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Why do I do this?
Everytime I get into a relationship with a 10/10 girl that comes from a good healthy functional family, which also posses quite some wealth, I want to break up with her. I'm currently with a girl 99% of men would die for (she is working as a student bartender and I can't even walk into that bar on friday/saturday night, because my blood boils when I see other guys hitting on her, but I can't really do anything other than get into trouble and fight = law suit = money..).
I'm 20 and have been depressed ever since elementary school, also bipolar and can't stand my own company, because the thoughts I posses kill me and drain me unimaginable. I would say I look very handsome/good since I've been with a woman that was less than 8/10, also thanks to my unique personality. However, I come from dysfunctional family and just living right now is hard, I've been having suicide thoughts for 5 years at least, but will never do suicide. It's like I'm attracted to death/saddness at this point and I can't stand happy people that are just in love with life (like my girlfriends have been until now).
I went to doctor 3 years ago and he said I have chronic depression and to visit psychiatrist (I never did ofc). I'm afraid of going to psychiatrist, because I'm sure he will find out I have a lot of other mental problems that are interconnected with depression.
Sometimes I just wish I could cry out myself to girlfriend but I can't. I haven't cried in years, because I can't. Everything I feel is completely numb and just part of my misreable life.
I can't even feel my partner, even though we have/had amazing sex with all of them. I'm great lover, but never feel emotional connection or bond.
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that wasn't less than 8/10*
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Do what the doctor said and visit a psychiatrist
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I'm usually attracted to women when I first meet them and just enjoy catching them, I also write erotica very good and they usually fall in love with me through my stories.
I know my ways to good women and I get them unbelievably easy if they aren't completely retarded. For some reason girls have always saw something more in me, because of my personality and writing abilties, maybe even because I use good vocabulary and am very direct with what I think.
However, my whole family is quite poor, haven't started college yet, don't own my own car and just wish I can leave on my own and never have to talk with most of my family again.
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>>17961929
As I said, I'm afraid it might not go the way it is supposed to. I know I should take professional help seriouslly, but I know a part of my mind will go there with a goal of decieveing him and playing games with him. I'm very good at that and I think I would more enjoy manipulating my way around psychiatrist than actually getting any help of it. The only reason I've thought about getting psychiatrist, is if she were to be a good looking female, so I would try to show her my mind and try to get her to fuck me and fall in love with me. I think it would make up for a fantastic story. But that's a part of me, I can write to girls a 20.000 word short novel that is very erotic and basically saying how I would fuck them in various ways. Since my confidence and myself are so good, I have never failed to get what I want. I even told my current gf I've never went out with a girl and not make out with her by the end of the date, before we went out for the first time. She ofc didn't believe me, but at the end of the date we were making out for 2 hours in a car and she was half naked, but declined sex (''because he can't fuck someone on first date''). However, 2 days later she came to me and we fucked, even though she has previouslly gone out with guys 6-7 times and not even give them a kiss.
Just to explain where I am at with women.
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kys nigger
nobody gives a fuck about your women problems
wahh im good looing and have a good looking gf but my life is so hard because im so sad and want to fight all the time :( im very deep tho
wow never heard that before
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>>17961920
thrill of the chase?
why not just cheat on her
Also if you're miserable you aren't numb. If you're posessive of her you do have some feelings for her. You're thinking about all this in the wrong way.
re: depression. bump some oxy and mdma then fuck your gf and see if you feel any different. Your depression may be caused by a chemical imbalance, which requires some sort of medication.
It doesn't really sound situational. Maybe i'm missing something though.
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