DO IT!

I have felt next to nothing the last 4 days. No hint of happiness or anger, sadness or anything really. I think I'm just on some kind of autopilot, feigning emotion to not seem out of the norm because no one's asked weather I'm feeling okay or not. Thing is I'm not sure if I even care enough to really answer if someone did.

I'm so fucking lonely

Dear RC,

Over the past few weeks I’ve become very familiar with my bedroom ceiling. Sleep doesn’t come as easily as it used to anymore, and I find myself spending more and more time each night trapped in the prison of my own mind. Out of all my demons, the one that torments me the most is retrospect. What could I have done differently? What could I have said? Looking back, there’s not much that I wouldn’t revise if I had the chance. At least it seems I’m over the denial and anger.

You’re a rare type of person. I can count on one hand the number of people I have ever known that I can be genuine around, and at the moment you’re the last. So many people look up to me as their only friend, as their only shoulder to cry on. I have to be strong for them. My few hours of sleep are often haunted by the memory of a night backstage last year: the lights were off, and there was no sound other than the ruthless sobbing of a broken girl doubled over in my lap. Her friends had all been estranged by the words of a vengeful ex, whom you know very well, and I was the last source of comfort she had. That kind of strength only goes so far. The mask of the friendly clown who can always crack a joke has to come off at some point.

It hurts me to watch you beat yourself up over things that aren’t always your fault. You act as if I’m oblivious to the skeletons in your closet, but I’m not as dumb as I look. Yeah, you have your flaws. If I thought this relationship would be easy and free from complication, I wouldn’t have pursued it in the first place. You told me that breaking up would be the best thing for my mental health. Do you think I want someone who is happy all the time? There’s a word for people who live on this planet in bliss and happiness: delusional. If such a person truly exists, I certainly don’t want anything to do with them.

>>17954981

I’m not free of my own problems; I just do a better job of hiding them. I feel like I have to, for the sake of my friends, the theatre kids and my teachers. I wish we could have worked out, because past your surface imperfections, you’re a beautiful and talented person. Maybe another time, another place, but I guess life goes on. Thanks for putting up with me while it lasted. I promise, I’ll be perfect someday.

Best wishes,
DB

I know there's no way my girlfriend is pregnant. We've always had safe sex, this medicine she's on does delay her period, and there has never been an instance of a broken condom or any sort of sperm in her. I just don't know why I'm so paranoid right now. I hate it.

>>17954981
>Out of all my demons, the one that torments me the most is retrospect

right in the feels

I just don't know hot to keep going anymore. I thought I had everything under control but this thing in my head just keeps proving me wrong. Nothing that used to help me get back up is working. I just don't know what to do and this fucking thread is the only place I can get it out of my chest because I'm a friendless piece of shit witch no caring relatives and the loneliness is finally winning. I just don't fucking know anymore.

>>17954959
So, I'm the bad guy now? That's how it is?

Dealing with your shit hasn't been easy. Years of hard work and patience, because you needed it, because it was ok if it fucked me up a little, I could fix myself afterwards. You had more pressing needs and you had nowhere to turn to. It had to be this way.

I did what I could with the tools I had. I did all I fucking could. But now it turns out this shit is on me? That gives you a free pass to treat me like a piece of garbage because you don't agree with my advice and now you decide to blame everything that's wrong with your life on me?

Now that I think about it, this is not new. No, Im not clear about when it happened, but somewhere along the way I became your personal punching bag. You're used to blowing steam with me after all, so it's no wonder that we have come to this.

Someone was a cunt to you at work? Sure, unload all your negativity on me. You don't like how the world works? Sure, hold me accountable for the things you don't like and try to squeze answers out of me. Any other minor thing that might have ruined you day? Sure, I can take care of that.

And I tought I could keep on taking it, but turns out I'm not made of stone. Im not made of stone after all adn your not pulling you punches. After all I ruined you life, right?

After all it seems people are the only ones that can save themselves. This was a mistake after all.

>>17954990
I feel you. Hang in there

I have deep immense hatred that may or may not lead to the death of one person.
I am controlling myself very well, but deep down, my hatred is slowly conquering my reasoning and ability to do things.

Sure, I'm speeding up on working my job, and I'm actually talking and even having fun with my coworkers for once, but deep down, this pit of growling anger wants to kill this one target and make sure it never exists again.

The worst part is that I live with this target and it takes my money all the time while treating me like shit. Even as I save, my mind wants this person dead, but my body denies my request.

I think my girlfriend is slowly loving me less and less. At first, I thought it was because I was a shitty person (which I was, and have since worked to change) but over time, I think it's just...me. I don't know if I have the traits she looks for in a man.

>Get the feels off your chest.

Will do.

I want to be a doctor. You want to be a doctor. You've got your shit together, and you're really gunning for it. I'm proud of you, but fuck - I am so attracted to you and interested in you, and it hurts like hell that you don't reciprocate that. Yet, I know it benefits us. It should benefit me. I don't have any time for distractions. We've got a long road ahead of us, and we got to stick to it if we want to succeed. I just wish I didn't like you so goddamn much.

I know I'm told I'm doing fine for my age. I know I'm told I'll make it and be well off. I know I'm told I'm a great guy and that I am loved.

But wouldn't you all be better and happier off if I were someone else? I'm from a family of losers and morons. I'm Dio, including the childhood of stealing from my friends until I learned to stop being such a useless cunt. I'm already burnt up and good for nothing. Why can't you just admit you'd be happier if I were replaced?

I'll never know how it feels like to be seduced instead of the other way around. Romance just doesn't exist for me and I'm tired of trying too hard just to be stung along.

I'm literally so fucking obsessed with this stupid post on facebook in my community in my city that's filled and run by people who I used to see all the damn time until I decided to stay with my husband and got pregnant and keep the baby. It's run by a bunch of white knight faggots who DJ shit garbage industrial goth and infested with white feminist bitches who are so desperate for attention that they'll post things about "me and my friends are being harrassed by this guy be careful durrrr" and the guys will go "wow we need to get together a mediation group and gve the ol chap a right proper talking to sorry you're experiencing this" and the OP will go "i'm already taking care of it thru court durrrr" and I offered the solution of getting a group of women together to intimidate the fuck out of this guy that's known for being a little shit and the girl posts "noooo i don't advocate violence" and then sends me a message saying "i lyk totally agree with you one hundred percent i just don't want to get sued lololol but he really needs to get busted" like bitch. how about i swing at your head for being such a deceitful cunty attention-whore. don't get the community involved if you don't want the community to help. and i can't let it go it's so damn frustrating i just want to post what she sent me because fuck you bitch. we're not here to validate you.

I hate being short

I don't think people above 5'10" have the right to complain, at all

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My job is fucking shit, they literally don't even pay me, they forget to figure me into tipshare and fuck up my paychecks, but i need proof of employment for probation reasons. I just got another job working at school, and I feel like I'm going to actually be respected here, but it still isn't enough to pay the bills. Both of these jobs together are gonna barely be enough to scrape by.

I worked at a factory for a year and a half up until school started last semester, and I never thought i'd say it but boy, do I miss that life. 3rd shift, 6 days a week sucked balls but I basically could afford whatever I needed and wanted and save money at the same time, people minded their own business (with a few exceptions) and respected me.

My grandpa died last year, he was an old man, it was a few days before his 92nd birthday. I miss him every day and don't talk about it or tell people really. I went to his house multiple times a week, more than most people in my family. I'll never forget him. Today I took my grandma out for lunch, they were married for 60 years, all shes talked about since than is how depressed she is.

I miss being a kid and being worryfree, I miss not being in debt, i miss the innocence of highschool and being in love when youre a kid and it being real and no games, I miss the times before I destroyed my life with drugs and alcohol, before friends committed suicide. Before the internet exploded, before everything was so polarized and everyone had an opinion.

But i'm headed in a good direction, and i have good days. Today I beat 3 neckbeards and my roommate in a game of risk: godstorm. We've been playing that game for 10 years and i've never won, and I was playing against geeks who are really skilled. And I got that 2nd job at school today.

I've been thinking about getting in shape (i've been skinny as shit my entire life) and career paths and my future, and I have good days like today

But i'll never get that innocence back of what life used to be.

I'm bored.

i woke up to a disgusting dream in a sort of 3D animated realistic setting about a young trap getting fucked.. felt disgusted when i woke up.. i don't even like traps..wtf. I feel like it was a punishment for watching porn and fapping a lot more recently.. and i wanna stop, but I'm having a hard time. I fap to pretty regular porn, guy girl etc. Tired of my poor choices.. need self control.

I know I should just be happy and not think about this. But the fact that my ex cheated on me and never even took responsibility (he always found some way to blame me) bothers me so much. He gets to be all happy whIle I still get painful flashbacks and have trust issues. He didn't tell his friends he's a cheater, so there's no consequences for him anywhere. I can't tell anyone he blackmailed me because I don't want them knowing what he blackmailed me with. I keep wishing he would suffer somehow! At the same time I want to be a good person and those thoughts make me feel guilty :/

>>17954959
she will reject me

>>17955788
Just let him, and that past go. You can't move ahead in peace, holding on to scorn. You will find better people.

Well, I'm in a circle of self-loathing. I feel lonely yet I have a mostly loving family. I'm a virgin who's almost twenty and it makes me feel less human.

I guess I'm slowly falling in love with one of my friend's girlfriend, which hurts me even more because it makes me feel like an asshole for having such feelings.

My usual company keeps me as a personal butler and yet I have no balls to just quit going there. Every day I feel more and more like somebody's bitch.

I don't feel suicidal or anything. The only comfort I get is when I am alone, yet I soon get bored because of a shitty PC which can't run newer games and once again I end up in a company which has zero respect for me. In the eyes of my father I'm probably a spineless slug.

Tl;dr I hate myself because I've become a worthless, spineless bitch and I don't know how to climb out of this pit of self hatred.

ima fuck you in the ass

I don't even want to date you anymore. I just want answers. Is that so hard? And I hate that you say you care about me and act like it's the opposite. Just what goes through your head? Can't you be honest for once? Your words never match your actions. I don't think you realize how much that hurts people. Or does it only hurt me? Hm.

>>17954959
I have a crush on a coworker, so it's not like I can just quit to distance myself from her. I tried talking with her for a bit but it looked like I made her so uncomfortable that I felt like utter shit and have been avoiding her as best as I can since.

This fucking sucks

Depression never goes away eventually it transforms into suffering. My life has been lonely, ever since I was 8 I've been on my own. My parents, family and friends all abandoned me at one point. I don't really speak to anyone, and they don't speak to me. I don't consider myself to be human, but a husk of something that used to be. I've never had a girlfriend, and probably never will, which is fine. I'm a good person, and help others selfishly. Being alone for as long as I have, teaches you that everyone has an ulterior motive and are inherently selfish. I use any drug I can to achieve momentary happiness, I can't even remember what a hug feels like. Eventually, I will die from my drug usage, and my funeral will be void of others. I've never known what love is, only abandonment and being used. I pray each night, hoping that God takes me in my sleep, but he doesn't.

Why was I born? Why am I so unlucky? Why do I hear voices in my head and see the hallucinations? How come I don't have a loving family? Why don't I have friends, real friends, not ones that just tell you to kill yourself and that your a useless piece of garbage? Why did she betray me like that? Why do I get the shitty life? Why don't I walk to the railroad tracks and just wait for the train to end my pain? Why am I too much of a coward to end it all, yet, yearn so desperately for some kind of release from the claws of this twisted world? Why does everyone else around me get to have a happy, peaceful life? Where is my peaceful life? When will the pain stop? Will I ever get better?

Why me god dammit...

>>17956099
Every concern and issue you have mentioned answers the last question.

It will, yes it will get better.

I have experienced a couple of things you have mentioned, but you've experience far many and maybe far worse. That really does seem like the lowest point in life. However, the sad truth is, you cannot go lower than rock bottom.

If you've hit your lowest, there's no other way but upwards. It can only get better. With all the troubles you have endured so far, with bravery to keep living (and that's certainly not cowardice - death isn't any scarier than life. Especually with what you've gone through, you're still alive) you should use the experience to step up. I don't know how, but I surely don't think god (or whatever you think is out there) will trouble you more. If he does, tell him to bring it, you've endured anon. I'm rooting for you.

Nobody else would've endured that without taking the easy way out. You did it because it's You and that person is strong. Stay safe anon

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SbSXSjbVBHg

This song is literally my life right now.

I hate that i cannot even tell you how empty and miserable i am without the man i thought you were. I still have a dream every few nights i miss your soft voice and canadian accent. You chose to lash out at me with your guilt. I would have understood if you had been upfront. I would have ended it either way but id still have respect for you B.
Why did you ruin everything?

You see, the thing that get's me more relaxed and to not worry about what other's are attempting to do or have done to me is that...

Everyone will get their's in the end and it's not my job to be the one to do it. I do me, ya'll do you. Not going to say it's going to be easy but... clearly, I'm trying. I have been for so long and despite all the hurt on me here I am. So, I got that at least I guess. I'm still super fucking depressed, lacking all motivation and joy but I'm not dead yet. I can still feel love in my heart.

I love you my little baby. Forever, no matter what.

Why did I pretend that I didn't care for all of 2016? I don't know. But now here I am, just not knowing. Why do I care? I don't know. But I do know that I need to mature next.

The internet's become so damn boring. When I come home after working now, I just go on it for an hour before nodding off to sleep listening to music. I'm a zombie. The more I try to adjust to other people, the more alone I feel. I used to feel like them, and for some reason now I can't.

So ive been with my gf for over 6 months (keep in mind we are still younger).And I am madly in love with her , like its crazy. I am dedicating my life to her. But one topic that comes up is sex. She says she probably never wants to have and calls it gross. I can tell she doesnt like talking about it. My pov is that i think its normal to have sex etc. Ill admit im a virgin still. And i want to try it of course. Will she change her mind eventually ? im sure that she never wants to do it,it could be the reason she is young and is scared for example. She said also that its her body and she doesnt want for anyone to take it from her.
What do you guys think ?

does it ever stop getting less cool and acceptable to "be sooo crazy fucked up xDdd"? people can be really mean when they're drunk

i managed to befriend a qt off the internet and have known her for a while
we skype almost everyday and she's unaware that i tug my dick to screenshots of her face at least 3 times a day.

I feel like dying. I want to let go of my body and wander for all eternity. I feel like I don't belong with anyone or anywhere for that matter.

I want to stop all this sadness and feelings of anguish and anxiety. I want to go to the edge of Universe....

fuck I feel like I'm losing it again. I want you give up.

it hurts you lie about T even though you're apparently over her

part of me isn't sure about our date anymore

I want to crawl in a hole and die a little

You are the best person in the world for me. And I'm going to fuck alot of women before we meet so my dick doesn't get stage fright when I'm finally with you. So you don't think I'm a fucking loser that can't get it up.

>>17956443
>people can be really mean when they're drunk
Its just never ok really or cool or acceptable.

Having a depressive episode. This sucks.

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>>17956439
Is she a christian? Do you understand her reasoning behind it? Has she been abused in the past?

It sounds like she's either too young or very naive.

What's the most sexual thing you've ever done with her and how did she react?

>>17956530
she is yes, not extremly religious tho. She says its her body and doesnt want anyone to take it from her. and she thinks its gross.well we are young. And i probably shouldnt be worrying at this point. We have kiss , like toungue and thats about it, we are quiet new to this. We havent even like layed down together

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I'm really really lonely. I've had intense social anxiety since age 12 and now I'm 19 I'm already tired of life due to how emotionally draining it is. I should have had a childhood, I should be living my life right now, I'm so young. I don't have any friends. I've changed schools too often for that.

I just started a new job which is in a very small company with open space plan, all men so I can't confide in a fellow girl about stuff, guess that's what I get for working in technology. With being an introvert with bad social anxiety, sitting with 10 other people for 9 hours without a break is very draining. I go home and cry every day. I travel a lot so have no time for any relaxation or activities, besides a quick gym session. Everyone drinks there and I don't so I'm always the weird one too.

Due to my anxiety and busy life I haven't been able to find a bf my whole fucking life. I know people say having a partner won't necessarily make you happy, but, I'm lonely. There's nothing more that I want than a happy relationship, to make someone else happy and to have that one person. Yet I always screw shit up when I like someone because of my anxiety.

I'm only young yet I want to kill myself. It makes me so sad that I have ~60 years of this shit left. It scares me that I wouldn't care if I died in my sleep.

/rant

>>17954959
I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I'm a broken person and a real relationship with reciprocated feelings is out of the question for me. I've changed so much in the past two years. I've lost almost 200 pounds (I'm actually attractive now, I'd say a floppy 7, dont make the women gush, but women aren't repulsed either), I'm slowly climbing out of my depression, I'm more social and day to day interactions with people go smoothly for me. I've never been socially inept, actually quite the opposite, I'm pretty funny and people SEEM to want to be around me, but I don't feel comfortable around people I don't know. That hasn't changed much but im more comfortable with feeling uncomfortable now.

Anyway, growing up a fatass (obese all the way from highschool through college) I never really tried with women, I was disgusted by my body so in my mind women were too. I never had faith in my other qualities so it was a crapshoot. With my changes, this mindset has also changed, but the results have been the same. I think I simply dont work, whatever it is that makes a women attracted to a guy, I don't have. My looks aren't enough, something is off and I cant see it. My charm isn't enough, people laugh at my jokes, but I'm clown funny, not attractive funny. Whatever I say, it's not interesting enough, no one wants to get to know me on an intimate level. I can talk philosophy, sports, the weather, science, politics, tv, movies, but no one wants to stick around and say "hmm, i wonder what he thinks about this, I'm interested in what he has to say". Part of me, a small part, a hopeful part, thinks that I just havent met that woman yet (and I admit, I do need more female interaction) and our paths havent crossed yet. Most of me thinks there is no person for me, because I'm not a person myself. I don't know how to come to terms with this, that all my changes have been for nothing. I don't know if I ever will.

>>17956541
Just enjoy what you two have. Until you're 17 or so, in my case, sex really isn't important. While her opinion isn't entirely mature, respecting it will show a lot of trust between you two. Good luck.

I'm just really tired of seeing you drunk daddy...

>>17956562
thank you anon , good luck to you too

>>17956545
First, congratulations on losing 200lbs, that's a big accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself man. You've demonstrated that you have gained self-control, discipline and willpower. That is proof enough that you are NOT broken, that you've managed to pick up the pieces and fix yourself. Your changes are not for nothing, because you've proved to yourself that you CAN do it. You can improve, and you did.

Don't become a self-fulfilling prophecy by poisoning yourself with these negative thoughts. Your lack of self-esteem is a leech that is left over from your past, don't feed it any more blood.

In this short life, you will never stop improving. You will never stop learning, exploring, and achieving. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Accept, learn, and move forward. Do not allow the company of others to define your value.

I suffer from heavy dysphoria about my body.
I know myself incredibly well, I know who I am on the inside, however, how do I cope with the ugly shell I was given through the genetic lottery?

I know who and what I am, but how do I ignore what I was born with?

Recently all of the people that I felt close to have been very hard to get in contact and make plans with. I'm lucky to get one text back a day after hitting up two or three people. Sometimes they apologize and say that they were doing something or that they "forgot to hit send" but I'm pretty sure they just don't want to deal with me. If something has changed to make my company so undesirable over the last few months I have no idea what it is.

Due to my fears and insecurities and problems about sex I lost a chance to be with the person I love. This person even gave me two chances, but I fucked it up.

Will there ever be another chance for me?

I really loved that person and wanted nothing more than to be with them. Everything was going how it was supposed to. I would have been so happy. But my fear -- my fear fucked it up. Even now, although that all happened a long time ago, I get still so emotional thinking about it, I can cry, I can feel sick. I lost them because of that. It's not fair.

If only they had listened to me . . .

It's been many months, and there hasn't been another chance yet.

There hasn't been another chance with that person, and in general there hasn't been another chance to have sex with someone I trust and work through my fears. Will there ever be another chance? I don't want to be scared all my life. I don't want to be trapped in a cage anymore.

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>>17954959
The first girl [spoiler]and only[/spoiler] to tell me she loved me accused me of at first raping her,than backtracked to taking advantage of her when she was drunk [spoiler]Which is seen as the exact same thing in this day[/spoiler]

Really fucked me up more than I thought at first. Apart from the instant people jumping to her side and that im a monster essentially isolating me from most acquaintances.

I am lucky though.My friends stood by me and even defended me against her claims and They didnt even question me was it true or not. They just knew me.

Eventually things escalated to the point where pressing charges was mentioned and I was looking at a hefty prison sentence and being thrown out of college and disowned till one of her friends actually gave me a recording of a call between themselves.

Essentially she admitted that it all got out of hand and she was just trying to save face at first of sleeping with a guy like me....

Everything just got swept under the rug and that was that. No apology or nothing for a nearly successful attempt at just driving me to kill myself in shame.

I used to be very open and friendly towards women. Not as open with male friends but still quite there emotionally.

Now for the most part I look at them and just feel rage and fear. Its been years and thats still all I can muster.Sometimes talking with a girl I feel a bit of hope but jesus the fear is unignorable.

Even taking a girl home after a few drinks fills me with complete dread to the point that quite often I cant get it up.

Shit sucks. Just cant seem to move on.

>>17956586
I believe anyone can get to at least a 7/10 if they work out and learn to dress and style correctly. If you don't lift weights already start. Go to /fit/. Become healthy and attractive.

Also, anon, you may not be the best looking person in the world, but you have a functioning body. So many people don't even have that.

I also see unattractive people with partners (even with partners who are miles more attractive than them) so it's not like eventually you won't find someone.

My housemates are talking shit about me downstairs and I don't handle stress/anxiety well.

Guess it's time for another xannie blackout.

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I don't know why I came back here.

>>17956564
You should try talking to an addiction counselor and give them his number, they might be able to help you express your concern and convince him to try out a session

>>17954959

Huh, Im a 21 year old virgin that has never even been on a date with anyone or kissed anyone, met a girl from work where we dated for a while for like 2 months, we got along great we were always telling jokes and we'd just talk for hours, we made out a bunch,watvhed movies together, hell even went on a walk on the beach, had soo much fun. After which I asked if she wanted to be in a relationship or not and she said no. I understand, cause I wasn't really that good looking and she was really cute, she knew she could do better she just needed someone to forget about her ex. Anyways she told me she was seeing other people and was probably fucking them too. I couldn't handle it, cause deep down I knew it wouldn't work out and if I continued I'd become attached and just get hurt. We tried to be friends afterwards because we got along so well, but I still couldn't we kept on hooking up (not literally just like making out again, still dont have the courage to have sex with her). So finally one day she told me to come over just like before and I told her I didn't want to be friends anymore either I can't im getting hurt. This was december last year and since then I think about her every single moment my mind wanders, I wake and think about her, I go to sleep I think about her, I dream about her, I get flashbacks when I see anything remotely related to her. I cry a lot because for once in my life I was really happy like actually happy and now it was gone. I haven't let this get in the way of my work or studies, but literally literally she's all I can think about I just care about her so much. I just can't I am just too depressed and have too much anxiety

How to NOT help someone..

1. Never listen to them.

>>17956443
Just ditch those people, sounds like youre friends are immature, after I ditched those people I grew up and my life got way better.

my life is alright desu

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On one end I have to congratulate you, but on the other, you're actually making it work with the only girl I've had any interest in at this entire fucking hick small town university. So congrats dude, I know you've been wanting a relationship like that for a while, much like I have, and I know you've dealt with angst, insecurity, and frustration much like I have throughout our teen years and young adult years. I just wanna move back to the cities. This just makes me ache knowing I have to continue living in country retard land for another year and a half, and having almost no girl to make a connection with, because you just nabbed the only one I was starting to make a connection with. I kept telling myself not to get intimate because I didn't want to fuck up any friendships I had in this social circle; you guys are the only people I can stand here, but man I'd be lying to say I don't regret making a move now. But hey, you've known her longer, and better, so overall I'm happy for you dude, but I can't say that I'm not totally jealous either.

I just hope I can find someone else that is worth making a connection with here.

Nice. Thanks for the cold shoulder.

>>17954978
This. I have friends, I have good work colleagues I can chat with and go for a drink.

But it's nothing compared to the feeling of having a woman to hold and share a life with. And I feel so so far away from that right now. I have given up chasing women, just hoping that my self-improvement might get one interested in me.

I'm going to stop being buddy-buddy with this girl and get on with my life.

>>17956670
He knows perfectly well how I feel about it and we've tried counselors before. The thing is he is a high functioning alcoholic. He only drinks when he does not have work the following morning, so generally weekends and red days are the hellish days.
I can hear him drinking, sobbing and talking to himself from 2 PM to 5 AM. It's sad and pathetic. I think he does it because he feel really lonely. His mother was mentally ill and abusive, his siblings froze him out as his family was Jehovas and when he met my mom he decided to leave the community. His father didn't care much for Jehovas, so they were close but he beats himself up because on his father's deathbed he wasn't there despite that his father had begged him to stay that particular day. But now he is ruining this family as well instead of seeing the beauty of having a child and a family of his own... My mom used to take me to grandma's house on the weekends until I was 9. Then she didn't bother anymore with covering it up.

I've lost over 10kg since you left me. I'm finally more than normal weight after all those years of being either horribly obese or just overweight. My new boyfriend gave me the prettiest necklace that I wear everyday. He's such a dear overall, I want to marry him some day and have children with him.

I hope you're happy too, anon. All the best.

I know I'm yours and you're mine it's just... I still don't know what started this all and that causes me a great deal of stress. To think... how long has this gone on? Why the gaslighting? Why the hurt? All the things I thought private, revealed unknowingly... and the things I have of you? With you? Did you know? How bad is it?

Those are the things that cause me to freak the fuck out and trigger my scattered mind.

>>17956761
Go fuck yourself

G, you hurt me more than you'll ever know.

D

I went to this japanese festival to distract myself and it brought back so many bad memories. Oops.

>>17956725
please... Your intentions were selfish.

Am I naive for "fixing" something for free ? Aunt brought over a friends laptop that wasn't booting properly just ran startup repairs and it was fixed within a minute. Didn't want to make them pay for it because it wasn't really worth 20$ they wanted to pay me. My dad got really pissed and try calling me a pushover and said I need to stop being easy on people. Tried explaining to him how I would feel sleazy if I took the money but he wasn't havin it. Kinda feel bad/confused now

>>17956888
Keep telling yourself that. All I want is to love and to be loved. You hurt me more than you will ever understand.

>>17956493
Dumb. She wont want you if you bang a lot of women.

>>17956038
I have a crush on a male coworker. I am awkward to talk to but he is also younger than me so I feel weird about it. I doubt you made her feel uncomfortable.

>>17956896
totally not the J Bear btw...

You'll know it's him if he's all "Nothing but heart. Won't wish nothing other than love and to love his baby."

for sho

I am really glad that you and I have started talking again but when I found out that you were back with her after two weeks, it made me extremely sad. You are my best friend and you deserve better. I fully understand that it will not be me but things don't change that quickly if you had only been with her for two months, broke up and then she seemed to casually forget that she dumped you. She is mental - and a cunt at that.

I'm sorry but I can't help to go back old habits. I'll be here whenever you need me but you have a gf and I have to respect that

i feel like giving up. Ive become so depressed I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this. I feel like no matter how hard I try nothing ever gets better. I grew up with a very abusive father and a nut case mom. i was molested from age 6 to 8 by a guy who used to babysit me. my dad used to beats and my mom. I was raped when I was 13 because I was a stupid little girl that thought getting drunk around older guys was cool. i moved out of my parents house at 16 moved in with an abusive boyfriend who hit me even more then my dad did. started using hard drugs dropped out of school. I finally thought things were getting better when a few years later I finally got the courage to break up with the guy who was treating me like shit. got my GED moved to a new state, got a job there, found a new guy who doesn't hit me. i was wrong tho. I work all the time support the new bf and his kid. after a nother two years we get married and I get pregnant but he tells me he doesn't want more kids. forces me to get an abortion. it's the worst thing I've ever done I have a hard time living with myself because of that. fast forward another two years. we moved again, I'm still supporting him and his kid and he's in school now. I get pregnant again but refuse to terminate. ive always wanted to be a mom. my baby is the only good thing in my life, the only thing I live for. I love her more then anything else in the world. my husband doesn't work or help around the house, or with the kids. he games all the time and is so uninvited. I feel like he hates me. I don't blame him I hate myself. guess I should not expect him to help with a child he didn't want but idk how to keep going like this. I'm so unhappy and broken, I really think if it wasnt for the kids needing me it be best if I just killed myself.

>>17956892
Next time if someone offers food or money-even if its a little say yes! You're not being a pushover you're being a really good person, still next time ask for a little bit of money even if it's 5 or 10 dollars, you can save it up.

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You really get a sense of what your position in society is when you see someone going through the same thing as you be told by multiple people to feel better or things will get better so cheer up and you're told to put up with it and other people have it worse. Or when something good happens and someone else is told "I'm happy for you" or "I'm rooting for you!" and you're told "Wow, lucky you." or "How come this doesn't happen to me?"

So I can't be sad or mad because it's selfish for me not to think of the ones who have it worse and I can't be happy because other people deserve to be happier than me.

I will forever miss you, i'm sorry i was a pussy and choose her over you. I'm sorry, I will never forgive my self.

I recognize the thought distortions that have been pointed out to me and I intentionally choose to change them to healthier ones.
I am not unintelligent.
I choose to get out of bed each day- even when I feel deep hurt and sadness and immense pain- and intentionally look for the positive around me and within me.
I am not negative.
I have learned to recognize what I need to change in my thinking and how to be intentional with looking for the positive around me and within me.
I am not irrational.
I know and admit my flaws, struggles, and pain.
I do not project them onto others.
I know who I am and I celebrate it. I have major depressive disorder, most likely recurrent, and I own it by managing it, sharing it with others, and being the real me so that It doesn't own me.
I'm not defined by my depression.
And you?

JL

>>17956938
I really wish I had someone to talk to. I wish someone cared about me

>>17956938
He's a dog, go find someone better before it's too late.

>>17957006
but what about my kids?

>>17957009
Take em' with you if he can't support them. You keep your baby girl if his choose to be with him.

>>17957023
i can't take my step daughter if we device tho, I have no rights to her even tho iv been the only mother she's ever really known. she was 5 months old when I started taking care of her and she's 8years old now. I don't know what she's do without me here for her.

>>17956574
Thank you. My weight loss has been my greatest accomplishment, and I absolutely take pride in it. I've become more confident since losing the weight and I try my hardest to show it because I know it's attractive. I'm stuck in a weird limbo where I have to make sure I acknowledge I made a huge life change that not a lot people can do, and at the same time I can't rest on my laurels, knowing I'm not where I want to be in life and there's more than just being fit.

I hear this phrase a lot "don't rely on other people for your own happiness" and I get it, I really do. I was happy for 21 years with basically no physical or emotional intimacy until my depression hit and I realized I was lying to myself that it was ok, but how am I supposed to feel when I've NEVER experienced romance, or love before? Yes, I've had experiences, I've fooled around with women, but never more, and its always fleeting, no one has stuck around or has wanted to take it further with me. I'm missing out on a basic aspect of the human experience. My physical and emotional needs aren't being met, and it's draining me, taking a toll on my mental health. I feel like the time for being "bad" at things like kissing, or dating, or being inexperienced in general has passed, that time is highschool and college, not a 27 year old man. I want to be normal, yes I can fit it, but it's fake, it never has felt real, and right when I start to feel "in" I get reminders every once in a while that I'm still on the outside. I just want someone to tell me "do this, this and this, then you will find that someone" like when I was told what to eat and what not to eat to lose weight, what books to read in college, what homework that needed to be done in highschool.

I will NEVER EVER find someone I love as much and it's killing me.

>>17956951
You should be happy with what you've achieved. Some people who have it worse brought it on to themselves 100%.

If you were at the store about a couple of weeks ago and ran into a middle aged woman that told you how to make a pesto pizza after you asked
That was my mom
your welcome

I feel terrible for this but I just love it when my friends are having a tough time. My closest friends sees me as someone the can call if things go bad and I just feel appreciated. It feels as if I actually matter and I feel happy when a friend is crying over the phone.

I feel terrible about it, what right do I have to be happy on their expense?

I miss you my baby. I love you. I hope you are happy and safe <3

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Is it snowing there, sweets? Are you cold? Use my blankets and pillows, and stay warm! I [omit] you. Don't forget my hoodie is there if you need it

I watched those old porn videos again.
Why did I do this? Am I trying to forget that badly? I think I just traumatized and confused myself further.

>>17956938
this is me

well I guess this is super pathetic but I just really really need someone to talk to. if anyone reads this and wouldn't mind talking to me
kittenm777 at Gmail.

A year ago, I felt like I should have been recognized because I called for firefighters to put a fire out. I feel like an asshole because I thought such things.

>>17954959
My cat died today,because he was really sick
At first i thought it wasn't a big deal, he was just skinny
But he died,sorry Catbro, if we ever meet again, please make sure to kick my ass

>>17957031

Maybe she can be with you, if she says she wants to stay in your custody and you prove that her father wouldn't be fit to keep her? I'm sorry, I don't know how to help, but I really think you need to do

>>17957195
What about them is hurting you? Like... are you confused for simply recording them or something worse?

Sexuality is extremely centered around self worth. That shit can just... get really off center if you aren't careful.

>>17957221

*but I really think you need to do whatever it takes to find happiness.

Sorry, my sentence got cut off.

>>17957221
ive never heard of a court granting custody to a step parent if there are biological family members involved. also my husband's parents have money, they would get a good lawyer and I'd never have a chance. I'm afraid they would get him to take away my baby to if we divorced. like my step daughters bio mom was a POS but mom's almost never loss custody and she still got her daughter taken away. i mean she didn't really want her so it was easier for him to get custody then it is for most father's but still. money can make things happen. I just don't know what to do. I hate myself I hate my life. it doesn't seem like anything will ever get better. like my life was horrible and painful before I got married so even if I'm not happy in my marriage I don't see that separating would make things any better.

>>17957222
>Sexuality is extremely centered around self worth. That shit can just... get really off center if you aren't careful.

Yeah I need to stop looking at messed up stuff.
I dunno I felt like maybe I could distract from my own problems by watching them. It's just a vicious cycle I thought I was out of, but I went back for some reason. I know for sure that I don't want to look or read stuff like that ever again now. I just hope I can stop myself so I don't get messed up again. I really need to do something positive so I don't drown myself in fucked up shit over the web.

I don't have very high self worth.
I'm afraid I'll just let someone abuse me again if I don't sort myself out.

>>17956938
>>17957260

I read over what you said before.
I think perhaps if you could somehow expand your family- as in, maybe get some family members (if someone from his family can stay with you) or friends to live with you to help support you emotionally and maybe financially.

It probably seems impossible, but if you can find one good person to be there with you, then perhaps things will become at least a little easier.

You can also gain more support money wise if you get disability support based off your mental health. Where I live I'm getting money from the government because I'm very mentally ill and I've spent as much time in a hospital that people spend going to college and university.

I'm sorry that things are so horrible for you and this world is so cruel. I'm not sure how to help, but I'll pray as hard I as can for you, since I don't know what else to do.

>>17957309
that is very kind of you. thank you. I don't have any friends I haven't in years like since highschool. his family all talks down to me and treats me like shit. I don't have any family on my side, I talk to my parents sometimes but my dad is still abusive and bipolar, and my mom is crazy for living with him being that way for like 30+ years. I don't even have a phone so I barley get to speak to them anyways. my husband would never allow anyone to move in with us anyway, well maybe one of his losser gamer friends but that would just mean another person for me to support.

I don't know how to get disability I couldn't even get food stamps lol. they even canceled my health care Medicaid now that I'm not pregnant. It would definitely be a big help tho if I could get on it. just to not have all of the financial berden my shoulders would be a relief

I think I'm gonna be okay.

All of these hardships are just making me more mature and experienced. Day by day I feel a little bit more comfortable with myself.

>>17954959
Ugh. I hate that you probably just spent the last two hours downloading porn. Too bad I was gonna fuck you later but how unnattractive. Kind of turned off now by your creepiness.

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I decided to look up a girl I dated in college. She was the only girl I have ever had feelings for and i's been 10 years since I last spoke to her. Even though the first few years after she dumped me were shitty and depressing, it got better. I went to medschool, became a doctor, and moved to another state.

I still think about her occasionally. Maybe more so than I think, since my brain might be used to her always being in the back of my thoughts. The pain never really went away, it just sort of settled in.

Rarely, I would have a dream about her. It would sometimes be about a reality where she was still mine. Or about reliving some event and doing things differently. Sometimes these dreams would inspire me to look her up again. I would find her, pictures online with some new group of friends, in a relationship with some new guy, being happy. I felt kind of glad, that she is a real person living her life and that I was a part of it, even for a little while. Still, I could only do this to myself occasionally

A couple of days ago I had a dream where we were just friends, having a nice talk. No romance, no drama. Just two friends sitting outside having a conversation. I took this as a sign that I was completely past it. It took 10 years but it finally happened.

I wanted to look her up again. It had been about 3 years since I last did.The last time, I found out she was dating one of my classmates in medschool. It tore me up, but I got over it and vowed not to look her up again, at least until I was 100% over her.

I found her wedding pictures on Google. She had her honeymoon in Hawaii a few months ago. I don't recognize her husband, but she looked exactly as how I remembered her. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

I hope her guy treats her right. I hope he realizes what he has. Give her your everything, you lucky bastard

I often ignore women I care about, love even sometimes.
I do everything in my power to distance myself and worry sometimes that I've actually hurt their feelings when I nudge away when they sit next to me or take a few steps back when they get too close.

It's not that they are repulsive though, but me.

I've been called "creepy" so many times in my teens, women literally hated me, and I felt horrible about it. I felt like I was some repulsive disgusting creature.

So I keep my head down, mind my own businesses and never get too close to a woman both in a physical and metaphorical sense.

Because I'd rather be a selfish, alone asshole who ignores people, then be a disgusting creep.

Fuck that shit.

>>17957354
this is the worst way to deal with that problem man.

are you physically unattractive or socially awkward? Or both?

>>17957360

I'd say used to be both.

I've been called handsome these days, and my people skills have improved. I make small talk. Blend in, albeit with a few people questioning my sexuality because they never see me chat anyone up.

Honestly, I know the problem is more in my head. Years of social conditioning during my formative years, fucked me up.
But there is no way in fucking hell that I'm leaving my comfort zone now. I'm happy alone, comfortable too. I could die like this with a smile on my face.
So I don't see the problem. I have to put myself first even if it means I accidentally upset a rare few girls who like me.

Hey loser fuck off with your fobby associates they're fucking lame and annoying. Ching chong ding dong somewhere else you retarded trash.

ahhhhh

Why do they keep adding the installers and not getting rid of them?

That seems... odd, right? Are they using my machine as a setup? Thats... bizarre. Come on guys, stay off the files. I never gave anyone that permission.

So... seriously. This is annoying you know that right? I have no fucking clue what you guys are doing but I truly did back up all the evidence to defend myself if the need comes. I would never hurt a soul, ever. She knows I wouldn't.

I'm nothing but heart and love. This is who I am... everyone knows it. I'm a bit emotionally unstable but that's with sadness and anxiety. There is a lot of hurt being put on me guys. A lot.... but I would forgive you all.

>>17957369
I think you're actually pretty well off man, especially if you're happy. But, you shouldn't give up hope on women, especially if there are ones who have shown attraction before.

I hate that whenever I have a question in my head I have to seek an answer. It drives me insane. The dumbest of shit even.

Also, does anyone else fucking haaattteeeee the "Spread Eagle" pose? It just reminds me of a dissected frog and I want to die.

The only thing I wanted this Christmas was for my son to start speaking to me again. He didn't.

Since I stopped coming to these threads I'm giving less and less of a shit about my ex. I'd recommend it.

>>17957407
Why not?

I hope you know all the photos... that shit ain't porn. I don't see the subject when I look at something. All I see are tones, shades, hues, lines, contours, shapes, and things like that. I have been watching for a long time now and it's very clear that I don't touch myself to anything like that. Don't even get hard... I just like art. I love art. I live art. It's the one thing in life I take seriously. It's so weird how women will love me for my work and then lose their minds in jealousy when they see me making it. See me appreciating my inspirations. Especially my muse... : 3

That time was not to make you uncomfortable or think that you weren't an artist. I just know that this could be an issue as it would be in a regular relationship. Most men are not like me. They... just aren't. Most women aren't like you either and that's why I love you.

<3 <3 <#
Remember, I am nothing but heart. I would never hurt a soul. I love you truly. That's all you will hear from me, I promise.

>>17957440
Seriously, I don't remember the last time I masturbated... or even watched a porn video.

I wonder what that shit is about. Is it possible to stream an altered desktop?

That would be so fucking weird. My computer HAS been hacked to shit. I DID hear beeping noises coming from behind me again. I don't know what that shit is all about but what the fuck.

I think it's hilarious you have no idea what std you have

>>17957407

Mum, if that's you, then you deserve this.

I tried to warn you and dad about my brother for the longest time and you continuously ignored it. He needed discipline, and failing that, a shrink and enough meds to tame a goddamn rabid tiger.

Instead you chose to label me a "troublemaker" for my warnings. I was the black sheep, that's how it had to be. He was the good boy who dindu nuffin.
Even when you caught him stealing, even after sticking a knife to my throat, even after kicking the shit out of me and hitting our old dog (and he's getting pretty rough with our new one).

I know you've got some fucked up parental love for that sick fucking psycho. But I meant my warning, because I gave you enough chances to do something about him. If he touches this new dog, I will fuck him up.
I didn't tell you how.
Hammer to the spine. He'll never walk again.

I'll be the bad guy again. For trying to stop that sociopath again. While you sit around crying about how he treats you, again.

Because he's a good fucking boy. You're good kid. The one without fucked up social skills (and you never questioned what exactly fucked my up and made me distrustful of others... even when told to your face).

I've lost sympathy for you when you cry. You've enabled this. You enabled the beatings I endured. You enabled that little monster in human form to learn that he'll never be held accountable.

I'm glad you're finally starting to see the evil in there. But really, it's too late, he's too old. Shrinks aren't gonna make him normal now. The best option would be for him to fuck up someone equally bad, and get himself locked up.
Chances are he'll hurt someone who doesn't deserve it though. And get away with it.

I think I'm starting to get over him. I wanted to contact him and thought "nah what's the point?". But I still have questions and I'm wondering if I should ask them. I'd like to know the answers but I might lose progress. And I'm pretty sure he'd lie anyway so it feels pointless. Wish people were honest.

Uh... I just found a bag of what my mom said was "calcium cricket powder" and a fucking razer with dried fucking blood on it under a flower. This shit is ridiculous as fuck.

I also found a FUCKING NOTE WITH EL SHADIDD'S number on it. And some literal drug receipts.

not to mention the beeping hacking shit.

Have they been sending you death threats? Sending other's death threats?

Jesus fucking christ... WHAT THE FUCK GUYS.

>>17957539
are you sure? have I been talking to someone that's not you? People reply to when I asked a question...

R, they are super fucking with me now. Like SUPER. It's ridiculous. Please, don't believe fucking anything. I don't know if they are altering my shit or not. My posts maybe? Through the wifi? Setting up my brother? This is some fucking shit and he had been threatening us hasn't he? Then trying to make me fucking look paranoid.

what the fuck...

I feel disgusted with myself because I've caught feels for a twitch streamer.

>>17957539
They're not worth it. You'll feel like shit if you call. Distract yourself with some stupid videos on YouTube or something to get your mind off them.

I think this guy at work is flirting with me, but I can't tell for sure.

He's married with kids and I have no chance, but I can't stop thinking about him.

i lost my friends back in may and i went trough a shitty period ever since. my life's been going downhill. i don't even know why they stopped talking to me. i was lonely and i had no friends what so ever and i would often find myself crying me to sleep. i was desperate so i contacted some old buddies and started hanging out with them just to have something to do and not feel lonely but never told them this. at first i tought this was the greatest decision as i got to know even more people and develop more friendships. i've just been lying to myself as they are not actually my friends. i started to feel more and more unwanted and unimportant as days passed on in the last time. i just feel like nobody really gives a fuck about me and i'm just another guy they hang out with and this hurts me. troughout this experience of meeting new people i met a girl that i liked a lot and she didn't like me. i got over that so i won't get into details. i started speaking with this other girl like 2 or 3 months ago and at first it was just a friendly thing and recently i developed feelings for her. i wanted to tell her that i like her and shit on new years eve as we were at a party togheter and we talked a bit in a corner but i didn't. and now she speaks with this other dude and i happened to look into his phone to see how much they are speaking and it just depresses me really. i feel very envious thinking about it. knowing all my effort was in vain and this guy just comes out of nowhere and bam. speaking about my love life also, i am not that lonely. i have had multiple girls that have liked me in this period but i declined them as i didn't really like them and i saw them as time wasters. i don't really know how to establish relationships with girls. i consider myself too nice at times and that i don't act up when i need to and i loose any opportunity i have. shortly my life is a fucking mess.

>>17957526
>Hammer to the spine. He'll never walk again.
I don't care what that situation is. It is not ok for you to use violence to solve your problems. Crippling him for life would be a very sick horrifying psycho thing to do to somebody and you should see a shrink and get serious help for even considering for a second that you were going to do this to someone.

And in general, if possible, you should take your family to see a psychologist majoring in resolving drama and painful issues going on between families. That psychologist will recommend everything good that needs to happen and all those problems will go away. I suffered abuse that was 10 times less worse than what you are going through and it changed me ever since it happened to me because that's what abuse does. I became numb. Way less social. Afraid to talk to anyone. Became harder to think. Anger issues. I can feel the sickening mind boggling hate exuding from you over the travesties you have endured. You must seek therapy and treat the abuse you have endured. Do not let it build and motivate you to commit an awful tragic crime or anything else. If you do follow through with that hammer to the spine, you will probably go to jail and spend decades there for the rest of your life. Look up documentaries online of how horrifying prison life is. Look at that footage for as long as you have to so you are motivated to never act on this burning hatred you feel. It blinds your sense of consequence but here's the thing. There will be no sense of relief or justice if you hurt him or act on this hatred in anyway. You will only feel more pain and become more twisted from doing something like that to another human being. Yes, you will feel worse. And then you'll have to go to jail for decades on top of that. Don't do it.

my boyfriend is a professional skateboarder with hundreds of fans and friends and i'm over here like a fucking moron with my metaphorical dick in my hand and one friend who never hangs out with me. feels bad man

>>17957526
Sorry, but I'm not your mother.

I am sorry for what I did to you, and I'm even more sorry I can't appoligise to you for it. I feel as if it fucked you up more than it did me and I nearly lost myself to this. I wish sometimes I could share this with someone just so I don't have to bare all of the pain involved but it is just not an option. I can see the scars I have left in your personality and I know there is little I can do to heal them and affirming the truth to you would only make things worse. Know that I do the best to look out for you, and even if you could ever forgive me, I could never forgive myself.

>>17957345
if you're a doctor and have all this other life experience, why do u care so much about some girl u dated 10 years ago?

>>17957416
damn. i only started coming because i cared about my ex, maybe i need to follow your advice

>>17957655

I can't give you an answer that would make any sense

I appreciate nude female form as nude art only. I never jerk it to porn. Ever. EVER.

Can they stream shit through my computer even though I'm on it? Like audio and shit? I have never, threatened anyone. Typed or otherwise. I would never hurt anyone. I am a lover only...

I have found some shit. I have. It's super fucked up. A bag of grey-brown powder, and a rusty razer hidden under a flower. I have NEVER cut myself. Jesus fucking christ. I have NEVER posted ANYONE'S shit online. EVER. I heard a beeping noise behind me tonight. I don't know what that is but I have heard it before when they were actively hacking my machine.

Don't let them gaslight me. I know they are trying and it's fucking retarded. Seriously... this is stupid. STUPID. I found a phone number to my brother's work for some reason next to the bag. My mom said it was just calcium powder and the razer was to "clean" but...

Why are people so desperate to fucking make me look insane? I'm just going to start streaming on twitch 24/7 what I'm doing just in case.

I love you. I have photos of you with bruises on your arm and black eyes. I don't know if I should show people though. I don't know what they will say. The ol "Fell down the stairs" shit. I don't know if they are trying but I fucking hate this. People are actively fucking with me. I see posts that relate to things I say.

They have a bunnchhhh of fucking packageinstallers of spyware and malware shit on my computer. I am NOT hacking anyone. I HAVE been hacked though. I have concrete proof. I don't know f they are using my computer as shit or not. This is fucking retarded. Why are people trying to fuck me over? What is going on?

Please, is this a will thing? They are trying to make me look crazy and there is a lootttttt of gaslighting. They just won't fucking stop. Ever.

If you want to fuck me then just tell me, Jesus Christ. But uh, maybe in a polite manner.

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I have love (platonic) for most people that I have encountered and interacted with throughout my entire life but am utterly incapable of loving anything about myself.

You only feel like that because they dont give a shit about you

My god damn fucking firewall settings keep "enabling" that shit back. Like... seriously guys? MDSN-IN settings are not default. You WILL not get me to do fuck-all if you continue this. STOP. I am a lover. I love. I just want everyone to be ok. I do....

I have been ranting and recording my thoughtrs on a handheld device. I am just ruminating... I don't know WHO is listening exactly but... they know how I think now. I don't know why. Either to better mock my speaking habits or whatever. I talked about how I love art, I love the colors, shapes, contours. I never look at the subject. I take it super seriously and I love it. I just want to love you baby... why are people trying to get me institutionalized? Why? My daughter? OUR daughter? They are trying to make me look like a monster, a pedophile for some reason. WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY HAVE PUT ON THERE.

Are they... trying to take her? Make sure I can't have her? Why? I would be an amazing fucking father. I love. I am nothing but love. Please, my love... what is going on? Why is this happening?

>>17957678
I don't just want to fuck you, ok? I HAVE NEVER CHEATED ON YOU OK? I HAVE NEVER BEEN WITH IRIS OR ANYONE WHILE I WAS WITH YOU.

Did they send you the videos of us? The "easter" 2012 video (down...) and the other? THOSE ARE OLD AS FUCK. I did NOT sleep with my ex, I did not sleep with anyone. Please, talk to me. Just talk to me, ok? I love you. I love all of you my baby. I deleted EVERYTHING. It's ridiculous what this all is.

If I had any STDs I have no idea which one. I have never had any sores, or rashes, or fucking ANYTHING. I just... I would accept you no matter what. I have only slept with 3 girls... and they all told me they were clean...

Just, who is fucking with me? Why are they fucking with me? I am ever bit the man you knew. I AM. I did NOT sleep with anyone. AT ALL.

PLEASE.... PLEASE BELIEVE ME. If there is anything there...

I don't know where you are. I don't. Come here, please... are you next door? Are you? RC? This is exactly who you thinik. Your man, your guy, your chicago guy rememer? That was the only time I ever been there...

>>17957695
They might be trying to just make me think all of this. Just... why? Why are they putting this much fucking effort into seperating me from you? Or knowing where you are? Or if you're safe? What happened to you? It's... just... please. Please let me know.

Where is all my confidence when I need it?

>>17957540
Could you explain this I'm so confused but I find it interesting

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How do I start talking to old friends that I haven't seen for 4 years because I purposefully cut them off?

I was such an autistic fuckboy, and they genuinely wanted to help me. I really let them down, but I don't know how to fix this because I'm still the autistic fuck that I was 4 years ago.

Losing them was one of the biggest mistakes of my life, and there's no way everything will go back to how it naturally used to be. I would do anything to go back to those days where we just talked and did stupid shit.

>>17957695

Jesus Christ Anon, please get help.

Not your girlfriend btw, just some sad Anon that wishes some guy who probably doesn't like me anymore would talk to me again.

>>17956951
Could you not

>>17957731
Oh shut up.

They had proxy connection set in my browser. What the shit is that fucking shit?

They are changing the IP. They are trying to make it look like I have multiple ips aren't they? So it looks like I'm a liar? fucking pricks. I don't have a phone. I was going to buy a sim card but never got to it. My CC is missing... they have keyloggers, EVERYTHING.

They are hacking all my shit.

You will only get the truth in person darlin. I have never threatened you. They are trying so hard to make me look dangerous I AM NOT FUCKING CUTTING OR DOING HEROIN FOR FUCK'S SAKE. I HAVE NEVER HAD A FUCKING ADDICTION TO FUCKING PORN.

I am not a catholic, you knew that. I am a christian though. I have always believed in god, been iffy at times but yeah.

>>17957712
No fucking idea. They are trying to get my institutionalized for paranoia for some reason. And drug abuse. It's fucking retarded. It's retarded. They are listening to me talk and I think ttrying to make it look like I cheated on my woman. They are trying to make me look like a fucking liar.

I don't know why... I am a good man and she knows that anything I have done is not that bad. I never cheated on her. I never flirted with any girl while I was with her. I fucking didn't. I admitted to the other. I AM NOT DRINKING. I HAVE NOT TOUCHED ALCOHOL SINCE FUCKING WINTER.

I'm trying to cover all my bases here now... Who knows what they have told her. I have not been able to send emails, or skypes, or anything. I have not posted on facebook or..

Do they edit my posts? Are they editting them, intercepting them?

Who would a person that is considered objectively charismatic resemble?

>>17957543
I'm not R and I have no idea why you replied to me.

>>17957752
A 50s spokesman. Or, maryln monroe my baby.

I feel like I'm losing my identity as a person.

I gave up studio art to get a degree in engineering, am currently in grad school pursuing esoteric engineering research further, and have been enjoying my part time work as a computer systems tech/jack of all trades more over everything in the last 2 years.

I'm scared of finding a real job because I'm a master of none.

>>17957754
A 50s spokesman. Or, maryln monroe my baby.

They changed my connection again. What the fuck. Keep turning on proxy shit,

>>17957552
Yeah I distract myself but the questions are still there. I suppose I have to do it until I just don't care anymore. Thanks for replying

>>17957761
we had a huge argument with this...

It goes on and off... it connects to 127.0.0.1 so... I guess it wasn't even getting fucking posted....

For the first time I sold nudes to a dude online to pay for my dying dog's vet expenses. I feel like absolute shit about it.

>>17957767
I am on the downstairs computer. I was using the wireless before but now I am using the wired connection. They could have it all blocked there as well... god knows they go through a lot of effort.

I am hearing that beeping shit again. Whatever they use to try to hack it. They are fucking retarded though, I turned off the wireless.

>>17957740

Anon please calm down.
All this stress is gonna drive you even more nuts.

>>17957781
He's always like this, ignore him

Listen, E, if it was you who wrote that comment in the last thread (to S). I just wish you would say something to me. Anything. But it's probably not you.....because based off what I told you, it would be very heartless of you to say something like that. I was in pain. I didn't want to stress you out or offend you or hurt you.

I was in pain...

rr they are using a device that sends communications through the wires. They can be used to test them as well. Thats what the fucking beeping shit is. I have not talked to you on skype since nov 6th

>>17957781
>>17957790
Christ...

Seriously, who knows what the fuck

I'm probably never gonna see him again.
I need to get over it.
But god I loved him.
I was afraid....why didn't I tell him I wanted to go out with him?

>>17957806
or facebook or whatever. PLease, come over right now if you can. Right now, please.

I love you.. I accept you for all of that...

rider?

They texting you? Using my answers?

I want...to be desirable.

>>17957807
Its not to late, its never to late

>>17957808
As well, they fuckin' fucked up everything. anything past this might not even make it out there. They told them I was cutting. I was talking to myself. That there is so much fucking shit. I was recording in an audio recorder the entire time (handheld). I never cheated, not once. I love you. I want you. I want you please this is fuycked...

They planted hacking shit on my computer. Installlers and more. No porn addiction. Not a catholic, just christian. I love you

>>17957813
don't know if it's outside or in the basement. I don't know who it is. My brother? Who the fuck knows.

Did not threaten him. Didn't threaten anyone. ANYONE. Not your ex, NOT ANYONE. PLEASE... I would never hurt a soul... Im on my mother's computer, shes sleeping but still... I love you baby, please...

Only been to chicago that one time. Our magical time. They have been doing this shit for so long. Please... I will NEVER judge you. EVER.

I got an insecure connection loading twitter.com. That's weird...

Please stop this. I love her. STOP IT.

>>17957354
That sounds hurtful...

I want you my tiny baby.

That place you posted the keane song?

A little nestled corner in chicago. Our secret starbucks. Where we talked for countless hours.

I'm sitting downstairs on my mothers computer with the wired connection. They might be sending signals still. I love oyu. I never cheated. I would never hurt or threaten you. I love you. I need you... where are you baby?

>>17956896
Once again, selfish.. did you ever stop to think that maybe you hurt them?

I wish you know who would just stop posting here.

>>17957869
That wasn't me. I know I hurt her, my tiny baby. I apologized. I forgive her as well. I don't know what I did. I love her. I love her her herherh only and only always.

Deal.

They are hacking my shit again. That god damn beeping thing is to send signals through my wires. Google it darlin' Its very real. They are changing my shit and if she sees this she should know I love her.

I have never threatened. I have never

>>17957751
It is winter.

>>17957811

Yeah I guess, but I really don't know if/how I'll see him again. Although...apparently we met before he became my (temporary) neighbour. So it's possible. But still rare. Thanks Anon.

I feel ugly, but then again I always felt ugly, even though I'm really not. But now I'm chubby instead of anorexic. Mother fucker.

Well....at least I'm a bit cute.

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>>17954959
I cant lose weight like I used to and now I want to kill myself. My family still won't talk to me and my motorhome has a leak in the roof and the rain WON'T FUCKING STOP! IT JUST KEEPS RAINING LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THIS RAIN?! Other than that, I can't complain.

>>17956907
>I doubt you made her feel uncomfortable.
right...
because looking away, giving monosyllabic answers and making a pained face totally mean she's into me

>>17957539

You won't know the answers to any of those questions unlesd you reach out. Maybe he wouldn't lie and you'd hear what you need to hear?

I'd say go for it but that's just me.

Christ, they have been using RF wires on my cable lines to send shit as ME.

I did not sell ANY NUDES. NEVER. MY BABY HOLY SHIT. WHERE ARE YOU?

Seriously... I have only been to chicago once. ONCE. They have been intercepting my connections since fucking we "GHOSTED" one another. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT.

>>17957980
Who is doing this to you?! I have experience with things of this nature if you want my advice just shoot!

You faggots getting hacked buy a new fucking computer! How fucking retarded do you have to be!!!?

I ran into my ex today and it brought back so many bad memories. The whole ordeal messed me up so much, guys. It tore apart my self-worth. And while I'm getting better and all, when I think of what I had to go through I feel so broken. And therapy doesn't help at all. Please, make this pain stop

>>17957983
He's delusional, don't waste your time.

I don't know what I can say. I don't feel like a person anymore. Over the course of the last two years, my brain has just kind of turned to nothing. I'm behind on getting my GED. I made some bad decisions and continue to let them weigh me down. I have opportunity and potential, but I continue to waste it. The smallest amount of actual effort from me would get a huge return.

Then there's us. I came to my first day of fifth grade, after my house burned down in another way more nothing town than where I am and where we met. That day, I started becoming me. Sometimes I think that considering how I feel, it has to be somewhat important to you too. I started writing poetry. I had started learning how to play music a few years before, but I started writing poetry. I started making people laugh. I absorbed so much culture and spirituality and humor and humility from my much older friends, which I had made in middle school. I'm so grateful for them, really. I think depression starts out giving you a perspective of the world that can really help you at first, even when it starts to weigh you down. Around 7th grade is the first time I tried to kill myself. 10th grade was the second time. If I just put the blanket over my head I would have died like I wanted to. I was fairly recently put into inpatient care for delusional thinking. For schizophrenic symptoms on top of the depression. Since then I've been dealing with the same stuff, and I can't seem to move forward. I really need help, from someone. I shouldn't have made it seem like your job to help me. I shouldn't complain so much.

It feels like it's just getting worse and worse, and these mental health issues just don't get better. At this point I don't know what or whose help to ask for.

>>17957994
Oh I'm the one who wasted their time replying to this. Lol.

>>17957996
Are you a woman? Where do you live?

>>17958002

No, I'm a guy. Missouri.

I think I may have been ravished.

My girlfriend was telling me about how she used to be into choking. It was also in her fake instagram "finsta" bio. The fact that someone else used to choke her while they fucked her keeps resurfacing in my mind and I can't get it out of my head. Knowing that she doesn't like it anymore so that one (or probably more) guy used to choke her and I never will is really bothering me. Is this the right way to feel? Should I break up with her?

you're gonna be a washed up musty coke whore the rest of your life. Good job on proving your parents, family & friends right. Maybe all of this karma catching up with you lmao god knows you fucking deserve it

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>>17958035
Somebody filled you with intense delight? Sounds nice. Nobody has ever done that to me. Fucker.

>>17957407
Probably because you're a piece of fucking shit LMAO off yourself

>>17958057
He probably molested him. My father was a pedo and ended up killing himself.

I seriously die a little every day, every week, every month, every year that I don't have a GF

It's a wretched, wretched feeling to live 23 years as a human being who is currently unlovable, has never felt sexual desire from another human being, who is, above all, an invalid.

The number hangs hard and heavy on my heart as a reminder of not how large it stands, but how infinitely larger it might stand to be.

I have longed and yearned but nobody has yearned for me. Is it selfish? I don't think so. I know for a fact there are worse humans than I who have felt the basic and instinctual rhythms of love. I am confused.

Love is like a puzzle that I cannot solve but everyone else has mastered. The frustration is twofold--once, for missing out, and twice, for being late.

Only thoughts of death have become the anodyne to my troubled mind. I pray for courage.

I love her but don't wanna be with her anymore.

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Happy birthday, Dad. You've been Superman ever since I was little. You could never get sick and I thought you knew everything. but its finally starting to sink in that you won't be there forever. Seeing you now breaks me. It breaks me to see you in pain walking up the stairs or getting into the car and all of the medicine in the bathroom is a grim reminder that you aren't the superman I thought you were. You're a man... frail and mortal.

I wish it wasn't true. I wish you could always be there to help me when I need it and I don't know what I'm going to do when you're gone, but I want to say I love you. I want you to know that you'll always be Superman to me.

>>17958065
As he should have

>>17957993
Hate her and forget about her. She doesn't care about you and you shouldn't.

>>17957869
How the fuck am I hurting them? All I want is to talk when I have no one to talk to. Piece of shit.

>>17958139
Tell him!

My girlfriend drives me up the fucking wall with all of her mental disorders, and I really feel like she's holding me back in life.
She can't do shit for herself, and she's controlling as fuck.
I've already tried to leave her twice but guilt and her severe dependence on me keeps me coming back. Every day we fight. Every day she makes me feel like shit. Every fucking day I look in the mirror and hate myself for not being who I want to be or doing what I want to do.
She was raised by a druggie abusive cunt who didn't teach her how to care for anyone, and her mental shit makes it even harder for her to understand that. The second she gets hurt she forgets my feelings exist. ...But then theres times when I feel horrible for thinking like this at all....She's a damn awesome person whenever she's happy, but thats like....10% of our life.
She also never wants to go to a doctor for her mental problems OR take medication for it. We've been together 6 years now...all of my young adult life.

>>17958247
Leave her! She won't even go to the doctor, she's not gonna change. Yes you spent 6 years with her and it sounds like a lot, but how about 15 or 20? You're not responsible for her life. Do you want to spend only 10% of the rest of your life being happy?
Don't fall for the guilt. You know you have to do it. It's a pity she was dealt a bad hand but she's choosing not to do anything about it. You're not a bad person for wanting to end it. Now break up with her and live the life you want.

I can't believe how much I don't care about my first bf.

At the time, it made me depressed
But I met someone else
And he broke my heart
And I was devastated about by #2

But then I met #3
But he also cheated
And I was devastated
But he's cheated so much that I don't call him my brother

And I feel free now like men aren't a necessity
I need to focus on myself, school, work, family, and friends
And now that I am, I have people drooling to be or be with me. But I don't want a relationship or marriage anymore.
Feels gud

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How the fuck do I get out of this fucking pit of loneliness?
I CAN'T FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I AM FUCKING SICK AND TIRED OF TALKING TO STRANGERS AND NEVER GO FURTHER THAN THE OCCASIONAL SMALL TALK!!!

>>17956149
You have to understand that everything I'd felt from the moment I'd seen you was something I was feeling for the first time. I had tried to be strong, and I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be reliable, and consistent but I wasn't sure where best I would have been able to do that. I gave little value to my own emotions, as I understood the innate frailty of that type of bond. I tried to ignore it for quite a while, but it all came spilling out anyways. That wasn't what you needed.

I've always been afraid of getting in the way of others. Physically, emotionally. It's a personal problem. In the end, how it ended made no difference to me. There was no potential for a happy parting. If it's going to destroy me either way, then I'd rather leave than have to have anybody else carry that burden. If you can believe that I no longer cared, then you wouldn't have to worry.

I'm sorry.

>>17958280
It's okay, man.
It's not your fault.
We're all twisted up in one way or another, we can't always help it.

Just do what you need to do, and it'll happen when it happens.

>>17958264
Thanks man, your words actually helped. I just worry that i'm gonna live with guilt for the rest of my life if she ends up committing suicide like she threatens sometimes.

>>17958chill out? How old are you? Make it female.. Be honest please. And why is it hard for you to find some one tell me??

I feel like all this education was waste of time they try to teach you bunch of useless that you won't ever use in your job.Like philisophy and history wtf dude i want to be a fucking engineer what am i suppose to do with this shit I'll just forget about it anyway

Oh ... so you finally unfollowed me. Took you long enough.

I want to say how I feel, I want you to always be mine, I want to trust you, I want to share my whole life with you, I've fallen in love with you. When you hold me so close, there's nowhere else in the world I want to be. I don't know why you don't like yourself, I wish I could help. I want us to make it

I don't get it. You say that you like me but your actions keep showing me different, and then you turn around and make me feel as though I misinterpret everything. As if I'm the one blowing everything out of proportion. I know that I'm not, and even people with an objective understanding of the situation say so.
I try my best, man, I really do. I communicate with you when there is an issue, but it doesn't change anything. We are going around in circles, that's how it is when we talk. Fucking hell, I just need you to listen to me for once, and then keep to your word. Stop fucking me around. I'm not the gullible, impressionable idiot you met. I'm different. Stop treating me like a fool.
Or perhaps I am a fool. Maybe I'm the one at fault, thinking things would be different this time.
I'm so defeated. I don't want to do this anymore, that's all.

>>17958388
What's the problem?

Secrets. I'm not hiding anymore. I'm not here to be used and disregarded like a broken toy. What you see is what you get, I just want to be treated with the same respect

It's funny how the first day in months where someone told me that I did something well is the same day I relapsed into self harm. I need to stop telling myself I'm not ill.

>>17958405
he doesn't make time for me, that's what the problem is.
And whenever I voice a problem, he uses the victim game, and tells me how /hard/ his life is, and makes it out to be my fault, so in the end, I'm the one that always apologizes.

i lost my friends back in may and i went trough a shitty period ever since. my life's been going downhill. i don't even know why they stopped talking to me. i was lonely and i had no friends what so ever and i would often find myself crying me to sleep. i was desperate so i contacted some old buddies and started hanging out with them just to have something to do and not feel lonely but never told them this. at first i tought this was the greatest decision as i got to know even more people and develop more friendships. i've just been lying to myself as they are not actually my friends. i started to feel more and more unwanted and unimportant as days passed on in the last time. i just feel like nobody really gives a fuck about me and i'm just another guy they hang out with and this hurts me. troughout this experience of meeting new people i met a girl that i liked a lot and she didn't like me. i got over that so i won't get into details. i started speaking with this other girl like 2 or 3 months ago and at first it was just a friendly thing and recently i developed feelings for her. i wanted to tell her that i like her and shit on new years eve as we were at a party togheter and we talked a bit in a corner but i didn't. and now she speaks with this other dude and i happened to look into his phone to see how much they are speaking and it just depresses me really. i feel very envious thinking about it. knowing all my effort was in vain and this guy just comes out of nowhere and bam. speaking about my love life also, i am not that lonely. i have had multiple girls that have liked me in this period but i declined them as i didn't really like them and i saw them as time wasters. i don't really know how to establish relationships with girls. i consider myself too nice at times and that i don't act up when i need to and i loose any opportunity i have. i just never seem to get the girls i want. shortly my life is a fucking mess.

Hey a-a-ami you ugly pig how's it pretending you're pregnant you infertile shit stain? lol quit trying to pass off your obesity as pregnancy all over again you gross ching chong. Somebody should smash your disgusting chink face in with a brick you ugly cunt.

>>17958361
That's just real talk, though. 95% of what we learn in school is absolutely useless and has no real basis in our daily lives. It's a glorified daycare, or just outright robbery.

School doesn't teach anybody anything about life, and you only ever learn what you actually need to know once you get into the damn field.

I feel ugly as fuck. I just think that no girl will ever like me again. No matter how much i tell myself i'm alright doesn't matter. i don't belive myself. I just want someone to tell me i'm good looking enough to get a girl. This is so fucking shallow since the break up this insecurity has been getting louder and louder.

>>17954959
tfw your live in bf watches porn next to you as you sleep but refuses to fuck you for months

the urge to be with other people intensifies each time I see his search history.

>>17958537
I don't know you, I'm not going to claim to know you, but usually if a man refuses sex, there's a solid reason for it.

Have you tried, I don't know... Communicating?

>>17956439
don't be with someone who doesn't want to have sex with you, even if you love them. You'll get stuck in a trap of being sexually starved and expected to stay loyal to the one person who doesn't want to fuck you. You'll start to have wandering eyes even if you're "not that kind of person." Sexual compatibility is extremely important don't overlook this.

>>17958538
his excuse is that he's not interested in sex and isn't aroused by it at all, and not even aroused by porn, yet he looks at it every chance he can get when he thinks I don't know. He doesn't masturbate to porn but he looks at it for hours for some reason. It's obviously important to him in some way even if it isn't a sexual way, but I think its disrespectful regardless. Lack of intimacy is killing me and it really hurts when he can look at porn but refuse to sleep with me. when he does try to sleep with me he loses his erection which just makes me feel awful.
I can no longer go to sleep and feel comfortable in my own bed because I know he's going to open pornhub as soon as I passout.
Me and him have talked about it to no end, we even have websites restricted so we can try to fix this problem but he finds ways around it.
I honestly think the only way we can be happy is if he can watch porn and if I can sleep with other people.

>>17958543
If you're thinking about sleeping with other people, why not just leave him ?

>>17958543
You sleeping with somebody else is just your way of trying to express to him how much this hurts you though, and I don't think that's the right way to go about it.

If you make it clear how large of an issue this is for you, and he refuses to seek help or rectify the issue, then you need to leave him. Sleeping with other people will not fix your relationship, or his addictive behaviors.

Don't do something regrettable out of frustration, just salvage what you can and move on.

>>17958548
we have a baby on the way so its a lot more complicated than just packing my bags and leaving. I still love the guy and wouldn't do anything behind his back but if this issue doesn't get resolved im going to ask him if I can sleep with other people. Our relationship is good besides the no sex thing.

>>17958550
I've expressed to him how much this hurts me time and time again. I've also told him that I have wandering eyes and that we need to fix our intimacy problems, im very honest about all this. I don't want to sleep with someone else to express to him how much im hurting, I genuinely just want to have sex and intimacy in my life. I have a very high sex drive.
I would never do something like cheating behind his back but the urge is there, I'm sure it would be for anyone in my situation.

>>17956493
Her initials, pls?

>>17955030
I swear your me in my last relationship. I just freed myself. You need your liberation.

>>17956493
this is the worst thing to do anon

>>17958639
Women like men with experience, have yet to meet a woman who thinks being sexually inexperienced is a good thing. Either neutral or bad but never better than a guy who has a lot of experience.

>>17958340
Maybe you can ask a suicide hotline for advice on that?

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I did it. I finally broke up with her. I know I'm gonna feel sad, but I know she isn't good for me. I would hang onto hope because she would start taking her medication, and things would be great - but soon after she would stop taking them and we would fall out again. I finally came to the conclusion that she does not want to get better.

One day she's happy, and the wrong words can send her into an angry. mean & jaded phase for days... Sometimes even weeks. I love her, and although she's my first girlfriend, and we took each other's virginity, I have to get past this. My doubts about finding someone else like her are probably good. We were so much alike, I could predict her actions based on what I would do. We were twins of the opposite sex.

Although I did gain a lot of negative things from our relationship, (stress, weight gain, lower self esteem) - I know I can use the good things I got from it to become better all around. I will promise myself to never do the things she did to me, to anyone else. I wont make fun of someone's weight when I know they're very very self conscious about it.. I stopped taking my shirt off around her. I won't ever become toxic around other people anymore. Even if I am content with my self loathing.. It can really hurt the people around me.

I just wish I had someone to help me through this. Like a dad... Or a bro I could hang out with often to make things a little easier. My roommates are cool, but they're retarded partybros who I would never tell anything to.

At least I have my Anons. I love you guys. Thanks to the other anon in the thread a day or two ago who told me to end it. You really saved me a lot of time, stress, and tears. I'm gonna keep your comments with me for a while and read them everyday. You helped me do today, would I should have done a year ago.

>pic related

>>17956493
If it were me I'd prefer if you didn't and just dated me.

>>17958836
You're not alone anon. Doing what's best for you and your mental and physical health is what matters. Find some support groups in your community and if getting in shape and exercising is your thing, maybe join some groups at your local gym. You can do this. Even though it's going to feel shitty for a while, you're worth it and you can do this and you will smile again.

>>17958883
Thanks anon. That means a lot

>>17958885
We're here for you anon. I've just gone through a bad breakup. It's shitty most days but being able to do things I enjoy and work on myself and make new friends has been freeing.

>>17954959


I'm obese 339lbs. It's largely the fault of society. Society made me this way. I was abused heavily as a child and sexually too. I had difficulty opening up to people all the time and still do. By the time I was 18 I was 5'6, and only 127lbs, balding, and with a dick slightly longer than 4 inches and not much better girth. But I mean I was not fat at the time, people said I had a nice face/funny personality and my hair was only beginning to recede. I managed to meet a girl. We were together for 3 years and it took me 2.5 years to open up to her fully. Then I caught her cheating and she ripped me apart. She used my past against me and made me feel horrible and she would demean me behind my back sexually to her friends. And then whenever I tried to meet other women they wouldn't even give me second thought because all they could see was a disgusting short, bald emotionally broken wreck. So no, I don't fucking care if I am obese you fucking faggots. SOCIETY MADE ME LIKE THIS. And all the fucking ADVERTISING of muscular attractive tall men in movies and commercials reinforces what is fucking unattainable for most. So now I eat tons of food because it is the only thing that makes me feel ok and I like to drink a lot of gin/vodka and when I can get it I take oxycotin, and vicodin. I hate this world i ate this world i fucking HATE THIS WORLD and I fucking HATE women and I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF YOU JUDGE ME FUCK ALL OF YOU

I'm resisting the urge to contact him. It's been a week. I can do this

>>17959022

Stop being a dumb slut, how about that?

We haven't talked since christmas. 20 fucking days ago. I'm trying to get over you and your intentions. I'm in love with you but you don't, yet you keep on looking for my attention. Did you really had to tell me you dearmt of me last night? After all these days of me trying to get over you, you come to me like this? You even said sorry, the last time. Sorry for what? For not loving me? I didn't tell you my intentions, why did you have to say sorry and then today talk like nothing happened? Are you feeling guilty of what?

I can't fucking play this game anymore, I need to move on. I have my projects, I have my life to live. I have things to conquer, places to visit, skills to master, people to meet and loves to cherish. Either tell me you still want me, deep in your heart, or not. I don't want to be friend with you, I don't need you as a friend, I couldn't stand being friend with you, even if we're so fucking connected we look like brother and sister.

I want you all or I want you none. No inbetween. Please let go of these chains, once and for all. I'm tired...

>>17959022
Yes you can do this.

>>17959038
>>17959022

the block button works wonders

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X I am crushing on you so much and want to talk and cherish you but I'm too much of a coward to do it and I wish could gain the confidence to do something but I don't. You're cute and I've been crying for days because I'm such a coward who won't do anything and we might not ever speak or anything but just know I think you're cool and cute.

>>17959058
That's for pussies, I don't want to block her, I hold no grudges, she did nothing wrong apart from not loving me back.

I feel like a loser even for having unfollowed her on facebook because seeing her pictures and her comments gave pain in my chest.

It's been 4 months already, I'll be over this very soon. I have more important matter to attend than going chasing a confused girl around.

>>17959108
it's not for pussies. its something that can help you keep your sanity. Seeing her online and posting things was torture for you. I bet seeing the little green dot that signifies that shes online hurts too. I bet you look at when she was last active as you wonder if she's thinking of you too.
Keeping an ex on social media is just torture.
It's not about holding a grudge, it's about keeping your emotional health and sanity.
If she really wants to talk with you she can text you right? No sense in keeping a social presence if its fucking with you.

>>17959034
What the fuck does trying to move on from someone have to do with being a slut? I'm sorry that you're so filled with hate, it can't be healthy for you

>>17959058
Then I just have to resist the urge to unblock him. It's the same.

>>17959138

I'm

>>17958985

And I have every fucking reason to be filled with hate you stupid cunt. Fuck you.

>>17959138
Ignore the salty virgin anon

>>17959143
Yeah that is difficult. The only thing I could think of is for you to forgo social media for awhile and to delete his number unless you have it memorized.

>>17959022
Don't put yourself back I mean no harm, but I guess I am too bitter for your taste.

>>17959149

I'm a lot of things, a virgin is not one of them, stupid white knight faggot.

>>17959157
I don't have a dick anon.

Your animosity is hilarious.

>>17959145
Oh that's sad. Hope you find happiness some day

>>17959163

Yeah fuck your pity stupid slut. Women are the worst creatures you are lower than insects you are all fucking disgusting cunts incapable of logic. Go find a rebound to date to make you feel better and then cheat on him with your ex you stupid bitch.

>>17959161

Then you're even worse, stupid cunt. How many boyfriends have you cheated on?

>>17959157
I know you're hurting and I'm sorry.
Our world is fucked up because we tell young boys to never cry and to shove all their emotions away. We also tell them that they are worthless if they dont look or act a certain way and if they dont make enough money. This is the media's form of control against men and it works especially well on emotionally receptive men like you.
Taking it out on women doesn't help though, you should see women as your allies even if your ex did hurt you. Men and women need to band together to fight the toxic messages that media throws at everyone in our modern society.

>>17959177
I haven't cheated on any of my boyfriends, they have all cheated on me. It goes both ways. You seem to be using emotion in a lot of your posts instead of the logic you proclaim women have no use of. Be mad at cheaters, they come in all shapes and sizes, they are not only women.

>>17959149
Thank you for replying. Sadly I memorized it without even trying to. I still don't know my family's numbers but I memorized that one from glancing at it a couple of times, funny how that works. I have to try harder with the social media thing though.

>>17959151
Sorry, I'm not a native English speaker so I didn't understand this. What do you mean?

>>17959191
do you have any girl friends you can go out and spend time with? distraction is the best method towards getting over someone. Feeling your feelings is important but you can get overwhelmed if you feel them for too long.

>>17959195
Exactly. Feel the feels but don't stay stuck in them.

>>17959195
Unfortunately, I don't, which is why I'm here of all places. He was my friend, not an ex like that guy assumed, so it's been hard. I really appreciate the answers I'm getting though

>>17959228
I know how this feels too. I dont have female friends which makes breakups especially difficult.
Try to over-indulge in your hobbies for now, combine that with a little wine if you drink to drown the thoughts out. Don't overdo the booze though.

>>17959228
Oh and I'm still getting over my ex cheating on me. But women are sluts amirite? Thankfully, unlike our charming friend over here, I don't hate all men because of that

>>17959228
oh i just realized you said he was just a friend. even friend breakups are tough. im sorry anon.

>>17959235
just ignore his harsh words. some people get really extreme when they are hurt, especially if they are drunk and on drugs like he is.

>>17959240
He was a friend but he lead me on and played with my feelings. Sorry I wasn't too clear, I wasn't expecting a response in the first place haha. Thanks a lot for your answers, sister

>>17959247
no problem sis.
that's the worst kind of situation, i've been there.
being led on by a guy whos supposed to be your friend is messed up and it feels even more messed. you'll get through this just keep yourself busy.

>>17957631
What did you do?

>>17959247
What did he do?

>>17957631
So in the end you value your own opinion and thoughts higher than his/hers, very selfish of you

>>17958340
If someone commits suicide, they've been thinking about it LONG before you dump them. It wouldn't be your fault. Also if she's threatening, it's most likely for attention. My ex was the same way. The moment I realized he wouldn't do it, was when I realized he could just switch from being suicidal with me, to being normal with anyone else.

>>17957631
Why can't you apologize? If you really want them to heal don't you think that'd help quite a LOT? Man I hate when people decide what's best for others and don't let them have the truth.

>>17957631
I hate cowards like you. Leaving them suffering and stay clear just to save face.

>>17957507
do I have one? did you get checked?

They are hacking me . Im the good man. As you thought please please .... remeber your bangs flying, cold yellow lights train willis and my heart. Only you.

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>>17957758
I reach out to you.
I am in the same situation. I lost sense of myself.

I dont knOw where you are. I don't know anything. Km only heart. Remember green biscuits gravy and tomato pooping burger. That milkshake we shaRed. Fast train.

I trust you nOw please trust me. I was loyal, never cheated. Have been waiting patiently for you to talk in person. Only truth. ... send someone to get me to take me to you. Ill pay them. Bring evidence so I don't get kidnapped. This is so fucked. I'm your man, john, jack, nash, hillbilly, redneck, large head, tentacle morNing hair boy

>>17959505
I'm so sorry, I forgive you. I love you. Ill accept you.

I trust no one else bUt us. Ill never hurt anyone. I'm a good man. I don't know why they got extremely aggressive again

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I love you. Find a way to talk top me. .. family is trying top hurt me either blackmail or hiding something. I don't know. this is fixed. Have eviDence.

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I'm done doing things for other people, especially her. I'm still new to the concept of actually having friends so maybe it's to be expected, but i've been doing so much for people and get fuck all in return. idk just a thank you would be nice.

when she keeps messaging me asking me questions, setting up plans then ignoring my response for days, it fucking drives me insane. i'm so close to just cutting her off for my own sanities sake

I,
I love you. I am not sure if you believe me or not when I say that. I can not read your mind nor see within your heart. I will stop bothering you. I'm sorry for hurting you like this. If you honestly can not forgive me, then there is nothing else I can do.

If you want to walk away from all this, then I can not stop you. I can only watch as you leave my life. As you do, you take my heart with you. I gave it to you, and I will only love you.

Like the grey clouds, even in their drab coloring, the way the darken our sky, even that is beautiful. So the pain I feel is because I have lost someone who I cared about and loved more than I even knew. The pain will forever sting my heart. I will miss you, I already do.

-L

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I feel bad. I feel really bad. No one is fucking answering my messages and I am here all alone in my shitty apartment. God damn it why is everyone ignoring me???
What's wrong with me? Why do people do this?

I feel like an NPC in some one elses story. I work, excercise and sleep. No one talks to me unless i talk to them first. I put more effort into my friendships and no one wamts to return it. JR you had to listen to my ex and make fucking shit weird between enus. What purpose does it serve. Do you feel like you know the "real me_. You and i are not related but your the closest ive ever had to a brother. And now i feel thags gone and i can never get it back. I feel like my closest friend for the past 15 years just died and the one person who understood me doesnt wny more or looks at me through different eyes.

Im alone in this world.now just so you could satisfy some weird fucking interest.

The light is gone but i still work.

>>17959638
Are you me. Im laying on my bed alone. Messaged 8 people and was ignored byeveryone of them the whole weekend.

>>17959660
Same shit for me. I need a fucking therapist for this.

>>17959676
Ive beem talking to a girl all week having a great time say good morning to each other over text talk all day at work and when we get home. Then satueday at noon is the last. I cam see her on plenty off ish as onlime bit she doesnt respond to any message in the past 24 hours. Thanks for being a real dick Sims

stop trying to fix me. it's exhausting– you don't even know me. fuck off and mind your own business.

>>17954959

I'm cheating on my boyfriend with his brother. I hate myself so much for it but I can't stop. His brother is everything my boyfriend isn't. Assertive, dominant, manly, smart. I don't want to fuck him, I need it.

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>>17959177
>Obese balding micro dick manlet being this bitter

Oh my sides! Nobody will ever want you not even because of your looks alone, Because that negativity and limiting world view will always make you be alone, Stop blaming the world and women for being such a fucking slob, Get off your ass and do something. Or y'know spend your bitter fat life shouting about how society did you wrong.

Cry more fatty.

Adv I'm so sad. I don't want to be sad. Why do I feel alone? I feel like people are just meant to move out of my life after a certain amount of time. Nobody stays longer than a few years, just because that's how life works. But I wish it didn't work like that. I feel so disconnected and I don't know what to do. It makes me not want to eat. Why is happiness so brief :( I've felt like I really want to cry for a long time now but every time I try i can only get a single tear to roll down my cheek. I want to really cry and I have it built up inside me. But I won't for some reason.

Hey , you. I think i really like you, but as i can see this thing between us probably is not going any further.
Sorry, about last night, you make me nervous, i never felt like this with any woman, i guess thats because you're something that i always wanted, and i have been looking for someone like you for a very long time.
To me , that's love... i guess.

>>17959660
That feel when you invited your best friend out, but they said they weren't up for it, then spent all day out with other people and you were alone :(

>>17959615
She likes you and she doesn't know how to approach you. Message her.

>>17959722
>i can see this thing between us probably is not going any further.

You don't know that man, Talk. Speak up. Don't close off.

>>17959741

You're right...
I'll do my best :)

>>17959704
Fucking WHORE
Dump him you piece of shit so he can find better

>>17959757
Proud of you anon <3

>>17959720

It's people like you that have contributed to my state. I hope you die you fucking faggot!

>>17959760

I can't

>>17954987

Why don't you just fucking ask.

I've had that feel multiple times with girls that are not my gf (I don't have one) and because fear I waited until I could ask them face to face.

Hopefully nothing has happened, but I'll take more precautions from now on.

I'm scared to get close and I hate being alone
every night I think about how wonderful would be sharing your life with someone yet everytime I have the chance I feel like I don't want to
I'm afraid I couldn't handle a relationship and that I couldn't really give a shit about anyone and it would be just to look like a normal person to others

Everything's been so dull lately. I keep losing interest in hobbies by the year, so maybe it'll always be like this in a year or two? It's possible.

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Vaginas are god damn disgusting.
I find women attractive but god damn vagoos look nasty as hell.
Jesus fucking chirst, if fate should present me with the opportunity to get laid for the first time in my life, I doubt I could take it, because vaginas just look so god damn gross.

Hentai has ruined me.

>>17959898
kill yourself now, faggot.

>>17959925
I'm not even gay.

As I said, I find women attractive. Their genitalia on the other hand, is god damn disgusting (same goes for male part, but at least dicks aren't flabby and slimy meat holes.) Sex in general, even as a though, revolts me desu.
Masturbation is much cleaner.

>>17959932
Alright. Now I feel sorry for you.

>>17959941
Some good that does.

Meh, I have already accepted this.
Tbh, I find the thought of killing other humans in war easier to accept and deal with, than the thought of having sex.
At least I have been trained at the former.

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>>17959773
You are responsible for yourself fuckhead, Nobody else.

Wise up and go work on yourself for once, We aren't gonna do it for you.

>>17959800
Me too anon

I was so young
Love was so new to me
How you welcomed me with your smile
It went on for a while
Drunk and weak we were drawn to each other that night
Oh how we let it happen that night
I never thought it would be like this
No I never thought it would be like this
I saw light that blinded me that night
I felt fire that burned me that night
I could have sworn I saw the meaning of life
I could have sworn I felt the meaning of love
But how you beguilded me so
Like a chewed up gum you let me go
Turned to the other one
And later on you were both gone
I never thought I would burn like this
I never thought I would be blinded like this
Foolish to think that you were the one
Foolish to think that you cared for once
Kept leading me on
Kept letting me go on
Only to leave me at our finest moment
I never thought it would hurt like this
I never thought it would end like this

>>17959932
Assuming you aren't trolling, I don't get why this is such a big problem. I also though penises were disgusting before I had sex. You get used to it.

its been a week, i'd love to talk.

Have you changed, or have I?

>>17960198
I never felt I did

>>17960180
You go first

>>17960198
You changed. You have responsibilities and you've matured despite me doubting you would. Sorry. The person who has to change now is me.

>>17960151
Because it is a pretty big hangup.
Also
>implying I'll ever have sex.

I'm turning 24 this year, and I haven't even held hands with a girl.

I'm going to ask a girl out tomorrow for the first time in my life. I'm really fucking nervous about it but I suppose it'll be OK. She will probably accept, but I'm still feeling really anxious for some reason. We'll be chatting and studying in a comfy coffee shop, I hope I can supress my autistic anxiety and keep some good conversations going. Don't really know what else to say, I don't really have anyone to talk about this with so writing this kinda helps. Going to read some quotes or watch some motivational videos or some shit to hype myself up for tomorrow

How fucked am I?

>graduate from high school
>perfect student, straight A's
>be student at community college
>change majors multiple times
>fail at least 2 courses per semester for the next 4 years
>still no associates
>put on academic warning list
>running out of financial aid

What the fuck am I doing with my life.

I'm wasting too much time.

>>17960234

excited for you anon, report back with how it goes :)))

My 2 month anniversary with gf is coming up idk what to do

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>>17960342
Sure thing, wish me luck. Got any advice? never done something like this before so anything helps

>>17960371
>2 month anniversary
Unless you're dating a teenager, do nothing.

>>17960378

check this out for confidence:

https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are

good luck young padowan