992324
How so?

>>17992331
Has anyone ever told you that you don't have a filter?

>>17992340
Nope.

One last bump before going to sleep, hope when I wake up this thread has more good advices.

>>17992131
You gotta find something about her that doesnt have to be beautiful for everyone, but its beautiful to you enough to endure all the shit that will go on through the years. This is true love I think, not that chemical reaction that sparks up your feromones for a first year or so.

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>>17992223

This is a good start. The anon's got some solid points.

One thing to bear in mind is that you will have a role to fill in a long-term, loving relationship. That varies based on the dynamic of the relationship, but if there's anything traditional about your gender roles (fuck I hate using that term now. It used to just mean traditional relations between men and women), you also need to Be The Job at times. By that, I mean that if you're the rock, you have to be her rock sometimes, to be reliable, even when it's lonely and supremely difficult because of your own shit. That has to be tempered with being available emotionally and vulnerable, as well, to maintain the bond between you two.

I found that being the husband in my marriage suits me, but it's not always easy, and it can be lonely. When she needs to draw strength from me, and I am not feeling strong, sometimes I have to bite the bullet and do it for her. This creates enormous trust, and isn't dependent on results- I can fuck up royally, but so long as I've done my part, it works.
You need confidence in yourself, which only comes either from being stupid, full of shit or from hard-fought experience.

You never stop growing in a healthy life, and that includes your relationships, which is why they can stagnate, die or flourish. I tend to think of relationships in terms of my marriage now, but even in committed non-marital relationships, making yourself happy through your own actions, and not hers, is important. Joy in each others' company comes from within, not from each other. If you and she cultivate joy in your individual lives, it will spill over to your relationship. If you become emotional tampons for each other, you become parasitic. You may be her rock, but it's a lot easier if she's your anchor, if you understand me.

>>17992131
>>17992131
Be a man.
As cliche as it sounds:
-Be present
-Make shit happen
-Respect her

>>17992953
Are all men capable of this? I clicked on this thread because it is nice to hear that someone cares... It's just. My boyfriend doesn't act as that rock for me. He also has a lot of problems, like depression, BD, ASPD - and they probably contribute to this. If he doesn't want to be my rock and refuses to be kind to me when I want him to be, does that mean he just doesn't love me, or does that mean he is just that kind of person?

>>17992223 here

>>17992953 yes, you also have some solid points.

>>17993008
>Are all men capable of this?
I don't think so. But it has nothing to do with gender, I think a lot of people of both genders aren't capable of it.

>My boyfriend doesn't act as that rock for me. He also has a lot of problems, like depression, BD, ASPD - and they probably contribute to this.
Mental illness in a relationship is so fucking hard to deal with, partly because it's nearly impossible to tell what a person CAN'T do because of their health issues, and what they're just UNWILLING to do because of their own selfishness. However,
>If he ... refuses to be kind to me
Look, no matter what problems someone has, there is no reason for them to be unkind. There is no mental illness that forces someone to be unkind. If he's being unkind it means he's either selfish or else he is not managing his illness well. Or both.