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For as long as I can remember (since 5 years old) I have been experiencing images of violence and brutality against people, most of whom are strangers. Normally, each episode begins when I enter a situation which I have had a bad experience in, e.g. locker room, around "chaddy" people, etc. Then, I would imagine that there is some sort of trigger to my violence in order to make it justified, e.g. humiliating action, harassment. This is followed by me bludgeoning them, slicing their tendons one by one, digging out their eyes, actions to that degree. This lasts for a few minutes until i snap out of it or I get interrupted.
I uber socially autistic, so my relationship with people has either been neutral or cold or filled with dislike and hate. This is a concern since my country has compulsory conscription and I am due to be conscripted. The last time I held a gun I was actually considering killing one filthy fat fuck which I really hated. Does anyone have any idea what is wrong with me, or is this actually normal among many people?
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Not normal, seek therapy. You are too tense.
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Get your self killed in war or kill your self. there is no cure for people like you, sadly.
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>>17987677
well I'm no expert but I think I have met someone like you before
the violent fantasies were a defense against perceived persecution/venerability
the guy felt weak and was afraid of people; so to be able to have the courage to face them he imagined gross acts of violence
tie in a little revenge, social isolation and stigmatization and you have school shooter material
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>>17987755
OP here. Thanks for sharing your experience. I fit the kind of guy you have described, so much so its uncanny. Is there anything that guy did to get rid of those defense mechanisms? Because there is no chance in hell I can ever socialise normally even if I considered that as an option. I am really worried that some trigger might send me on the path to murder.
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>>17987725
No chance in my country. My future employment is at stake, especially when people here are not accepting of mental illness (but accept gender identity movements). I was even warned by my folks not to tell, since they had seen cases of it fucking up someone's interview
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