Am I being too militant/a hardass here?

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Pt. 2

>>17954635
>having arguments with women over text
>coming to 4chan to ask if you're in the right

I don't have to read all that shit to know you're a faggot

>>17954650
>being open to the fact that i may be wrong and asking people for other perspectives makes me a faggot.

I'm okay with that

>>17954635
>>17954650
This. Fucking kek.

>I want her to dress more modest!
>and acknoeledge she looked like a slut!
>and stay with me for the rest of our lives!
>and prioritize me during sex!
>and give up her career to raise kids!
>but most importantly, convert to [spoiler]______[/spoiler

>>17954659
All these assumptions outta nowhere. Guess /adv/ isn't going to be as helpgul as usual tonight.

>>17954640
Wow talking to your gf like a child good work anon
Yes you're being too much of a hardass you should be ok with letting her get stares from other men, it's the best (and worst) part about being a woman

>>17954635
Wut. Why is this conversation even happening? You say she agreed to dress more modestly. The argument sounds like she still doesn't dress modestly and that's what you're fighting over.

>>17954671
No, she's mad that I said she looked like a hoe in the past, but its just the truth

>>17954635
>>17954640

OP youre incredibly patronizing and insufferable
shes going to leave you eventually

>>17954674
Um this convo is all you being mad not her

>>17954679
Genuinely not mad, perhaps it just comes off that way when read
>>17954678
What would have been a better way to say all that? Genuinely asking

>>17954686
A better way of saying things is with I statements

"I feel like..."
"I believe that..."

during tense arguments and weird discussions about weird topics, I statements are your friend

Also in general avoid talking down to her and avoid rambling

Just say, "When you wear those clothes, I worry about what other guys think".

>being compared to a hoe for the way she used to dress before she agreed to be more modest for our relationship.
There, you told her what you think, she's doing her part, so stop talking about it. This shit is sensitive, it's fine if you want things to change for the better but reminding her about it serves no purpose but to make things worse.

>>17954703
Okay, thanks for the suggestions I appreciate it.
>>17954722
She's the one that brought it up, all I said was that she used to look like a hoe, not that she is or currently does, and I explained that.

>>17954731
>all I said was that she used to look like a hoe, not that she is or currently does
>But I still don't like it that you look like that thing. And I'm going to point it out. And I only know you're not that cus I love you. But others don't (etc)

All of that sounds like you do think she currently does.

>>17954746
I said I dont like it IF she looks like that not that she does

>>17954758
But you literally said "that", not "if". I mean I get that you expressed yourself badly but that's what you said lol

>>17954686
You're an idiot

What I meant was, the whole conversation is you talking not her

>>17954765
Don't blame others for when you misinterpret their words, it makes you a jackass

>>17954765
Fair enough, typo, but made it very clear multiple times that I was referring to the past and not now.


If it helps add some perspective or clear it up. I used to dress 100% for comfort and didn't care about looks. This very same girl and her family would trash me saying I looked like a hobo, and it was true. Instead of getting mad, I changed it up and dress handsomely now. That's all there is to it.

>>17954774
I just copied what you said word for word and you said that wasn't what you said lol

>>17954766
No there are entire paragraphs she typed out as well those were just my response to those I only posted those for a review of my own words

>>17954782
Show us those paragraphs

>>17954781
The person you're replying to isn't me (OP) but someone else

>>17954674
But why did you say that? What was the point in bringing that up? I'm sure you're a smart guy and understand that's going to hurt her even if ts the truth.

They say one of the worst things you can do in a relationship is punish someone for doing something right. She's actually dressing modestly now and you basically make her feel bad instead. That's going to make her grow resentful and less likely to listen to you in the future.

>>17954787
Snapchat deletes conversations when seen for a few moments I no longer have access to those

>>17954791
We agreed that wed both prefer just blatant truth and no white lies
I don't try to punish her for it I actually make it a point to tell her she looks great in all of what she wears now

>>17954781
Not the same anon as before just criticizing your tone

>I get that you expressed yourself badly but that's what you said lol

Do you or do you not understand that saying lol doesn't mean you can say whatever you want before and nobody gets to get mad at you

>you expressed yourself badly
You blame others when you can't understand them. It's despicable.

OP you sound like an asshole and I hope she leaves you. You are way too critical of her and insensitive. No one wants someone they care for to have disdain for their choices which you clearly do.

>>17954797
Well that's good, I was going to reccomend positively reinforcing her by telling her how much you like and appreciate the way she dresses, so if you already do that, that's great. But maybe you can tactfully word things so they mean exactly the same thing but have a different emotional impact. Like instead of saying she looked like a hoe, you can say she dresses immodestly or less modestly than now.

I'm not sure how the convo started exactly, but maybe you could have said something like "yeah you did used to dress immodestly, but now you don't and I really appreciate that."

>>17954828
Okay, thanks man I really appreciate it

If you can't handle her past choices, which are really insignificant if it's just about the clothing, why are you still with her? Berating her for her past won't help you come to terms with it. You're being petty.

>>17954843
In the past when she was adamant about it, I agreed that perhaps it was a difference in lifestyles and it wouldn't do us any good to keep fighting over it so we broke up not only because of that but because of issues with communication and her past actions that caused trust issues, she later told me she was willing to change this for the sake of the relationship, and I agreed to give it a chance, we both worked through a lot of our flaws and most of those past issues are no longer present. I don't have a problem with how she dresses currently.

>>17954861
But you still have a lot more flaws to work through on your end

And one of them is that you're too controlling

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>>17954865
My only criteria with the clothing was that it doesn't show more than 50% side boob and her ass cheeks are covered. If that's honestly too controlling then I simply do not care

>>17954861
> we both worked through a lot of our flaws and most of those past issues are no longer present.

Are you sure? That's a pretty long text of a past issue. Someone had to dredge that up. Did you bring it up, or did she bring it up and you weren't able to diplomatically sidestep the argument?

Those texts are poor examples of what letting go looks like.

>>17954877
You don't get it. If you need your SO to dress a certain way, you should be dating a person who dresses that way as a single person on her own volition, instead of forcing an otherwise compatible girl to conform to your standards.

It's a terrible idea to push a square peg into a triangle hole, rather than look for triangles to start with.

>>17954841
No problem. Jordan Peterson talks about this stuff, if you are interested. I know he's mentioned on 4chan a lot lately, but he has a lot of knowledge and wisdom on this kind of thing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VM1UA0pCMQ

>>17954877
These terrific arguments you think you're making... they're based in logic but you don't see the bigger picture. The fact that you're spending the effort telling her how to dress means yes you're too controlling. If you're her bf why are you acting like her father?

>>17954883
She did
>>17954893
Maybe you're right, I just wanted to try making it work and not give up on the relationship over something like this but I'm reconsidering
>>17954901
I disagree but you can have your stance on that I'm not looking to further an argument with you

>>17954914
But you don't argue with me you just ignore everything I say and don't even acknowledge that you heard me. Arguing is about expressing opinions and sharing ideas. You're just blocking me out.

>>17954914
She's pretty stupid for bringing it up, but you made it worse by lecturing her.

>>17954931
I guess so, I'm going to bed, thanks for all your input and advice