>How do you truly believe in him ?
I'm trying to pray and read but at this point I think I messed up too badly
Confess with your mouth that he is Lord. Accept him as your Lord and Savior. Pray in his name. Repent of sins. And don't kick yourself forever because none of us are perfect, not one. It helps to confess your sins to other believers, to empty yourself of the evil attempting to claim you through guilt and shame.
Do you have a better explanation for everything? Do you have something else to believe in him?
Sure, maybe everything magically came out of nowhere. Sure maybe aliens created us but who created them? Sure maybe the Muslims are right and our real god wants us to beat women up and crash planes into buildings.
But what do you lose for believing in Christ? Maybe it's hard, maybe it doesn't make all the sense in the world, but at least his lifestyle ideals were good. People can say what they want but his commandment "love others the way you want to be loved" is the best way to live.
Besides even if he was just some crazy guy or didn't even exist, he died for your sins. That means he literally said that every fuck up you make is okay, you can make mistakes, it's all good, as long as you repent. And repenting is not THAT hard if you know you fucked up. At least you know you can move on.
I have trouble believing in him as well but I've experienced a bunch of coincidences in my life that I attribute to him. I find peace in Christianity sometimes. I've prayed and I've gotten out of dangerous situations. There are many things I still don't know but that's okay because I know I will always be looking for answers. And I don't lose anything for believing or at least trying to believe in Christ. I know I may be wrong but it makes the most sense to me right now to believe in him.
No matter how much you messed up you were forgiven when Jesus died on the cross. He WANTED to die that way because he wants you to feel forgiven. He chose to die that way because of the Jewish tradition of a sacrificial lamb and he was okay with it.
It's okay to not know how to pray, my die hardest Christian friends don't know if they are praying properly either.
>>17946267
protestants are total stuck on jesus because that's all they have - from the scriptures
if trying to figure out some theology by reading 1300 pages of archaic complex text OT + NT then perhaps you could rely on 2000 years of wisdom str8 from the top
look into catholicism, but try to ignore the clown like antics of the current pope, admittedly a weak spot in their theology
>>17946342
I'm glad I'm not the only one not enamored with Pope Francis the Cuck.
Are you academically minded? If so I'd say the best thing you can do is read, in no particular order, Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling, along with his other book Sickness Unto Death. On top of these you should also read the Bible (obviously) and the Philokalia.
These things together will get you to where you want to go.
>>17947236
>implying this won't happen
>>17946267
read the Bible, go through and just read different parts/psalms and the new testament. don't worry if you feel like skipping around, go ahead. you'll be surprised at how it can transform your life.
also if you think it's ever BS, remember that it actually does change peoples' lives. you can tell a tree by the fruit it bears. this actually helps peoples lives, so there is something there.