Vent Thread

Good luck on being happy cause you sure aren't.

Well, my friend is in an odd position.

He tried to meet up with a girl twice. She canceled both times and would go dark. He ended up just wishing her a merry xmas, and they ended up talking for a while. Then goes dark again.

Now a week later she contacts him, and seems like she is having a friend write or atleast approve her texts (Due to timing between two messages) and then she asks him to go and get coffee. Which they did..

There isn't anyone I really hate because I'm not a childish little faggot like the rest of you morons.

I had a dream about fucking my brother
I had another dream like this like a year ago too
I am such a fucking degenerate

Wow, didn't realize it was international "be an asshole" day.

It sucks I'm total sheercoldfag when I talk on the interbutt and I am judged by that and not by I actually behave irl.
From the same people.

I don't want to make art, I want to make love.

I don't want to shine. I already have, currently am, and I don't like it. Do you think I delete all my sites just out of depression? Did any of you possibly think that maybe, just maybe... I didn't like the attention? I didn't like the pressure? I didn't enjoy people messaging me every day? I had thousands of unread messages, tens of thousands of notes. I don't like interacting with people.

Do you not realize that's why I came here in the first place? But then I was instantly recognized so it didn't matter anyways? I always just wanted to do my own thing, in my own space with someone I loved. To have a small family, to be loved, love, and just paint.

That's what I wanted and I was so close. So very close only to have it disappear on me... again.

>>17940934
Sounds fun. I keep dreaming that my parents want to kill me and that I fight back and kill them.

I fell for this girl. She's damn near perfect in my eyes. Cute as fuck, kinda awkward in a good way. Smart as hell, knows what she wants in life. She is the type of girl that I wanna marry.

But she gives of mixed signals.

She seems very enthusiastic about meeting up and doing something. But then when we get close to it, she shys away. Maybe it's her awkwardness acting up? who knows.

But it's not like she shy's away from talking. We can talk for an entire day without issue, and she will always respond to my mild teasing favorably. While she kinda does the same to me, but in a way that would be trying to motivate me to do something

I don't know what the deal with her is. Seems like she might actually like me. But she just can't commit to a meet up. Even those she seems so eager and enthusiastic about it. I guess just take it slow until I actually get some sorta response from her.

It's kinda funny. I stupidly accused her of lying to me, and it seems like she still likes me even after that. She just accepted my apology and we continued as normal.

>>17940959
I used to have dreams about terrorists forcing me to kill my parents
Sounds like we are kind of similar

Stop screwing with me. You hardly talk to me for months, and when I finally decide to give up, you suddenly start talking to me every day? I know you don't want me so stop it. It's cruel.

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I'm so sick of people. Everyone wants me to be available to chat when its convenient for them, but when I need someone to talk to everyone always logs off to otherwise ignores me. I hate having no friends. Yeah, I get that I can be extremely toxic, and sometimes i'm just a chore to talk to, i realize that, I understand that, but don't leave me alone, I hate being left alone.

All of you always complain about me having a bad attitude, telling me to be grateful for what I have and to stop bitching because its annoying, well what am I supposed to do when the only human contact I get most days is the security guard wishing me a good evening when I go to work?

And you, that woman thats supposed to be my wife, where do you get off telling me its my fault that we don't talk enough when you spend all your waking time playing some shitty FPS and ignore me when I try to start a conversation. You're the worst offender of them all, you say you care, you say youre sorry, and then when you finally make some time to talk to me, you blame me for everything, but then don't even come close to an apology when I point out that you're the root cause of all our problems in the first place with your inability to accept fault.

If I had friends, woman, I would have left you years ago. The only reason i'm still with you is because as shitty as our relationship is, its the only thing keeping me from putting a bullet through my head. Of course, you'll never know that, because you only show any sense of caring when another girl comes along that you perceive as a threat. You see a cute girl flirting with me when youre busy texting your friends, and then immediately jump in and start acting like the wife youre supposed to be, but when no one else is around, you go back to being a cold hearted bitch. You're just the worst. Get out of my life so I can die already.

I miss a friend i met on the internet back in late febuary and I've been talking to her but ever since she returned back from holiday which was around august she changed and now i wanna kill myself because I love her with all my heart and would die for her. I want to know why she is ignoring me. kms
i miss 'The Light of my Universe

Why is it so wrong to be sexually attracted to cut up people?
Sex is so gross. Cutting them up in various ways...
Oh, It's so pure and beautiful.
Quite embarrassing to let anyone know though.
It's just so unfair to have it illegal.

I wonder how many concussions Iron Man has had.

Umm, teach? I'm having a problem with something over here. You might need to come over and take a look. I just... don't think I can handle this on my own.

Thanks Ms C.

When I die, ill have nothing to show that I lived besides my collections of petty things and a novel of stupid shit I said on Facebook

I don't really have anything other to say than I miss you and I wish you were here.

so much time has passed and so much has changed, i lost the most important person to me and its destroyed my life.. I came back up here so i could try to heal and make something of myself, it isnt really workin out like i hoped it would tho.. i just wanna go back to 2014, to that camping trip, a couple weeks later, i would have never went back to tn, id'a just stayed here and got more time with L, shit might have actually worked out if ida just kept my mouth shut and focused on that money like lil bro told me too.

>>17940917
Bitter lies
Bitter luck
Bitter friends
Bitter touch

Cannot stand the sounds
Breathing in these ears
Imagine being under ground
Going inward until this disappears

When the light went out
The shredding began
No more effort made to shout
Praying someday it would end

He is paler than pure white snow
The darkness is behind his eyes
Trapt in his soul
If reflections were true he would be the color of stone

A heart begins to gray and blacken
While the colors pass on by
The death of a heart is the beginning of a frozen spade
As time goes on by

Loyalty bound by steel
But a touch of crimson still holds the light
Clinging to the last drop of hope feels real
After enduring the never ending dead of night

Waxen Storm the chance is long gone
As you passed on by
Only to the clear mountain would I go
When the ice melts off of these chains

The blade molded and forged in fire
Submerged in ice
Now the sun's rays are starting to shine down brighter
Hope radiates from the core still

No pity,
No more tears,
I will fight and dance soon.

>No more posts will be from me. So make no assumptions.

Lol people complaining about the type of trash they "avoid" oh the hypocrisy is intense when they're stuck with it for the rest of their shit life. Fools are easily departed with their money.

I wish my parents had stopped working for even a minute to teach me anything. I'm 18, graduating soon, and am scared as fuck for my furure. Thinking of just killing myself since I can't function in everyday society.

I lose my fucking mind when I come across photos of you.

It's not just your beauty that captivates me. The warmth of your company, of your conversations, of your mind is the spark that ignites the fires within. Oh god what a fire. It engulfs every part of me, my heart, my mind, my soul.

You started this fire and now it's burning out of control.

>>17941262
I'm just tired at this point. I don't know enough and I'm not strong enough anymore. I know I need help, but I don't have any. I've tried my parents and my friends. Therapy is too expensive. I quit, man, I just want to sleep.

>>17941271
That felt good.

I think I'll starve myself to death. I can't handle any pain whatsoever and that way I can die playing video games.

>>17941276
Just do what I did anon. Pick a school from as far away from home as possible and say "fuck it".

I come from a shitty as fuck farming town in the middle of nowhere Indiana. I had never even been in a city before I went to college, I had never left the state. I went to a school in florida, first time I ever flew and I did it alone. I landed and it was the first time I had ever even seen a fucking taxi. I threw up from the motion sickness and the HOLY SHIT I NEVER THOUGHT IT COULD EVER GET THIS FUCKING HOT florida weather.

I walked around campus sick as fuck, sweating, confused, lost, terrified. I finally found the dorm and I passed out. I ended up being too scary, nervous, shy, anxious, stressed to leave the dorm room for DAYS where I didn't eat for 2 days until I got a bag of plain bagels which was what I survive off of for several more days. (Classes didn't start until the week after I arrived)

Just say FUCK IT and you can get a lot of things done.

>>17941263
Man, I wish I could feel this strongly about a woman. Where did you meet her?

As you sit there, listening to me sing along to my songs, watching me work, and all of that...

What is going through your mind as you watch me cry, as my heart bleeds for you? What are you thinking as tears pour from those blue eyes you love so much? The pain, the hurt, the suffering you're causing someone you love? You do nothing to prevent it, do nothing to make iti better. Why?

Does it make you feel better about yourself? To see someone going through so much suffering, for you. That someone could miss you that badly, does it make you feel good?

This is a cruel, wicked game to play on someone. I do love you, I do forgive you but at the same time, you will need to show me devotion, loyalty, trust, and prove to me this was worth it. I think you are, I do but it hurts so much. The damage to my mental health has been severe. I don't know if you quite grasp that yet.

I love you.

I don't deserve this hurt but then again... I'm made for it. if there is anyone in the world that can endure this, it's me.

>>17941341
She knew me years before I knew her. We started talking online and met each other in person in Chicago, 2014. That week was the best time of my life.

I love her far more than is good for me.

The obsession is mutual.

Maybe someone will care eventually lmao

I hate myself, truly.

Then again, I know I'm a better person than most. So, where exactly does that put them?

>>17941157
It's never late for that to change

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I made a list of pros and cons about you because something felt wrong.
The list put in perspective
>how often you made me cry
>how often you asked if I was fucking others
>how we had only sex and exercise in common
>how often you drank
>how you'd flirt with others in front of me
>how you bragged to others about our sex life
>how we only met on your terms
>and how often you scolded me

It's been months since I've seen you. I feel stronger, like I'm better off without you.
My mom says you've been going to her church weekly with another girl. I have since avoided mom's church since. I thought you were atheist. Why go to church all of the sudden after we stop talking?
Anyways, please be good to her.

No one to talk to, no one to do have fun with. I'm alone, and I will always be alone as long as I'm here. Even the therapists here are total garbage. There will never be anyone in this city who genuinely cares (except maybe that empath I met by chance two years ago, but I'm never going to find her). I need to get out of here. I'm going to graduate soon-ish, but that moment will never come soon enough. Please...get me out of here....

It's so hard not to talk to you. I have noone else to talk to. How am I supposed to do this?

When texting a girl and she calls you an asshole then changes the subject soon after. What does this mean?

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>tfw be everybody's friend for years
>always helped my friends get together
>never thought about love for myself
>met him three years ago
>hated him for one
>fell for him over philosophic discussions and foreign love songs
>kept it to myself because he never seemed to want to date anybody
>kept drifting apart over the years but always meeting back up
>always ridiculously attracted to everything about him
>decide for my birthday last month that i'd go ahead and tell him
>pretty much says thanks but no thanks, he doesn't see me in that way but he wouldn't mind giving me a pity fuck
>refuse the loveless fuck and tell him that we can just go on being friends
>crush has this friend who was always jealous of the attention crush receives
>when he saw us together, he continuously asked for FWB and would tell me to stop talking to crush
>distanced myself from him when he called me a "consolation fuck" because he couldn't land hot girls
>turns out crush told friend about me confessing to him
>friend calls me in a rage under the impression that there was some kind of sex involved between me and crush
>super duper mad that i would fuck crush before him
>ask him if he likes me or just wants to fuck
>he oh shits in silence
>tell him that he can be my "consolation bf" now that I can't land the guy I love
>calls me a cold hearted bitch and hangs up on me
>mfw I'd just like to go ahead and be asexual now

>>17941504
who are you trying to talk to? why can't you?

I'm seeing all my friends with kids and wives who are pregnant and I'm seeing a life I cannot yet achieve because of my inadequacies and I'm so goddamn pissed I just want a cozy relationship with a cute girl who I can have kids with, I don't care if relationships are overrated I just want someone

Fuck me up senpai

I wish you'd tell me what's going on. In the end, the only thing I really want from you is the Truth. Not obfuscation, not silence...the truth only. If it hurts, so be it. It already hurts not knowing. In fact, at times I wish I could erase any memory I have of you. I'm sorry for not asking you in person. Yes, I was gutless

I was young and naive, but then again, isnt everyone at this age. I've confused a feeling of friendship with a feeling of romance because neither were quite clear. And not only have I told you once, but i have done it twice. The first time around you seemed patient but the second time around you cut off communication. I deserve that for being that naive.

But whatever ya gotta L&L at some point in your life

>>17941359
Is it worth it? You shouldn't have to constantly endure pain. You have a right to be happy too

I will miss you, like no other. It's a shame that I let my negativity get away from me and completely sabotage our relationship.

I should have been patient, and understanding. You had much you wanted to accomplish, I always knew you did. I should have been supportive. As I used to be, but I let everything get away from me.

For you I am willing to change, to learn, and understand. But I think our hearts are no longer in sync like they used to be. We learned about each other and were able to almost read our minds.

The last 10 years you have been my best, closest and most beloved friend. In my darkest times you were there for me, you were always there. In my weakness I let my fear and paranoia push you away. I will hold this regret in my heart forever. Maybe someday I will have the ability to move on and take what you have taught me into the future.

I love you, I probably always will and I fully understand why you have chosen to walk away.
1/2

Man, one second I'm over you, then I see you face again and remember how pretty you are and how wonderful it was to talk to you. I know we're in a weird place right now, which pretty much means you let me down easy, but I have a weird faith you'll come back. I don't know if I'm just putting too much stock in my dreams or what, but I just have an inkling. Maybe I just have to tell myself that to make it through this time. If you're really as sad as you seem, I wish you would talk to me about it. I'd work through it with you, no matter how long it took, I'd just like to have the ability to talk to you. If it's another guy, then fuck, I don't know what I'd do. I think I fucked myself by saying I wouldn't bother you again, so I'll sit, just hoping you'll bother me soon.

>>17941184
Stop dwelling on the past. You have a future to look up to. Nothing will change what happened. I know you can achieve what you want, but you gotta focus on the present. Good luck

>>17941744
Like Star Wars which we both love, which was one of the things I had the pleasure of sharing.
"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering"

Sadly, I lost my way and you as well.

I wish you luck, and hope you reach those goals and dreams you wanted to accomplish.

May the force be with you, always.

So you would date me, but you will not date me. Somehow that hurts more than straight up rejection. I wonder what it is that makes you not want to date me, but I couldn't get an answer out of you. I guess I never will.

The worst thing about being bad at reading people is never being able to tell if a girl is actually interested in you because she's talking and smiling a lot, or she thinks you're a weirdo and is just trying to be nice.

>>17941783
And it doesn't help that I have this fantasy that you love me but are pushing me away for some reason. This is why I need the truth. Not knowing gives room to hope, and I don't need hope, I need to know it's pointless.

>>17941675
You want the truth then we need to talk in person so nothing gets convoluted. You want trust and honesty then talk to me when you see me.

I would gladly trade most of my laptops (I'd like to keep the thinkpad though) for a kindle and some ebooks in particular.

>>17941814
I'd like initials please

>>17941727
Happiness comes after the pain. That's life, right? Nothing worth having comes easy.

I have been through worse. Well, not worse heartbreak but worse...

Besides, I'm just as fucked up mentally as she is so... it's life. Nothing is easy. Nothing good happens from being normal.

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D,
Du wirst nach heute nicht mehr von mir hören.

"Deine Augen sind wie Sterne."
J.

My gf sent me a screenshot of something on her phone and I noticed an unsaved mobile phone number messaged her a couple of weeks ago. The keyboard is open on the screen so I can't see whatever they sent, and can't make out the number in its entirety. I'm wondering if this was done delibretly so I couldn't see the number. I could figure out the number (can only see the tops of the number) but it will involve a number of combinations as there are a few that could be either 2 or 3.

I'd ask who the number belongs to but then she'd just accuse me of having trust issues. She's pulled stuff like this before like refusing me being able to see her phone after she delibretly hides something from me and then when I see it its nothing. (I wonder if she does this provocatively) IDK

I know I should ask you out already, but I can't. The last few times I tried with guys, it went terribly. I need to be the one who is pursued for a change, at least this time. So come and get me.

>>17942068
That's pretty paranoid, desu. I get messaged by unsaved numbers all the time, and it's always just randos who have the wrong number or who are trying to contact the person who had my number before me.

If it was someone important to her, she'd have probably saved the contact number, even if under a fake name.

>>17941070
That's hot

Are you into dudes or chicks with scars

>>17941749
this feel is too familiar

>>17941070
Hey I used to cut myself and my shoulder is scarred up to ribbons. It's nice to know some people consider it attractive rather than a deformity.

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>>17940985
What the fuck?
Exactly the same situation I have got.
Wish it will work out for you.

>>17942075
When we started dating all her ex's numbers were unsaved so I get concerned about stuff like that

>>17941800
The biggest mistake men make is wondering endlessly "is she interested in me". There's no moment where you both admit your affection for one another BEFORE getting into physical and/or in a relationship. That comes after for fucks sake this is so poorly understood by males these days

Fuck it, just ask her out, go out, have fun, try to kiss her or something. If she is interested in you then shit will happen. If she's not interested she'll deny you and you wont have to wonder if every time she smiles is her being nice and an invitation for sexual intercourse

Girlfriend recently left me and i started to get depressed again as she was my only source of social interaction. I am finally getting over her and would want to start fresh, but have no friends since i recently moved to a small town (30 mins outside the city). I tried to go to a bar by myself to pick someone up and i met some great people there but realised that the girls who go to bars aren't my type. I would say i am a 8/10 attractive wise and can keep a conversation going but I have no idea where to start to find a girl. I want to avoid searching online. I want to find someone to settle down with EVENTUALLY. turning 22 in a few days. Seeing as I have no friends, ill have to do it all solo. Need help.

>>17942081
glad I'm not alone but sorry someone else has/had to go through this. it sucks big time

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I don't have your fear of abandonment darlin' but I share your self-worth issues. We both feel like we are fucking amazing, desirable to the nth degree, that we could get fucking anyone we fucking wanted. 10/10s, easily. I could get a girl to touch herself, send me photos of her touching herself, with just words within an hour of knowing her. You could just go up to just about any guy and get him to fuck you within 15 minutes of knowing him.

Thing is? We are both pieces of shit and these people know it. They know we aren't worth fuck all, they know that a relationship with us just wouldn't work because we are so very fucked up. They will just get what they want from us and leave us feeling violated, used, and worthless.

That is what we believe because that is what we have experienced. It's not true, though. You are so much more than your beautiful looks, your talents. I'm so much more than my playboy persona filled to the brim with idealized romantic notions and image of success.

We are humans that just want to love and be loved. We are intelligent, caring, passionate, ambitious, giving, hardworking, hilarious, talented, beautiful, and ever so romantic. We have a vast pool of interests, likes, experiences, and are so eager to share them with someone that cares or listen and learn those things about another.

I have told you so many times my love... I found myself in you and I know the same can be said about you. I understand you, I know you. You are a good woman. I will never judge you. It is not you vs me. It is you and me. Not against the world, that's where I was wrong. It's you and me with the world being ours to share.

Of course it was always you. Who else, but you?

I love you with all my heart and God knows I'm nothing but.

I told my girlfriend it's over yesterday I called a bunch of times because I regretted saying it. It's been a day and five hours since I made the biggest regret ever. I feel like I'm going to kill myself if she doesn't talk to me. I'm not going to tell her that though, I'm trying to get to a point where I am buzzed enough to build up the courage to kill myself but sober enough to do it right.

>>17942152
same guy, let me just say, I don't know the details of your situation, but what you said echo'd EXACTLY how i've felt for the last 7 months. I think we need to be honest with ourselves: she's not coming back

The best thing to do is to completely walk away and let go of the expectation. I tried telling her/showing her that I've changed/grown/matured etc, and I have, but she made the decision to walk away, and only she can make the decision to return. But I'm absolutely sure she won't right now and she has to see the potential on her own, and any possible relationship in the future has to be a brand new start.

Holding on is only prolonging the difficulty, but everytime i see her/talk to her i fall in love all again.

We're going to make it anon. But first we have to accept that she really is gone.

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>>17940917
i really wish i could have a pet duck,
the area i'm in allows it but i live in an apartment and dont have enough money to move to an actual house where i can care for one..

The number one thing i want to do is understand the world and why everything is but... i know ill never do that.... not in my limited lifespan... so then i look to what may or may not be beyond death. What will become of me and all the pent up ambition i still have. I dont know thats what makes me look at death with such wonder it can be anything or it can be nothing at all and my pointless thoughts right now will not matter but in the end i know i will have no regrets. What is there to regret i lived life thats all that matters.

>>17942176
Well said, I completely agree. It hasn't been so long for me, but I already know I need to give her up, I'm just still in denial mode because I fell so hard for her. We'll make it through sooner or later. Thanks for your wise words and solidarity.

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Everyone from my high school is a failure...and I love every second of it. These were people with above 4.0 GPA's, wealthier than most, and all other shit, most got accepted into top tier Uni's. By all accounts they should have been living the life. But every single one of them failed out those Uni's and then dropped out of community colleges right after and are now working mediocre jobs. I know I am being a douche right now, but fuck off. It feels...great. I came from a poor family and tough life, yet these guys with quite the opposite couldn't make it out on top. I guess life is a little weird like that. I never thought that I would be one of the more successful ones of the class, not by a longshot.

Me siento tan, pero tan boludeada. Mierda carajo.

I used to be in love with a girl that I thought was literal divinity, but due to her problems I began loose more and more of what made me myself as I began to care about her situation more that mine so so I started hanging out with another girl and her friends, just as friends, but when I realized that I loved them both I left the one with problems because she had made me into a hollow husk of my former self, unfortunately the sheer amount of myself I put into that last relationship coupled with the fact that I later learned she never really loved me and was sexing up someone behind my back broke something in me. Now I'm with this other girl who I can actually go and have fun with instead of having sex all day and I love her more than life itself, but she wants to leave the state far away for college and I'm running out of time until she goes. It kills me every day and the only thing I can think about is my last girlfriends words when she let me know that I meant nothing to her. There I said it.

>>17940917

I'm not suicidal, I used to be but I haven't been for a while. But I would really like it if I could just die.

All ya'll motherfuckas need Jesus.

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all of my friends are leaving to o to college, amnd I keep cutting off peoplr whenever they try to get close to me
i'm a NEEt wage cuck that can't talk to girls
i completely destroyed my only relationship with a girl and i founf out todayy that she is now dating one of my friends

but its all okay because i'm drowning myself in vodka and cream soda
I want to die

Fuck spanish. I have to take a semester of spanish because I'm missing a half credit required to graduate high school. I fucking hate spanish. It can go die in a fire.

>>17942335
>NEEt
>wage cuck

Its nEET and you aren't one if you are a wage cuck

> no Employment, Education Training

>>17942357
Not in Education, Employment or Training.
You're both wrong it's NEET.

ever since you left me, things have been really boring and numb. i started cutting myself again and ive come really close to killing myself. not because you left me, but because i realise that I am really inferior. i hate being alone and you were only a temporary relief for me. I realise that ive pretty much been alone my whole life, but this made me want to spend more time with my brother who has helped me a lot more than i realise. I still wake up thinking of you, but i only now realise that it's the thought of you. you really arent right for me, but youve been the best Ive had and your issues were something i could brush off my shoulder.
at first, the hardest part was thinking about the guys you may have fucked on new years, when you kept telling me on christmas you were soooo looking forward to finally spend new years with a boyfriend. leaving me before new years almost put me in my grave but my brother was there for me. I stabbed my wrist with a knife before i came over to test myself to see how far i would want to go, but i knew i didnt have to be alone on the one holiday that i hated more than ever, the one holiday you told me "its okay because youll have me this new years". I am getting better now though. I am back on my meds, yes, but its the price i pay for believing you when you told me you loved me.
you are just a stepping stone in life, and i have to just accept that you are never coming back and its finally coming to that point soon. im scared for my birthday and i really hope you don't message me, yet i know its best that i block your number. I wish it were easier for me to find someone, but i know that ill be searching AT LEAST for a year to find someone else, but itll have to be a lottery win for me to be as happy with whoever it is as i was with you. i wish you all the best. I truly do have to let you go. it would be easy if you werent showing up in my dreams too. three girlfriends, first two cheated, but you messed me up harder than both of them

I feel like killing myself.
I'm finally done looking at fucked up shit on the Internet but I feel like such a horrible person for what I did. It was like a train wreck. It was so strange. For some reason I looked/read horrible disgusting things when I became a wreck emotionally. I genuinely made myself feel sick. I actually traumatized myself. I know it was all fictional but I feel disgusting.

>>17942387

Also my medication doesn't work anymore and it makes me feel extremely sick both physically and mentally.

Wow so everyone is super emo tonight and if anyone has any info on wtf is up with that lemme know because coincidentally

My mom just attempted suicide 4 hours away from here in the city we used to live in. She was fixing up the old house to rent out, drank a lot of alcohol, and the rest I'm not entirely sure about because my step dad randomly broke down and told me around midnight.

I regret leaving where I was and if I was to ever come back because of the toxicity bs here, I would never let dude know I'm back. I would go for me not for duder.

I'm finally fucking growing up. Learning everything the hard way sucks but you grow up so fast.

I feel like I'm gonna fucking kill myself or die from a heart attack. I wish I could just slip into a coma. I can't take this anymore. I feel like I fucking deserve to die. I hate myself so much.

I'm so glad I'm not a lolicon anymore.
I was so fucked up and for some reason reading that shit made me feel better about myself. But this all started because I began reading it when I was 11. So it was a whirlwind of bad habits, coping for my overwhelming depression and not being able to stop looking at horrible things.

>>17942403
I don't know man I'm feeling it too

My neighbors had speakers in their backyards and some pretty nifty surveillance setup, which was used to harass the shit out of me.

I spit in a dignitary's yard because I thought he called some secret service goons to get rid of me so he could hump his wife and have kids in peace. I was under surveillance by multiple parties, bored old people, and higher powers.

The cops committed civil rights violations and fucked with me pretty hard for a long period of time, and I've been assaulted within the triple digit range in the past 2 years as a result. I was basically provoked and tricked, had a human response, and as a result was nearly murdered multiple times.

My sex drive has been replaced with wanting to wear a nice uniform, shoot guns and blow things up.

I think this will be my last post on 4chan ever.

I hate you all.

That is all.

>>17942507
Love ya fag lightem up

I just want to be done with college I'm beginning to resent my friends that are out of college because I feel like they arent even proud of what they have completed because they don't have jobs in their field yet, but it's been 3 years and many classes failed and im just now seeing the end of my associates degree. With at least 2 years left to go, Im thoroughly envious of some people who didn't even attend their own graduation

Fuckers

I'm not mad at you. But there are a few things I need to say.
Firstly, I know your secret. I know you've been dating N. I'm not sure for how long, but I've had a suspicion for a while now. It wasn't until my sister confirmed it that I knew.

But don't be upset with her. It's something she pretty much had to tell me. If your brother was into someone, but you knew she was seeing someone else, you'd let him know too I'm sure.

And I know I never asked you out. But why would I? You kept saying ask throughout last year that you didn't want a relationship. But I'm partly to blame on that because i didn't know casual dating was an option. But it is what it is.

But I'm not mad, nor am I ignoring you. But since you're seeing someone else, I'm just gonna give you some space. That's all.

Every day I wake up wishing you were dead.
Every day I'm disappointed.

>>17941513
>she's just not that into you

>>17942403
I'm 24 and I haven't seen the term emo get used since High School.

these past few months ive been changing. i feel it, other people have noticed it, but heres part of the story.

i was at a party, and a co worker was able to hook up with an older woman at said part, i was in i sex rut and had just gotten into a relationship,but i tried as well to no success. me and the girl i was dating got in a fight and we broke up. this all set my mind alteration in motion. ive had a few "relationships" since then, that have all failed, my job has been treating me like shit for years, and im really at the end of my chain. i feel like no matter how hard i try or work my ass of it never pays off. i feel like the only time people want anything to do with me is when they get something out of it.

long and short, im in a pissed off mood all the time because i get treated like shit, but when i lash out, im the asshole. i dont fucking get it.

Why do we need to fly? You know I hate flying. Why do we need a hotel room if we're visiting my parents? They have a room we can sleep in for free but you're going to make me pay $800-1200 to stay at a hotel around the corner? I know you want some privacy but goddamn we better be fucking every day.

We should just drive. We need to rent a car anyway when we get there; might as well rent one here and make the trip ourselves. I've done it before.

The $1600 we'd save could go towards a nice vacation or new furniture or something, anything...just seems so wasteful...

>>17942769
greyhound

i'm sad guys. i'm trying everything to make myself feel better. comfort foods. exercise. favorite movies and tv shows. music. etc.

i just can't shake this feeling. i know it will pass. is that pretty much it? i have to take it on the chin and just deal with it

>>17942803
that, or you can find something that gives you a sense of fulfillment.

>>17942809
thanks. you're right. i should just try to focus on what gives me a sense of purpose and like you say fulfillment.

>>17942811
even if its something small. trying working at you local shelter or see if the YMCA needs help with anything. worst case you just dont do it again if you dont like it.

>>17942814
i think what's screwed me is that i just moved and i'm jobless, so volunteering could alleviate my grief. finding a job is a pain.

>>17942817
i know this feel man... thankfully my fiance makes enough to support us both for a while. feelbadman.jpg

I'm pretty sure I blew my chances with the girl of my dreams. Does not trust me at all and hangs around a friend all the time.

Is there such things as fate or destiny? Or am I just blessed with unluckiness cause' everyone I'm related is a massive shit fuck failure(including my fucking self).
Holy shit, fuck you Dad for wasting the family's for smokes and beers. You're wasting the potential to move up middle class but you're just a selfish cunt. Fuck you too Step - Ma, you scream at your kids thinking it will teach em' but no it makes it worse. Fuck you Mom for hitting during when I was growing up. Fuck you for becoming a gold digger and depending on rich men for money you ugly fat fuck. You could've actually trained and learned how to adapt to an actual workplace environment. Fuck both of you's for being shitty raisers and poor fucks. Why are you even allowed to breed? pulling me into this world.

Also fuck you too buddy. You lazy procrastinating retard. All those you make every year you make and you never succeed in them. I bet you're just gonna stay where you are aren't you? You're just gonna turn out like them. If you want to change you do it now not tomorrow you shit. Get your shit together buddy. You Are 19.
You are Unemployed. You better be angry right now you shit cause that's your problem. Everything is your problem. Go change it, cause' won't always be here for you.

>>17942828
thanks man good luck i hope everything works out out
for you

File: RR.jpg (92KB, 427x500px) Image search: [Google]

92KB, 427x500px

Remember that time I was laying down with my head rested on your lap while you were adorably engulfed by your game and completely unaware of my admiration? I remember every part.

Looking up at my woman my eyes trailed the contours of your fragile collar bones, noting every bit of shimmering light on smooth, silk skin. Your pale affliction contrasted gorgeously the cascading waterfall of raven black hair which gracefully caressed a slender neck and pooled upon delicate shoulders. My gleaming eyes, after loitering awhile in such artistry, ascended upon your chin kissed with a mark of beauty and a dimple which matched my own. Your lips burned of a deep crimson and your smile was flanked on either side by the cutest of dimples illuminated by the light they captured... These, your smile lights. Mine eyes trailing upward again, passed a button nose so cute it should be criminal and cheeks that are the definition of womanly envy. Any lady would kill to have such sensual definition. God, I absolutely adore every feature as they all perfectly encapsulate femininity and beauty.

It's your eyes though... which steadied my gaze. I laid there in that hotel room looking up at all of this splendid wonder, lost in absolute bliss but all of this is nothing compared to the feeling, the love, the sight I was so lucky to be of witness. I never dreamed I would ever see something as absolutely beautiful as your celestial eyes. Every light in the world was reflecting, gleaming, shining in your dark amber eyes as if stars in the night sky and like shadowy auroras your flowing lashes swept outward, framing all that is perfect.

In that moment, a moment that was all mine, a moment in which you were completely unaware of the fire igniting within the man resting his head on your lap... I was the happiest I had ever been in my entire life.

I love you.
There are no words which convey just how much.

c-ching chong ding dong me wan sumfing sucky sucky fucky wucky. Me a sexy china doll for you to give the munny ching chong.

I have the dumbest family in the world.

just the fucking dumbest.

I might be mentally unstable and quite broken but holy shit guys. Fucking read a non-fiction book for like... ONCE in your lives.

You know adv i weeded out a bunch of deranged 'women' off this board notice the quality has less of pathetic cunt rag vibe? Yeah you can thank me later fags.

>>17942982
It's really shit these past days.
People literally making /r9k/ tier threads not even pretending to ask for advice or anything.

In conclusion you've done hot fart and you're patting yourself on the back over Internet business as well.

Healthy person 10/10 thanks for posting.

Get out of my mind. Just when I thought I was over you and could move on to that nice girl I met at the party last weekend you show up in my dreams and remind me why I was so crazy over you when we were together. My whole day was spent in a depressing funk because of one simple dream. I tried hard to push the moments we were together to the back of my mind, but it's impossible to remove them completely.
I despise how I forget so many things, but not you.

Repost from other thread:

I broke up with my ex-GF 3 months ago, and I learned about a month ago, she is going back to her abusive ex-fiance, who raped her a year ago. I e-mailed her about it and yelled abuse at her. She said he cheated on her in less than a week, but she still wants to be together with him, believing he would change. The bastard is going to have another kid with another woman soon. It's insane. Why the fuck would anyone be with such a person? Anyways, we had an awful e-mail exchange; I was so angry to the point that I wanted to punch her in the face. Things she used to say about him are totally 180 now; like how he is peaceful, loving, and caring. She said she considers me more violent than her ex because I yelled abuse at her. I don't know; I hate myself.

I was so angry; this girl gave me so much pain, but I still care for her, and I don't want her to fuck her life. When she said she fucked him again, I couldn't control it. I had been cucked by her; she used to fuck with my heart and my head, toy around with me. I told her I was not her nice guy anymore. Her last reply was, "You are scum, like your uncle and the guy who raped you". My uncle beat my mother so bad that she tried to kill herself, and I was raped as a kid. I haven't responded to it yet. I am so heartbroken.

I am shocked, and I am also guilty that I called her a whore, a retard, and a bitch. Should I ask for forgiveness?

fucking christ I want to fucking die. I want to fucking die. I want to fucking die. My stomach, fucking CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK FUCKING DEATH WOULD BE A MERCY.

it hurts so fucking badly christ..... no. NO. Just fucking kill me. Fucking kill me. FUCKING. KILL. ME.

>>17940917
This is so stupid and I didn't mean what I said so literally, but I'm a dumbass and it just slipped out with any residue of resentment and anger.

I just didn't want to be called a bitch or asshole in my own home, and you putting yourself above me and saying how you're sick of explaining stuff to me...

I'm 6 years younger than you.. You need to be realistic as well. Plus the countless times you've domineered me when you let me stay at yours, saying how you simply wont allow for something because its your home.

I'm really trying to come out my shell, now that I've got my home and getting the qualifications. I'm done with being beta chick. I'm not about that beta life anymore, and I want to share any success i have with you, and for you to feel success as well.

I want to call this our home, and eliminate the resentment

>>17942160
The most thrilling and terrifying part is the melodies, and images existed before you appeared. Your pain is my pain and more. I love you too more than you could imagine. We may be shit but we enhance growth. Soon my heart of hearts.

The Reflection

>>17942887
*tips fedora*
"M'lady"

>>17943037
>. Should I ask for forgiveness?
No tell that cunt you wont be waiting for her after he rapes her again

How do you release bitterness? I'm bitter about a lot of things and have been for years and it's literally destroying me.

>>17943202
Channel it into something positive.

Tired of this.

I chew my food and spit it out because I believe I deserve nothing. On top of that I'm doing excessive amounts of cardio.

Maybe one day I'll look like her and I'll understand what it's like to be loved back. Until then, I want to see my bones.

I'm coming back for you. It's clear to me that you've fallen for a pol meme, it isn't who you are. Once you realize that I had to go through everything I did recently to grow more, you'll appreciate the changes. I've given you time and space to do the same. It hasn't dented the love, of that I'm sure.

Well through people's bullshit I've learned that while I do hear voices I don't hear voices of people I know. Every time one of my "friends" played dumb after I heard them talking shit they were really talking shit and playing it off. I've cut ties to almost all of those people. I know now my "friends" mom killed herself because of his role in all this bullshit. I believe her words were "I've created a monster" and something about a surprise on Friday. On Friday she was found dead. That's a testament to all the shit I overlooked about him and his flaws. In reality he's a loser piece of shit that is headed no where in life. He sleeps with his "friends" wives/girlfriends. For example he was fucking around with a girl named Sarah who was married with children. He's a garbage human being and I'm not overlooking it anymore.

I've only ever wanted you to heal so you can move on.

It's been 7 years and I can't get past high school.

I really can't advance in life.

Kinda sucks.

>>17943014
I dream about you, too.

>>17943407 cont.

I'm never having a fucking thing to do with him and most people I know through him anymore. Then there is the "friend" that I'm currently stuck living with. Pretty much decided today that I need to pack my shit and move. He has a problem controlling the volume of his voice so I hear about everything he says. I know he's lying to me and hiding something from me so I'll keep living here. I don't have room for ambiguity and other bullshit like this in my life and he's not going to be a good & honest friend to me then I don't want to be around him. I can barely stand being in the same room as him anymore. He's just steadily declined to being a shitty friend. I ask him to do something for me or help me with something he says sure but puts it off till it turns into an emergency. When he asks me to do something or help him with something I am usually the one focused on completing the task and not putting it off till it becomes asks emergency. I think he gave me some stuff to try and make up for whatever exactly it is he did, but still. Like I said I have no room or tolerance for ambiguity in my life. Learned that lesson by dating a what turned out to be a slot. Every time I'm around them I just think of this bullshit and get angry. No point in trying to talk to them because they'll just lie to my face again and pics me of more.

Everything's gonna be okay.

I was going to go out to see if you were there last night, but I felt so terrible I fell asleep. I feel better today. Tomorrow I may see you. I promise I won't bother you. It's just comforting to that you're still around. I'd like to at least greet you by name and ask how you're doing but it occurs to me that I never once even said your name to you, nor did you ever really introduce yourself to me. Or perhaps I've forgotten. But we've never had more than a five-minute conversation so all of this is just stupid. Still, seeing you is fine with me, even with some girl, because you're always with some girl. None of that matters any more, because my life like that is pretty much over.

>>17943426 cont.
And here I am, stuck, no job, forced to depend on a person I no longer want in my life. I've must've applied to over 100 jobs in the last 3 months and still haven't gotten a job with all my technical, electrical and mechanical skills. I don't know what to do anymore. I should just grab the glock and fucking end it. Or go get heroin and od. Everything is shit anyways, it always has been, my eyes are just open to it now and I can't fucking keep dealing with it. All I want is a decent job and some decent friends but I can't even get that out of life. Even my dad is hiding shit from me and kinda pulling the same shit but not on a dickish level. Some of his comments catch me as weird and I deduct that he knows more than what he is telling me which just makes me paranoid as to what the fuck it is.

>>17943415
Did you fuck that guy over the holidays?

At what point do you need to seek a therapist?

I'd like to remain strong and fix everything on my own, but more and more it seems like that is going to be more trouble than it's worth.

>>17943407
>>17943426
>>17943444
ah man, get the fuck out of that house and stop seeing people that use you or try to play ambiguous mind tricks with you

I will miss you, like no other. It's a shame that I let my negativity get away from me and completely sabotage our relationship.

I should have been patient, and understanding. You had much you wanted to accomplish, I always knew you did. I should have been supportive. As I used to be, but I let everything get away from me.

The last 10 years you have been my best, closest and most beloved friend. In my darkest times you were there for me, you were always there. In my weakness I let my fear and paranoia push you away. I will hold this regret in my heart forever. Maybe someday I will have the ability to move on and take what you have taught me into the future.

I love you, I always will, as I always have since we met but I fully understand why you have chosen to walk away. For these 10 years, I remained loyal to you, my heart never strayed far from yours, and my mind never wandered from thoughts of you. And, I must respect your choice.

Sadly, I lost my way and you as well. I was fearful and let it get to me. You are the only woman I will ever love like this, after you there will be none. The other's that you had jealousy for, they weren't close to what I feel for you, even now. Like Fry from Futurama, I am stupid, I panic, I get lost in life, but you, whenever I was with you I felt at peace. You were smart, strong, had a clear vision for yourself, and I admire and love that about you. You were the Leela to my Fry.

For you I am willing to change, to learn, and understand. But I think our hearts are no longer in sync like they used to be. We learned about each other and were able to almost read our minds, but I became so engrossed in us, that I forgot about you.

If it takes forever, I will wait for you. For a thousand summers, I will wait for you. Like Fry had to wait 1013 years to be happy with Leela, I will do the same. I gave you my heart, something I can never give to someone else.
1/2

>>17943495
2/2
I wish you luck, and hope you reach those goals and dreams you wanted to accomplish.
I really wish we could have seen what we coukd have accomplished together, as one heart and mind.

Forever yours in time.

I can't handle this crushing loneliness that just won't go away. I'm stuck in the darkness that has taken ahold of me. I tried to move on from everyone that I have loved, but the way they abandoned me tore deep scars in my mind and soul. I have improved my health and looks but no one wants to get near me. I feel they judge me for what I am. I belong to a race that is been percieved as losers, simple suicidal alcoholics. They only ones that seem to bother reply to my messages are the ones that I have fallen in love with. I feel like they only do that just out of pity. I am in a pit I that can't escape and all my efforts are gone to waste. Everyday the thought of suicide seems to get more intense but I don't want die like that. I don't want to be remembered as a loser that don't belong in this world. A forgotten soul that is destined to rot in hell.

>>17943444 cont.

I'm just fucking sick of it, of everything. Seems like no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I care, no matter how much effort I put in I still get the short end of the stick. Doesn't matter what aspect of my life I look at it seems to hold true. All of my experiences has just made me more and more wary of people and their intentions. Now I've pretty much isolated myself and have minimal interaction with people. It helps the anxiety at least, and as long as I can keep that in check I don't have to worry about what it turns into. My days mostly consist of sitting in my bedroom, looking for jobs and setting up interviews. And so far it has been a giant waste of time. I'm doing everything I should be doing and it's going no where and I'm not sure why. I've never had this much trouble landing a job before and it makes me wonder if it has something to do with the bullshit I've had to put up with from my "friends" and co-workers. I don't know. I don't know much about anything anymore.

>>17943473
I wasn't really looking for anyone to respond, I just needed to get it out.

That's exactly what I'm going to do, but I'm kinda stuck at the moment.

File: unknown.png (290KB, 745x470px) Image search: [Google]

290KB, 745x470px

>drake and trevor watching TV in drake's room, it appears to be some type of game show a woman is on
>her shirt is wet, as she pulls it outwards and lets it go, hitting her against the stomach
>it accidentally rolls upward in the front after hitting her partially exposing her breasts
>she give an "oops" type of laughter
>drake: "why did she have to do that? i squirted semen and everything"
>trevor: "have you ever actually thought about having sex for real?"
>drake: "i'm not the type, then i'd have to start carrying condoms and everything"
>trevor: "look all the guys agree, we've got this thing set up and you're going to try it"
>drake: "hey man i don't care what you say, i am not going to do that"
>arrow transition
>door to drake's room opens and drake and trevor walk in
>drake: "i can't believe i just did that"
>trevor: "don't worry, now that you had sex you can have these"
>trevor hands drake some condoms in red wrappers
>drake: "but now that this is all done, what else do i have to look forward to?"
>trevor: "there's plenty of things, like your band..."
>drake: "school..."
>they both look in each other's eyes and pause because they know they're about to say the same thing
>drake and trevor: "LITTLE SISTERS!"
>transition to outside in the snow
>drake still has the condoms on hand
>josh pelts drake with a snowball, he seems full of himself
>the two begin to make their way back but take different routes
>josh looks down and sees something in red wrapping on the ground
>he picks it up and realizes what they are, becoming livid
>once he meets up with drake he confronts him
>josh: "so, this is what you been doing huh?!"
>drake: "what are you talking about?"
>josh: "oh, so the condoms I found aren't because you're not a virgin?" he asks angrily as he presents them in this hands
>josh "this is you?, mr. perfect, mr. have fun all the time? it's cleared now"
>josh examines the front of the wrapper
>drake: "they're not real condoms josh! (josh, josh, josh..."
>fade out

>>17943415
Ugh, I guess that's true.

>>17943544
just to clarify, this is a dream i had

my fuckingggg stomachhhh fucking killl meeeeeee

Like a rusty bayonet twisting my intestine like a fresh plate of spaghetti

>>17943415
I can't heal. I really want to heal too but I just can't.

>>17943620
How long has it been?

>>17943674
Years. I can't even remember when it was the last time I was truly happy. I only had short days of pleasures of company, but those never last long.

>>17941009
>Stop screwing with me. You hardly talk to me for months, and when I finally decide to give up, you suddenly start talking to me every day? I know you don't want me so stop it. It's cruel.
Did you ask her out, buddy boy?

I am not how I am because of some wounds that never healed, I am how I am because that is me. That goes for my current lack of interest in relationships, too. I'm not asexual, I am just me. You do you and yours, keep out of my business and stop trying to get attention by trying to kick up an argument over nothing

I'm doing well in my education, my work experience is great. As long as I keep working hard, I'll be on track for a great academic career.
My work ethic is good and my supervisors like me. My family keeps telling me I'm clever and I should aim high.

I think I really just want to become a teacher. I don't need a great salary, I want to make a difference in some kids' lives.

I don't know if I'm willing to give up my career for the freedom and sense of purpose that teaching would give me. Right now the confusion is killing me and I really just want to drink and eat myself to death. I quit drinking three weeks ago, but tonight is hard.

I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself I fucking hate myself

why can't I do anything? I can't think straight for extended periods of time and I feel like shit about my work

>>17943717
Who are you? What's your initials?

>>17943732
Why would that matter to you on an anonymous imageboard in a thread designed for anonymous venting? I'm merely venting because I don't feel like telling someone the same thing again as I've had to several times before

>>17943738
Then there's no way I can move on.

Fucking /adv/ ignoring questions and drowning them out with their >tfwnogf cancer again.
Just kill yourself already and get it over with, you goddamn frogposters.

>>17943762
You likely aren't the person I'm venting towards. You likely do not know me in any way

>>17943598
i never shared it with anyone because it was too weird, anyone have any idea what it means?

>>17943770
I suspect that you might know who I am but you don't want to face it.

I'm wondering how much I can take before I end up killing myself

>>17943782
I don't have anyone I'd react that way towards. I can face anyone outright, the reason I'm venting here is because I don't feel like repeating myself just to get annoyed. Regardless, I am certain you do not know me, so I will leave absolutely no room for error:

I am not interested in relationships.
I am not interested in casual hookups.
I am not emotionally involved with anyone.
I am not holding out to be with someone.
I do not care whether someone else is in a relationship.
I will only do me, and anyone else should do their own.

There is no one in this world who has to "move on" from me in any way shape or form. There is no one in this world who has the ability to develop any feelings for me at any point in time because they aren't given the chance, I make it a very special point to cut that short before it can happen. I am not a good person, I am not kind, I am me

>>17943795
Get on my lvl niggu cuz I don't even talk to anyone because I am me with such an intensity that there is no energy for anyone else.
I'm and the meest me there has ever been. I AM I NIGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGHHH

What are your secrets. What are you hiding from me.

I have noticed. I have thought. You deny everything though and then berate me for not trusting you. You're hiding something. Something big.

You know I will accept you no matter what. You know me, every part of me. You know how troubled I can be. You know the love I give you is unconditional. It might not look it but you need me far far more than I need you. You're relying on me to save you from your old ways.

There are many things I suspect, things that would all fit oh so well. I can tell how you lie, I can tell when you're not where you say you are or who you say you are with.

You told me you hated your old safe and you were trying to change for the better. To remove that bitter, hateful girl from within and be loving, positive. You failed, badly. I don't think you meant to lie to me. I don't think you were lying. I think all the things you told me were things you wanted to be. You wanted to believe in my romantic views of love, loyalty, and devotion. You wanted to believe in my views of how people are good in the end. But like I always told you, my love, it's actions that matter. Words are meaningless without the act.

It would behoove us all to remember
that all we are is what we love
and not a fragment more.

I've told you this many times before
I cannot say it anymore.

I dreamt i performed cunnilingus on my friends girl, and she liked it.

>>17943795
You my friend sound absolutely terrified of letting anyone get close enough to hurt you.

>>17943825
Nope, not at all. I have friends, that's the most I need. But anyone who knows me knows right away that I'm not interested in any romantic side of things

>>17943825
As well they should. Getting hurt suks.

>>17943825
You value human relation too much if you think a guy cannot live a fullfilled life on his own.

>>17943837
Or maybe years of loneliness has gone too one's head and act out in sheere desperation.

>>17943867
Or maybe they tried being around people dislike it and enjoy being alone a lot more than being around others?

>>17943831
Why do you think you give this impression?

>>17943877
You just need a breather. The loneliness will sneak back into you and leave a deep cut. I know it more than most.

>>17943877
Spend enough time alone, you end up in a pretty dark place. Drinking to enable communication and friendships becomes a viable yet very destructive path.

So what do you want from me? To just wait this out while I suffer? You say "have you noticed? have you ever thought? Isn't it obvious?" and when I go "Uhh... no? What is it?" you say "it's nothing." and get extremely angry at me for "accusing" you of things.

it's so very frustration.

How old are you? That post from K said you were over 30 and you tell everyone 28 or younger. Which is weird, because I'm 30 and when we first met you were only a year younger than me.

You tell me you NEED trust in a relationship, but then you act incredibly suspicious and lie constantly. When all the evidence is point to a certain direction, I ask kindly for you to tell me the truth. You get angry. If I trust you, if I don't say anything at all you act like I'm stupid as fuck for trusting you. "Isn't it obvious?" you will say.

So, what is it? Are you a prostitute? A stripper? A cam girl? Do you belong to a secret "our-field-of work" sex club/orgy thing that meets up at events or something? Are you a lesbian? Bi? Are you in an open relationship with your friend M that you never told me about? You said you love your friends (guys and girls), what did you mean by that? Do you think friends share love by having sex with one another? Is your group of friends all swingers? Have you been married before? Those are c-section scars that you have. Now, they could also be scars from surgery of leukemia/lymphoma/endometriosis as well?

Now, I remember having a conversation with a girl back in 2014 where she told me that her ex-bf went insane and murdered a bunch of people. Like, mass shooting style. For some reason, I remember it as you telling me this.

Why can't I remember? That facebook account was banned and deleted. Lost everything. Also, when I first started talking to you I was SUPER FUCKED UP. I hadn't slept for 7 days straight and my memory is fucking shot from that time. Are you afraid I would repeat what he did because of my schizophrenia? Do you believe I'm dangerous?

I love you.

>>17943889
Riiiight bud people exist outside of your boundaries and limitations.
I have yet to feel regret or loneliness

>>17943889
>>17943895
How long have you two spent alone?

>>17943897
continuing...

Were you lying about getting a job up north? Did you really just go there to be with another man? is that why you kept delaying me moving in with you? Because you didn't get the job and just went up there to be with your ex? or that other guy? Is that why you would get so hostile about the reimbursement of travel costs? Why you would get so fucking angry when I asked you "hey, see if I can visit you at work!"?

Did you really go up there for him? That when you didn't get the job, instead you applied to a school in order to get your visa?

>>17943925
>>17943897
I'm not claiming any of these as true, I'm not judging you for anything. They aren't good nor bad but these are places my mind goes when you say "Have you noticed? Have you ever thought? Isn't it obvious?"

I know you have a mental disorder. I know you lie, you're manipulative, and you have many many secrets because you truly hate yourself. You lie because you think I wouldn't love you if I knew the real you. Oh, I so clearly know exactly who you are as a person.

You are so fucked up.

I am so fucked up.

I love you. I miss you. I trust you to be good. I will accept you and love you unconditionally no matter what. That you can believe. You can trust in me.

>>17943907
7 years.

>>17943925
Dude that sounds exhausting. Are you dating that woman?

>>17943897
>>17943925

Bros, I hate to break this to you but she/he/it has been monarch programmed. Once in they cannot just get out.

>>17943907
I don't socialize anymore due to health reasons. I've not been on a date in years, nor do I expect to meet anyone. I've spent about 10 years alone now, there is no redemption.

You, as well as many others, have asked me why I never speak. At first, I'd thought that it was merely because I had felt that there was nothing to say. Well, the real reason is simply that others do not wish to hear me speak.

I have tried. It's not that I cannot converse, but rather that I cannot engage. People do not seek the ordinary, and I seek nothing from others.

When none of your conversations end amicably , it's a bit disheartening. I try to connect, and I either get beat back down, or end up feeling like I've inconvenienced the person as they feel trapped by obligation.

You don't even exist anymore. The only people who still exist are not exempt from this. I'm supposed to smile and go along with it. To accept pity. I cannot leave. I am also obligated.

I don't know what I'm going to do.
Had I not been injected into these roles, my presence would have made no difference. It might've been a brighter path.

No confused hearts, no broken friendships, no obligations, no commitments... People could've done what they had wanted instead of worrying about me. Yet, here I am.

>>17943949
I'm going to marry that woman.

That's just how my mind works. I'm super fucked up. I am 100% schizophrenic and my mind just blasts through thoughts all day and night about everything. I analyze, assess, and can find meaning in everything. It truly is exhausting and I'm so very tired. This is worsened by some good ol' PTSD from being cheated on in my past relationships.

Worse still, I'm very well known within the artist community. Not just painters, but designers, fashion, entertainment, painters, photographers, and models. Oh, I paint women and women love to be painted. To have an artist, especially an artist like me, look at their nude form and call them beautiful is pretty much one of the most validating experiences. Because of this, and because I'm fucked up, I'm socially retarded and shy... I tend to get used a lot. Admiration of my persona get's confused for feelings of love and affection.

My persona is pretty much a 180 of my real character. Everyone thinks I would be a tall, fit as fuck, covered in tattoos with a hitler youth haircut and beard guy that just plows through pussy like it's nothing. Even after they see what I really look like (a massive dork), they STILL think I surround myself with leather jacket wearing, large breasted, dark hair women.

This, of course, makes the girl I love very insecure. She already has BPD, but then she has to deal with all of the projections above.

Now though, she has learned a considerable more about who I really am. Things will be better.

>>17943339
:(

>>17940917
It was fun just for a second to be a vagabond musician, but I could use some security now

i worry i will kill myself

>>17943993
>>17943936
Fuck, last one for now I promise.

I love you my darlin'. I made these posts to let you know I am NOT making assumptions. I made these posts to help you try to understand the way my mind works. To help you understand that when you act the way you do, when you say things like "Isn't it obvious?" or spend an absolutely retarded amount of time and effort in order to play, manipulate, and/or control me, the end result is going to be damaging. All you're during is fueling my insecurities, my past traumas, my PTSD, and my mental illness. If you don't want to hurt me, if all the hurt you've caused me fills your beating heart with guilt, the best way to avoid hurting me is just by being open, telling the truth. Being honest.

You catch more flies with honey, they say.

I also just wanted to let you know that no matter how bad things get that I will still love you with all my heart. There is nothing you can do to make me stop loving you. I know you far more than you think I do. Don't worry my dear, this is why I fell in love with you. We are all human. We all make mistakes. We are all born with beautiful imperfections. Mental illnesses, insecurities, desires, and all these faults combine with all the perfections, to create our unique selves.

We are blessed with many perfections and those imperfections just as well. If you didn't have your faults, if they were removed for something "better", then you wouldn't be the woman I love so very much.

>>17944052
Why is this? What happened?

>>17943339
What? Why? Who?

>>17944073
nothing happened, i'm just tired and can only see myself getting more tired. i either need to get better immediately or be dead, can't do this in between existing thing

I'm lying to you. I'll miss you a lot.

>>17944084
I miss you too.

My gf undermines my hobbies (interested in magic the gathering, warhammer, sci fi). She endulges them and buys me stuff for them and even takes part. I really love her (I am 23, she is 22) but it really pisses me off in the moment when she is so flippant about them, saying jokingly that 'she really doesn't give a shit about my interests' or 'are you going to waste more of your money on that?'.

It seems a ridiculous whilst writing this to be thinking it, but in the moment of her basically undermining my interests it really pisses me off. I normally ignore it and it's all fine, or if i mention it she gets really upset that she has upset me but then does it again. I don't know if i am just being a pussy, and it's just banter but it really gets to me (especially coming from someone who loves you). What do??

tl;dr - Anon's gf constantly undermines hobbies in a pseudo-joking manner, is he just being a pussy?

>>17944114
she's being a bitch.

Ok, it's not opiates causing me stomach pain ya dumb fucks. I have had this since middle school. It's an extremely common thing with my mental illness. It's stress, anxiety, and nerves that fuck up because of my obsessive thoughts and lack of coping ability. Opiates don't cause you to shit a hundred times in a single morning, absolutely agonizing (as in, comparable to child birth) pains, or the vomiting.

No one listens to me. It's the most frustrating shit in the world.

And no, I'm not going to take the muscle relaxers that I have in the past. You fucking know why. YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY.

>>17943993
You're going to marry the woman whose age you don't even know

>>17944142
Yup.

>>17944084
Oh no don't fucking say that. I know this is not him, but the last thing I need is to think he misses me.

>>17943837
Many people don't. Human relations are pivotal to a lot of our successes. I get the impression from you that you use people to boost your ego and then move on to the next willing victim.

I'm growing up too fast.
I despise myself for not loving my youth, for being unable to cherish my innocence, for not appreciating the little things that all too soon will be lost.
I despise myself, for I know I'll miss it. And I will miss you.

Grow up with me.

I prepared really well for an exam today
You get 33% of marks from MCQs, 33% from one essay and 33% from another.
I realized after the exam that I MISUNDERSTOOD the first essay question so none of the shit I wrote was relevant. I have no idea how little I'll get from that now.

Because of that I'm not studying at all for the exam in 2 days, I feel empty and I've given up
and I already spent way more time preparing for the first one so I can only imagine what the second one will be like

I can't stand London. I live alone. I work alone.


If i met myself as an 8 year old, I feel as he'd be disappointed in what i'd become. I probably could't look at him in the eye, and he'd probably not look up to me.

Im afraid to go to the doctor about how I've been feeling sick in my stomach for a year. I've looked up my symptoms and it seems like other women have experienced this, but can't find the reason behind it. I'm afraid to tell the doctor because some have reported that it's just in their head, and even therapy. I'm scared that maybe my symptoms are just in my head. Has anyone else ever had something like this? Please help me, I'm scared.

>>17944272
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2UgzgLX2DlI

Why am I still trying

Even if I can do my job, I still "can't act right"

My interests are repulsive to professional circles. The people I once called friends are living up their 20's while I struggle with timekeeping and organization.

Do I ever get to be more than the weird autist who always needs "adult supervision"??

I just got surgery to get my wisdom teeth out and apparently I was the 1% of cases where the nerves are damaged and you lose feeling in the lower part of your face forever and lose your sense of taste forever.

I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this. The thought of never being able to enjoy food again for the rest of my life just fucking kills me. I won't ever be able to enjoy kissing ever again, hell, I'm not even sure I'll be able to do it with no sensation in my tongue; I won't know how to move it.

If my sense of taste never recovers I'm not sure I can keep on living. My life was already shit before this, I can't go without the pleasure of food forever.

>>17940917
"As much as the one is worth, so too is the other."

>>17944281
Coward.

>>17944339
gg. thx

>>17940917
good god I need you to motor boat and squeeze my boobs right now

You're a terrible person and fuck you for thinking it's okay to treat me the way you did. And what makes it even worse is that you still probably think you're a good person and inherently better than me because of your religious bullshit. The worst part about it all is the dishonesty. I would have been fine with you using me if you would have asked me first. I would have been fine with us not being a thing if you would have talked to me about it. But no, you were just underhanded and shitty about it, and now that we don't have any more classes together, you ghosted me out of nowhere. Fuck you.

>>17944350
Are you me?

I'm just a teenage dirtbag baby

>>17944350
No I don't think I'm a good person, this is why I'm a believer, but you'll be a fool to think that you're a good person yourself. You don't give a damn about my feelings. It's all about you. I can't deal with your selfish needs. That's why I ghosted you. So fuck you for judging me.

Tired of my friends and family being fixated on their fucking phones any and everytime we're hanging out together

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>be on tinder
>some chick messages me
>talk a little, she asks me out, i say yes
>look her up on facebook a couple hours later
>intersectional feminist taking gender studies
==HELP==

OH she doesn't know what she's missing with me

>>17944432
I bet she does.

It's why shes not with you.

>>17944425
My current GF is a huge femanist. It was never something that has affected our relationship. So long as she isnt a misandrist rage-ess you should be fine.

>>17942087
How is it exactly the same?

>>17944432
But how does she know who I am?

And why does she give a damn about me?

>>17944425
Feminists are huge sluts dude, this is a good thing for you. Just fuck her and then never contact her again.

>>17944114
My ex used to do that with Dota and Rocket League, moan about how they're a waste of time and an addiction , even though I had a full time job and played in my free time while she was unemployed. And yet she bought me a fucking Rocket League t-shirt as a valentine's day gift that I never wear because I'm not actually spergy enough to be caught with vidya tees in public.

Fuck em mate.

>>17944425
>>17944551

The double standard that exists in this little us vs. them battle is that each side insists on believing that either being a feminist or not being a feminist is your defining characteristic as a person, meaning that in the mind of your average male 4chan user its impossible to be a person who just so happens to believe in feminist tenants, its either full blown tumblrina arm-pit-hair hose beast or nothing and life just doesn't work in such simple metrics.

This dichotomy is really strange because a lot of people here complain about people doing the same thing to them; hearing that they're into something like anime or vidya and immediately assuming they're full neckbeard basement dwellers.

I dunno, man. I'd encourage you to get to know her as a person but from your initial post it doesn't really seem like you're capable of giving people that chance.

10 days without swallowing food. How tf am I still so fat!?!?!?!?!?

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>17944627
Learn 2 science

Not eating is telling your body "Hey, fuck... guys... holy shit... we aren't getting any fucking energy. We need to ration what we have, alright? We will fucking die if we don't."

Your metabolism has gone to shit. The best way to lose weight is to eat 5 small meals during the day with at least an hour of mild exercise every other day. if you do this, you will for sure lose 1 pound a week. That's over 50 pounds in a year. That's fantastic! AND you stay healthy so you will just have more energy, feel better about yourself, and not be fucking retarded.

I'm sick of being clumsy even at my field of work
I'm sick of not having the will power to say NO to other people.
I'm sick of myself being almost passive at other people words.
I'm tired of not being full confident
I'm sad because i wan't to be healthier
I'm dissapointed for not doing what i proposed at short and medium term goals.

>>17944662
What were your goals anon? Talk about em, see if it helps.

It's super easy to say no to other people. Treat them like NPC's of a video game. Just go "Nah." and if they persist, just go "I don't want to, it's nothing personal. I just don't like you."

feeling sad
wish today never happened

>>17944718
What happened?

I'm so fucknig lonely

Just so people know, arguments in a relationship are a good thing. It's proof that the relationship is working. It's proof that you both care about what the other person thinks and that they understand each other's views.

There is a difference between healthy arguments and toxic ones. A relationship is not two halves coming together to make a whole. They are two COMPLETE individuals that no matter how similar will still have vastly different experiences, expectations, concerns, and issues. In order for two individuals to coexist they need to be able to communicate all of that two each other in a positive, constructive way. You need to be completely honest and trust that your partner will be able to calmly and lovingly hear you out. Lies hurt people. Lies lead only to more lies which just means more hurting.

Screaming, throwing things, name calling, ignoring, silent treatment, mocking, sarcasm, belittling, and all of that shit is destructive. if an argument, disagreement, concern, or whatever starts to reach this point then positive communication can no longer happen. This doesn't mean you should run away from the argument, however. It just means you need to recognize what's important... that you love this person and all you want is for them to better understand you. I honestly have no idea what to do when shit turns bad but I know from experience that ignoring someone or saying that their feelings aren't real (even if they are being irrational, they still FEEL like it's real.) is not a good way to END an argument.

When shit get's bad, maybe take a cool of period and make sure you both know that "Hey, We need to cool down but we are not finished talking about this. I love you."

I want to say talking to friends about your relationship is a BAD FUCKING IDEA. Your friends are INCREDIBLY FUCKING BIASED. They will always support you even if you're completely wrong. Besides, the argument isn't about what your friends think, it's about what your partner thinks.

>>17944757
To add...

If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner no longer argues with you... odds are they are done with the relationship. When someone goes "You know what? FUCK IT." when you would normally talk things out... :(

The important part here is that arguments are just going to fucking happen. There isn't a single loving relationship in all of history that never had an argument. Both people need to learn how to talk to one another and the different tools or ways to deal with disagreements. An argument/disagreement will only end positive if you both take preemptive measures.

>>17944740
Me too anon. Me too.

I'm so addicted to the internet. I'm wasting my life away. Should I get an old cellphone?

Jesus B,
I need to ride your fat cock soon. I need it stuffed so far in me that I can taste it. You're such a great tease online, I don't want to wait. I want you here, pounding into me mercilessly.
Horny in the extreme- J

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i dont know what im gonna do with my life, 18 currently last year in highschool and pretty much both of the things i love doing im not good at programming and drawing, everytime im programming and i can't solve something or do what i'm trying to do i just feel like i won't make it in programming and when im drawing i feel like i will never progress and i just don't know what i'll do if i can be good at either of those because i just get depressed thinking about ending up working in any other field and i don't have any idea where to go from here, maybe im over thinking it but i wish i was just good at something, i feel empty cause i have nothing going on for me in my life and i can't even excel in what im deeply interested with, this is annoying but im gonna keep trying, i hope i can look back few years from now and think that i was just losing confidence or something and that'd i'v finally became good at what i want and achieved something.

Now I'm thinking you found another guy. But I'm getting over you, slowly but surely. My nights are lonely, but my mornings are fine. Someday soon the whole day will be fine. You were shitty to me and it's finally sinking in. You may be pretty but how you treated me certainly wasn't. I feel sorry for whoever you date next.

https://youtu.be/2dfJQb1y2RI

No man is an island, and you my dear fellow thrive when you're in company. Always remember that you're loved.

>>17944794
Thrive when I'm in the company of a very specific woman. I'm a bitter, grumpy, fucking asshole to everyone else but RR turns me into a playful puppy.

>>17944794
Thank you, anon. It's nice to hear this. I just need to find some reliable company.

All you'll ever be is a liar and a coward. You are incapable of telling the truth. Glad I called you out on you and S's shit, there was obviously something going on between the two of you. And hey he's the one who made things way worse than he needed to be because he was a massive little bitch who couldn't handle things on his own. Shit's funny. There's a reason why I'm at where I am right now and you are where you are. You'll always be a fucking coward.

I feel like she stole so much of what made me happy in such a short amount of time, but it's unfair to think that because I knew exactly what I was doing. I want to blame her for everything but that does no good for either of us. I wish she would stop obsessing over me so I could stop obsessing over how much I've come to hate her. I'm so disgusted with us.

>>17944778
what if she didn't though?

Your disappearance was out of the blue.
It's my favorite color.
Just not on you.

I hate my own race of women because they go for other races of men.

This is also unreasonable because Im good looking and they throw themselves at me. But fuck them anyway. Im good looking and about to finish a good degree with a high paying job outlook. But this interracial shit makes me sick, fuck you.

end vent

>>17944893
Then I think she's probably depressed and that makes me the asshole :o

Just having a tough time losing her and I'm assuming a lot.

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>>17940917
I fucking knew I didn't upgrade to win 10. I lost my mouse sensibility. I will never have it back

I dont know why but deep down I know im unhappy with myself; I trie to fake that im not but i just want to cry and let it all out but I cant.

Going through all of that bullshit was worth it. I'm so thankful for where I am right now and for what I have. Thank you.

If I trace my life so far, there's a sudden drop somewhere between 13 and 16. Before then, I used to be, well, normal. I had dreams for what I'd want to do when I grew up. I got along pretty okay with people. I did amazingly in school, nearly skipping two grades (though I refused). Crushed on a few girls, as most did. I was even very religious. Then, something happened. Fast forward just a tiny bit. I couldn't think of what I really wanted to do - seeing how those old dreams were impractical. I slowly cut contact with people, to the point of becoming a near-hermit. I almost failed high school - part due to difficulty, part lack of motivation. I never bothered to act on any crushes, assuming failure from the get-go. There was no trace of how religious I used to be.

Some of it, I can speculate on, find logical reasons. I used to spend a lot of time in hospitals, being sickly and having several inborn or otherwise permanent medical issues. That led to falling behind in studies and socializing - visiting was impractical to non-family members, as the town I actually lived in was hours away from the city the hospital was in. It led to some bitterness toward religion: As I saw it, I was arbitrarily chosen to have a body much worse than everyone else, and were more or less expected to simply deal with it, even by God. Then some issues were self-perpetuating - increasingly worse grades leading to lower motivation, that in turn leading to less effort, etc.

But in the end, that doesn't explain why it hit me so hard, and ruined everything. Even when I pick it apart, even when I consider every problem I have from a logical standpoint, it doesn't explain how it remained like this until now, with me being 25. And why it's still the same. Now, I feel as though all these piled up mistakes will prevent me from ever achieving anything meaningful. And even when I rationalize that's not the case, there's just... nothing. No drive. I no longer know what I want. I don't know what to do.

>>17945006
Nothing worth having comes easy.

We have something great now.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

I can't find a reason to live, or strive to be better. Doing it for the vague reason of 'for myself' isn't working. I don't give enough of a shit about myself to improve or do much of anything if there is neither a practical benefit that I can appreciate nor one that is acknowledged and appreciated by someone else.

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I don't know whether to be proud about it, but I've finally realized that I'm a fuck up and I'm starting back from square one. NEET for two and a half years but upon going out recently with old friends I realized how much I was missing out on. This year is going to suck but I guess some suffering now is worth it for peace later.

Still, it stings knowing I wasted two or so years doing nothing and almost a decade due to jerking around and not getting my shit together. At least I might have some more time ahead of me to enjoy.

Just need a haircut. A relative has loaned me a beater car that seems okay. A haircut and rapid-fire applications to places around me. Fuck, I know this is going to suck but I gotta do it.

>>17945198
Good on you. I've been a NEET for four years and barely better for another three, and I just can't find the motivation to do get myself out of this pile of shit I worked myself into.

But then, making up for seven years is different than two.

Every single fucking thing I actually want to do is impossible. Either it's because I'd need actually working legs to perform the job, I lack the necessary education and would be too old to actually get a basic position by the time I'd finish it, or it requires far more initial funding to start up than I could potentially manage or borrow being poor as shit.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? Settle for something I have no passion for, for the rest of my fucking life? Because that seems like a shit way to live.

Excuse me for the interruption, I would really love to vent. But, back then with too much happiness, anger, and sadness... I feel like I have lost all my emotions and therefore have a hard time trying to vent. Help :c

>>17945196
I know, right? It's almost as if that's the entire point of living. As if... we live to attract a mate so we can create new little people that look like us. Like, all that hard work, all that suffering, all that we have accomplished in our lives is meant solely to impress someone you love. The harder you work yourself, the more you endure, the more you expect the person you love to do the same. It's like, we as a species are suppose to crave that kind of interaction and all of this "Well, you have to learn how to just live by yourself and find your own meaning for living" was created by a bunch of fat fucking losers that would rather make excuses for their loneliness.

I want a beautiful woman to share my life with and that's all I want. I'm not a horrible person because of this. I want that woman to want to share her life with me.

Kill me because I want to love and be loved as the goal of my life. Anything else I do is simply to achieve that goal.

God I love my woman.

>>17945202

It is hard but I guess I've finally gotten fed up with my situation and just want change, even if it's rough. I've grown to dislike sitting inside most of the time. It feels like I've just been caught in a loop of stagnation and anything right now would be helpful to break it. I'm even welcoming failure at this point in my job search. I don't want it, but I'll welcome it since it'll keep me on my toes and lead me to improve myself and my approach.

Even though it's two and a half as a neet about six were spent before wasting away at dead-end job I hated, not trying to move up a little or utilizing my time and money in a productive way. Right now I'm looking at another dead-end job or mcjob, but I plan on being smarter about my cash, opportunities and time. Maybe returning to school if I can or find my passion.

Sorry for rambling. I really don't know what to say to you anon other than you're not alone and good luck. I've had plenty of people tell me to get a job, get my shit together, give advice or act positive but it just comes down to you. I just can't deal with this shit anymore after the other day. I guess I just had a wake-up call.

>>17945245
also I super hyper mega want a blowjob right now god damnit.

>>17945245
Nah, I mean, fuck, man, if someone CAN find a meaning for their lives that doesn't rely on outside perception of their worth, all the more power to them. But I sure can't. Every single goal, every aspiration I could ever think of either boiled down to "thing people respect" or outright impressing or benefiting a specific person. Problem in the end being, I no longer have anyone I want to live for. Exist, maybe - I can't kill myself as long as my parents live. But they don't need me. Nobody needs me, nor does anyone particularly want me to succeed, nobody pushes me toward that, actively or merely by existing. And that's what makes it all so difficult, y'know?

>>17945245

Different strokes. I've been in relationships and honestly feel no need for them or any romantic companionship at all. Sex is great but I'm not going to die without. The thought of children honestly is very unappealing and I've never wanted any at all. I have close friends and acquaintances and that's that. I've lived like this for a decade or so now with no troubles or anything.

Sure, there are 'fat fucking losers' that will mask their loneliness with excuses but there are people out there that genuinely don't need all of what you've described. I've accepted I am really an odd person. Those around me act genuinely concerned about my relationship status, like I'm just covering or making up shit. I just do not care at all and I'm happy by myself.

This isn't saying I won't contribute something to the world. I volunteer, donate, help people in need, etc. I just don't have a normal approach to life. I don't need a wife or children. I need those around me to be happy and maybe a few things to be a bit better before I leave this place. That's it. Simple.

>>17945286
how old are you?

I legit see no way I could ever be in a relationship. Even ignoring the purely personal and fixable issues, that is. It's not even necessarily that I'm ugly - my face wouldn't stand out in a crowd either way, really. It's more the... well, almost everything else. I've a multitude of medical issues leading to some slight (yet highly noticeable if I were nude) disfigurements and countless surgical scars. That's bad enough, really, but I've seen people with worse shit than I've got get in a relationship. No, it gets worse. Two fucking things, in particular, are a dead stop for my chances at love, one more than other. The first one is impotence. Now, that's pretty fucking shit, especially since breaching the subject is difficult, and finding someone who doesn't mind either the lack of some serious awkwardness with the intimate portion of a relationship is pretty fucking close to impossible in my experience. The second, though? Incontinence. Need I say more? I have no fucking interest in dating exclusively people with a nasty fetish, but I can't imagine anyone normal actually being remotely capable of somehow overlooking a problem like that. I mean, fuck, I wouldn't.

And I just don't know. I can't accept never finding love. Maybe I really should just off myself, at this rate. I mean, shit, 30 isn't that far away, at that point I'll have "too old for a first relationship" to add to the list of problems.

>>17945296

32. Turning 33 in two months.

My life seems pointless unless I'm dating or I like someone. And I don't like people often. This is kinda inconvenient.

>>17940917
FUCK KEN AND THEIR FUCKING PLAYERS WHO HAVE FUCKING BAD CONNECTION
WHY DO I HAVE TO SUCK AT THIS GAME FUCK SHIT FUCK

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I want my old fast food job back so bad. I no called no showed as a quitting method because of personal issues in regards to myself and my family. Moved to a different state to be with family and now I'm having a very hard time finding work.

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I fucking love you so much you have no idea. I care about you more than I care about myself. I go out of my way all day, every day, to check in on you and try to make you happy. I know you don't feel the same, and that you never will. You love him, not me. You said you were crying about him and I tried to help, knowing that this would make it harder for me, but I didn't care. I want you to be happy more than anything in the world.

I miss you, S. I miss you so much.

We have only been separated for two weeks but I don't think I'm over you yet. I don't even know if I can truly move on. Heck, I can't even masturbate anymore, the girls remind me too much of you everytime. Please get back with me. I love you.

>A little over a year ago I start a new job at a restaurant
>Immediately a particular server catches my eye
>She's gorgeous, but different. She's unique, interesting. Weird but in such a good way.
>Straight up manic pixie daydream girl trope
>I want to ask her out, but it's work. I think she likes me but she's so eccentric she could just be hard to read
>I'm personally still overcoming lingering insecurities after a purely toxic two year relationship.
>Every time I get an opportunity to ask her out I freeze up.
>She gives me all the signs in the world. She gives me her number, she sings to herself and looks at me whenever she comes upon a line like "I really like you" or "You're my favorite guy".
>I still do nothing
>I finally decide that I'm tired of this and I want to make a move
>Decide to ask her out
>She walks into the kitchen, right up to me
>this is it, I'm going to do it
>"Hey anon, do you know anyone who's looking to buy a bed."
>"why are you selling a bed?"
>"Because I'm moving. And not a minute too soon."
>She's leaving. Moving back home on the other side of the country.
>Over the next few days it becomes the talk of the restaurant how everyone knew how much we liked each other but I never did anything for some reason.
>One cook asks her why I didn't do anything.
>Apparently she just says, "I know, right?"
>Realize how she also liked me but I never made my move.
>Now she's leaving forever
>I guess she had a hard time connecting with people. She felt lonely.
>Maybe I could have made the difference


Life is short guys. There's no time to let your fears and insecurities get the better of you. Tell the people in your life what they mean to you because one day you they may be out of your life forever. I've asked her out for coffee before she leaves. I'm going to tell her how I've always felt about her and wish her the best. It's too little too late but at least I can let her know that she had an impact on me and that I will never forget her.

I hate everyone around me and my day to day life. Murder/suicide really does seem like the answer.

>>17945512
sup elliot

>>17945502
Why not move with her

Is it my fault? Could I have stopped it if I tried? I didn't know because i'm stupid and I didn't pay enough attention to you. I'm sorry, dad.

>>17940985
Same here too man. Likes talking to me, but can't seem to want to be in a relationship.

>>17945450
are you me buddy? All this love we give, just to see those we love reach peace and all they do is fight. I think they're just used to it and don't know any better. My literal 10/10 my perfect everything has a few flaws that are just destroying her emotionally and I'm trying my best.
It always gives me Queen Jane Approximately feels. She's just going to end up lonesome and need someone for real. I see her flaws and I care so much. I've seen the superficiality and cunning of those she dates, and still she can't get it. She doesn't want to. She feels this deep guilt that I can't help with. It's no wonder so many people are messed up. I can't stand it. I just want her to feel safe and loved. I know I'll come out fine, she motivates me and makes me stronger, but she just never feels any better underneath. She takes up all these punks because she's scared of being alone and unloved. and they know it. Please stay safe. She knows I love her, but she's afraid of getting too close to me because of what people have done. I hope she gets better. She needs to be free.

I want to kill myself.
I want the pain to end.
The painful emotions just gets shifted to different parts of my body and becomes excruciating.
I'm so sick. I hate myself and I feel disgusting. I want to live but I can't live the way I'm living now and I can't bring myself to try and reach out to people because I'm not stable. Nobody that's a regular person wants to be stuck with a person that immediately and obviously has issues/baggage. I can't do anything and I honestly feel like I can't reach out to people in the city I live in. Nobody feels approachable here.

My meds are now hurting me and making me hear whispers about fucked up shit.

I want to die but I'm afraid of bad spirits/demons attacking me because I feel like I did something horrible but I don't know if the is memory real or not.

I want to kill myself.
All I do is push people away because I'm so mentally ill. I can't handle pretending I'm okay. I should've died when I was 12.

I need love...
I need looove...
I need love...
I need looove...

I miss you so fucking much. Why did it have to be this way? We could have fixed things, adjusted stuff, etc. It didn't have to end. It doesn't have to be black and white. It didn't have to end. What you want in life and being with me isn't mutually exclusive. I really wish we could just be together, and be happy.
How the fuck am I supposed to just forget about you? When I care so much?
I always cared for you, i was there for you, you were my baby.
I went above and beyond, and it wasn't enough. Why?
I miss you to death.
You're the cutest most magical thing I know.

You know what I love?
Like, a ridiculous amount?
Like, when I see her again I'm probably going to lose my fucking mind....?

I have no fucking clue how I'm going to react. Probably just... going to grab her while going "AHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" carrying her into bed and snug away the rest of the day while saying "I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you" like a crazy person.

I'm totally crazy too.

Like, not even counting the "crazy in love" but in a "Yeah, I'm crazy as insane but that's why she fucking loved me in the first place."

I'm ok with this.

Every time you guys give me shit for being unstable and crazy it probably just makes her love me more.

>>17945513
Nope.

oh my gaaaaaadddddd

I'm hungry for a fight

>>17945663
oh my gaaaaaaddddd

>>17945516
I have my reasons why I can't leave this city.

After making such huge changes to my own life last year I've decided to drop at least 2 long time friends I know and have another of love for.

Theyre both huge stoners, living in their own filth and doing nothing most of the time. I've tried to help in many ways, be it helping them find work, introducing them to more people and more but neither of them seem to want it, and I'm tried of trying.

>>17945502

That's a lesson usually learned the hard way, anon, so you're not alone. Treat friends, family and people with kindness and let 'em know how much they mean to you. Don't be afraid to reach out at all.

I respect your decision on not asking out a co-worker though. That can lead to bad situations. Sucks that you didn't get to hang out or date but at least you get to say goodbye.

Fuck. I just started talking to my ex who i havent spoken to in years. I have no reason to, nothing good will come of this, i know its a bad idea. Shes broken my heart twice, ive told everyone around me id be happy never seeing her again, and yet im still doing this to myself. I must be batshit crazy.

>>17945706
I know how you feel. It's like a rollercoaster ride in an old run down amusement park during a hurricane.

>>17945706
We've all been there. Just make sure you fap before making any stupid decisions

I'm hungry as fuck. I don't think I'm going to be able to fall alseep until my stomach stops growling, but I'm also nervous about my reflux acting up again.

>>17945728
Smoke some pot

God I wish I had someone to fuck me in my cozy bed.

Draw me a map and I'll be there in due time.

I hate my job. I want to leave it as all my reasonable workmates do, but it's paid very well and I have to pay off debts of a deceased relative I never even saw. I wish I could move on with my life, move in with my boyfriend and find something else to do, but holy shit how did a demented 90 y.o rack up this many money in debt

It's been years, but I'm having an OCD relapse again. There was nothing significant to trigger it, too, just woke up with these intrusive thoughts and recognised them right away. I thought I was fine. I knew it was chronic, but it's been so long that I almost forgot about it and it's soul-crushing. It's sucking away joy from everything I love and I just feel so lonely because I have to pretend I'm okay since too many people depend on me.

I will beat it. I have done this before, I know I'm strong enough to make it even without medication. But right now, I just want to cry.

There should be a movie called ugly and uglier about the two retarded pigs who are annoying as fuck. Fuck off you fobby cunts.

>>17945758
If you're in such a crazy amount of debit might just be worth considering filing for bankruptcy. It'll take less time to build up any finances after that.

I super duper really want to go shooting again. I'm totally going to buy another rem700adl 308 but use some cheap glass for awhile.

>>17945774
oh my gaaaddddd

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I've been feeling very suicidal for days and I have all these thoughts and feelings I've been holding in because I don't know the proper way to convey them.
I miss (prev area) and I'm not sure if it has dick to do with (person) or not. But I miss my (prev job), I miss being able to work and having it close by. I miss the area a lot, I think about it every day. I miss my gym, the one here sucks.
I miss (prev area). Why did I love it there so much? Why do I want to go back? Now I just want to die. I refused to cry to anyone about it. I haven't cried since I've been here until now. I've talked to a friend to see if they would allow me to stay there but their roommate is allergic to cats to the point they get shots every 6 months for it.
I miss my old life. It wasn't perfect but I was doing me and I miss it. The only thing I do not miss is not having wifi. But the longer I sit here doing absolutely nothing the more I miss being efficient in (prev location). I won't tell (person), I won't utter a word to (person) about it or drop hints.(Person) is able to workout and go to school just fine, cook food and distract (person) without help from anyone. (Person's) efficient and I believe (person) wants me to be the same way and I want that for myself, too. I don't see myself being efficient here. I don't know if it's because of my experience of attempting to get my shit together there but my god do I miss it.
How green it was when it's warm, how quiet it is when it snows, how clean the air is. The random tractor trailers on main street. The crazy drivers on the interstate.
Now I'm in (current location) and all I want to do is kill myself. I can't find work. I can't access my funds on my (prev job's) card because I have the uniform and don't have the opportunity to mail it back.
If my card was working I'd probably find a way back to (prev area) which is as scary as it is insane.
I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm writing this to you or why I'll press send afterwards.

I have some weird obsession with Victoria Justice. Kinda. I just think she's incredibly attractive and wish I could talk to her and stuff, I don't really fantasize or anything. Just think it'd be cool to get to know her a little bit or some shit and be somewhat friends?

I have no idea why I even feel like this, I've never had a celebrity crush before except for now, and I'm fucking 20.

I'm finding myself watching Victorious episodes now cause of this, what the fuck's wrong with me?

>>17945783
It's not a crazy amount - roughly equivalent to my two, three paychecks - and it's split between me and my father who is also earning quite a lot. I'd actually pay it all in one go but I can't do it without my father's consent and he does not want to get rid of it and go a month without all the extra shit we can afford.

You made me feel so weak
Started go out and seek
You made me feel so strong
I was different until you came along
You made me ceaselessly dream
My heart and soul won't cease to scream
You made me look for your eyes
I hope they tell no lies
You made me remember your smile
Stay with me for a while
You made me think about how you are
Do you have to live so afar
You made hold on so tight
I hope that you're alright.
Come and invade my life again
I will wait for my surrender until then
Just come with a smile
Don't hold yourself back and stay for a while
My love never cease to stop
Your beauty never cease to stop
Come and stay for a little while
Come and stay for a little while
Don't hold yourself back and stay for a little while

>>17945808
Marry me and leave me notes like this every morning

>>17945817
If you're the woman of my dreams. I will write you a lifetime of love songs till the day I die.

>>17945830
I'll be waiting for you

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its been 4 months and i still cry over my gf leaving me and she hates my guts for the stuff i've said to her in the past. >mfw i cried last night and i'm seeing her tonight not by my own choice

ololol dat gaslighting.

Seriously though, it just wouldn't be anyone other than me. Can you imagine how absolutely crushing it would be for any guy to be with her after me? To be constantly compared to someone they just... have no chance to match? Like in literally every way and made even worse because it was ME with HER specifically. Such an obvious match with a very clear obvious obsession going both ways. Like, holy shit. When we got together there were articles written about us fucking being a couple. Sites featured us. It was the best feeling in the world.

A love like ours was inevitable, incomparable, and meant to be in every way. She's a rich, classy beauty from the city. I'm a poor, rough beast from the country.

She's a sinner and I'm a savior.

We are both a fantastic wreck and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Love, nothin' but love.

>>17945884
Someone is jealous here. Trouble in paradise?

I just want to hold my daughter...

Elli....

Quite ironically, she doesn't realize that centering your life around when you can have your next pill and deciding that you can't do anything or talk to anyone until your pills kick in is also drug addiction. When you decide to forego all treatment and just pop pills instead, that's drug addiction. When you are physically sick and the only thing you're willing to do to help yourself is take pills, that's drug addiction. But I guess since I can't supply you with an unlimited amount of pills to pop, I don't want to help you.

>>17945957
Christ man if I miss my effexor dosage by even a fucking HOUR I start to feel god awful withdrawals. Extremely bad headaches, nausea, and worse... fucking brain zaps.

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Okay, I get the message. I'll give up on you. Let's just hope I don't embarrass myself further after this, sorry.

>>17945964
That's frightening.

make your choice stubborn R
you won't be seeing me for a while.

>>17945965
Man iktf, I done some disgusting orbiting in my lifetime.

>>17945957
Judging wrong again.

>>17945995
Initials?

>>17946032
S

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I ranted and rambled so much tonight knowing you were listening. I talked about a lot of the the weird shit going on, all the lies you guys were tossing my way for the soul purpose of confusing me, trying to blur the truth into fiction so I could no longer keep it all straight anymore.

As well, I know there are multiple groups of people she dragged into this and they all hate me for various reasons. I ruined so many of your relationships by revealing asking questions. Because of this, you all hate me and hate her for putting such an incredible amount of effort into all of this. I love her with all of my heart, unconditionally. She can trust in me that I will never judge her, I will never hurt her. She can trust me with her completely... like the trembling heart of a captive bird that is there at my command. In my love she is under my protective care.

Many want to see me fail. To see her fail. That is not going to happen. She knows me, every part of me. She owns every part of me. I trust her. I love her... I have so many questions and I trust her to tell me the truth. I know that the truth will hurt but in the end, the truth is all there is. She knows I'm a good man, a very good man. She can tell me anything knowing I will forgive her, that I will continue to love her unconditionally. We will grow together and that fills my heart with hope.

The final word is all I will believe and the final word is hers.

I love you my baby. I miss you so very much. I hope you had fun listening to my rantings and ramblings. I hope it gave you all some insight into the mind of a suicidally depressed schizophrenic. <3 <3 <#

>>17946152
I know that you say I get mean when I'm drinking,
But then again sometimes I get really sweet
So what does it mean if I tell you to go fuck yourself
Or if I say that you're beautiful to me

It's affection always,
You're gonna see it someday
My attention for you
Even if it's not what you need

Sometimes we talk all night long, we don't shut up
And when it's late we'll say we're still wide awake so...
We love to talk about how you'll come up to visit me
And we'll rent a car & we'll drive upstate

It's affection always,
You're gonna see it someday
My attention's on you
Even if it's not what you need

I think of you,
I want you too,
I'd fall for you

Myyyyyy bbbabbbyyyyyyyyy
Just the last song that was playing before going to rest.
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3< 3< 3 <3

>>17945884
You're really full of yourself for someone with no job living in their parents basement.

>>17946213
I know right?

it's almost as if... It's temporary. It's almost as if... I kinda have an idea of my worth and so does she so when I'm just in a bad place that doesn't mean I'll be there forever.

Suck my dick I'm a shark.

Vegans annoy the living hell out of me.

Hey. Am I not good enough in bed or something?

>>17945526
It is possible that maybe she is just inexperienced with relationships, and is nervous because of that