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Severe mental issues

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When I was younger I was diagnosed with depression. I went to some classes at school and after a couple of years my teacher told me that I'm fine.

Now it's even worse.

I'm a pathological liar with no personality and interests. The only thing I really want is people's respect, money and fame. I want to be idolized, that's the only thing that keeps me going. I talk to people because if I didn't everyone would think I'm weird. I talk to girls and try to fuck them because that's what I'm "supposed" to do as a 20yo male. I fucking hate parties, but I still go to them and fake being happy.

I'm also a little bit narcissistic, which makes it even worse. I'm supposed to be the best man around, yet I barely manage to be decent. I'm capable of doing great things, but I have no idea why I can't achieve anything meaningful. That makes me want to fucking kill myself, because maybe if I did it in a really gruesome and spectacular way someone would notice me.

And at the end of the day are my friends, who think that they completely understand me and think that I'm a really happy and energetic person who loves their life. They got me into smoking weed, but I don't enjoy it at all. I never feel happy or relaxed, it always makes me anxious as fuck and I behave like an autist while high.

I'd try to get help, but I'm too scared. I'd rather kill myself straight away than let a psychiatrist look at me with pity in the eyes. And I'm really scared that they would label me as an absolute psycho who will never recover. I like telling myself that everyone goes through hardships like these and I'm going to behave like a normal person in a year or two. I've been telling myself that for over 5 years.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?
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Shameless bump.
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Learn guitar, pretend to be a stupid commie, and take advantage of the inevitable anti-Trump punk scene. Then when you get a platform you can try actually making good music.
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>>17979955
Trust me anon, I've a mood disorder and I've spoken with psychiatrists and therapists and they never looked at me with pity in their eyes. I was scared as fuck to talk with them but, you know what? It's been the best decision I've ever made and I'm still seeing them. It goes against every fibre of my being to go to my appts and take my meds but I'm actually doing better. It's not easy and most I still sometimes feel suicidal. But there are also now days where I genuinely feel better and enjoy myself. God and see a professional even if you're scared. You might need to talk with multiple professionals until you find one you respect and who respects you. The point is to care for yourself and make sure you're healthy. You're worth it anon.
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>>17980286
Not God. Meant to type go and see a therapist/psychiatrist.
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I like that video
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>>17979955

Dealt with severe depression for many years in my life. Never sought any help, and essentially acted as my own psychologist. I am far from perfect but have a much better handle on it.

The solution is simple, Stop being such a little bitch and figure out whats really bothering you and not the BS you typed in the op. Most depressed people in this world always run to others for answers. Find your own goddamn answers, that will lead to your vision of happiness. Everyone has their own vision for it, so theirs wont work. Find your own.
Thread posts: 7
Thread images: 1


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