My wife acts completely irrationally sometimes, and it drives

>>17971068
Let her know that's how you feel, and that you want to work together to make things better. If she loves you and wants your relationship to survive, she'll hear you out and the two of you can start to work on things.

>>17971068
>our newborn
There's your problem. You were stupid enough to have kids. Your relationship is hosed as the stress of a screaming ungrateful hurricane of destruction /money drain will ruin things.

Enjoy your divorce and alimony payments. Also get snipped.

>>17971083
I've tried several times in the past. We make up and are fine for a couple of months, but then it slowly starts to degrade again where she starts treating me poorly.

I normally can't bring up anything because she immediately takes great personal offense to the slightest things. Here's an example:

>There's no need to be so upset about this.
>"Sorry for not being a perfect wife and doing everything wrong, then."
>What? I never said anything like that.
>"I get it, I get it. I'm wrong, and you're right. It's always me that's wrong. You think you're so special? You don't do anything right, ever. Don't bother to help out if you can't do shit."

It keeps going on like that. The thing is, if I don't help out and stay out of her way, she gets mad at me for not helping out and "lazing around".
>"Oh wow, must be nice to do what you want and have no chores to do."

I can't fucking catch a break, no matter what I do.

>>17971068
shes protective of the baby because shes planning on leaving you because you dont see eye to eye with her on a lot of issues. also i am a woman.

>>17971068
What's happening is that you're both being exhausted by the baby

Willpower is a thing that can actually be depleted. Real life scientific studies have shown that willpower is a resource and it can be exhausted.

The baby is draining hers. so all the little tiny things that annoy her and would normally be ignored (e.g. a dirty plate goes in the sink not the drying rack, the drying rack is for clean things and if you put dirty things in the clean rack the clean things will be dirty) now come to the foreground and cannot be stopped.

Impulses have momentum. It takes willpower to stop them.
A baby drains all your willpower.
You must feel the same. It's a bit like being drunk.

Like being drunk, you need to understand that for the time being, some type of emotional responses may be beyond your control

No one acts sane with a newborn.

>>17971130
While that willpower thing was debunked, being around things that negatively impact your psyche is.. unhealthy.

I want to say you're a fucking idiot for getting married and having kids with a woman like that in the first place, but marriage counseling is a better place to look for answers than 4chan.

>>17971153
>While that willpower thing was debunked
Has it? Link?

And, no OP didn't fuck up and the wife isn't to blame
She's not a monster.
She's under stress. Like OP is
Yeah, it hurts him and yeah she's hurting him and its bad.
But it's not like "WELP FUCK THIS MARRIAGE"

You don't know how it is until you can only sleep for a few hours every night for months at a time.
It changes you in that period

>>17971130
This, OP. She could be acting poorly because of postpartum depression, too. I think some crazy percentage like 1/3 of women get it. Look into therapy if y'all have time/money for that.

>>17971092
You people are as bad as /pol/fags. Nobody cares that you don't like children. If you don't have children, you aren't in a position to give OP any worthwhile advice. Go shit up other threads with your bullshit ideologies.

Commmmmuuuuunicccatttiiiiooooon

Instead of coming to this board for advice, literally just show your wife what you wrote, make her wake up to herself about how much this is ACTUALLY affecting you. Snapping at her and being passive aggressive in hopes she will change will do NOTHING.

You just had a kid, she is stressed out too, her body is still recovering, she's probably going through mood swings constantly. You should have patience but at the same time set ground rules for how far she can push things and what you expect and need in your relationship.

Try to remember that frustration and anger is often irrational especially under stressful situations like the one you're in. So justifying yourself about her snapping over a dirty plate doesn't really mean anything.

Talk to her nicely, sit her down and talk about your relationship, how it's changed since the baby and what you both want and need, come to a compromise and respect each other.

>>17971092

lol you're the cancer of this board.

>>17971362
I said this in another post, but I've tried speaking to her in the past. It just never works. She always twists my words around and starts being super sarcastic about how she's "the worst person in the world yeah okay mhm sorry for not being PERFECT 24/7".

>>17971068

Marriage counselling, OP. Do it. (Seriously).

In general though, I can sort if relate with this situation because I'm currently living with my sister and her husband, and they just had a kid for the first time.

There's some incredible sleep deorivation going on, and for the mum it's worse because she's having to feed/clean/take care of the baby 24/7. On top of this, she's probably doing a shit-ton of laundry etc. The woman also goes through a bunch of crazy hormonal changes which can make them nuts. My sister was acting stupidly in a similar way to your situation with my myself and my brother in law, and I've snapped at her a few times.

My sister is self aware enough to know that she's being unreasonable (due to hormones etc) and after a spat, she's quite willing to understand/take criticism (as am i - i need to learn to be more considerate/helpful; acknowledging what she's going through).

I think this part is what's lacking in your relationship, and I think counselling can help in terms of generating the required introspection and communication.

Also, much respect for wanting to make it work for the kid, and I'd say to do your damned best to heal and continue the marriage, because if it's one thing the last few decades of psychology has found, it's how much broken homes can fuck up children.

>>17971687
you guys have gotta learn how to talk to each other first m8

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>>17971068
OP I can help.

YOur wife is tired and hormonal with the baby. Fair enough, its a fucking big deal. Here are some pro tips from someone who has been there, done that.

>Do everything you can to help. Little acts of kindness go a long way.
>Remember, when babies crying it is trying to tell you something. Thats all.
>I ABSOLUTELY SWEAR that things will get easier.
>You need some time to yourself. As does she. Put your baby in a push chair and go for walk for an hour. IT will get you out of the house, give you exercise and give you head space.
>It will be OK OP, I swear.

>>17971068
And I thought my father life was difficult.
Well, I went through this kind of difficulties, with a wife snapping for small mistakes, just after our first baby was born. And just like you, she ended up crying and stuff once I managed to bypass the protection barriers.
Difference is: I didn't take care of many chores beyond cleaning the floor or preparing coffee (is that even a chore?). Aaaaand it was not as intense as you (which surprises me because she almost run away during the night with the baby at one point, not to mention the shootings, screamings, etc.)

Anyway, I resolved that by talking with her a lot. Truly, a lot. My wife loves me, that's a fact, but a mix of unbalanced hormones, difficulties to become a mother and other stress sources (businesses, bills, lack of freedom, jealousy...) means she had a lot of trouble of controlling her emotions, or herself.
She needs to realize at one point how detrimental her behavior is to your well-being, or the stability of your family. If anything, involve a close third party when you have the possibility. Her parents, or better, your parents. It's hard to involve them but it truly helped her to realize that her behavior was not something she would want anyone else to witness, and therefore that it is horrible to make me endure it.

Today, she's the sweetest and most faithful wife 99% of the times and the hard times are behind me. Her temper still flares up at times, but it's MUCH better than before, and there is nothing stronger than "stupid" anymore.

Bring stability to your situation first. Probably you have financial difficulties that don't help, then have a truthful chat, without giving an ultimatum.

>>17971068
https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5k4153/perfect_example_of_a_shit_test/
You're not dealing with her shit tests properly, I'd suggest reading red pill stuff, but try not to get sucked into the whole all women are whores and only good for fucking mentality.
https://www.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/
I'd suggest starting here, understanding them a bit more
Then going to trp. resist the urge to hate women here

>>17971882
"Read this, but don't buy this" is not exactly an excellent advice, son. Besides, it's not a shit test, she's not getting any validation out of it. It's simply complete mental exhaustion.

>>17971888
at least be skeptical about it as with all informative writing
I believe the shit tests are everywhere in his relationship right now because of the mental exhaustion t. never married anon
hope it works out op

>>17971068
>I told her that I get up every morning at 5:30 to do chores before going to work for 11 hours a day
Simple, don't do that, you're not getting enough sleep, instead do it before bed. The garbage shouldn't be filled nor the sink if its only just you and your wife. It can wait until the end of the day.

>>17971092
Cancerous faggot

>>17971882
>but try not to get sucked into the whole all women are whores and only good for fucking mentality
Do you have a single fact to back up that that isn't true? All studies in that respect back up the supposition that women are inferior in all aspects of life that don't involve caring for children, thats not to degrade raising children because thats literally the most important job, but its really the only thing they're good for.

>>17971068
You just had a kid. You're both stressed, have lots of new responsibilities, and probably tired.
Probably you're not investing time on your relationship and loving each other either.
She still has a ton of hormones in her body, too.

Do you have a close relative that could take care of the baby for an evening or an afternoon during the weekend? Take some time off together, enjoy each other, do some relaxing activity and talk.

Take some time, talk to her about things CALMLY and tell her that you wish to improve some aspect of the relationship because you love her and you want things to work out. Tell her you'll work on those things together.

It is normal to be irrational sometimes. Sometimes I get mad at my boyfriend because he doesn't clean the fridge the way I want him to clean it, yesterday he yelled at me because I didn't iron his shirts well enough. We're both stressed and full of responsibilities and you use the person who is closer to you as your punching bag. You're right, she wouldn't do it to a normal friend, but while it is annoying as fuck it just means she trusts you more than anyone else.

>>17972103
fine, all women are whores, all men are whores, to be human is to be a whore stop being a bitch about it. wives are fun besides fucking sometimes, happiness is worth raising a whore family with a whore wife and looking and being happy with the whore in the mirror.
whorewhorewhorewhorewhorewhorewhorewhore

>>17972144
Well said, Frank Miller.

I dunno, I'd have to get her side to judge first.

What if you really are screwing up all your chores and it just makes her to it all over again? I would be pissed.

>>17971687

When she does that slam the fucking table and tell her this is serious, stop pussying out. You seem to just brush it off and continue growing your resentment quietly while acting out passive aggressively.

If you can't sit her down and have a serious, calm, constructive conversation about your future together and the relationship then you guys should just not be together, let alone in any relationship if you don't know how to communicate, because guess what? This will happen in every single one until you learn.

>>17971687

If that's her reaction then it shows she's being put on the defensive, perhaps you're coming across aggressive or putting all of the blame on her as opposed to calmly stating things you BOTH need to work on since you've both been stressed. Approach the situation with love, not resentment or anger and she won't feel the need to act so defensively.

Dude just seek some therapy. Or something. Sometime after giving birth some women end unbalanced hormones and thats why they act loke all crazy. Also you gotta understand she geve birth ro your child. You could have some patience with her. Honestly, my girl was acting the same way after she gave birth, but after we seeked therapy the doctor said it would go away with time. All i had to do was just keep on telling myself "she doesnt mean it. Just the hormomes". And with time it actuallu did go away and were all happy no. With the regular issues but not that attitude no more

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>>17971099
She has the victim syndrome. She sounds exactly like my mother does. Like literally the fucking same.

Google it up on how to solve her problems with her. She needs therapy, for real. She has deeper problems. She vicimizes herself because of her low self esteem.

She needs to fix herself, not you. Google it up, im experiencing this with my mother.