Something feels wrong and I can't put my finger on it

Youre depressed nigga.

>>17950491
But anon, is that really my only problem? Will this odd emptiness go away if I manage to cure my depression?

>>17950449
No, but you're post did make me realize that people stopped making gabe memes years ago, and that's a real shame

>>17950506
It really is a tragedy.

Follow-up question: How can I gain the strength and willpower to finally kill myself? Every time I've tried in the past I always pussied out.

>>17950497
Yes. Mostly, the thing you feel is called anhedonia. Being depressed is shit. Dont let that crap engulf you. Cheers nigga

>>17950512
Dont be a faggot. Fight like a real men. Life is hard. But you must be harder. Set goals go and lift some heavy weight. Stop putting yourself in the victim lane. If you cant do that then jump from a tall building

I've suffered from depression several times and generally get low in winter every year. What it feels like is pulling up from free fall and looping round again except each time I go around I lose a little more energy and height forever and as such each circle is ever decreasing and getting closer and closer to not being able to pull up.

I'm kind of obsessed with the idea I can always kill myself when I feel I've had enough. The world isn't hard, I would prefer it if I actually had something worthy to struggle against, at least it would feel valid, but it is just forever my own self inflicted bullshit and inability to find purpose and meaning when everything feels like reheated shit.

>>17950562
Do therapy bro. Theyre nothing wrong with it. You need help, and sometimes we need a professional to help us. Youre depressed and the worst of it, that shit wont go away easily. And try to be least hard with yourself

Congratulations,you realized that all things are empty. It's value has been created by us to give us something to achieve in this empty life.

The beauty of emptiness is that it allows you to be creator of an artist of a blank page.

>>17950594
Gtfo u hipster

>>17950562
If you're feeling worse in the winter you could be lacking in vitamin D. Low D levels can effect your mood. Try taking some supplements.

>>17950594
No dude emptiness is absolutely awful. To be without meaning or purpose or authentic drives or desires is absolutely terrifying. I like to think that I'm strong enough to create my own meaning and find what is worthwhile to me and to live authentically, but we are these social primate creatures and so much of our validation is found externally.

I felt fine creating my own meaning for a number of years, until I realised I was running from this emptiness, trying to fill the void with anything which made me look interesting and distracted me. Once I realised that these distractions were losing their power to occupy me, each fresh distraction seemed less fresh by virtue of having seen so many fresh distractions a sense of ennui came over me and I tried minimising my life for a while.

The realisation I came to is that life is inherently needy and purpose is mostly found by being needed by others. Validation from the self is subject to delusion.

Hedonism works for a while. Healthy self improvement works for while. Self deprivation and living a minimal existence works for a while. But eventually if meaning is subjective and internally validated then everything is equally meaningless and simple mental indulgence. Something for the idle brain to work over to avoid facing up to the void.

>>17950638
Nah, I take high doses of vitamin D because I've thought of that and it doesn't seem to matter.

What it is I think is the weather limits what I can do to things around the house. I find without something mindless to occupy myself with (typically something I'd do outdoors) I'm subject to overthinking things and getting weird.

When the weather is tolerable I can chop wood or work on my car or dig the garden. These things are almost meditative and connect me to the material world.