Need to get laid

And that bitch never goes outside), third one was a really cute girl with red hair and glasses (exactly my type), and really nice tits too actually, unfortunately she's as horny as she is hardcore religious. I once got her to cum through two pairs of jeans, but that's over now because she refuses to consider rational thought and stop feeling guilty for feeling aroused. You don't even know, holy shit if we actually had sex, if there was actual penetration it would be LEGENDARY. She actually tried to choke me out one time (I was into it so whatever), we both have so much built up sexual tension that we would probably just fuck for 3 days straight and then die happily from dehydration. But now we're just friends and I've fallen back into a serious existential depression, and I don't do nearly enough cardio to balance the amount of beer and fried rice I consume on a weekly basis.

Basically I NEED to fuck something soon or I might literally explode, I even bought a flesh light on Amazon. But every day it feels like it's harder and harder to be an interesting person and not just go completely brain dead, it's a real Yin vs Yang situation.

Halp.

>>17991319
Explode.

>>17991325
I'm really trying to avoid that, I've been shit on my entire life so if I were to actually lose control of myself who knows what I'll do. Seriously I'm barely hanging onto my sanity.

Inb4 edgelord, delusional kid, etc. I've been through more in 20 years than you could get through in a lifetime, I'm really fucking sick of listing all of the awful shit that happened to me before I was 5 years old that's also my evidence of maturity and mental illness (and subsequently the awareness of that mental illness). If you don't believe me then fuck off, if you want to help then welcome, I appreciate it.

>>17991338
Sidenote, I've already spear tackled one of my roommate's friends so hard that I broke my nose on his chest just because he was being kind of a cunt to me. Knocked him a good 4 feet through a doorway, and he had almost a foot on me in height. I'm not kidding when I say that I don't know what I'll do it I explode again.

I lost the fight by the way, really don't want to go through that shit again.

>>17991338
>>17991344
Sex doesn't cure mental issues. You're focusing on the wrong thing here.

>>17991338
Waste a couple hundred bux on an escort

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>>17991338
>I've been through more in 20 years than you could get through in a lifetime

this is the part where the adults will just stop and laugh at you, kiddo

this attitude of "my life has been so much worse than everybody elses'!" isn't going to take you places. try to get over yourself a little

>>17991356
I'm handling the rest of it, I've been keeping myself relatively in check for my entire life, usually with several factors actively working against me. Right now, I'm lonely. Not just horny, I need physical human contact or else I might start going stir crazy. Everything else, sure that won't be solved with sex. But right now my number one priority for maintaining a healthy mindset is sating my base animal need to put my dick inside of something.

>>17991361
I don't have a couple hundred to spend right now, it's not easy finding a job in a relatively small town with 2 colleges.

>>17991362
Which is why I try not to bring it up. Did you miss the part where I said if you don't believe me you can fuck off? I've been dealing with people like you for as long as I can remember, I really don't have patience for it anymore.

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>>17991372
well I hate to break it to you kid but if you want to survive in the adult world you're going to have to learn to laugh it off at best when people don't take you seriously. patience isn't something you've gotta run out of, it's something you've gotta get more of as you get old.

also saying things like "I've been more in 20 years than you have in a lifetime" is guaranteed to get a laugh out of old people who have had to see friends and family members (sometimes even children) die on them.

seriously, stop thinking you have it so bad. You're a 20 year old kid. You're able bodied and clearly cognizant enough to write out your own farts on the internet: your life is not that bad. Just focus on finding a job or getting your education taken care of, women can be a second priority. getting laid with dumb college chicks is not hard, you just gotta try a little. and if you really feel like you're about to start a school shooting if you don't get some puss, just do the world a favour and get yourself a decent whore.

>>17991393
Don't call me kid you arrogant cunt, I was giving myself encephalitis from thinking too hard about my own existence before I was enrolled in fucking kindergarten. If you're not going to take everything I've said at face value, and you're just going to keep patronizing me because it gets your cock hard to feel superior to people who you perceive to be below you on the Internet, then find a better use for your fucking time. My heart rate has been getting dangerous lately, and push-ups aren't going to do much for a psycho-somatic condition. I don't need your bullshit stacked on top of it.

>>17991400
And what, you don't think I've seen death? Motherfucker what do you think I've been talking about? Being sent to my room and pushed around on the playground? I've been raped and tortured and I have the scars to prove it. Go fuck yourself.

>>17991403
And I just noticed something, all I wanted was tips for getting laid on short notice, the rest was just me venting. You're the one who decided to make a bigger deal about this than it needed to be.

>>17991372
>I've been dealing with people like you for as long as I can remember

Maybe... Alright... Just maybe... Here me out here... Maybe if everyone... Maybe... Maybe if everyone keeps saying this... Alright... Maybe...

Maybe they're fucking right, and you're wrong

>>17991400
you need to relax. this is exactly what I'm talking about. you're getting all bent up out of shape over someone telling you to stay calm and just try to wrap your head around things. people are trying to offer you advice and you're getting all pissy for no reason. girls don't like that.

people aren't your mom and dad. adults in the real world aren't going to give shit about you inventing calculus while you were still in diapers or whatever else you think of. people are just gonna want you to be a functional member of society, if you can't do that much, you're fucked.

If you've actually been through abuse and torture you probably need to get therapy. Cause look at how you're reacting: you're freaking out over nothing. Guess what, girls aren't gonna like that shit. They're going to think "this guy must be having his time of the month" or something.

if you really want to get laid on short notice there's plenty of sluts on Tinder or in seedy bars, or just in college dorms. But I'd guess the biggest problem you have is this attitude problem, which may or may not be the result of this abuse you've mentioned, but in any case it's something you've got to learn to deal with.

>>17991405
Yup, it has nothing to do with the hivemind that's existed here since 4chan's inception, where anyone who complains about their life is labeled as edgy because the overwhelming majority of these people are so insecure about their own issues that they immediately see anyone else's as childish and irrelevant. No I'm sure all of those people who have never met me and have no way of knowing the shit I've been through are more correct about myself than I am. Absolutely.

>>17991407
Are you really so dense that you can't understand you're being patronizing? Or is this all some kind of elaborate troll? I'm only saying it one more time, I get that you have your own image of me in your head, and for the sake of your own fragile ego you can't let yourself be proven wrong so you're just really leaning into the "talk down to them like they're 5 years old because I'm obviously much more worldly and intelligent, my god how could I not be I'm the center of the universe" strat. I get that. But I also don't need someone like that giving me advice on a topic I didn't ask for help with in the first place. Stop wasting your time, I am fully aware of how to fucking exist as a functional member of society.

What do you do for a living?

>>17991400
>giving myself encephalitis from thinking too hard about my own existence

4chan banner when?

>>17991407
Did you even read my post? I know what I'm doing, the reason I'm getting so "pissy" is because you're being incredibly condescending and just a complete asshole overall. It has nothing to do with my overreactions to...whatever the fuck you think is going on here, you're just being a dick. And I am responding in kind, considering there's always one of you and it's never worth the effort.

>>17991416
Thanks for your contribution.

We all have baggage, get a therapist.

>>17991422
Brilliant, it's turned into a "you need help OP fuck whatever you were asking about initially because you need to see a therapist" thread.

Thank you anon from earlier, mission fucking accomplished. Thread successfully derailed.

>>17991393
Look at this shit. Its mr. "I have gone through more suffering than you". OP does sound like an entitled, mercurial nutjob, but telling him that "I HAVE IT WORSE YOU DONT HAVE IT SOO BAD" is not going to make his suffering any less real. We should be telling him to get some professional help/meds instead of trying to shame him cos he got some serious issue. Your shit-talk ain't gonna fix him

>>17991432
For the record I've been awake for over 24 hours and I was provoked.

And thank you, it's good to know that I'm not insane and someone else thinks that guy is an asshole.

javascript:quote('17991427');
No problem, happy to give helpful advice :)

>>17991432
And I'm not looking for mental health advice, that was all just trivial bonus info. I really just want to have sex sometime in the near future, and not with a pink silicon tube. At this point it's like some kind of sick cosmic joke, here's a girl with an incredible body who's actually pretty smart and funny, who's also exactly your type, but sorry despite the fact that she's so horny she could probably cum just by concentrating hard enough, she's super religious so the best you're going to get is over the shirt and dry humping. I need this.

>>17991439
Shove a large, jagged, rusty piece of iron rebar up your ass and die.

Slowly, over the course of several weeks due to infections.

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>>17991448
If there was a surefire way to get laid I'd have lost my v card a long time ago.

Trial and error.