Wife vs Mom

>>17965618
bump

Rating your wife tells me you shouldn't be married in the first place

>>17965618
Explain that until your mom actually shows dislike for your wife, that your mom probably likes your wife.

In fact, I'd say your wife may be just insecure about things. She only thinks your mother dislikes her for perceived slights -- things that don't actually happen. A lot of these slights are actually not even slights at all, but they are to your wife. They're kind of like passive things that, because your mother doesn't really know how to feel about your wife, she tip toes around your wife, so to say. You know what I mean? Until your wife shows direct interest in your mother, then your mother will stay passive like she's been doing so far. Problem is, your wife now only thinks that because your mom acts this way, she must not like your wife.

Explain to your wife that your mom hasn't actually done anything to show dislike, and until she does, then your wife can be happy knowing your mom probably likes her.

Why does this seem so common? Are girls not taught that it's important to get along with their inlaws and that it's often better to just grin and bear it for the sake of your husband and the family at large?

I often hear the advice "you're not marrying their family/parents, you're marrying each other, so don't worry about what they are like." It's terrible.

>>17965695
>>17965774
I kind of feel terrible because she says things like I don't know why I accept to marry you I should give you the ring back when we talk about or families

To be honest, she don't do much to fix this kind of thins when they come up, the solutions is say I won't be going anymore to your mother house or your family events actually right now that her posture

>>17965797
What the heck. That's aweful.

>>17965686
I agree with this guy

>>17965686
Yeah that was kind of weird but I won't be that drastic

>>17965774
I am probably very unlucky, but I never got along with in-laws.
I am not horrible, and all my friends' parents love me, but the moms of literally every guy I dated detested me.

I started dating my husband when we were 16. His mom used to fully ignore me when I visited. When I stayed over for dinner, she made me food I was allergic to. She insulted me with my boyfriend, all the time, and sometimes with her friends. She called me fat (I was injured and gained 6 kg, always been athletic before and after that incident) and used to not serve me fries but salad if I stayed over.

Then she found out my family is wealthy and I inherited a lot of money when my grandpa died. When I got the chance, I paid off my husband's student loans.
Suddenly, she's all nice to me, calling me, buying me gifts and being nice.

She's a bitch. I never insult her with my husband, or treat her poorly, but honestly I can't stand her.

How was your wives' relationship with her parents? If her relationship with her own mom was bad shes probably in need of a female role models' attention. Honestly you should put her alone in a room with your mother to have it sorted out.

>>17965797
>I kind of feel terrible because she says things like I don't know why I accept to marry you I should give you the ring back when we talk about or families

Shes right actually, you shouldn't have married her if shes going to take that stance.

>>17965814
>She's a bitch. I never insult her with my husband, or treat her poorly, but honestly I can't stand her.

This is what I mean. Even if you happen to have an evil inlaw (which I advise people to at least try to avoid in the first place), you should still do your best to keep the peace. I think that's a very honorable thing in a spouse.

My ex girlfriend used to hate my mom and the rest of my family, but i can relate to that a little; i hate pretty much all my family members except for my mom. But anyways. We lost our house so we stayed with her parents who didn't seem to like me. A month later i couldn't take it anymore so i broke up and got a room. These things never end well when both parties dislike/are disliked by their families.

>>17965814
>When I stayed over for dinner, she made me food I was allergic to.
Anon, she straight up tried to murder you. I think it wouldn't be too off the mark to insult her.

>>17965827
My husband's well-being matters more than anything.
I would never want him to hate his mother or anything, I just don't want to be involved in their relationship, or be involved as little as possible. Luckily we moved very close to my parents and very far from his when we got married, so I rarely see her more than once a year.

>>17965854
Oh no, she would warn me. I would just have to sit uncomfortably through their dinner while they were eating something else.

This is very similar to my wife and my family.

I come from a very sarcastic family. We are always ragging on each other and we all let it roll off our backs. My wife comes from a more refined family where you NEVER put someone down, even in jest.

So when my wife and I would go to a function at one of my family member's house, she'd get some ribbing and it annoyed her, just becasue she wasn't used to it. She would also hear me get some and would feel bad for me.

She internalized this and let it fester until we were on the brink of divorce (for a lot of other reasons) when she brought it up in marriage counseling.

The issue wasn't necessarily the ribbing but my not standing up for her. Again, all this seemed natural to me, but not to her. We were just brought up differently.

The solution was two-fold. First, she had to understand it was the nature of my family to do this.

Second, she had to feel I had her back. So when we went to future functions, I'd sit with her and if she got insulted I'd smooth things out while she got used to it.

It has worked out pretty well so far.