tfw too weird to ever be accepted

>as soon as I'm able to show my real self, they leave because they think I'm weird

Some examples?

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>>17946044
alright from what I know off the top of my head, when I give my views on life/spirituality (I'm a very spiritual person even if I don't come off that way at first, I can sense energies for example, though I tell almost nobody this), or if I begin to make jokes/act goofy, they think I'm just weird.

I remember once specifically some group of girls said something, I don't remember what, and so I responded saying "hey it's like lincoln said, " and gave a quote that was relevant, and they just basically went "AHAHAHAHA"

a lot of times when I do joke, my humor just doesn't get through. I'm typically interested in classical literature, video games and theology but most people are not into the first or last, and the majority of people I meet into video games I can't stand.

then there seems to be some growing trend of people going "he thinks he's so cool" about me, when I don't mean to come off that way.

it's like, when I gave confidence to show myself, I'm a bit quirky and then people laugh and mock me for it. It's depressing and gets to points I just want to say fuck it and never talk to anyone again or tell people to fuck off.

>>17946070
I see. I think it's one of these three:
1)You were unlucky and met sucky friends
2)You met people who don't share enough with you, thus creating incommunicability
3)Your charisma is lower than normal

>>17946088
it's possibly a mixture of all three. the thing was, for the longest time I thought it was just everyone else, but then I kept getting people say "what are you autistic" randomly, to the point I eventually thought "is there something wrong with me?"

if I were autistic, it would be on the lowest end of the spectrum since I do not have any habits related to people typically associated with autism. it's just that I'm weird and have a difficult time communicating with people.

the hardest part is that I know what to say, but I don't because it's boring and cliche most of the time to me, or I think "let me guess, this guy is going to say this next" and they do, because certain people become very predictable in how they react to situations or in their train of thought.

it just sucks. I'm not trying to act like I'm some extremely intelligent guy either because I'm not. I just feel like my brain is wired differently than most people.

>>17946095

Yes, incommunicability works exactly like you said.

You try to interact with people but for whatever combination of reasons they reject your approach.

Not knowing you I can only guess the factors that cause it. But anyway, by what you wrote I think that you're just simply much divergent from what their point of view sees as "normal"/"acceptable" or whatever.

It's up to luck whether you'll find someone that resonates with your same views.

Well you say you've been through therapy. What exactly did they diagnose you with?

>Tons of therapy
Not likely. I saw a therapist. She was so booked I could only see her maybe 3 times or twice a month. If you're the same way, all that therapy doesn't count if you're waiting a million years between each visit or not constantly using their therapy techniques on yourself inbetween the visits. Or, not using the therapy visits on what actually matters.

Post a pic of yourself OP. There may be something offputting about your physical appearance. I can tell you what that is and what to work on. I forgot the name of it, but there is this common rule and effect that says that if you have somebody who is attractive looking and weird, they will be seen as unique and they'll be liked. And then if you get the same person and make them fat and out of shape and looks bad or isn't dressed well, that uniqueness makes them come off as weird or in a bad way.
So becoming as attractive as you can will be a MAJOR step in fixing your social life.

You have to fight this. No matter how far away it may seem for you have a successful social life, that success is much closer and realistically obtainable than you think it is. Don't give into the negative conditioning. Your past failures do NOT indicate your future. You can do this.

Post pics Pls. If anybody laughs at your pic then they are a troll or an inconsiderate moron acting way out of line and ignore them. They do not decide your value and worth as a person if they laugh.

Let me see what you look like. Post pics.

>>17946104
>Not likely. I saw a therapist. She was so booked I could only see her maybe 3 times or twice a month. If you're the same way, all that therapy doesn't count if you're waiting a million years between each visit or not constantly using their therapy techniques on yourself inbetween the visits. Or, not using the therapy visits on what actually matters.
Nah I've been going to therapists since I was 15 and I've had some that would see me every 2 weeks for years.
>There may be something offputting about your physical appearance.
It's not and there's no need for me to post it. I get girls randomly flirting with me (not a ton, I'm not a chad but I'm not ugly) and have had this going on for a long time, so I'm not worried about that. But looks are skin deep. It helps with being approachable but as far as getting a real relationship going it does little.

>>17946104
>>17946112
also, I was only diagnosed with severe depression and moderate anxiety. nothing else really, though I met someone once who believed I suffered PTSD from my past (was bullied very hard as a kid, much harder than I think most are).

the only thing else that is concerning is that, while it's hard for me to make friends/have relationships, the ones I have had, they become obsessed. I've had girlfriends in the past who, when the relationship worked, they became obsessed with me to the point of almost stalking me after I had to break it off. it's like my life is out of balance with either complete rejection or complete acceptance to the point of dependence. idk, that's a nice way of looking at it anyway. it's mostly just rejection.

>>17946070
>I can sense energies.
Ah so you're mentally ill

>>17946150
nah, just because science hasn't discovered yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist. basically I can sense when a place is haunted or when there is bad energy coming off of someone, or if there's extremely good energy to an environment.

for a while I thought it was just in my head and really was mental illness until I met others who could do the same and they would confirm exactly what I felt about a place before I even said anything, tons of times.

it's real but I tell very few people because of reactions exactly like yours.

>>17946137
>Severe depression and anxiety
There you go man. Are you medicated for this?

Depression is a major contributor to social issues. There are so many things you can do that are socially acceptable that become awkward when you're depressed. Want to try and be funny? You're depressed so there is no energy and enthusiasm behind your attempts to be cheerful. And your lack of friendly energy because you're too depressed to care is off putting to people. Or lets say you have a conversation with someone IRL, might be too depressed to seem really invested in the conversation with them and come off as awkward to them.

If you have severe depression I think it's safe to say you're not taking care of your appearance enough. I have friends with only moderate depression and they have trouble taking showers frequently and they never exercise or do anything. Even if you're decent looking now, that could probably still be improved upon to where there is a big difference in how attractive you are. That would help you socialize.

2 times a week isn't very frequent for therapy. I've always had a problem with therapy because they never see you often enough to make a big difference. What you have to do is start using their therapy on yourself inbetween visits every day. I have seen a therapist for over a year and she has done absolutely nothing to help me. It's not that i'm a difficult case, it's just that her advice is actually that bad. I've learned more about treating my issues online in 5 minutes than i've learned from her in months.

There was a study that said that 30 minutes of exercise a day is more powerful than taking antidepressant medication. Regular exercise would greatly lower your anxiety and depression.
If your current therapy methods are not working then it's time to upgrade what you're doing. Don't do the same thing over and over if it's failing. Go read up online everything you can about the best methods available for treating depression and anxiety.

>>17946158

Regardless if it's true or not, this is probably why your friends laughed at you.

>>17946201
thank you, I will do this, this is actually very helpful. I am on meds but they just numb the pain more than help

insisting that you are special in some way to a person or group of people that don't care comes off as cringy, low self esteemy, and perhaps a bit touched. Especially if they are just looking for basic human interaction.

You might benefit from shifting back into an observational position.

can you self-objectify your position in a social situation?

>>17946158
Well sure, if you believe in ghosts that is a normal religious or supernatural belief. I have a friend with no issues at all who would tell me stories of this house up in the mountains that everyone thought was haunted. That's fine.

But this part about being able to read energy off of people and places is a whole different story. When you get to the point where you're believing you have a supernatural ability and nobody can convince you that you don't have this ability, that is when things start getting very sketchy.Extremely sketchy.

I'm guessing you have never brought this up to your doctors or therapists. Am I right? Listen, i'm treated with anti psychotic medication. Even by my standards, I would never think I had an ability like this.

If it is true that you have a more serious psychiatric condition then that helps explain why the therapy hasn't been working. Because it's been treating something else instead of what was majorly responsible. The smartest thing you could do is tell your doctors that you are thinking this way.

Who knows, maybe you're right. Maybe you do have a rare ability. But what if you don't? There is no harm in checking with your doctors about this. If you don't have any mental illness and it's just a rare talent then they won't do anything.And then you can open up to anybody about it because then you know from the doctors that it in fact is a rare talent. But if you do have something you get life changing treatment that will make your life much better.

So it's a win win. See the doctors about this thinking. It is extremely important that you do this.

>>17946255
Here. And who knows, maybe i'm over reacting and by saying you can sense "energy" you're just talking about your initial impression of a person. Like you see a guy with a bad attitude or they look like they don't take care of themselves very well or they talk in a vulgar way, that would give you "negative" energy.

Or you see a beautiful waterfall in nature. That would be a "positive" place right?

That might just be your way of expressing the subjective vibes you get from things around you. That is normal. Like there are some people who will talk to somebody for 5 minutes and be like "That guy gives me a bad vibe there's something off about him"

So if that's all it is then sorry for over reacting.

But listen, you told me your medication is making you feel numb. You might be matched with a medication that doesn't work well with your body. There is a genetic test you can have done, talk to your psychiatrist about it. They send out a DNA sample from swabbing your mouth with a Q-tip and they find the medication that is most likely to work with you without giving you bad side effects. I was on medication that gave horrible side effects and tried like 5 different ones. After this test, they found the perfect one.

That numb feeling sounds like a bad side effect. And it sounds like it is contributing to the social awkwardness as well. I know a friend who takes meds and has that same numb feeling you're talking about. Try to see if you can change meds or adjust the dose.

The ultimate goal should be to work with your doctor until you have a perfect med combination with the perfect dose and least amount of side effects that works the best. Don't give up and don't stop changing the meds with your doctor until this happens. Don't take any bad side effects for an answer unless the doctor says there is nothing better you could get on.

My gf is weird.
She has two sisters who are subjectively more conventionally attractive and more socially normal, while they tend to compete quite heavily for attention and dominate social situations this is kind of how people behave and they work quite well together.

As a result I think she grew up not being heard or paid attention to and was the odd one out.

Her interests are quite individual and dull for most people, esoteric aspects of continental philosophy, greek history and linguistics. It doesn't help that most of the time she doesn't even use complete sentences or proper words. Half the time she is just making noises in the correct intonation because I think that usually nobody was listening to her anyway.

What does she do? She occupies herself with her job, with continuing and obsessive study in the niche areas that interest her and with working with people who are growing up messed up and alienated. She has a small core of friends who she is always anxious about who are also pretty weird anyway. We are both fairly antisocial and accepted a while back that we weren't designed to have tons of friends, but we kind of force one another to make the effort when opportunities do come up.

What else can you do other than get on with it?

When you socialize enough you realize what type of stuff you can say in public, the famous "powe level" I think you are missing that self-awareness

>>17946285
>So if that's all it is then sorry for over reacting.
this is getting off topic but no it's not that. I could see a beautiful waterfall and get an extremely negative feeling about the place. it's hard to describe because it's a feeling, but it's certain. basically I know when a place is haunted or when it's some other negative thing there and it's not just me, others I know who have that ability feel the exact same, regardless of the place. it's not based on what a surrounding place looks like.

for example, typically graveyards are haunted. most I've been to, I get that feeling, but not all. I went once with an ex to a graveyard tour in Salem, we both expected to get some bad feelings like usual (she had the same ability I do, I've never had another gf since who has that). when we got there, I was surprised because I felt no negative energy, despite how it may look. she suddenly said, without me saying a thing, "it's weird. I don't feel anything bad at all in this area. something must have been cleansed here because I don't sense anything at all." and took the words right out of my mouth. that's just one example out of tons I have from other people who have this ability.

as far as medication goes, I want to get off it because numbing the pain doesn't help. I just want to relate to others but I feel that might not be possible except in certain scenarios.

>>17946300
your gf sounds like me. I basically just focus on work now and my own niche studies. maybe that is just how I need to live my life.

>>17946042
>as soon as I'm able to show my real self, they leave because they think I'm weird

Literally not even once.
I'm able to talk to girls, but only by putting on an act. And this is how it goes every time like fucking clockwork:

>We start talking on and off, pretend I'm barely interested and get her hooked
>A few months go by and I start slowly dropping the act and revealing some more personal information
>I become that friend she doesn't tell anyone about
>Eventually leaves

Every. Fucking. Time.

>>17946042
Work out regularly. If you are into that spiritual stuff, join a spiritualist organization or hang out around psychic/metaphysical shops that hold meditation circles. You can be weird with other weirdos and get a qt3.14 hippy gf who you go on ghost tours with and do firewalks. Get a group together that likes hiking, or camping, make new friends. Just explore your closest city and you can find your niche.

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>>17946481
I just fell into pit of being depressed even deeper after I have realized all my interactions are the same.

What's more that I already lost where's the boundaries of what is appropriate and what isn't. Morality as I remembered, for me was distincted, clear, and know it's simply shades of grey.