My bf hit me for the first time today-what do I do

>>17983485
dump him dump him dump him dump him dump him

fucking dump him, he's shit, he'll only get shittier. Move your shit out and if he hits you again, call the fucking police.

>>17983485
Pretty obvious what you should do.

>>17983485
Get the fuck out of that relationship.

>>17983493
The issue is, we live together and I go to university in this city. I don't know if I can afford to live on my own.

>>17983499
See if you can stay with a friend for awhile, she'll understand. After that work out the numbers and if you still can't afford it take out a loan, room with there people, your well-being is not worth the apartment, trust me.

>>17983485
Um... you need to extract this person from your life. He's so far beyond capable of having a healthy relationship that I would bet on him murdering a person before I bet on him having a healthy relationship. It's not just the alcohol, it's not just the verbal abuse, it's not just the physical abuse, and on top of that you're looking down the barrel of sexual abuse too?
If you're afraid of him, then move. Move, and don't say where you're going. Change your phone number, tell everyone you know that you're doing this, close your social media accounts, and disappear. Spend every dollar you have to make this happen. You can also contact a battered women's shelter/helpline/organization for help with planning this out.
You are in mortal danger and you need to treat it like that. Get out.

The main issue I'm feeling is that he's never done this before- fuck, I really was in love with this guy. How did I fuck up so badly?

>>17983485
>>17983485
Confront him about this after he sobers up, depending on how he is usually, you may want to try convincing him to go to anger management, (this is depending on if he has anger issues when not drinking as well) only give up on someone after they refuse to be helped.

>>17983512
Continued
I'm an EMT and you never think that someone is capable of murdering somebody until you learn that they've actually killed someone before.
You don't have to be crazy to kill your spouse, you just have to be an abusive child-person with no emotional control. And there's a lot of people like that out there.

>>17983515
Ask later, go to a counselor later, yes it's important but you are unsafe in your home and you need to escape.
You're now in a demographic of people with a very high probability of getting murdered.

>>17983485
Sounds to me like you need to learn your place

>>17983517
WHAT??!! Fuck you! Do you have a single pertinent experience to back this up, or are you just typing with your fucking forehead?

>>17983536
It's on /adv/ that was my /adv/, atleast i contributed something other than leave leave leave leave leave.

>>17983531
Gee, thanks. Could you fuck off my thread please?

I'm a guy but I was in a relationship with a woman who was verbally and physically abusive to me.

I dunno how much advice I can offer as to deal with it, but I'd say this is a bad sign that it could become a trend.

The first time my girlfriend hit me I don't remember because I was drunk, but I was kinda shocked by it. But then I assumed it was a one time thing and I must have deserved to get punched in the face for my obnoxious drunk behavior. But then slowly it started happening more and more, and she would get in these explosive moods where she'd smack me in the face for little things like ordering her food wrong and say really mean shit to me, and I just kinda got used to it. Pretty soon I became like her punching bag when she was upset about things, most of the time unrelated to our relationship, like the stress of being broke or family problems. And when I'd try to address it she'd storm off and say something upsetting to me. And then sometimes she'd be very sweet and apologize for "acting like a bitch," and she'd melt me with affection.

So if that doesn't sound like a cycle you want to get into, maybe you should reevaluate if this person is good for you

>>17983485
I've had a few arguments with my boyfriend before, and he doesn't come from a stable family. But fights never lead to cursing or physical violence and we always make up. If he hits you, you should know it's time to get the fuck out.

>>17983485
You should really leave because the longer you wait and decide it will get better, the harder it will become and the more it could cripple you. You deserve somebody better

>>17983485
If this is exactly how things went down, leave. I understand what >>17983517 is saying, but if he hit you because he didn't get sex, he isn't just making a mistake during an explosive fight, he is responding to not getting his way with violence. Which should not be forgiven in adults.

>>17983485
>I have a blackbelt
maybe you should just lie down and let him fuck you, how hard is it to make that compromise

>>17983546

Why would you consider trying to tell someone who, in a drunken fit, hit and called his girlfriend a whore, to stay with this person?

>>17984693
because she has a black belt, the next girl won't be able to defend herself.

>>17984696

So she needs to stick with this guy because she can defend herself? That's... kind of retarded thinking. I know you're trying to help out other women by helping OP's boyfriend, but maybe she should talk to her boyfriend's parents and let them know what happened, as well as her own, and then have the families tell him he needs therapy. Or to get a lawyer.

But honestly she should just leave and not look back. Dude's a douchebag; sometimes ditching an idiot is the only way to teach them a lesson, making them lose something important.

>>17984712
kek

>>17983493
THIS. And if you don't, you have no right to bitch. But girl… I feel you. I was in an abusive relationship for way too long. You are too young to put up with this shit.

>>17984712
>I know you're trying to help out other women
pretty sure that post was a joke...

>>17983515
This breaks my heart. You didn't fuck up. He fucked up.

>>17983485
>I don't know what to do now. Please help me
Have sex with him next time then. I don't see what's the problem.

>>17983517
Dude.

I agree that some people can redeem themselves and fix even the most horrifying of issues. I don't think this guy should be doomed to be single forever because he fucked up once.

But he blew it with this specific girl. She needs to never give him another chance and he needs to be single for a long, long time and work on himself before trying again with someone else. He absolutely needs to learn that there are SEVERE consequences to this sort of behavior.

>>17983493
this

find a different roomie

otherwise you are going to have to treat your bf as an equal, and beat his ass to a pulp

don't wait for the next time he hits you, he has already hit you once, it is now your turn to hit back

if he doesn't learn from that then yes you'll need to move out that day

otherwise he might turn into some mewling little mouse

I don't know why everyone's telling you to dump him as the first thing you do.

When he's sober, tell him about what he did and tell him to stop drinking because you don't want this happening again. If he refuses, THEN dump him.

>>17983485
Holy shit you actually sound like a decent woman. Dump him. Block him, get him the fuck out of your life and let everyone know that he hit you so no one mistakes what is what.

My gf has thrown shit at me, locked herself in the bathroom and cut herself, told me I was horrible for not proposing to her after a year (I want(ed) to marry but not while she's so mentally ill and I'm still in school.)

You can do a lot better than this asshole. I used to be a heroin addict and I've been clean 3 years I have NEVER and will NEVER hit someone I love or anyone except in a legitimate self defense scenario

>>17983512
>>17983522
/Thread

Please listen to this poster

>>17983531
Fuck off back to >>/b/ or >>/pol/

>>17984659
This

>>17983610
How do you find help for this? I'm in a situation like that and I feel like everyone will just tell me I'm a pussy and to fuck off

>>17984669
>>/trash/

>>17984930
This could be valid, but he doesn't deserve it. Only do this if you want a chance at staying and making him stop

>>17983485

did you like it?

>>17984954
My thinking is that the alcohol needs to be accounted for. People do shit when they've been drinking that they normally wouldn't consider doing because of how the alcohol fucks with you. Because of this, I believe he deserves a second chance. He deserves the opportunity to recognize the mistake he's made and try to avoid making the same mistake, even if only once.

Talk to him about how big of a problem this was.

If he refuses to acknowledge his mistake and the severity of it, dump him.

Tell him to quit drinking to prevent the same thing from occurring in the future.

If he refuses, dump him.

If he hits you while sober, dump him.

If he drinks again, dump him.

But let him make up for one mistake.

>>17983499

Can you afford (emotionally) to live with domestic abuse from a shitty person for the foreseeable future?

The only answer is to get him out of your life. Anything else is a half-measure and you WILL end up the frog to his scorpion.

>>17984965
Jesus, don't listen to these people OP. They're not the ones risking getting slammed in the head again.

Get out of there before he does actual physical, emotional, and mental damage.

>>17984945
Do you have friends you can move in with?

I would take it very seriously if one of my bros came to me and told me their girlfriend was hitting them.

see if your black belt has good measurements for making a noose

DUMP, LEAVE, SEVER

IT WON'T GET BETTER

PLEASE LEAVE

Anonymous 01/23/17(Mon)13:32:14 No.17985058▶
>>17983499
>I don't think I can afford to leave this relationship because I might not be able to make it in the city

You know what you can't afford? How about this? You will become traumatized if you stay with him and have probably suffered some trauma already from experiencing that. Know what that will do? Trauma literally changes your brain. Look up what happens to people who experience it. They can go from being social and happy to being anti social and numb from experiencing that. The psychological damage from him will make it harder for you to get a job or succeed anywhere and make it much harder for you to be happy in general. He's threatening your entire future.

Don't convince yourself that your only option is to stay with him. For any reason. There are other ways and strategies you can use to leave him and be completely fine. Do not ever let him back into your life no matter how much he sweet talks you or tries to convince you he'll never do it again. That trust is absolutely ruined now. You cannot afford to have him father a child. That child might get abused or you might have that child grow up experiencing you being abused which would give your child a horrible traumatizing childhood that would leave the child with serious major issues. Get far away from him. Do not second guess yourself. Go with the truth. You must leave as soon as possible.

There are a ton of equally as convincing and logically sound reasons as this for you to get away from this. Do not doubt yourself. LEAVE.

Leave now and never come back

Get out. It will be hard but do it now while you can. I let it happen for years. No man should hit you under any circumstance. Dont let him take advantage of your depression.

>>17983485
>HURR DURR I ONLY WANTZ GREAT GUYZ BUT I CHOOSE ASSHOLES WHY DO I GET HURTS BRUHUHU

>>17983485
>I was so shocked I didn't try to defend myself (I know how, I have a blackbelt) and then stormed out
You didn't try to defend yourself because you know who's your master, bitch.

>>17984947
What did that post have to do with furry porn?

>>17983485
Dump him. A year worth of your life in a potentially future abusive relationship is better than your entire life in such a situation. Violence is never alright in a relationship, especially when simply refusing sex.

Him being drunk is no excuse.

>>17983485
>I was so shocked I didn't try to defend myself (I know how, I have a blackbelt) and then stormed out.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. You can't win against men. Men can't win against bigger men. This is the law and your black belt means shit.
Never escalate.

>I don't know what to do now. Please help me
Try to find out why he hit you. I bet you it's not because you refused to fuck him. If you get hit again just leave because you're hopeless.

>>17983493
This. Leave him. Doesn't matter if you live together. You'll find another another way. If you stay with him it will only get worse and you will make more excuses on why he did it. Just leave

>>17983515
you did nothing to fuck up. Its 100% him

>>17983485


DUMP NOW

>>17983485
Realistically, leaving is probably the best choice.

It's not impossible for the relationship to recover and return to health at this point but it's very difficult and highly unlikely.

Is it worth putting that effort in? That is entirely up to you.

>>17983515
Ask him. You were probably doing something stupid to deserve a smack

>>17983485
DUMP
U
M
P

HIM
I
M

There is no other answer and no other option, no matter the context, no buts or ifs. Dump him and see how you manage to survive later.