stuck in love

I am fed up with waiting, waiting for the strength of my lust for her to yield until it finally coughs and splutters away into nothing. She is so blissfully unaware, so carefree of all this mess. She left me incidentally, by which she didn't even bat an eyelid. She said she'd already grieved for us when we were still together. She minimalised those entire 5 years to almost nothing. I've not been the same since, and just feel that that was my life's fill of love, and that's the price i pay for loving someone. I cry for the past, for how happy i was and how much i took it for granted. Am i doomed to permanent misery? Has anyone found love again?

>>17943099
Don't worry, you'll eventually stop feeling this way. It's already happening, see? You're starting to get frustrated with her. When you love someone a lot and that person doesn't return your feelings you will get hurt and as a result you will slowly start to hate them. Usually people can get over it before that happens, but in some cases, such as yourself you just can't let go of her for some reason. And you become miserable, you start blaming her for it and eventually you grow to hate her and that will stop you from loving her. You're on the right track, buddy. Let the hate flow through you.

Contact her and ask her what happened for some closure.

>>17943085
You have the same problem as someone who can't get girls: you don't know how to find satisfaction from internal fulfillment. You're still trying to achieve it through external means. Dig into to some philosophy/self help material.

Gonna be completely honest wth you OP.

No girl is absolutely the best most perfect partner for you and you're going to need to learn that sooner rather than later. There is always someone else for you who will satisfy you as much or more than your last gf, it's just a matter of happening upon them. There is no magic combination of dating sites, apps, travelling, etc. You can sulk and cry about what you lost or you can accept these facts and move on to someone new.

Alternately you could really try to work on being happy alone before you try to force this unhappiness on someone else.

>>17943149
I am a land artist, and that is the medium in which my pride presents itself. Mindfulness, to an end product that will take weeks gives me incredible satisfaction. But the little world we had together made me happy in ways i can't emulate. I want to find someone, be with someone, and make a new world, but the scale of the impact she has had on me is making this very difficult. 9 months on and all manner of varying emotions toward her but still i find she is the face i wake up to, and find i am missing on those long drizzly evenings. I cannot move forward in my life

>>17943085

Similar situation, except it's only been 3 months since my break up. I think moving on depends on how much reflection you have done about yourself, about your ex and about how you guys functioned as a couple. Yes my ex technically left me too, or at least she was the reason we broke up, but even though I loved her and in a perfect world would want to have been with her I know we broke up for a reason, a good one. Her leaving you out of the blue is your reason, I'm sure it's deeper than that and I'm sure you have or at least can analyse and come to the same conclusion she did about your time together, that it was meant to end.

Now I get throwing yourself into new things with cute girls to take your mind off it, I've done that too, but just 3 months later I'm seeing this girl that I find very interesting and fun, thats all it takes to re-spark interest in the opposite sex. Right now you're settling for looks alone or just some friendly company which is fine, but trust me when you come across a girl that clicks with you things will change. Your ex isn't your one and only, none of that, there is probably thousands of girls out there better suited for you or at least just as well as your ex. Just wait for the butterflies a fun/smart/gorgeous girl will bring you before you give up on new love.

>>17943170
>>17943176

Same guy here, to add to what I said I think removing any trace of her from your life is a step you should have taken long ago, so do that now. Block her on facebook, delete her phone number, remove or delete and evidence of her that you might bump into during the day. With how you guys ended you're only torturing yourself having her activities and face there to greet you whenever you log into social media, she also gets to see your life which isn't a privilege she should have after breaking your heart the way she did.

I would definitely contribute your lengthened grieving period to these factors, like I said I am only 3 months post break up and much better off, given the first couple of months I felt very similar to how you feel now. So it is possible.

>>17943176
She left me because i was 4 years younger than her, and this put us in different mental places. I believe she wanted to settle and start a family, but with being 25 working as a farmer and us both still living with our parents i just didn't know how it was possible or what to do next. I said some silly things to her. Like she asked me about getting a caravan together, and my reply was 'i suppose you want to start a famiky now' it is only in hindsight i realise how much a fool i was. Our world began to get suffocated as it became more and more apparent we needed our own home together. Things hit a head when she bought a run down chapel for 35k that needed monumental work doing to it to even make it livable., all this without involving me that she planned to do up, for 'us', but the label never really stuck with me and i started to click by this point that she was making her way out of my life. None of us had any money at this point and things were desperate. Our time together became tense until she just didnt enjoy seeing me anymore. I hate that this is the reality of my life. I just wish i could talk to her one last time

>>17943199

It sounds like you need some closure, someone that spent 5 years with you should at least have offered you that. I doubt the reasons you gave were the sole source of the break up, like you said she was grieving your break up long before you guys officially called it off (as girls tend to do) so it's more likely she just wasn't happy with being with you any longer, and the problems you listed just stockpiled on top of that.

But if you want solid answers, I'm sure messaging her after this long apart would probably do the trick. Just tell her you need closure and to know that you couldn't have done things differently to have kept your relationship afloat. I guarantee your regrets are misplaced as you acted the only way you knew how, by being yourself. Being an over the top "great boyfriend" likely wouldn't have changed anything.