Progression is halting

>>17989480
It also fucks me up worse because when im feeling shitty and low I find myself chain eating fast food to feel better and it makes me fatter and worse off. Like I would have bk and taco bell like 3 times in a week.

>>17989480

thats what happens when you make romance / girls a motivation in life. cuz relationships are fragile, and romantic relationships are the most fragile of all.

a woman only makes you a 'better man' if you're still better when shes no longer there. otherwise she makes you a fraud.

its something a lot of people will enver understand but you need to want to change for yourself. a lot of people will claim this to be true, but they don't change. its just something they tell themselves and possibly think they believe, but if they really wanted to change for themselves they would.

otherwise its like saying you want to be an astronaut one day. if you actually wanted to be an astronaut you'd go do it. otherwise its just a fantasy, not a goal.

>>17989519
It worked well for a while though, like before she was introduced into the friend group I was horrible, I was cringey and just super immature, then I started to talk a little more to her and said wow I really like her but I want to be able to talk to her more, so I started to pay attention to how I acted, cleaned up the cringe, started to dress better, pay attention to small things. It started off I asked her a long time ago to hangout and she gave me a whole shit excuse of having positive and negative energy about people and it drains her unless people are positive and I was neutral so I didnt offer good nor bad. Now I can hangout 1 on 1 with her whenever I want and she is perfectly fine with it, in fact we have a blast hanging out and she sometimes likes to hangout with just me over others. BUT that isnt the case anymore it seems lol she's found a guy and is moving on once more from me. Hurts alot tho, I keep checking my phone hoping to see a text notification from her wanting to just talk or something, or ask if I wanna come over but thats just denile talking, I havent fully grasped the situation yet but ill get there someday.

>>17989543

>it worked well for awhile

that was my point. romance, fragile, temporary. bad idea. not a good catalyst for change.

>>17989555
Yeah I wish I knew that before, I was changing and seeing results so I kept on going with what worked at that time instead of preparing for the long run.

>>17989568

thats kidn of the point of life, to learn i mean. if you knew that from the get go it wouldn't have lead you here, to this choice.

you can either continue to wallow and live on this path of self destruction, bouncing from one potential woman to another thinking they'll be the ones to fix you.

or you can take the first step towards self discovery, and decide to be the kind of person you want to be for yourself.

>>17989574
i'd love to move on but for some reason this overwhelming sense of being a failure and losing her and being more lonley is killing me and its so hard to break free from it. I just can't stop thinking about it, maybe because its still a fresh wound? it only happened saturday after all

>>17989595

>saturday

oh, then i might be being too hard on you. it was saturday. you ahvent even had a chance to see if you can keep up with what you did before.

regardless, you aren't a failure OP. men need to stop thinking of courtship as american idol. you are not getting up on stage doign a performance and getting a rating. girls are not magical vagina monsters who objectively choose the top performances to bestow happiness upon.

if something isn't objective, than you can't fail at it. there's no guidelines, no guarantee that anythign you would do would work.

she simply didn't like you in that way. that doesn't make you bad or wrong. you didn't choose her because she was objectively a good partner. you chose her because she lit a spark in your heart. sometimes that feeling isn't returned. its sad, but not bad. you did nothing wrong bro.

id buy you a beer if i could

>>17989612
You sound like a chill guy lol

But anyway the way I work and the way I start to get better and better is a shitty system, I work off of momentum, like if I start noticing good things happen and good reactions I keep doing it and keep improving. My whole life i've had little positive reactions from my actions, she was one of the first that I could see the progression of myself reflected in her actions and it was amazing, maybe thats why I connected with her so well? Thats why I wanted to keep talking to her? I was using her as validation in life. Something to fall back on and say well I have done better, I have changed and she is my proof. As dumb as that sounds thats what Im thinking as I type more and more about it.

>>17989630

a lot of people think that way. as individualistic as i try to be, I still like when im validated through others. just having someone else acknowledge that i did most of the work suddenly makes all the struggle worth it.

i dotn think we ever get rid of that, not entirely. but you can train yourself to be happy with yourself more by doing things and then rewarding yourself for it.

most people tend to do somethign they crave but feel guilty while doing it. instead, pick something you promised you'd do, do it, then reward yourself with that thing you crave.

>>17989658
what ive learned also helps but I lack alot of it is people who I care about being let down by my actions, or spite to prove people wrong or just the shock factor of not seeing me for a long time adn changing. Those three things are super hard to do

>>17989681

theres a lot of motivations. i created an entire web series just to prove someone wrong. took me 8 years of cutting out animations frame by frame but i did it just to prove em wrong. nothing wrong with that.

if you like validation from other people i think the important thing to do is keep people in your life. not one person for the long term, but be open to meeting, befriending, and getting to know lots of people, socially, in work, in education, anywhere.

make friends wherever you go, recognize their achievements, and dont be afraid to show off yours.

>>17989689
yeah I noticed too late but I put all my cards on one person and got nothing back lol it hurts but I learned alot

>>17989782

you got something. she did validate you even if she didnt date you.

>>17989480


This is the problem of investing in somebody Other than yourself. Sure, investing in others is great, but what happens when this person is dead, gone, breaks up with you etc? You need to think of improving yourself for yourself, this way you always have vested interest in what you are doing, and who you are doing it for.

Anyone who is good at anything will tell you that first you must get good, then you will get. (Money, attention, women) whatever your desire is.

>>17989784
I mean I guess so, its not as much as I would of wanted but its something lol

>>17989817
Thats a good point not to invest too much in others because they won't always be staying there I never thought about it that way.

>>17989865

sometimes what you get isn't what you want, but it is what you need.

>>17989871
At the time it was what I wanted but now I see how it didn't really help at all.

>>17989893
Just sucks right now because idk what to even do, i've been checking my phone so many times im starting to notice how crazy its making me. Like going from everyday talking to her and her sending me shit to just completely ignored and silent for the past 3 days hurts alot. I know she's talking to a new guy but like not even one thing in the past 3 days at ALL. Makes me wonder if she really cared at all about me.