ITT: Ask the Opposite Gender Anything

Girls: Would you date someone with depression even if they try to keep it under wraps?

Everyone talks about red flags, but what are some green flags for approaching someone?

>>17961307
I have a friend who is genuinely depressed and I honestly don't think I could date someone who's constantly down like that

I have a smiley face scar under my bellybutton does an1 want to see it

>>17961307
Unless he was treated for it and feeling relatively good, no.
I have been depressed myself and some days it's still hard to cope, even if I have been in therapy for years and I'm mostly out of it. I wouldn't start dating someone in the middle of a depressive crisis.

>>17961310
Just for approaching? Huh.
For a guy:
>Good posture
>Smiles
>Looks at me
>Well dressed, well groomed
>Makes people around him smile

>>17961307
Depends on if he's putting an effort in to fix it or not. And if he's using me as a crutch thats a huge red flag. If he's always depressed and doesn't do anything to improve then he shouldn't be dating. But if he just gets depressed generally for a few weeks at a time but he's able to fight it off enough to have good times when I'm with him then yea it might work. Its really situational and depends on the person, I can't give you a concrete answer...

Girls, what do u like more? The way someone looks, or their personaltity. The thought recently came to my mind and I want to base myself off these two standards.

How do I make my boyfriend feel better about the fact that he's got MPB in his 20s? He's rarely insecure about anything but is always sad about his hair.

>inb4 compliment his appearance
I do but he doesn't believe me.
>inb4 zuck his dick
I do.

>>17961349
>>17961375
I am getting treated and I only have pretty bad days maybe 2 days out of the week, otherwise I'm pretty good.

>>17961379
Personality is what makes me like/love a guy. The way he looks determines if I can sleep with him.

>>17961385
Thats not so bad. I don't expect anyone let alone a guy to be happy 100% of the time.

>>17961386
So a guy should be more concerned with his looks.

>>17961394
Looks open the door, personality lets you through it.

>>17961394
Well no... I was trying to explain why you need both.

posting again because i didnt really get a lot of replies

for the guys

I was talking to a guy for a few months, and he quickly fell for me. I really liked him, but my ex who broke up with me like the same week i met this other guy decided he wanted to try again like 2 months later. We were together for over a year and a half, and there were still feelings there, so I chose my ex over this new guy. The new guy tried to be my friend, but I ultimately cut him off. I was happy getting back with my ex for a few months, but now I just feel like I chose the wrong guy, and I miss him too. He's probably moved on by now, but I want to try again with him. Is there any chance? I feel like I would be hurting him a lot if I just tried to dm him or send him a text.

>>17961395
>>17961396
gotcha. looks are how you get a girl to spread her legs.

>>17961400
Being a guy and having been in his position, I'd of moved on. And even if I weren't with someone at the time, I'd be thinking you'd just go back to an ex again so I wouldn't want to reconnect.

>>17961404
No you idiot, looks are what get you noticed, not having her spread her legs for you. Personality gets you into bed.

>>17961400
I'm not a guy but if you keep flip flopping between dudes then I doubt you really know what you want and I would take time to be single if I were you.

Or, do you really feel this way because you chose the wrong guy, or have you even tried to work things out with the one you're currently with?

Personally I think the key to happiness in relationships is settling differences, not hopping from one cock to another just because things aren't going 100% your way. But then thats just my experience. Doesn't sound like either guy was worth it enough for you keep trying.

>>17961409
but I'm good looking but have zero personality yet I managed to get laid regularly. It seemed your argument matched up with my experience.

>>17961409
Even personality is overrated. Its more about how you make the girl feel.

>>17961400
If he chooses to be with you after being second choice, he's the nicest guy on the planet, just so you know.

>>17961410
>have you even tried to work things out with the one you're currently with?
We've been back together for two months, and for the first few weeks I was super happy, but for the past two weeks I've just felt like I would've been happier with the other guy.

>>17961413
Sex and love are different. Sure you can get laid, but you probably won't find genuine love with zero personality. You're a trophy guy, a piece of meat a girl shows off to her friends since you're an empty shell for conversation.

>>17961415
yeah, i know...

>>17961415
you mean the most beta guy on the planet.

>>17961419
>a piece of meat a girl shows off to her friends
nah I duck out before getting that far. It suits me.

>>17961417
You've made your choice. If you have to leave your current, do it, but find someone entirely new and leave the other guy alone. Maybe take a break from dating too.

>>17961417
Well you need to judge your relationship as a whole, not the temporary emotions you feel right now. And if you can't then you're not ready.

As for the other guy don't even think about it. Its never fair to treat people as mere options.

>>17961415
the most pathetic faggot on the planet, so perfect beta provider material.

>>17961425
>>17961426
yeah, i guess you guys are right
thanks

Asking girls,
are you okay with just the guy cumming? I was on another thread and some anon got replies saying that girls can actually be really satisfied without ever cumming during sex.

>>17961400
unless he has a girl on the go right now chances are good.
Guys are like dogs, scratch behind our ears (insert innuendo here) and we will love you forever.

I like my girlfriend, and i love her as a friend. But i'm in love with another girl. I don't know what to do.

>>17961536
Not a girl, but i'm okay with not cumming during sex. Orgasm isn't the best part of sex.

>>17961584
>girlfriend
>but only love her as a friend
pick one

>>17961536
I am okay with it, I won't resent my boyfriend if he doesn't make me come and still enjoy sex. But if I cum during sex I will want sex all the time, if I am just getting you off, I will still do it, but... yeah, if I'm tired I will just read a book and go to bed.

>>17961379
I don't like something more. I want both.
I wouldn't date a guy that has a perfect personality but I don't want to fuck, I wouldn't date a guy I want to fuck but is an unbearable asshole.

>>17961652
Then i guess i have to pick the latter. But for all practical purposes, we're a couple. It wasn't an active decision on my part. It just kind of ended up like that.

>>17961667
... dump her? What's your problem?

>>17961670
My problem is that i don't want to hurt her, and i don't really want to lose what we have.
And nothing is likely to come of the other girl, so i'd end up alone.

>>17961678
Then what? Do you get stuck with a person you don't really love just because being alone is worse? Or you waste her time and string her along till someone better shows up?

Get out of that relationship. Even if it won't work with this girl, you'll find another. You can't spend the rest of your life pretending you love someone.

What's a double standard that you can understand? Not necessarily advocate it, but you can see how it makes sense. If I worded this right anyway.

>>17961684
>Or you waste her time and string her along till someone better shows up?
Yes, i suppose one could say this is what i've been doing. And i would have been content in this current relationship, if someone "better" hadn't shown up.

> pretending you love someone.
Friendship love doesn't count?

But i guess you're right.
Prepare for another "my asshole boyfriend left me because i wasn't good enough for him" thread in a few day, /adv/.

Why do girls on OKStupid seem worse than prostitutes?
>leftists
>feminazis
>don't like cuddling
>don't like blowjobs
>stuck up attitude

>>17961815
Because guys are desperate for them anyway.
If you could get away with, I don't know, telling your partner that you will cheat on them, never wash the dishes and never make her come because your gender was the most desirable wouldn't you do it?

This isnt really a question, more of what should I do.

I've been feeling really lonely and depressed. For a few years thinking about it now, it comes and goes. Recently, its been hitting me, ever since me and this girl went downhill. Now, I'm back in this wave of loneliness, and it's hitting hard. I've been thinking about going to my recruiters office just to talk to him about this weird feeling, because they do care, I just don't want to be discharged for depression. Who do I speak to or talk to or what do I do? I just feel alone, I don't even want to kill myself or cause myself harm. Im just...alone.

>>17961551
Maybe that's true for you. I'd consider that a treason and would cut contact with the girl. It's about respect.

For the girls:

Why would you tell a guy, who you said you had no feelings for, that you dreamed of him? What does it mean of dreaming a guy whom you had feelings, had sex with and then tried to keep as a friend?

Also this guy had a mental breakdown and chased you for a while and gave you gifts to show he cares for you.

>>17961837
>Also this guy had a mental breakdown and chased you for a while

I think calling the police is the only valid option here.

>>17961838
Wait let me rephrase it:

This guy became extremely sad and started to become clingy and joined your social group, without being rejected by neither you or the other members of the group.

This guy went from Alpha to Beta within a week, essentialy.

Bump >>17961815

>>17961837
>Why would you tell a guy, who you said you had no feelings for, that you dreamed of him?
Because I did.

>What does it mean of dreaming a guy whom you had feelings, had sex with and then tried to keep as a friend?
Nothing.

>>17961837
There's no mystical meanings to dreams. She dreamed of you because you're friends and people dream about the things in their lives. She told you because she dreamed of you.

>>17961893
Because people on dating sites are single and most are single for a reason. Or do you think the men in okcupid are any better?

How can I get a virgin girlfriend in university? I'm not very quick to open up to people but I do look good and can talk to people easily once I'm comfortable. I'm not very religious either but I don't mind waiting for marriage.

>>17961946
Just meet people, date them and after a while when the topic of sex comes up ask how many people they've slept with. Cheap as fuck, but efficient.

Or date people from very religious groups. Or do online dating and try to find waiting till marriage people.

>>17961979
I might just have to do the first one. Unfortunately I don't think there is any other subtle way.

>>17961536
I'd prefer orgasming of course but it's not a necessity like it seems for guys.

Why is it that the girls i like always find me repulsive, while i attract the girls i'd rather just stay friends with?

Girls: how do i make my girlfriend comfortable with the idea of beggining a sexual life ? We're both 18 and she's never even masturbated before, i want her to know what an orgasm feels like before having sex with her

>>17962095
Really depends on the reason for her not having any interest in the first place.

>>17961307
yes, but i hope its something he is able to overcome or at least keep under control, because from a past relationship with a guy that was depressed i can say that its def not easy.

>>17962120
religious upbringing, also she's very gullible and not exposed to sexual things at all, she doesn't even like to joke around sexual things. We talked about this and she said that she agrees to start sharing her unexplored sexuality with me, we've only become a couple for about a month now and this are going REALLY well, we had different experiences with sexuality but have agreed on the way we view the act of sex itself

Looking for advice from either gender

>been in classes with a girl for 1 year now
>we study together a lot and spend a considerable amount of time together
>we've become decent friends but our relationship outside of school is fairly weak
>we've had dinner together on occasion and gone out to events but there has never been any intimate moments beyond casual touching (but no hand holding or anything like that) or standing really close
>I suspect she views the relationship as platonic
>I wish the relationship was more than platonic
>I've asked her to do things this week but she had to cancel on all of them due to work or other circumstances
>I still need to study with her through this semester since we're both top of our class and help each other excel

So my question is this:
Should I approach her about making the relationship more than just friends if I think that she:
a. probably views us as solely platonic
b. I still will need to be around her for extended periods of time every week

I'm really conflicted because on one hand she's really playful with me and we've had some moments that I was sure we're positive signs that she liked me but on the other hand it doesn't seem like she makes time for me when I invite her to do things.

The only reason I've waited so long on this is that I knew I needed things not to be awkward to get through all these classes but this is our last semester together.

>>17962149
Well, then just give her time i guess, and take it slow. As someone who was brought of strictly Catholic, both at home and in school, and it took me quite some time to get comfortable with my sexuality (I've had my first orgasm with 18), give her some time and ease her into it.

>>17962175
Thanks for your words, i was planning in taking it slow since the beggining, really don't want to fuck up this relationship

>>17962210
No problem Anon. If you can do that (and are okay with waiting), then I'm sure it'll work out. My first ever relationship was messed up precisely because he was trying too hard to pressure me into sex too early (from my perspective of course, I was a frigid virgin fresh out of a Catholic girls school)

>>17961337
Yes sir

There's this friend of mine whose a qt and I wanna text her? We haven't been in touch over the holidays and I don't really know what to say. What would be a good way to start? I'm not aiming for a date though, just hanging out is fine.

The thing is, she knows that I just came off of a breakup about three months ago. Should this be a factor in anything?

>>17962224
Any advice of what not to do ?

>>17962165
Fucking do it man. I wish I could've asked this girl out before, hell even if I had 6 semesters left with her I should've done it right away. You can never remove the feeling of not knowing what could've happened. Even rejection and a period of awkward hell would've been fine. Don't regret not doing it man.

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>Girl tells me not too long ago she wants to spend the rest of her life with me
>We aren't together but have a close bond
>Dude in her major asks her out, confesses to her
>She rejects him, tells me and shows me the conversation
>One of the reasons for why they weren't going to work was that she was with someone and she meant me, going on to tell me in private like there would be ever any chance she would be with someone else and say she is attracted to me
>We established we're not together

I didn't want to ask a what does it mean but really,what the heck does this mean? We established we're not together because she put me on a "waiting list" to see if I turn out how she wants me to (I'm aware this isn't exactly wanting me for me but whatever image of partner she has in mind and I accepted I might not be with her) but then she goes on about stuff like this that clearly shows she wants me but doesn't want me.

>>17962233
Like I said, don't pressure her. Try to take things at her own speed, and I guess be understanding if she's going to want to take it much slower than you'd like.

Reposting from a thread from 3 days ago because I had work and fell asleep. Let me know if I should elaborate on any point.

>Never had a love life, rejected or friend zoned by every girl I've ever tried to get with
>Grow up socially awkward, end up with a good group of friends
>Meet this one girl at work about a year ago, we become great friends rather quickly
>Coworkers even have a nickname for the two of us
>Don't think much of it because hey we're friends
>Around 4-5 months ago she says her boyfriend cheated on her
>Get pissed, help her through it because that's what friends are for
>Grow closer throughout the semester, we help each other out with anxiety and shit
>At the end of the semester (like a month ago at least), her boyfriend dumps her without reason over text
>I'm infuriated because of how shitty that is
>Try my best to help her through it, she says she wants to kill herself at some point
>Make sure she doesn't, she eventually kind of gets better after figuring out why her boyfriend dumped her
>Realize that I'm in love with her amongst all this
>Realize that there's no good way out of this one
>She was still in love with her boyfriend and he's in love with her but needs a break
>I don't want to say anything to her and end up losing my best friend by either getting rejected or somehow hurting her
>I don't want to not say anything because it's killing me
>She went away at the beginning of the month and will be back early February
>Told myself the space would be good
>Still think about her on a regular basis
>Want to tell her how I feel when she comes back, but know I'm going to regret it because nothing ever works out for me

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Guys and girls:
Is just walking up to a stranger at the start of a uni lecture and asking whether the seat next to them is taken considered weird?

I want to meet new people and was under the impression this was normal on campus, but lately I've been given the cold shoulder a lot when doing this.

>>17961337
Yes

Some questions for women.

I'm in love with a friend of mine. Both college students in our early 20's, same major.
We've gotten closer and closer over the two years we've known each other, and last semester we'd spend 8-15 hours a week studying together outside of class in our university library or in nearby coffee shops, and we'd hang out between classes and always sit next to each other. Basically we were alone together pretty often and we'd talk about pretty much everything.
Problem is, the entire time I've known her, she's had a boyfriend. I've never met the guy and the only thing I know about him is his name and that he goes to our school. I saw him from a distance once a year ago and that's it. She rarely brings him up.
Also, since winter break started, which as of today was a month ago, I've only texted her twice to say merry Christmas and happy new year.
Now, I have two concerns.
First - does it mean anything that she's spending this much time alone with a guy that's not her boyfriend? Is it weird that I've never met her boyfriend and she rarely talks about him? Would you personally do this if you were in a relationship?
Second - Is it bad that I haven't contacted her very much over the past month? She knows I don't like texting, but at the same time I feel like we're good enough friends that it's kind of weird I haven't reached out to her more. Would you be upset if your friend did this?
Also, any other advice about the situation that you'd be willing to give would be great.
Secon

Questiom for girls mostly. Is there any situation where you'd rather study alone rather than with a male friend? There's this girl I like and I often go study with her after classes for an hour or so since she's sometimes alone in the library. I don't want to be too clingy though. She always accepts when I ask if I can sit with her and study for a while but I'm afraid that she's just being polite and that she doesn't really enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers. I get the feeling that she's been sending some mixed signals so I don't know if I should cut back or keep going.

I know there's not much info but what do you think

>>17962415
It's not weird, but you shouldn't expect people to be thrilled to meet you and strike up a conversation at the beginning of lecture just because you asked if the seat was taken.

So women, what if the man you're in a relationship with is ok with having sex only once every week?

Every day is tiring, unless if you like to sweat and do rough sex and burn fat or some shit.

>>17962478
I prefer studying on my own personally. Maybe leave her some space or ask to meet her outside the university for a change and see if she's interested.

>>17962516
That'd be a problem for me, depending on the reason he wouldn't want to have sex more. I'd probably feel like I'm not attractive to him or something.
But it wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker though I wouldn't feel too great about it.

female
>>17961307
anyone that hides or lies anything is not on my dating list. depression? i would date if he's not totally shut down and shit all the time or if it's all that defines him
>>17961310
instant green flag for me:
talks to me (i'm known for approaching guys first so that's a relief)
things that show we might have common interests (shirt with something etc)
cute laugh
is alone at public place (massive green flag for me for some reason)
>>17961379
both matter.
>>17961395
this
>>17961414
i hate relationships based on the 'us' or the 'you relative to me' elements. i want to like the guy as he is, not based on how he treats me predominantly.
>>17961687
i know for sure just days ago i was thinking of one that exactly fit that definition but i can't remember it for the love of me now
>>17961826
make a thread, not a post here
>>17961837
doesn't mean anything
>>17962091
probably ugly or shit personality. can't really be anything else kek question of life right there
>>17962230
no, it doesn't affect anything. just say hi, how ya been, get back in touch basically
>>17962251
how about you just ask her exactly what you asked us, in the same words?
>>17962385
do it to get the stone off your chest. let things flow.
>>17962415
i love doing this and i would never personally find it weird, i'd love it.
>>17962449
idk man it all depends on how she sees your friendship and how cool her bf is with the situation between you two.
i would be sorta upset yea
don't worry about it too much. it's her side of the thing, after all. her problem
>>17962478
how about you just ask her
>>17962516
no problemo, i don't even fuck so perhaps i'm not the best one to be advising on this matter, but it's nice to not make it a routine or chore.

>>17961687
Female here.

While there is all this "How about we teach men not to rape!" shit out there to combat anything about teaching a woman to defend herself, I understand now why my mom never wanted me to go out at night or be alone in certain places or how I had to practically wait until I was 18 for her to be okay with me going out past dark while my brother started doing that when he was 12.

Annoyed with these double standards as a teen, I was quick to break my mom's rules. I'd say I am sleeping over at a friends and go to high school parties. I found myself in a shitty situation of being passed out drunk and my friend saw an unknown guy dragging me away. Luckily, my friend stopped this before anything bad happened and some of my male friends beat him up and kicked him out of the party. Never have I been so embarrassed, ashamed, and wish I had listened to my mom.


Like, of course men should not rape, but I can't control another person. However, instead of just plowing "girls cant!" into my future daughter's head. I will definitely tell her the uncomfortable and terrifying realities of being a vulnerable woman. And then I'd teach her how to prevent and defend herself from these situations.

Do women get turned on sucking/jacking off her partner?

I don't get turned on fingering or performing oral on my gf, but boobs do.

>>17962832
asking this is like asking 'do men jack off to feet'
some do, some don't. i personally like jacking him off but not sucking.

Girls

Do you like spanking? Do you have any spanking fantasies?

>>17962844
Yes. But I'm into BDSM generally.

>>17962844
no.

>>17962385
>>17962754
How long should I wait before telling her I love her? Obviously I don't want to do it right when she comes back, but I don't know a good time or way to tell her.

>>17962889
don't tell her you *love* her lmao right off the bat. ask her how she feels about you two, how she feels about her ex, take it slow, days maybe, and then break it off to her that you like her more in that way and hope for the best.

>>17962832
I get ridiculously turned on by giving pleasure to my boyfriend. Seeing him turned on by something I'm doing to him, turns me on as well.

It doesn't seem like he gets turned on that much by doing things to me. Once in a blue moon when we're both in a sexual frenzy, he does. Seems like he gets more turned on by fingering me than preforming oral. I can tell he's a lot more visually and tactically turned on by things.

>>17962844
I like being spanked during the act and at random when bf notices my butt. I would feel weirded out if bf bended me over his knee and spanked me repeatedly though. It's always just been a playful thing between us, so if it was serious or he needed to do it to get off, it would take the fun out of it, to be honest.

>>17962754
> how about you just ask her

I already did, she said it's OK. But the thing is I'm not sure if she actually enjoys my company or if she's just being nice and polite to avoid hurting me. She's the kind of girl that would do that, I can't imagine her turning down a request like that to basically anyone. I'm terrible at telling apart attraction from politeness, if you could help me with that it'd be great. Maybe I'm just overthinking things though.

>>17962892
>ask her how she feels about you two,
Isn't that a little on the nose? I can't think of any way to reliably pull that off

>>17962904
jesus ask her
ask
her

>hey when you said you were okay with me joining you for studying all the time, did you mean it or was it just polite?
desu if she says she meant it just take it like that and go by her word, best thing to do. who cares if she lies as long as you specifically asks and she tells you what she wants you to act based on?

>>17962908
true, it would kind of be like saying it straight away. just ask about the boyfriend thing then wait a while and just warm up to her, see her reactions to prepare, but no matter what they are, end up telling her.

>>17962911
Yeah you're right, playing the guessing game won't take me anywhere. Being straightforward is probably the best choice. Thanks for the help

>>17962921
glad i could help mate

How to ask a shy girl out? I usually wouldn't really have this problem but my only contact with her is snapchat. I feel like if i try to ask her out somewhere she'll be uncomfortable and wont want to go, and I might scare her away. We don't see eachother in person often but we just started talking again. No idea what to do

Girls.

Should I listen to my gut or listen to logic?

Don't want to say too much, but there's this girl I like who keeps giving mixed signals. My friends are saying to move on, but my gut is saying to keep at it, and it will be fine in the end. Consciously, I know that she probably only likes me as a friend, but again, my gut says otherwise

>>17963062
ask her how she feels about you? clarify that your question is coming because of her mixed signals

>>17963062
I mean we can't know. Can't you just ask her out and find out?

I guess more of what I meant to ask, is if I should trust my gut over logic?

>>17963066
I guess, but still I'm afraid that I'll maybe lose her as a friend. (Not that we are particularly close)

>>17963074
I made it obvious (I think that i did atleast) that I am interested in her.

>>17963088
>not that we are particularly close
sooooooooooooo go for it

>>17961687
Lots of them! In fact most of the token ones (including female/male promiscuity and female/male virginity) make sense to me on some level.

My issue is not so much with double standards existing in society. There's different expectations for men and women (and old people and young people etc etc) to begin with, at least socially speaking.
What does bother me is when people embrace the double standard to the point where they forego their own logical thinking, the individual case at hand and their empathy for fellow humans. Aka "it's slutty if my girlfriend likes porn" or "I dumped him because a guy isn't supposed to cry". THEN I will slap them in the face with the double standard thing and that's not because I think the main issue is that behavior from different groups of people is seen differently, but rather the way the person involved deals with that.

>>17963105
Eh, still. She seems to be trying to motivate me to do something that she is also doing. (But knows I have an interest in)

Also, one of her big mixed signals is that she seems eager to meet up, but never commits to an actual day.

>>17963113
Forgot this part.

I am going to try to make it maybe a little more explicitly romantic? Well, I was gonna see if I could take her out to celebrate her EMT Cert this weekend. Assuming its just us, it would be kinda obvious to be a date of sorts

>>17962516
Not cool. Your attitude about it is unattractive as well. If the moment arises and you turn sex down because you're too tired to feel enthusiastic about it? Fine. But deciding beforehand that you can't be fucked to fuck more than x amount of times because... fuck that noise, tiring and shit... that's not exactly arousing.

>>17962832
Depends on the person. I do, though more expressly when it's something more "low maintenance" than oral. I love masturbating to the memories of performing it but in the moment I'm so caught up with doing a good job that I don't have attention left to enjoy that I'm giving him that pleasure etc. I do love the smells and feeling of a penis from up close, though, and any noise he makes is memorized to be recalled in all detail during a more relaxed moment afterwards.

Also used to make my lover really hard to eat me out.

>>17962844
Love it but it's just another act to me. I incorporate it in fantasies but they are never the main deal. And like the other responding anon I like natural/playful/spontaneous spankings and not making a drawn out thing about it.

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>>17963117
Don't make it a "little more" explicit, you gotta make it explicitly a date. She most likely knows you're interested in her already.
If she flakes on you again, forget about dating her because she isn't interested.

>>17963139
She is extraordinarily shy in general. And probably hasn't had much, if any, relationship experience.

Honestly, I can post all the signs from her, and it definitely indicates interest.

Guys: what's the best, non shitty way to reject a guy asking you out? I know it already feels horrible being rejected, but what should I say as to not make it worse?

I'm not interested in a relationship right now and when a guy asks me out I feel terribly awkward and don't know how to react. Last time it happened I told him I was already seeing someone else, but I'm not sure if lying is the best solution.

>>17963161
Tell them you're gay, always worked for me.

>>17963168
Yeah that's probably the one that would cause the least hurt on the guy's part. I live in a pretty homophobic country though, so I'd prefer not to use that reason.

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Girls and guys who have seen a vagina,

I never really compared my genitals to other women up until recently when I became curious after stumbling upon this image (pic related). my vagina looks like none of those.

I noticed I do not have a labia minora. No folds or extra skin when I am spread. It's just my clitoris, vaginal entrance, and labia majora.

Is this normal or common?

>>17963182

This sounds like something you should ask a gynaecologist.

>>17963178
It's not great anyway. One of my best friends is a lesbian and she actually avoids telling guys she's not into them to begin with because you get this stuff;
>hot, can I watch/have a threesome with you?
>you know how I call a lesbian? a woman who never had my dick
>how do two women even have sex?

And if he's a decent fellow and just respects your answer it will hurt that much more if you wind up being with a guy later and he finds out (quite likely anno domino 2017).

I'm no guy but my advice would be to start with;
>I'm not interested in dating at this point in my life, so no
if he pushes you for less general answer, it's difficult for me to phrase that more specifically without a given context, but say he asks you whether that means you just don't like him, shrug and say you don't dislike him at all but yeah, not enough to suddenly feel completely different about what you want romantically, no.

>>17963182
Not common but it happens. I wouldn't worry too much, those drawings are a bit exaggerated but there are absolutely innies (pussies that don't show the inner labia) that barely have labia minora, just little ridges etc. Having nothing at all is an exception but it doesn't mean yours is freakishly set apart from all others.

>>17963197
>hot, can I watch/have a threesome with you?
>a woman who never had my dick
>how do two women even have sex?
I'm a lesbian and not once have I heard any of those. Maybe it's an American thing?

>>17963204
We're Dutch, not American. I guess it matters that the men who say this are the type to approach her cold in public or in clubs etc, not fellow college students asking for a date. That would absolutely be not done.

Am I limited to girls with "passive" hobbies if I only have those kinds of hobbies myself?

I mean, my main hobbies are cinema (as in, studying film, directors, write some analysis myself, not just going to the cinema), languages and videogames. Apart from the typical going out with friends etc.

I was talking with a girl earlier, she was into rescuing dogs and doing motocross, and when she asked about my hobbies she was like "really?" as if that weren't really hobbies or something, felt kinda bad.

>>17963207
Oh, right yeah. I'm guessing drunk/douchey club dudes are more likely to say such things.

>>17963197
I guess telling the truth is the best way to go after all. I'm pretty shy with people I don't know very well so I just freeze instantly when someone asks me out and then I blurt out some retarded shit like saying I'm already seeing someone else.

>>17962916
What if I already know how she feels about her boyfriend? She was really broken up about him to the point where she said she wanted to kill herself but wouldn't because she wouldn't let him take something else from her. When they finally talked about it, he said he needed time to get himself figured out and he still loved her. She still loves him too, but only just before she left did she warm up to the idea of just letting things happen.

Also, what are the chances that I'm going to lose my best friend?

>>17963211
Are you sure she meant it in a negative way? Especially if you (actually) speak multiple languages that's just surprising and cool.

But nah I don't think your hobbies are notably passive, so many people literally only have passive ones. And at least for me it takes much much more priority whether someone else can relate to why I like it so much and enjoy the medium than whether they do other "active" stuff. Eg I write fiction and translate poetry and I'd much rather date an avid reader when it comes to hobby compatibility, than someone who loves to work on cars.

Also if she sincerely meant it in a condescending way, that's just really fucking rude.

>>17963161
The question is not what you should say, you should be honest and apologetic, but how you continue to treat him afterwards.

The last girl i asked out made me anathema. That felt really shitty. If you can continue treating him like a nice, ok, decent guy he might feel that taking a chance on asking you out was at least worth it an not a huge mistake.
Of course, there's also the opposite theory that states you should cut all interaction to be interpreted as sending mixed signal, so i don't know...
But in my opinion just don't treat him like a lepper, so he can feel that even if he was rejected taking a chance on asking was still the right decision.

>>17963218
Sadly they are... at least it's not a quick and discreet way to reject them.

>>17963221
Nah, it's a pretty challenging social situation to be in especially if it's wholly unexpected. I used to struggle with this a ton but the bottom line is in my experience that you need to stand firm in your belief that you are being honest and fair with them and that's all they can realistically expect. You can't help not being up for it. You are not obliged to ignore your own feelings on your own love life for anyone... and they probably wouldn't even want you to, because when it comes down to it they also want to date someone mutually.
So if some asshole decides to take it out on you that he feels humiliated or unwanted, don't take that as a logical consequence of your actions. If you are polite and honest then you did nothing wrong.

And for the record, a quick "I have a boyfriend" is 100% justified to me if you feel threatened by the guy and just want to go with the easiest way to deflect his attention. The above is more for people you think will be more or less reasonable.

>>17963232
I mistranslated, she said something along the lines of "just that?" yeah she probably was just rude, but made me think about if my hobbies are less attractive by default to more active girls. I study 4 languages but so far that hasn't net me anything dating-wise lol.

Translating poetry sounds really cool. I'm also hoping to meet someone that enjoys film as a medium as much as me, but no luck so far, most people that go to film analysis classes and that kinda thing are much older than me.

>>17963234
honest and *UNapologetic

>>17963234
Got'cha. Yeah I definitely wouldn't treat him like that after asking me out, sounds like a pretty extreme reaction on her part.

>>17963238
Thankfully I never had a guy lash out on me after rejecting him, they were all nice about it. I think it's just a problem on my part that I feel really bad after rejecting someone and then ponder all day if I could've rejected him "in a better way". I don't know why, guess it's some sort of unhealthy empathy thing? I also get really sad every time I read about/see something bad happening to someone.

>>17963245
Oh wow. No, fuck her. Again I wouldn't even consider that "passive", when people talk of passive hobbies I think of watching tv and playing videogames. Not learning a language or studying anything at all, really. It shows that you are curious and have some different interests, and few people have the drive (especially when young) to invest so much of their time and energy into learning for the sake of learning as learning a language demands.

It is, it's fucking fantastic, sadly it is a really hard sell to explain why you like to do it instead of "just making new stuff". But really if you like language a lot I recommend giving it a try, you can start out easy with a favorite song with simple but poetic lyrics. It's basically like a hugely complicated puzzle that also requires personal inspiration and gives you the greatest rush when you have a new idea for a solution.

Yeah I can imagine that. What about film festivals? Forums for people who want more intelligent and in-depth analysis than stuff like IMDB offers? I would at least try to make friends in those classes so you can really get a feeling for everything going on in the scene.

>>17963161
I don't really like the line about not interested in a relationship. Cause even if its true, its usually not. When you end up seeing them with another guy it just twists the knife in a bit deeper.

Honestly I'd just make it clear that you just want to be friends, and let him proceed from there. At least, that's how I would handle the situation the best.

>>17963234
>Of course, there's also the opposite theory that states you should cut all interaction to be interpreted as sending mixed signal, so i don't know...
I think a lot of it has to do with poor boundaries. I mean yeah, right after you reject someone things are going to be kind of weird and doing 1 on 1 stuff is a pretty bad idea. Of course some are going to take it as a challenge, but that's more on them than anything else.

>>17963260
Film festival here is just once a year, apart from some special cycles and projections. I've thought of approaching girls that are also alone in those projections and maybe talk to them about the movie, but I'm scared of that being creepy.

People in those classes are old as in 50+ while I'm in my 20s lol, but yeah I try to befriend them as much as the age gap allows it.

Yeah should try forums although hard to come by some locals there.

>>17961307
guy here but I've dated a girl with a depression for 6 months and it was traumatizing. being down on your self all the time is fucking annoying and I have depression/anxiety.

>>17963270
>right after you reject someone things are going to be kind of weird
I think that's my point. It doesn't have to be weird. If you can act like even if you rejected him you don't feel weird about him asking, that would be good. Ideally you actually DON'T feel weird about him asking.

>>17963280
It's not creepy to see if someone feels like talking. Especially not in a situation where a) she's in public, not at work, and there's ample witnesses to make the situation entirely non-threatening and b) you obviously share an interest and just shared the experience of watching the film.

Yeah, maybe she doesn't want to talk, but that doesn't say anything about you. What IS important is to not push it once it's clear that she's not really enthusiastic. I feel that many guys need to overcome so much to approach someone (understandably) that they won't abandon the target even if it's clear that she's not up for it. While it should be the other way around: be casual about approaching and casual about abandoning ship if she's not responding. With not responding I mean being curt, turning away from you, bitchiness in any way, shape or form. Just wish her a good rest of the event and go talk to someone else.
If she smiles, asks questions, turns towards you, nods while you are talking and so on, proceed.

Obviously it's scarier than approaching someone online, but it seems worthwhile. And it works both ways: your interest in this (and knowledge etc) will also be that much more attractive to someone who happens to have the same passion.

>>17962415
Not weird at all. Both genders probably find it polite. I cant imagine why you would get cold shoulders unless you smell bad or something

To girls: How the hell am I supposed to make her cum? We both were virgins and in December we started having sex. Before that, I rather used my fingers and I made her orgasm several times, but since we started having actual sex, she hasn't had another one. She seems to enjoy it and I don't think it's my dick's fault.
We have talked about it and she just thinks that it may be that either we don't have too much privacy or that she still feels too excited, but the latter doesn't quite make sense to me, because when I was super excited at the beginning, I tended to cum too fast rather than not at all.
Do you have any advice? Thanks in advance!

>>17963339
For the record, different people work in different ways so you can't really use your personal experience to negate something she says. I have been with one partner in my life and they were honestly the best experiences of my life, never did it feel greater to be alive. But he couldn't make me come because I had a mental block with the whole... giving up control or something. And then because I knew he desperately wanted to and I desperately wanted to "prove" to him that he made me feel incredibly I would get so excited once I got close that the whole "OMG IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN" followed by "NO NO NO JUST FOCUS ON YOUR ORGASM ITSELF" ruined the moment.

You've only been dating for a short time. Give her some room to get used to being with you and communicate what she likes. Even if she feels like she trusts you, chances are she'll still learn to relax even more further down the line. (Consciously or subconsciously.) Whatever you do, don't make her feel like she's letting you down if she's not having an orgasm, that'll make sex stressful and way less sexy for her.

In the meantime, I can greatly recommend mutual masturbation (or her finishing herself on top of you if you're spent) as a way for her to have an orgasm in your arms anyway. My ex once ate out my actual vagina while I fingered myself to orgasm, that was amazing as well.

And obviously keep trying different things. Pay attention to what positions seem to do most for her. Add fingering or other stuff she personally likes. Encourage her to give real feedback on how everything feels. Eat her out/finger her before sex so she's very ready once penetration starts.

>>17963182
Can you draw what it looks like to us?

>>17961382
Maybe explain to him that the vast majority of guys go bald at some point so it's completely normal and expected, especially if you're wanting to spend your life with him. Guys can look very masculine with a shaved head. It also means he probably has a lot of DHT (potent testosterone).

>>17963182
That's the pretties kind of pussy.

>>17961184

Girls, how long do you wait in a relationship to have sex/discuss sexual things? I know most people don't use a hard and fast rule but on average what do you find to be a "normal" timeframe?

I started dating a girl 4ish months ago and we haven't really had any sexual discussions or activities. Just for reference I'm a virgin so I'm very scared and out of my element in this whole arena.

>>17961536
Every time? No of course I don't have to cum. It's not going to feel disappointing and uncomfortable like it would for a guy. Any physical intimacy and getting him off will still feel really satisfying and good. But never cumming together at all ever? No that wouldn't be good. Ideally, he at least tries to get me off every time unless it's an intentional quickie.

For the girls

So I dated this girl for about a month and it turns out she was pretty fresh off a break up. We started to drift apart and it seems like she's really torn up about her ex, but when we were together it seemed like she really liked me and things were going really well. We're still cordial and she will sometimes message me first and then not respond (this confuses the hell out of me). Is there anything I could do or say to try to "win her back"? Offer to go out again but take it slower this time? Based on what I can tell things got a little too serious too fast between us and she got scared of dating someone again so soon.

>>17961687
Pretty much anything supported by the biological differences between men and women I guess

>>17963390

Soonish. I like sex, so not having it while in a committed relationship seems ridiculous. Basically, once I trust him and like him enough to do it with him. But all my long term relationships started with sex, because they were friends first before boyfriends, so trusting and liking them was easy. Try not to stress about it, just fool around with her and it will proceed to sex once you're both comfortable enough with not stopping. Unless maybe if you're both super shy and self-conscious. If that's the case you might want to talk to her about whether she's ready or not.

>>17961815
Because they are the leftovers, people who couldn't get relationships normally and are desperately using online dating sites now

>>17962091
That's how it is for everyone honestly. It's like a Venn diagram. One big circle contains all the people you like. The other big circle has all the people who like you. The sliver where they intersect is the mutual attraction you have to keep looking for.

>>17962516
No bueno. However, there are girls out there who feel exactly like you so look for them.

>>17962832
Hell yeah. I do, absolutely. Thankfully my guys feels the same when it comes to me.

>>17962844
Yep. Feels good man.

>tfw you tease and annoy your bf to the point where he overpowers you, bends you over and spanks you, putting you into your place and reminding you he's ultimately the stronger one

>>17963390
Personally im waiting until basically marriage or some equivalent for full on sex. I just want to be sure it's with my life partner. Discussing sexual things though I did even before the relationship to see if we were compatible.

Guys, girls, when do you know the relationship is over?

>>17963473
When she's ugly.

>>17963473

When you genuinely believe you'd be and fare better without each other.

>>17963473

As a guy:

If she's the one who's done with me: I know when she doesn't get angry with me anymore, when even if I do something to piss her off, she just doesn't care anymore

If I'm the one who's done with her:

Most of the time, it's gone by the following pattern:

> Be with girl
> Have lots of fun with her
> Slowly realize that for a variety of reasons I'd never marry her though
> Stick together, still having fun
> She begins to bring up long-term plans between us
> Break it off because it would be cruel to string her along at that point

So I guess you could say it's either over when I realize I'd never marry her, or it's over when she starts bringing up long-term plans

>Message her
>Are we still on for tomorrow?
>I really don't want to make you drive so far because i'd feel bad


WTF? is this a shit test or what?

>>17963575

Maybe she does fees bad for making you do all the driving. Some people are nice like that. Just say it's no problem at all and you like driving and can't wait to see her or some shit. If she still comes up with excuses, then get worried.

>>17963581
ok will do first i have to wait 2 hours though so i dont seem like a desperate beta fag wish me luck

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>>17963360
excuse my lack of paint skills

>>17963575

She might want to cancel but not feel like the bad guy

Tell her that if she feels bad she can drive to you

OKStupid
>women over 40
>Doesn't have kids but might want them
Wtf?

>>17963660

lotta delusional women out there anon

I always run into char limit so sentences will be stiff.

Met this chick early 2016, she's fun to talk to, we get flirty everytime we hang out, we text a lot. Bad at reading signals, but everything is telling me shes into me, so obvious even friends comment on it. Before I get the balls, she asks me to see a movie. Act like its a date, pick her up, shes not dressed like a date. Odd. Talk before movie starts realize not a date so kinda bummed but whatev, both have a good time still. Few days later we hang again, start drinking, tell her I thought movie night was date. She's embarrassed, didn't think it was. Said it was cool, I realized early it wasn't. Ask her if she would want to go on an actual one. Not interested. Sucks but no major loss. We don't see each other for a while, texting kinda dies. Lose interest. Realize weeks later dont have many female friends, perfect for advice/has other friends I can get with. Too awkward to start convo back up.

8 months later see her on my bday when im out drinking. Awkward hellos, but soon we pick up right where we left off. Only me and her talking whole night. Both got drunk, night sorta ends, enjoy how easy it is to talk with her.

3 months later. See each other randomly, hit it off again. There's natural chemistry, always has been, but dont get excited cause remember past. Asks me if im single, comments a lot on my looks (lost a a lot of weight past few years, only recently starting to look good) super flirty, gets close to me a lot. Leave abruptly cause have to. Texts me 3 am that night, says she was glad to see me, always has fun with me (she realizes it too). Still telling me I look good. She starts fishing for compliments. Be honest (shes pretty and knows it). She shrugs them off, but think she likes it. Text almost daily since then.

She interested? Or wants attention? It started out the same way when we first met, only difference is I'm sexier, enough to tip the scales? Or does she just like that I'm a willing texter?

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So I recently matched with this girl on Tinder and we've been messaging each other for the past two days. I really like her, she pretty much fits the bill for what I look for in a girl, and I can tell she is interested in me. The only problem is she lives 50 miles away from me and I'll be moving even farther away in the near future. Realistically, can I expect this to work out at all?

>>17963724
Just to add, I'm ok if shes not actually interested. While I do like her, I realize that keeping her around is good, even if not romantically. As I mentioned, female friends are not common in my life and I could really just use the experience of neing around them more in general, romantically or not. Besides, I do like hanging out with her in as shes nerdy and we can geek out about sci-fi and movies together and that is also hard to find in my life. I realized this when I stopped talking to her before. I just want advice on how to proceed. I can ask her out again, but I don't want to her to think I'm only interested in going out with her romantically, I dont want to give her the satisfaction. Theres a lot of stuff I had to skip over to fit in the char limit that makes me think she could be interested or that she only wants attention. It's honestly a toss up.

>>17963724
>>17963742
Well, ask her out a date. That's the only way to know I think. It sounds like it could go either way. It's not hard to remain friendly if she rejects you, you just have to be mature about it. You probably won't talk as much afterward but you can definitely remain friends.

>>17963725

Hard truth: No.

Fella's is it normal to want to wife a girl while she's riding your dick?
My gf was working herself pretty good up and down my cock when I got this sudden desire to knock her up by cumming in her tight pussy, just grabbed her by the waist and slammed it home. She's alot younger than I am so I don't how to break it to her that I want to wife her.

>>17963756
I think i handled the rejection pretty well the first time, it's the prospect of getting rejected again, by the same person, for the same reasons that seems...pathetic almost. It's like, I fell for it again? I can definitely handle the rejection maturely, I did manage to hang and talk with her after, and I'm good enough socially that I won't make it awkward. It would be so simple if we just hung out and talked to each other normally, like friends do. But the way she talks to me and acts around me...I have female friends and while we dont hang often, our conversations do not have the same kind of energy like me and her do, its not like friends at all. Yes the simple answer is ask her out, but how do I do it? I've been thinking of telling her something like this

"Hey__ I gotta ask you something. You know, everytime we hang out I get a feeling theres something more. I don't know if its mutual attraction or not, but I don't think you can deny we have some sort of chemistry. I didn't see you for practically a whole year and yet when we saw each other again recently, it's like we had seen each other only the day before. I know you said no when i asked if you would go out on a date with months back, but its in the back of my mind that it wasnt the right answer, and it wouldnt be the right answer now either. I don't know how I feel exaclty, but I think its worth trying out. What do you say?"

>>17963794
That is the most basic of animalistic instincts. Don't over think this, anon.
You should also not take so much importance in what your hormones tell you. Would it be logically helpful to marry this girl? How long have you been together? Just because you want something doesn't mean you should do it. Have some self control.

>>17963660
Step kids and adoption. She's opening herself up to single dads.

>feel guilty about being depressed
>feel depressed about feeling guilty
When does it end?

>>17963828
I wouldn't pour your emotions out like that. That might be something worth telling her if and when the relationship progresses a bit. Just keep it simple. Ask her out for coffee or whatever you like to do on a date and make sure she realizes that it is a romantic date.

>>17963182
>>17963613
You're called an innie. There are people out there who get surgeries to look like you (vaginoplasty). It's good. Be grateful.

>>17963473
When I give up on the things that I try to improve in the relationship, because I don't believe he's going to actually change.

>>17963864
You get a false sense of having accomplished something when you mope. You need to put effort into improving your life (exercise, diet, medication, therapy, socialization, hobbies) if you're going to get better.

>>17963881
I understand what you're saying but this isn't it.

I haven't felt this before. It's actually hard to get out of bed and equally hard to get into it.

I just sit in a chair all day.

>>17963893
That's depression for ya. That's what the medication and therapy are for

>>17963903
Can't wait to get candy on mom and dad's money!

Christ I feel like a failure.

>>17963866
Damn I didn't think it was that emotional, it felt honest and factual really, but maybe thats why I'm here in the first place lol. What if I just kept the mutual attraction line and the I dont know how I feel exactly line? Maybe that other stuff is too "feely" tho, I can see that.

The reason I even wrote that is that I think there's something holding her back. Before I thought it was that she was obsessed with a guy who wasn't interested in her and the fact that I was a fat shit. I'm still fat, but damn I'm handsome now, and only getting thinner and hotter (and she realized this when she saw me and I told her how much I've lost and how much I dedicate to it). She's over that guy (at least for now, she couldn't stop mentioning him before, she hasn't mentioned him once since we've started talking again) now and the way she complimented me and keeps mentioning my looks makes me think I'm physically attractive to her now. I should mention I don't blame her for not being attracted to me physically before, I wasnt easy to look at and I know you can be attracted to someone in every other way, but the physical is a huge barrier. It feels like I almost have to convince her that she feels something just like I do, she's just not sure, just like me.

Anyway, If anyone wants to drop some specific things I could say to her or a right way of asking her out, other than just saying "will you go out with me". That would really help, it'd also be great if someone had a different opinion of my situation?

>>17963910
Don't , sometimes we can't find that internal motivation to improve, even when we have a roadmap. Exercise, diet, getting more sun, socializing. All of these have been proven to help alleviate depression symptoms, but when we cant get ourselves there, sometimes we need some help. Turning to a doctor and medicine isn't failure, its life. Not life for everyone, but youre not alone and youre not the first. When you come to accept its not all your fault then you can better tackle the things that are.

>>17963859
Do you really believe that? lol

>>17963910
I kind of like to view my depression as a parasite that's doing whatever it can to make itself bigger.
It'll tell me that I don't deserve to get help, that I'm worthless, a burden. Because it doesn't want me to get rid of it. It won't let me get out of bed, because it knows I'll feel better if I see the sun and eat and shower.
I find it easier to fight back if I separate it out like that.

I also find ways to force myself to take care of myself. Exercise helps me a lot, but I won't do it on my own. So I let my bus pass expire, and I walk to work every morning. At the beginning I always think, "Fuck, why do I do this, what's the point, I hate everything" but halfway through the endorphins are running and I remember, "Oh yeah, that's why."

But I think my depression is a part of why I have to go through that remembering every day.

I also take duloxetine, which is cymbalta. It's not an ssri like prozac, it's an snri. I don't really know the difference, but I didn't do great on ssri's, and the snri works like a charm for me.

I'll start feeling like shit again if I go a while without taking my drugs or if I go without walking. I have to do both. Not just one. It's what works for me.

>>17963867
Okay, I was worried because I was reading something about the labia minora "growing" during puberty and I never experienced that. I thought I had a hormone issue or something.

Girls: how do you feel when a guy gets dubs, like these?

>>17963955
Due to stigma, sex research is sorely behind any other kind of physiological research. We have a lot to learn, and there is so much variety. I wouldn't take anything that claims to define "normal" with a grain of salt.

>>17963938
You're right. My girlfriend has been telling me to get help for years. I guess it's time.

>>17963946
That's a good way to think of it. I'm just really scared of taking pill. I don't want to lose myself, though I guess I already have.

I'm not even sure how to do go about this.

>>17963985
I honestly feel more "sober" when I'm on my medications than I do without them. Give it a shot. You can always go off the drugs and return to the same shitty mindset you were before.

>>17961400
if you curve'd me that hard to get back with an ex, to then try to get back with me a few months later, I would never view you as a person ever again

>>17963985
How the fuck do you depressed motherfuckers manage to find women? Are you hot as fuck or something? Everyone says to act confident and approachable to attract women, yet yall can be depressed mopey fucks and still find a girl who wants to be with you? How?

>>17963977

PUT YOUR BABIES IN ME

>>17964022

Why do I get so turned on when a girl says this to me?

>>17963853
Her family are pretty well off and she financially supports herself despite this fact while I'm about the same. We've honestly been dating less than a year and the sex is amazing! I don't know about you but young girl riding my dick all day is pretty tempting.

>>17964007
I dated my depressed ex because I have a savior complex. It's unhealthy and obsessive.

>>17964007

A lot of depressed people, if they're not moping specifically about women, have a idgaf attitude that a lot of women find attractive

>>17964030
I worry that the only good things you can say about this girl is that she has money and likes sex.
What would even be different about your life if you were married? Why can't you just move in together? You should really be dating someone for a couple years before you get married. If it's forever, then what's another couple of years?

Guys,

What are some reasons that would cause you to ghost a girl after agreeing to a date?

>>17964047
the same reasons a girl would ghost a guy after agreeing to a date

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general question here

how do i get rid of having a crush feeling, get over it? i became seriously infatuated, hardest part she is my unimate so i have to see her every freaking day

>>17964047
His friends tells him how much they've hooked up with her.

Happened to me, liked a girl and she came to a party of mine. She was really into me, then she got drunk, the was into everybody then. I noticed, am annoyed, but whatever, she likes me and we're going out. She leaves with her friend later on. My friends and i are chilling after, one of them brings up her behavior throughout the night, none of them know were going out. I hear horror story after horror story about how she fakes mental illness when shes not getting attention, how much sex shes had with one friend, meanwhile also hitting on others in the group. How that same night she was texting one of my friends to suck his dick. I'm shocked, don't say a thing. Everytime were together shes so sweet, shes caring, a little reserved, cutely awkward. I know shes promiscous, and im ok with that, but the stuff I heard was way different than I expected. Pretty much stopped talking to her after that, figured when she left she called up an ex anyway.

>>17964074
It's hard, especially when you see them everyday. The best thing is to find someone else. I was crushing on a girl hard over the past year, thought baout her all the time, how I messed up, why we arent together, she was the first girl who legitimately liked me since highschool.

I went out a lot, met friends of friends, met other girls. Found a new infatuation with more promise than the last one. Almost instantly I forgot about my previous crush. We liek to get stuck on the now sometimes, when you got to realize that now is temporary, and it becomes unhealthy when the now stretches out for too long. If theres no reciprocation, you need to move on, no matter how unrealistic it sounds in the moment.

Girls, would it be creepy if a guy who you've talked to briefly a few times last semester says hi since he noticed you two were in the same class?

Does attractiveness matter for this? I remembered a cute girl from last semester who I think is in one or two of my classes again.

>>17964134
>a guy who you've talked to briefly a few times last semester says hi since he noticed you two were in the same class
in some cultures this is known as an "ice breaker"

>>17964143
Hey man this is adv, don't expect me or other people here not to be socially retarded

Girls: what's the line between being thirsty/creepy and being flirtatious?

I've been invited to go out to bars/clubs a few times by friends male and female. Even though I'm a reserved person and don't get out much, I would like to dance with girls since that's something people do. However, I freeze up at the prospect of asking, since nobody around me seems to, but at the same time I don't want to be a creep, especially to girls that are acquaintances.

>inb4 "depends on how good looking you are"

Realistically, I'm pretty average. Skinny, but not really skinnyfat.

I've fallen for a girl so guarded about her emotions and independence that it's almost tragic. She says she feels we have a really strong, good connection, and, in her own roundabout way, that ideally she wants me in her life.

Recently, for what's effectively the fourth time, she says she really doesn't feel the way she thinks she was 'starting' to feel.

I've stayed pretty constant with who I am, what I see in her, and where I stand on things.

How do I get through to her?

>>17961400
Listen, you don't need advice from anyone here, what you need desperately is to take some time writing your thoughts down:

1. What was it about the new guy you fell for?
2. What kept you in the relationship?
3. Basic pros vs. cons.
4. The important questions: was he fit? Was he a provider? Was he in control of the relationship or were you?
Then make a list, what were your reasons for leaving the new guy?

Now make the same list as above for your ex, then make a list of reasons for going back with your ex.

Think back to when you made these decisions, any specific events that could have swayed you one way or the other?

Now, go over the list, it should become apparent either who to choose or at the very least what happened, I suspect your ex was alpha while the new guy was a beta, if this is the case your choice is simple:
1. How old are you?
2. How long do you plan on waiting to have kids?

If you're still young, and don't have a desire for anything serious and my assumption is correct, then have fun with the alpha (don't sleep around though, if this goes through, the more you sleep with the less likely you'll stay married, your mind will drift off and every fight will have you looking for greener pastures, it's a depressing downward spiral), if you're yearning for something serious go with the beta.

If you're young and far from the age of 30 then you still have time for some fun, spend it with the alpha, if you're reaching your late 20s you should be thinking about kids, I'm 25 and now a dad, life is amazing.

If they're both within the same type of person, then go with the one with the best pro/con ratio, emotions change all the time, love is forever the butterflies just fade because of normalization, people over analyze and misinterpret themselves as well as and just as badly as they misinterpret their lovers.

Personalities can change slightly, people can grow, people can get fit, job status can vary, all that matters is the static traits.

>>17964147
try slapping their ass and negging them I'm pretty sure girls love that

>>17964232
She's probably not going to change much, I hope you recognize that. She'll take a similar approach to a lot of things in her life. Communication will be hard. Sympathy will be hard.
Is that really worth it? You shouldn't go into this with the intention to save her from herself.

>>17961409
Looks matter more than personality, I'm above average and was an unemployed loser, complete asshole, overconfident with witty humor, skinnyfat body, very good fashion sense, with no achievements to speak of nor any skills to show, enjoyed video games and was concerned with myself and my time more than hers, concerned with my problems more than hers, had the libido of a rabbit, and I scored, you're not going to believe this girl exists, high-IQ model girl who focused on her looks as much as her mind, went gymnastics, extremely talented singer, loved theater, could pole dance, wanted to be my housewife, fetish was whatever I wanted, literally told me I could wake her up for blowjobs, played games, and didn't care about material things at all. She is every guy's dream girl and I stole her with decent looks, charm and unearned confidence, while I was in a shitty time of my life and probably one of the worst personalities out there. It's looks combined with confidence, charm, playfulness, and narcissism (action, not words). What's hard is once you realize you have some bad traits and try to be nice you realize being nice is actually counter intuitive to a sustainable relationship.

>>17961427
Though you can stil score girls with no personality at all, my best friend was your average nerd in high school personality wise, or I guess more like /v/ nerd not the average nerd, so almost autistic, but he was very fit, could talk to girls about the most autistic stuff and they'd ignore it all to suck his dick.

>>17961696
I'll be sure to bump it because you're fucking insufferable.

>>17964320
I try to watch the savior complex, it's not something I want to catch myself in.
As for her changing, I'm thinking of it more as getting her to come out of hiding. When we met I was in the same emotional state she was, just as guarded on the same things, but I had sufficient motivation to move past it and stop playing things so close to the vest.

I'm hoping, and it might be a false hope, that I can show her she isn't as vulnerable as she thinks she is.

>>17961815
They say they won't do those things but in reality they're desperately looking for someone to make them do it. Feminists are fighting themselves every day, their public persona is an active attack on their biological reality.

>>17961826
You'll be feeling that for 2 years if she was serious and you're not trying to date, once you find another potential girl, assuming the previous girl wasn't actually unique as few people are really their own people and are more walking variations of different types of girls or guys, then it goes away until you're alone again within the 2 years time. I'm alone right now and the first relationship doesn't even cross my mind anymore, ever. My last relationship is a sad one but unusual, a lot was riding on it and it will have a ripple effect for years to come unless I manage to restart it. Still, I'm here, took me a year to survive the aftermath but it won't take anywhere near that long for you if this was two people breaking up. Depression sucks, I would advise talking to someone you trust or just riding it out, if you don't suffer from depression as in a mental illness of which depression is a byproduct, but depression as in the emotion itself, it won't be long before life regains its color and dynamic, just ride it out.

is it a good idea to get with my younger sisters hot friends they all have been texting me and asking me to hang out. Like I don't want to ruin her friendships really but she knows they want me

>>17961848
By alpha do you mean, he was acting alpha without actually having earned that mindset? (Skinny/skinnyfat, unfashionable, sensitive, emotional, feminine, terrible sex/inactive sex life, basically is he a nerd?) or was he actually alpha, fit and all, and self-destructed to the point of stalker-esque behavior?

Women, how do I compliment you in a subtle way?

Talking to a girl, I thought she was interested, she wasnt. Dont know why, we have chemistry, I feel it, I know she does too. Whatever, we continue to hang, text,but not really interested anymore, slowly cut contact until its been months since weve hung out or talk. Realize it'd be good to still be friends since her friends are single and we all hung out often. Shit.

See her months later randomly, still have the same chemistry. She's happy to see me, impressed with how I look (lost weight) and we begin to flirt as we used to do. She seems way more into it than before, focuses on me all night. Don't know if shes just missed me (even then, she ignored all her friends to talk to me all night) or wants me. We tease each other a lot, compliments are always backhanded (even if theyre true on the front end). Feel like friends, but different because she has a vagina. How do I compliment her in ways that throw her off and start to think of me (if she hasn't already) as a potential romantic partner? We have the history, we have a good time together, but she rejected me before and I'm not about to ask her again. I want it to be a moment that we realize we want each other and just go for it because I think its the only way we'll hook up. Ive always liked how beautiful her eyes are, I just want to look into them all night. Would this be a good go to? I'll just stare into her eyes until she starts gets annoyed (or curious) and asks why im staring. Then I tell her something cheesy like "I don't want to look away" Sounds good in my head, I can say it sort of jokey, but commit hard with my own eyes. I can picture her reaction in my head and its hilarious. I want her to think about me differently than she did before, and if she already does, I want her that to be reinforced without losing our friendship because I did that once and got nothing out of it.

>>17962091
Are you ugly? Are you beta/"nice guy"/feminine/nerdy/autistic? Take some time to yourself and do some introspection.

Are you fit? No? Get fit (no excuses, get starting strength, you don't need to make a super optimized plan before you even know what you're doing)
Are you fashionable? No? Look around you, what does your popular age group wear?
Are you ugly? Figure out what can be done, fat can be lost but other stuff will require minor cosmetic surgery, undercuts will save your face if you have a decent jawline, if your face is a circle while skinny then I'm sorry and have no idea what would help.
Are you good at socializing? No? Start analyzing people around you, age group, what are the topics, how do they talk, how's their body language? etc. by talking to people at bars and parties etc. you'll have no choice but to eventually get good, trial and error, I did this by accident.
Do you understand what girls want? I was a dumbfuck egalitarian when I was with my ex, the only part she liked was when I dropped that and took charge/control, still held it as my belief until this year, if you treat women as men (oh we're in an argument and I can clearly see the problem I'm sure it'll end by me pointing out the logical fallacy and she'll realize I'm objectively in the right) the relationship, if you're in one, will self-destruct, and if you're trying to get into one, it'll be destroyed before taking off. Double standards exist because there are two vastly different sexes, with two separate standards, because we are not even remotely close to being the same. Fairness is bullshit, men have no choice but to be the mountain and women have no choice but to be the waves crashing into it, don't blackpill yourself though, I see so many idiots jump on the MGTOW train acting as if they're better than feminists, they're both terrible. Both hate the opposite sex and escape from the problems instead of surrendering (fem)/leading (MGTOW).

Don't fall for the nice guy meme.

Girls, I asked my female co-worker out a little over a month ago, she said she was working on herself and wasn't looking to be romantically involved, I told her it was fine and continued to befriend her. Now I notice almost every subtle sign that she's into me, starts to smile every time I initiate conversation, catch her staring at me, doesn't give me shitty looks when she catches me staring at her, I could go on but I'm pretty sure she likes me. Last week I thought I'td been long enough since asking her out to just see if we could just "hang out" as friends. I suggest smoking at my place after work. No response for about a day and then she says "yeah sure but can we wait until after my period, I'm miserable and a bitch on my period lol" Does she want to fuck? Is it an excuse? I dont know what to think.

What do you think about a 35 year old man dating a 20 something?
Inappropriate?

>>17962149
You better not dump her after you take her virginity, virgins are rare, if you want a slutty sexual modern woman there are tons, all garbage in comparison. Virgins are the best possible marriage material.

>>17962251
Ask her. That's the most puzzling thing I've heard in my life.

>>17964499
It's a power imbalance, and the success stories are vastly outnumbered by the horror stories. I had a friend who dated a 32 year old at 19. It messed her up. It reinforced her daddy issues, he made here do stuff she didnt want to do, not so far as rape, but really pushed her to do things she wasnt comfortable doing sexually. Used his age and life experience to manipulate her. She was young and impressionable, he used it against her.

>>17964499
Gross. I imagine its similar to dating your dad? Why waste your time with wrinkles, laziness and balding when you can have someone fit as fuck and fun in their twenties?

>>17964523
I know a girl has a thing for old guys. You heard about that movie dirty grandpa? She went to see it only because De Niro was in it and theres a scene where hes naked.

>>17964513
Haha, for me, I think the power would roll to the other side

I'm a virgin.
I focused on my career for too long .

While I think I'd laugh derisively at an 18 year old about just about anything, but for sex, I'd be a beaten boy

>>17964530
A virgin at 35, how do you even meet an 18 year old?

>>17964499
You're at completely different stages in life. Hers is just beginning and yours is settling down. She'll have nothing of material value so you'll have to pay for everything and make all decisions. You won't have a lot in common as the trends, music, movies you grew up with she'll not know existed. Her immaturity will show vastly as you both get comfortable. Like highschool conversations. She'll be just entering the bar star phase so you'll likely be forgotten at home because no one wants to bring the creepy old guy to the club.. if you're okay with competing with guys half your age constantly then thats cool. Its almost cruel to her if you rob her of those mistakes and fun times in her 20s

>>17964543
Music culture
Kids always want to be a part of happening music
I've been here for ages

>>17962385
You gotta be confident and don't be emotional if it doesn't work out, nothing turns a woman off more than a self-deprecating and sad man. Be prepared for her to brush you off for him though, her bf is doing everything right to keep a girl spellbound, he's shown her he has value on the market, he does whatever he wants, he controls the relationship and not her. She enjoys the alpha nature as all girls do, she doesn't want to lose him (and now she has an example of how easy it is for him to go elsewhere, he's displayed he is settling for her and not the other way around), she's viewing it through the good times assuming this relationship lasted awhile, again, you have basically everything working against you, you'll probably have a chance once she moves on from him though sadly like an abused girlfriend it won't be by her choice that she moves on, a piece of advice from an asshole to a nice guy, when you've given a woman all she could want without needing to do anything for it, why would she decide to become exclusive and in turn provide sex? A woman wants comfort and a provider, you are giving her the boyfriend experience without requiring her to fuck you, or do anything for it. I didn't score my ex because I was there for her, I scored her because I acted cool, was extremely social, overconfident, decent looking, and she wanted more. I flew passed thirsty nerds fighting for her attention for months in just two days of knowing her, women don't want another woman as their bf, they want a man. You have to be in control at all times, once you drop a hint that makes it seem you want something that she has, now she has power over you, women are smart, they can read emotions better, and they fight mentally instead of physically. Once they sense they have control, you've lost. Once you play your hand and show you actually need them or want them more than they need or want you, it's over. All you can do is get fit, introspection to refine yourself for the future.

Girls: I'm not sure what details I should include. I have a group of casual friends. I told a girl I'm friends that's within that group that I liked her. She let me down gently. Anyway she was really friendly and pleasant thereafte and then only recently has been antagonistic and sort of adversarial. I want what's best for me, for the group, and for her. What should I do?

>>17964550
You've killed it, man
You make it sound like I'm robbing the cradle and that sounds ugly as fuck

Isn't there any consideration for similar philosophies or world views?

>>17963223
Lose due to you revealing your feelings? I don't know, American women, well, American people depending on the state are pretty selfish and cold people wrapped in feigned warmth, I've never had a friend end anything with me here yet I've seen three best friends split in the US, in the span of a year (friendship lasted 6+ years), but personally I don't think she'd ditch you for that, it might be awkward for awhile until it returns to normal, if it does go wrong then you can enjoy the fruits of surving it so that this doesn't happen to you in the future.

>>17964556
I mean it can happen. Where the love is strong and lasts, but again its usually when they meet later in life. Like a 45 yr old with a 30 yr old. You know what you want at that point. Put your mind back to when you were 20, you know nothing. You dont know who you are, what you want or what you need. You might be all for it but I could see your heart getting broken from her immaturity and insensitiveness about the world in general. Theres always an exception to the rule but its rare

>>17963390
I was a virgin dating a girl (1 previous relationship) 2 weeks after we met, started having sex right about then.

How do I let a girl know I'm interested in her if she has a bf?

I met this girl through mutual friends at a party. She's super cute, a little bit shy, but she has a boyfriend. He's alright, to me and my friends anyway, treats his girl kinda badly. Not like domestic abuse badly, but like make her pay for dates everytime, withholds sex unless he wants it, brags (to us, not to her) about dumping her as soon as he has the chance, etc.

Anyway, weve all hung out a few times and the latest time there seemed to be something there that wasn't. We kind of just started talking and the convo flowed well. It seemed a lot more natural than other times we talked. One point in the night I go inside to grab some more beers and she's sitting there with some of her bfs friends and I go to say hi to everybody and hang out a bit and as I'm about to go back outside she asks me "Anon, how are you so handsome?" I mustve blushed like a motherfucker, I've gotten compliments before but theyre rare (being a guy, whoo) and this one was pretty forward. I eked out something about genetics, trying to make it a joke, she giggled and then all the guys in the room were making jokes like "(boyfriend) bettter watch out, anon is coming for his girl" and we all laughed and I went back outside. At first I took it as a little tease, but then started thinking about the way she said it, almost wistfully, and how close she was to me. And like I mentioned, she's reserved and a bit shy, teasing was not her thing.

I don't know how to proceed, I'm not going to just tell her im interested, I wouldn't even know how, and I don't want her to tell her bf, I dont want my mutual friends to think I'm a shithead trying to fuck up a relationship. I want to keep the interest going, so when this relationship fails I can make my move, how do I go about this> Do I compliment her? Try to be flirty, subtle touching? What can I do?

>>17963395
Guy here, was in the same boat as you except it ended for a whole other reason. You need to present yourself as confident, whenever you decide to talk to her about it, I'd do it in person too by the way, any other method is inferior, we're talking about winning over a girl here, they're emotional not logical, she's not considering which one of you is better she's driven by memories, nostalgia, feelings. You have to win her over the same way, she has to feel good with you, getting over an ex can take anywhere from 3 months to 3 years depending on the length and quality of the relationship. You have to be ready for it not to pan out, you can not give her more power than she gives you. If she's interested in you and she sends you something you can opt to wait her out which will cause her to doubt herself, that's essentially how all arguments should be won as well, playfully and then comforting. Just don't wait too long, though even in my case I may still end up winning her back, if not, oh well. Life goes on, good luck anon.

Guy here: A girl I've been hanging out with and went to a party with recently literally got upset with me for not taking pictures and posting our night on snapchat/facebook. Is she out of her mind or is this a real thing?

I was having a good time, I don't need to show everyone else I was having a good time, frankly I don't give a shit if they know I was having a good time or not. What gives?

>>17964655
Women like her are narcissist who only care about the appearance of something, not whether it means anything. You didn't post you guys together on snapchat, so to the rest of the world it never happened. She cant be seen as outgoing and fun and worthy of attention (using you) if its not on snapchat. She's building a social resume for future suitors to show how great she is. Get what oyu want from her and leave it alone.

>>17964668
>You didn't post you guys together on snapchat, so to the rest of the world it never happened.

Holy shit is this a real thing that people think?

Damn. That's unfortunate, I really like spending time with her.

>>17964673
Yes, she may legitimately enjoy spending time with you, but she cares more about what her friends think of her exploits than you do. Dont expect to change that about her.

>>17964655
Depends, could be because she wanted to remember that night with you. If it was just to show off I'd run before she tries to guilt trip you into becoming a slave to her social media.

Hey /adv/, /r9k/ here and I just had a question about women?

There is this girl that began showing me attention. She would always smile at me and eventually her friends invited me to go drink with them. We began drinking and she got drunk and started to hold my hand all the time or like rub my arm? Later on, we all went to go drink again, (at hooters) and she sat next to me on the way there and back and got mad that I was looking at the waitresses. I think I told a bad joke or something and she got mad so I apologized, and she said that she likes me a lot. After that the group all went to go walk through the city. She kept brushing up against me and it was only us walking while her friends were in the back talking.

I saw her again today, but I figured that I should probably not do anything so I ignored her or just gave one word answers.

In all honesty /adv/ I'm just a robot so I don't know if I am being a creep or am just stupid. I assume both but what should I do next? I was thinking about ignoring her for the rest of the time but I don't know.

>>17963977
Double 7's at that
Praise kek

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Ladies

How old is too old to be living with a roommate?

I'm 24 and I feel my roommate is too immature to bring girlfriends over to my house, im thinking about moving out on my own this coming fall.

>>17964134
Bump cause I'm stupid and can't talk to girls without overthinking every step

>>17964692
If you like her, never take her to Hooters again, if she insists it's a trap. That was a stupid idea imo. You're asking for problems at that point and the drinking doesn't help. Sounds like she's insecure, that's something a stable relationship could fix but that's up to you.

>>17964717
Does she even like me,if so how do I proceed without being a total aspie?

>>17964726
Who knows? Like that anon said it sounds like she's insecure, don't go to Hooters and just let it play out.

>>17964726
Didn't she say she liked you? If she's giving mixed signals you might want to ask her that yourself. Communication is key for making it work.

>>17964749
Yeah she did, but how can I tell if its a genuine like vs she actually likes me in a romantic way? I honestly don't know. I kinda feel like she does, but at the same time I haven't spoken to a women in 2 years so I really don't know.

>tfw handsome but a weirdo loner
How do I fix this?

>>17964763
Overthinking this. It was one date. That's when the "liking" begins, genuine love is acquired through trials and devoted time.

>>17964769
Small steps, keep your confidence high while trying to break out into the world in stress free ways until you realize everyone is that way basically. They just hide it better by accommodating life to their schedules/lifestyle.

>>17964769
get fat for half a year or something and develop a personality to compensate for your physical appearance, and once everything thinks youre cool and funny lose all the weight

it sounds dumb, but I did this and it worked

>>17964788
>>17964788
>Implying you need to be fat in order to have a personality.
Have you seen most of America? They are zombies running on fast food. You sound delusional.

>>17964788
not him but i'm in the exact same boat as the guy you're replying to and i started out as a fat fuck. imo that's the reason why i'm a weirdo loner in the first place

>>17964788
I don't think I could I do that; I feel awful if I go without sunshine and exercise

>>17964805
>You sound delusional.
explain

Bf and I are coming up to one year of being together. I love him, he's hot as fuck, I love sleeping with him and it still feels amazing.

HOWEVER

The process is getting a bit familiar. I'd like to try and spice things up but I cannot think where to start. I don't even know how to suggest it because when I try, it seems like I'm criticising our sex life when I'm really not. I just don't want things to get stale in the future.

Advice from guys or girls would be appreciated :)

>>17964891
"Do you have any fantasies/kinks? Anything you want to try? I'd like to try x"

Don't talk about what you currently do, talk about what you'd like to do.

>>17964896

I don't really have anything that I'd want to share (and also, seem to have lost interest in it recently) and he doesn't have any to my knowledge.

I need to reiterate - sex at the moment is great, very passionate and we fit together wonderfully. I just want to make it a bit more exciting before it becomes overly familiar.

>>17964904
And do what?
If there's nothing that excites you more than what you're doing, what do you want to do?

>>17964913

That's a good question - hence why I'm seeking advice. I suppose experimenting a bit more might open up a few more options, so I'm looking for insight from people who may have done something similar.

woman, what exactly do you consider a 'hardship'? EXCLUDING things like someone fucking dyeing, losing your job, getting sick/injured

>>17964916
But that's stupid.
If you love what you're doing, and there's nothing else you'd want to do... what insight do you want?

>>17964891
You're probably overthinking things a little bit. But:

Take a trip together.
Somewhere new that you guys haven't been before.
While on said trip, introduce something different (doesn't matter what, could be something as tame as just randomly ripping his clothes off and jumping him. Just change up the dynamic) if it works).

If you're feeling things are getting stale and complacent, it's usually MORE than just the sex (the sex is just the most obvious thing--unless you're the type who WAAAAAY overthinks things or has a massive priority on sex anyway).

>>17964232
>I've fallen for a girl so guarded about her emotions and independence that it's almost tragic. She says she feels we have a really strong, good connection, and, in her own roundabout way, that ideally she wants me in her life.
>How do I get through to her?

I'm a dude, but a dude whose been in similar and here's the fucking brutal truth man:

You don't.

If she truly REALLY wanted to be with you, she would move fucking heavens and earth to make it so.

She is the one who has to get over her own shit and is the ONLY ONE who can do it, and only when she feels like it.

Believing otherwise is a gigantic trap. Don't get caught up in her shit. Don't wait around. It will not fix anything and if anything, just condone her current behavior and let her stay complacent with where she is

TL;DR If you were the type of person she would change for, she would have already done it. Move on. Let her do that too.

>>17964047
>What are some reasons that would cause you to ghost a girl after agreeing to a date?

If i was an immature douchehat who couldn't be bothered to say, "Hey, sorry. XYZ happened".

I've been on plenty of bad dates and dates that were pretty suspect, because I agreed to them. I said i'd do it, so I did it, and if I ever changed my mind, I was at least considerate enough to give a heads up. If he ain't got at least that much in him, kind of not worth your time anyway imo.

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> be me
> hooked up w/this girl a couple of years ago, multiple times. good sex
> been talking/texting this past week
> apparently now she has a bf
> pic related

wat going on /adv/? should i be expecting dinner or a movie or is someone about to get cucked?

>>17964952
Wee, depends on the person.
Can be anything from my dad having cancer to not fitting in with my classmates, from my friend's suicide to my best friend moving away. All those things made me sad in different way and changed my life. Depends.

>>17963725
>matched with this girl on Tinder
>Getting ahead of myself when I haven't even met her

As someone who met his girlfriend online
Who lives about 50 miles away
Who has been with her coming up on 2 years
Who is about to move in with her

1.) You haven't even met her yet. Online is a fucking TERRIBLE way to get an impression someone as it almost never translates to real life. The only time you can really be able to accurately get to know someone online, is if you're spending literally thousands of hours with one another (and even then... there can still be disconnect). It's been 2 days... You're getting ahead of yourself.

2.) It can work if you're both willing to travel and be fair about it.

For us, our initial dates were always about halfway between us, which meant we'd both have tor travel about 30 minutes, which wasn't too bad.

After we started getting serious, we'd pretty much alternate spending weekends at one another.

It can work, but there's always compromise.

But you've only known her for 2 days and haven't even met her in person.

Slow your roll.

>>17963473
>Guys, girls, when do you know the relationship is over?

When you're not happy and you no longer have the will to improve that.

>>17963161
>Guys: what's the best, non shitty way to reject a guy asking you out?

Sorry to say, some guys will take it badly no matter what you say or do. It really comes down to what type of person he is.

Bottom line: Getting rejected sucks, period. There is no soft way to do it. Unless you're being a total asshole about it (which it doesn't sound like), it all pretty much hurts the same. But that's on him to deal with.

>Tell them you're gay, always worked for me.
My lesbian best friend will tell you: No. Fucking no. That does not work. In fact, it will make them go harder a lot of times.

Having seen it tons of times, and having experienced this first hand hanging out with her at gay bars (saying i'm straight), kinda agree with her.

>>17964555
P-pls respond

>>17963182
Best type imo

Did I fuck it up?

Asked a girl from my class out, showed her a good evening. Tried kissing her but she did not reciprocate. Asked her out again today, but she could not come. Going to give it one more shot and then drop it. Perhaps I was too fast, as she had never kissed or had a boyfriend before. I really like her too, so it'd be a shame.

Hope I did not mess up.

>>17963381
>>17963867
>>17965141
Innies DO have labia minora, they're just small enough to be tucked away into the labia majora. "OP" is effectively an innie but what she describes is not common at all. That you can only see the inner labia by spreading, that they're very small etc is not the same as them entirely being absent.

>>17965305
Did you get signs from her? (Lingering eye contact, blushing, lots of smiles, fidgeting with stuff, pauses with tension...)

Either way though I'm afraid you did. In rare cases you can have such a connection that after talking for a couple of hours you feel like long lost family, but that doesn't happen in 95-99% of cases. And then you're just a cool guy who took her out one time and then wanted to give her her first ever kiss... probably not really what she had in mind for that. If you try again I would stress that you are willing to work with her expectations as long as she's clear about them.

I'm soon to be 26 years old. I've never had a girlfriend before. But, I think I'm starting to accept that maybe it's for the best that I've never experienced love before. Maybe not knowing it will make things easier for me.

I'm not one of those people who NEED people in their lives. I don't feel miserable being alone. Sad sometimes yeah. But, it doesn't bring me misery.

It's probably best for me to skip the whole love/sex/romance experience right?

>>17965305
When you ask her out again, if she turns you down, ask her, "okay, when are you free next?" If she says she doesn't know, tell her "Alright, just let me know when you do know. My best days are Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday."
The ball is then in her court. It's her responsibility to let you know when she's free, and if she doesn't contact you, she's gone.

>>17964555
Keep being friendly. Pretend not to notice her being a bitch, and just keep being nice. If someone else acknowledges it, you should shrug and say, "I guess she's just having a bad day. I hope she's okay." She'll look like the bad one. Don't get rid of your friends over some girl not knowing how to play nice. This will be good practice on how to keep the peace when someone is antagonizing you.

>>17965385
Yes.

>>17964603
Don't actually confess. That's silly. That puts her in a terribly awkward position. Just subtly flirt with her, question her boyfriend's actions, and tell her how great she is. That's all you can do at this point until they break up.

>>17965385
No. You will get older and people will drift from you, pairing into their own world's with their significant others, dooming you to a life of bitter regret and anger. Sure, you are free to do what you like, but most people that spout that failed to get their spouse into their interests enough to allow for that. Don't give up on love and companionship, anon. You will need it.

>>17964499
I'm 21 and I'm dating a 30 year old man. He's kind of silly and childish and I'm a little more mature than my peers, so we balance out. I see him as my equal.
I don't have interest with the party scene and drinking and whatnot. I tend to like hanging out with people who are older than me, usually around 25+. His friends are 25-30, a handful are younger. We tend to hang out with his friends and family.
We want and do the same things: we go on walks, we watch television, we make art, we play with his dog, we play games, we talk for hours, we sit in the same room on the internet, we have sex. We are on the same page about how we like to spend our free time.

Of course, our difference is less than yours, but it basically comes down to what the both of you want.

>>17964692
Dude. She likes you. A lot. She was flirting with you hard. Ask her out right now.

>I saw her again today, but I figured that I should probably not do anything so I ignored her or just gave one word answers.
WHYYYYY would you do this

>>17964699
It's a reality of millennials. If you can afford to live on your own, sure.
The only people I know who live without roommates either have rich parents or are married with children. All my friends 20-35 live with roommates or with their parents.

>>17965559
I was never going to confess, I say in my post how disastrous that would be. I just want to keep her interest in me for when the inevitable happens. I really want to make her feel good about herself, but idk how to really do that without being cheesy about it "heheh you're a really good person, and pretty, heheh" just sounds retarded.

>>17964960
You should say
"You have a boyfriend?"

Which should prompt her to talk more about this. If she only says "Yes" then you should say, "How does he feel about us talking?"

>>17965614
Yeah, you're right, that does sound weird. You don't need to do these things all the time. When she does something that shows how she's a good person, point it out. Picking up trash, treating someone with tact, whatever. Recognize these things.
When she wears a cute outfit or does her hair differently or whatever, compliment her on those things. Not all the time, maybe maximum once a week.

>>17965625
Yeah this sounds good. She's honestly one of the few girls who I think looks really pretty in dresses, she finds ones that really fit her body well, but idk how to compliment her on it without sounding creepy. She likes to dye parts of her hair (highlights I guess) and she always make it look really natural and I find it quite pretty. I never mention how much I like it. I wish I saw her as often as once a week, I usually only see her when I head over to their house for a party so I need to maximize my opportunities, I think I'm heading over there within the next 3 weeks tho.

>>17965646
You don't really need to comment on her body for it. You can say "you look really pretty in that dress". If you really want to say something about the fit, call the dress "flattering"

>>17965539
Thank you! Good advice

>>17965562

Couldn't I just consume myself into my career, or find other things to occupy my mind?

I mean, I rarely see any friends as it is. All of them are in relationships. My female friends barely talk to me anymore since they got boyfriends too. So, I already spend 96% of my time alone anyways.

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To female anons, to let me preface

>about 1/3rd of you have this tendency to not let arguments end, even after we've admitted you were right and we were wrong
>you keep the argument going for an hour or more after its over
>being extremely antagonistic to someone who is much stronger than you

The only real way to stop this section of your society is to hit them, its just the way it is, not to beat them up or something, but something with an open hand. I don't want your opinion on how I should never hit women even though we're all equal I guess, what I do want your opinion on is this

>If you knew your GFs boyfriend spanked her for fucking with him like that, what would you think?

I was thinking it was a pretty good idea, because if a child can take it a woman certainly can, and theres no way she can prove it wasn't voluntary.

>>17965655
That seems so on the nose, I always worry that people are gonna give me looks if I say something like that to someones else's girl.

>>17965684
That they're two idiots who can't have an argument or a disagreement like adults and deserve each other.

>>17965684
You wouldn't hit your male friends if they did this, you only hit your girl because youre stronger than her and if she retaliated, there's not much damage being done. Youre a coward, sorry. Theres no argument for hitting anybody, much less a women, over a verbal argument. They hit you tho, and you fuck them up right back.

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>cant stop thinking about girl
>thing girl might like me back
>ask girl to study and hang out with me for an hour after classes
>"eh I don't know if I'm available. where are you going to be? i'll go meet you there if i can"
>wait for an hour
>girl doesn't show up
>mfw


What do you make of this? Of course I could be overthinking things and she really couldn't come. But if she asked me the same I would cancel basically anything to go and spend that hour with her. I got the feeling that she was kind of interested in me, maybe I was wrong? What do you think

>>17965340
Sound advice brother, thanks.

What about directly asking her, about her expectations? Just tell her that I like her and want to take her out again, but I feel like that I went a little too fast. And what does she have in mind? I want to get to know her better.

>>17965699
Say it super casually. "That's a nice dress!"
You don't really need to be over the top. Girls don't need you to constantly remind them that you like them in order for you to be considered in the future as a mate. Just be friendly. Don't forget: there's no promise that she'll date you when she does break up.

>>17965728
Does she have your contanct info? If she found it too much of a pain to even tell you she's not coming then it's likely that there's nothing there. Sorry anon.

>>17965728
I'm not going to cancel everything in my life over a crush. I wouldn't get anything done if I did that. She prioritizes things that are actually important over flirting with a boy.
Maybe you should reconsider your priorities too, if you really would drop anything.

>>17965738
We don't have each other's contact, neither of us is really social and outgoing so we barely use our phones. I should have asked her phone number already though, would make things easier. Going to do that tomorrow

>>17965684
I think I said this higher up in the thread, but I like to tease my boyfriend until he spanks me. So that's nice, but I'm a good girl and don't argue so there's no need for actual serious spanking.

>>17965742
That's good to hear. She's absolutely the kind of girl that gives more importance to her own stuff than to flirting and dating in general, now that I think about it. Guess I shouldn't look too much into it. And you're right, I tend to be a little bit obsessive when it comes to crushes and stuff (I make sure it doesn't show though). I can't expect other people to be as clingy as I am.

>>17965723
>You wouldn't hit your male friends if they did this
Yes I fucking would what the fuck?

>Friend talks shit
>Im getting upset
>stop talking shit unless you want to fight faggot
>its over one way or another

Thats literally how it goes, the difference is I give women a less severe punishment because I'm stronger than them

>>17961184
For women

I know everyone is different but is sex after the first date reasonable to expect? Or should it be after 2 or 3. And I mean trying to initiate it, on my part.


Also, I'm taking a girl out to dinner, what are good tips for things to talk about

>>17965713
Sit and spin bitch, sorry I'm not your daddy (or more likely single mom) who lets you get away with fucking everything.

>>17965736
Oh believe me, I'm not entitled to getting with her after breaking up, I know it's common on the internet, especially someone who frequents 4chan, to think that they're entitled to someone else's feelings because they said something nice to them once, I know better thankfully. I'm just someone who's not used to female attention and don't know what to do with it after years of being really unattractive. That's why I'm so cautious and trying to go about this the right way.

I'll just keep it casual as you suggested. I'm pretty outgoing and joke around a lot, so I always struggle when I try to sound sincere, I don't do it enough so I always feel like I'm trying too hard and I feel awkward, you know?

>>17965770
I'd say, at the very least until the third date do not initiate unless you get overt sexual signals from her.

Personally I don't rule out freak situations where you feel like you've known each other your whole life, but no way that I am comfortable fucking 99% of men within a few hours after our first one on one time.
I also never really understood why you would want that. That whole build up towards the first time you have sex together, fantasizing about what their body is like and what noises they'll make, it's like the honeymoon phase within the honeymoon phase and can never be repeated. Just enjoy the ride.

>>17965770
I have no idea for other girls, but for me, no

>>17965763
Ugh I know the struggle, brother. When I crush I crush super hard at the beginning, it takes me a few days to mellow out about it, always try my hardest to play it cool with them until my feelings get under control lol.

Guys, I have zero experience at 24 but I wanna give online dating a shot. How do I get the info across? Do I just flat-out tell them on the first date? Only when they ask? Not at all? I feel like it's kinda important but at my age it's just weird and I don't wanna scare people off.

>>17965798
Nah people who do online dating don't really care, just a picture, basic stuff you like to do, thats it. The rest you learn on the first date.

>>17965776
Ugh I wish the girl I fell for last year was like you. In my situation I was just enjoying getting to know her and imagining myself with her (we fell for each other at a music fest, didn't see her till a month afterwards) and one night we were gonna hang out with some mutual friends and i was excited to see her. She tells me she cant make it, I understood, tell her another time. 4 am that night she texts me drunk saying she needs a place to stay since shes locked out of her place (eyeroll, I know whats going on) so she comes over and lays in my bed, asks me to hurry up and join her. I was majorly uncomfortable (virgin) and I wanted this to be something we built to (if i told my guy friends this i'd instantly be labeled gay) and instead it was kind of thrust onto me. We fooled around, but I deliberately didn't escalate to sex, part of me scared, part of me not wanting it to experience it in such a way. She lost interest soon after and I kept thinking I fucked up, that my way of thinking was outdated, that I was a prude for wanting things differently. spent half a year beating myself up over it.

>>17965801
No man, you were true to how YOU wanted things to go and you were simply incompatible. And I'm not just saying that because I can relate to wanting to take your time.

And try not to be bothered by male machismo about this stuff. I kind of feel like it's the male equivalent of women acting more prissy than they are to keep face. It might seem alpha to be loud about how much you want to fuck and how non-selective you are and what not, but at the end of the day most of these men are just repeating the trope because they would not want to be upfront about their actual personal desires or turn ons and turn offs. And as a woman I sure am glad that there's a lot more to discover about male sexuality than trying to resemble a dildo as closely as possible.

>>17965863
Yeah, I was messed up for a long time. Part of it because I thought I blew my only chance with a girl in years. I kinda retreated for the first half of 2016. Part of it having little money, but most me just feeling bad about myself. I felt like I blew my only chance of happiness, it sounds stupid now, and I'm glad I realized it, I don't like it took me so long to get to that point. Ultimately I'm happy I chose what I chose. It caused me months of agony, but I look on it now and I feel better about that choice everyday. Maybe Im just rationalizing but thats how I feel.

And yeah, youre right about the machismo thing, that's partly why I'm on here talking about stuff instead of with my friends. I don't have that person in my life I can talk about this stuff with. Even though I love my friends, theyre not the most sympathetic people on the planet.

And yes, there are men like me out there, and we're not all closeted shut ins either (even though Im on here talking about it lol) its just that I feel we have to project that image of idgaf and im showing my manliness by trying to get into your pants asap. When people like me don't see women that way, it hardly works out in a real life context because the men like that do get the women and men like me are left wondering whats wrong with us. I just want to meet someone I can connect with this. Maybe my lifestyle and friend group are incompatible with this way of thinking, maybe thats why it's so hard for me to find that person. It seems like women around me dont want that, at least not from me, and I dont know how to change that.

>>17965939
I don't think you have anything to regret. If you froze up or whatever that's one thing. But you respected your own opinion on this. That's commendable, especially when sexuality is already an area where too many people attach way too much value to being "normal". It shows character.

Oh yeah absolutely. It goes both ways. This girl might have offered herself because she was used to guys expecting this, for all you know. Similarly I see stuff thrown around here all the time about how if a woman doesn't fuck you right away she must not like you and yada yada. All just fear and nerves. Different strokes for different people.
I'm afraid I can't really offer a good insight there. I have fallen in love once in my life so in my experience it is just very rare to really connect with someone. I mean, I meet tons of men I find cute or interesting or endearing in some way. But I'm talking about that feeling of mutual respect and understanding, like you're on the same wavelength. I think a lot of people enter perfectly "nice" relationships because they want the experience or don't want to be alone... athough everything you offer as an explanation also makes good sense, so who knows.

>>17961400
If it were me i probably wouldnt even respond to your text.
You're going to have to show him you geniunely feel like he's the one because he'll never trust you again.

>>17966679
how?

>>17965728
If she wanted to be with you, she would be with you anon.
Bottom Line

>>17966684
I know it's not the answer you want to hear, but everyones different, he could want nothing, and he could want something you can't even give him.
The only way to know for sure is to message him, just make sure its what you really want, because the subject probably wont just vanish if he does take you back, and you probably wont be able to hang out with your ex even as friends because he'll be uncomfortable.
There's a reason you cut him off, there's a reason your ex cut you off. I ultimately advise you to wipe the slate clean, because both of those problems will come back.

>>17965773
I appreciate you being so understanding! That's good that you recognize the archetype that I was accounting for, and also see that I wasn't accusing you of being that kind of person.
You being awkward is alright, because its contrast from you being joking will show how sincere you are. Just don't do too much of that when you're in front of the boyfriend.
Good on you, anon! You've got a good head on your shoulders. It's going to be okay.

>>17965770
Is this an internet girl/blind date or are you dating a friend you've known a while?
The former, I'd consider it ridiculous to expect that, unless you've been explicitly talking about hooking up.
It took me about a week or two to sleep with my boyfriend. We had a lot of electricity building up to that. We spent a lot of time together during that time, 12 hours a day for a total of six days together.

>>17966688
Man I really hope it's not as simple as that. I like to think it isn't because she was legitimately busy that afternoon and she atleast bothered to ask me where I would be, which makes me think she could have intentions of going there in case she was free. Not quitting the chase either way ofc