Dating as a 20 year old "old soul"?

Nah you're just a hippy you'll find someone anon

Being into music and stuff is a pretty good way to meet people. Do you ever go to shows?

I don't know. It sounds to me like you have enough interests to be able to find someone.

>>17989326
>>I'm not concerned with trivial shit like social media drama between celebrities, I'm not interested in reality shows, or many sports.
Also, most straight dudes are like this, sans the sports part. But most girls aren't very interested in talking about sports anyway.

you'l be fine as long as you dont get it into your head that you're some special fucking snow flake who's so mature and smart and better than everyone else, which pretty much seems to be what you're saying.

nobody likes that, so yea, you're probably fucked

>>17989354
Yeah your attitude seems way off. Sounds like you have a superiority complex. That's extremely off putting

>>17989339
I go to shows when I have the time and money, but I'm at smaller university (Rougly 13,000 students) that mostly appeals to either agriculture (Usually conservative) students (I'm there for Wildlife Conservation) or complete liberal art students. Not even joking, they're either whiny, snobby, or straight from tumblr.

I'd have to drive about 150-300 miles to find a decent venue for a show.

Music doesn't get very far conversationally. I think I've met more women that have said rap is the first thing they listen to before anything else.

>>17989326

Liking old shit doesn't make you deep. By reading what you write, I would actually say you are a pretty normal 20 year-old trying to figure himself out. So don't worry, you are perfectly within the curve. You are normal. Just a little pretentious. Get off your high horse and you'll make more connections.

>>17989354
>>17989359
I honest to god don't think I'm superior at all. I just feel like it's impossible to find anyone compatible.

When you go through girl after girl and find out that none of them are comfortable ever discussing something intelligible, however you can't help but start to get the idea that they're all airheads.

>>17989326
I'm 23 and based on how you've described yourself I am very similar to you.

I'll try to keep it as simple as possible, finding good women for people like us is hard. I've only had 1 longstanding relationship (about 2 years) and other than that I've been single. It's even hard for me to just find a woman who can relate to me on an intellectual level, since I am smarter than the majority of people my age and even older (not saying that to brag, it's just the truth unfortunately). I don't know about you, but for me I try to form a connection with a woman mentally before I can even think of fucking her, because to me finding a true connection is more valuable than just finding some pussy to smash. That tends to be a double edged sword in dating though, you end up holding out for someone really good for you in all aspects, including mentally or you can cut your losses and try to court some less intellectual cuties, though they probably won't keep you interested in the long run. My guess would be a healthy balance of both, though I've not had much experience so I guess take that advice with a grain of salt.

To find someone truly special, it takes a long time or potentially a lot of luck, so just keep searching.

Last bit of advice... Don't settle. Don't stay with a girl just out of convenience or because she was the only one who got further in the dating process than the others. You state you are a bright guy, and I believe you are, so no matter how close you get with a girl just do your best to keep an objective viewpoint on your relationship, if possible. Good luck to you anon, I'll stay for a bit to answer anything if you have questions.

>>17989396
>none of them are comfortable ever discussing something intelligible, however you can't help but start to get the idea that they're all airheads.

Just because you don't care about it doesn't mean it's not worthy of caring about. People have their own interests. Yours are not better than the ones others have. I mean, "vinyls" are as shallow as any other kind of way to store music. Just because they use their phones to listen to it doesn't mean they can't talk about music, right?

>>17989400
OP here and I definitely don't think of myself as an intellectual or anything. I know the way I wrote it came off pretentious as shit but I'm just tired of the women I meet having no ambition or real interests. The issue is it's hard to find anyone who even has an INTEREST in anything intellectual. It feels like their personalities have no substance.

Either that or for some reason they don't open up like others do.
I'll ask questions on dates and get generic answers with no way to continue a conversation off of. Sample from a girl from about a year ago.

>What are you into?
I like reading a lot, and music.
>Who do you read?
I usually just go off of the stuff we've read in English or World Literature, I don't know their names, but I like the stories.

>What do you listen to?
Music-wise? I like rap, country and rock.
>Anyone specific?
Not really, just kind of whatever's on spotify.

>Hobbies?
I like going to the gym, and watching whatever's on Netflix.


Like I said, there's got to be a real personality under that one, but for the life of me (I didn't force it, but I did try) I can't get girls like that to actually say anything.

depends on what your circle of friends are, I'm in a film school in france and you sound like a ton of people I know. If you're not in that kind of environment i'd assume that's why you feel a disconnect from the girls and people around you.

Trust me your type of personality is nothing special depending on where you are so if it frustrates you then you should seek to find places that are more in line with your interests.

Also, you sound like you're specialsnowflaking yourself a bit in your post so try and look out for not being condescending in your day to day life and maybe that will change your outlook.

>>17989427
refer to>>17989448

>>17989454
>OP here and I definitely don't think of myself as an intellectual or anything. I know the way I wrote it came off pretentious as shit but I'm just tired of the women I meet having no ambition or real interests. The issue is it's hard to find anyone who even has an INTEREST in anything intellectual. It feels like their personalities have no substance.

How is that not pretentious and dismissive? You are saying people don't have real interests. This is literally what I said. Just because you don't care about it, don't mean it's shit. It just means you don't care about it. Their interests are as valid as yours.

>Like I said, there's got to be a real personality under that one, but for the life of me (I didn't force it, but I did try) I can't get girls like that to actually say anything.

Now, this ism ore like it. So the problem is not that "it's hard to find anyone who even has an INTEREST in anything intellectual". The problem is that you don't make a good conversational partner. And given how arrogant you are, that doesn't surprise me.

Read the first paragraph of that post again. If you really believe that, talking with you must be a nightmare.

>>17989448
People tend to not open up to people 100% on a first date. A lot of a first date is just to feel out the other person on the surface level to see if you are alike enough to continue onto the next date/dates. Be more patient in the future and they will open up to you in time, so maybe give it a couple dates next time if you see some sort of potential.
Also, this guy makes a good point >>17989427
Girls love to talk about themselves. Get to know her by finding out her interests and if someone talks about something they truly care about, they will open up.


Also, from the most part, girls want guys with ambitions. They want them to be the breadwinner and strive for great things. Most women, even if they are ambitious, get told by society it is wrong for a woman to seek out what she wants because she could come off the wrong way. So again, just because a woman doesn't share her ambitions with you the first date, it doesn't mean they don't have any.

>>17989427
Let's be real here, there are certain interests/hobbies that are objectively better than others.

>>17989488

And I bet "vinyl", "piano" and "documentaries" are in the "better" category, right?

>>17989474
They say "I like this" but when asked to flush out on that, their response is pretty much "I like it because I like it."

It's not their interests that bother me, it's that they never explain it. They just say "I like this" and get uncomfortable when I ask them to talk about it more.

I'm pretty decent at conversation. I can keep one going. The issue is I feel like I'm the ONLY one really trying to keep it going.

>arrogant, talking with you must be a nightmare.
I don't know. I've never met people in general that don't like me. At work people always come chat me up, male and female coworkers. I'm fairly easy to get along with on a platonic level. It just seems like when I actually probe around in terms of what a girl is interested in, she just freezes up and gives responses that makes it all the more difficult to continue the conversation with.

>>17989500

So, you can "talk", but then you can't. Don't you think that maybe you are doing something during the dates that people don't like? That maybe you are forcing too much intimacy in a first date?

If you can handle small talk, do it. Don't expect deep self reflection on a first date, right?

>My friend told me that she thinks I'm an old soul, and that any girl would be "lucky if they got to know me."
>old soul
>any girl would be lucky ...
Sounds like a lot of commonplace bullshit in my opinion.

On the other side, yeah, it may be a bit hard for you to find someone with whom you can relate, but I don't think at all impossible. I've met a few women who are kind of like this.

>>17989511
>but then you can't.
Not sure at what point I said I couldn't hold a conversation.

>Don't expect deep self reflection on a first date
That honest to god might be the problem then. I can do small talk, I've done it plenty before, but it bores the hell out of me. I just wanna cut the bullshit and actually get to know the person. The "casual" talk like "Do you like this or this" feels extremely fake. Like, tell me about your ambitions and shit. Let's find something relateable .

>>17989527
>I just wanna cut the bullshit and actually get to know the person.

Small talk IS getting to know the person. That's how we all do it all the time.

> Let's find something relateable .

Guess what? This "Like, tell me about your ambitions and shit." isn't relateable. Being put on trial to impress you is not something people want to do. To talk, you give and you take. You find a pace between the two people. It's not one person deciding how the conversation goes. If you aren't willing to meet people halfway, why should they make the effort to meet you where you want them to?

>>17989552
>Small talk IS getting to know the person
How when all I get from them is little to no conversational reciprocation?
>isn't relateable
How are aspirations not a relateable thing? I'm not putting them on trial, I'm just asking them what their goals are, what they've always wanted to do, shit like that.

>Find a pace
I try to meet halfway, but it always ends up with me just asking questions. They never inquire anything in return. They just answer things. I dislike it because it feels like I'm just interviewing someone.

>Have you ever traveled?
Yeah, I've been up to Canada for a few weeks and it was beautiful. You ever been?
>No, I've always wanted to go, though. I've wanted to go canoeing up in Algonquin for quite a while.
That sounds nice. What about you, traveled much?
>Only around the surrounding states and a few coastal states. I really want to go see more though. It'd be nice to take time off and just leave for a month or so.

Conversations like that^ I've been able to have with coworkers, both male and female. Yet when it comes to dates, it always feels like talking to a brick wall. I find it difficult to meet someone that actually talks BACK.

>>17989578
>I'm not putting them on trial
> I dislike it because it feels like I'm just interviewing someone.

That's what I mean. Also, you are planning how a conversation should be in your head. Be spontaneous, let it develop. If you CAN hold a conversation elsewhere, why do you think you can't on a date? What's different on a date?

>>17989590
I don't KNOW. I'm speaking to the girl regularly like I'd speak to any other human being I'm trying to get to know. I don't really get nervous on dates because to me if the girl agreed to it int the first place then that's not a thing to be nervous about.

The only difference that I notice is on dates, the girl doesn't seem to be talking back. Like she just kinda answers and sits there, whereas the three or four female coworkers I have, are glad to actually talk back.

>>17989621

The only common denominator in all your dates is YOU. If a single girls doesn't talk back, no big deal. If no girl talks back, then it's something that you are doing or failing to do, mate.

>>17989626
Then I'm honestly confused, and I don't mean it in a "refusing to see the problem" way. I genuinely don't know. Because I act the exact same way on dates as I do to anyone else.

>>17989661

Figure it out, then. Think back and see what you do differently. You are doing something differently, else you'd get the same results. Just find what it is.

For the record, if you talk to people like you talk to us, then I doubt you have many friends. But whatever. Good luck OP.

>>17989672
What did I do wrong to you exactly?

>>17989691

From your first post you came off as immature and arrogant. Nothing you did changed that perception.

I do have to admit that by the end you started sounding honest and like you really want to improve. So that's good.

>>17989751
I'm honestly a blunt and abrasive person, and that tends to come across as arrogance especially over the internet.