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How does one become content being single?
>Be near-as-makes-no-difference 29
>Been single for a combined time of ~7 months since I was a Sophomore in high school
>Had a few gf's in hs, one long term that went into college
>She and I separated (mutual), got new gf less than 24 hrs later (honestly no fooling around with the old gf)
>Ended up marrying the new chick, together for 7 years total, be married 4 of them.
>Bitch did like bitches do
>Get a dope puppers and cat out of the deal, and kept the house
>4 months from the official divorce date meet (through friend) and get together with newest girl.
>3 fold the hottest chick I've been with. *Actually* intelligent (wife was kind of a moron, fun, but nothing really going on upstairs) Interesting too. Even the things we didn't have in common I thought were "cool" hobbies (read as: not a club chick)
>Legit shitty things happen to her.
>Lives in decent neighborhood, got her house broke into
>Her sister died unexpectedly from Dr. fuck up with medication, went to sleep one night, just never woke up.
>Newest goes kind of numb for a couple months and decides she can't feel guilty about being a shitty gf AND try to deal with her drama.
>Says she needs to find out "who she is" and legit bologna like that
>To say she's independent is a horrid understatement.
>I think the reason she broke it off was because she feels that she *needs* to deal with it herself and doesn't want to push a bf away, so she'll just turn me into a friend and push me away that way.
>We still talk frequently
>Told her I had to do a Stallin-esque purge of her from my life unless there's a change we could get back together in the future. Basically told her I wont be friend-zoned. Did that shit in hs, won't do it again to myself
Cont.
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>>17940497
>Said she's still trying to wrap her head around everything that happened and grieving like she didn't know was possible.
>Asked her now that she knows my thoughts on staying friends and how I still feel if she can feel right about still being friends for now
>She said yes.
That was right at a month ago. I know that's not all that long, but I'm trying to occupy my time and learn to be OK with being single, but it fucking sucks.
Thing is I know outside of my romantic life, I've got it made. I'm a good looking Baltic, homeowner, dope puppers, new truck, a few really good friends I see frequently, money enough to support my hobbies with a bit of saving etc. I just cant shake the urge to want to be with someone. Can't stop wanting to be wanted.
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>>17940497
>>17940500
this is an interesting case. some people are just more co dependent and while that isn't preached as healthy, its not something that seems to be causing ongoing suffering. your relationships are with people you appreciate in the moment and you aren't afraid to leave them when it goes south, so its hard to say that beyond NEEDING someone that you have any real problem.
the general issue is people don't have enough self love, but your post doesn't give off that vibe.
that being said, try the following
>Treat yourself the way you would a girl.
think about all the dates you went on with this girl. have you been doing those things since you broke up? if not, do them. take yourself to dinner, or to the movies, or anywhere the fuck you want to go. people dont realize that htese experiences can be just as enjoyable on your own.
>Strengthen your other relationships
your desire to be wanted seems to be purely romantic. have you considered deepning your friendships? it sounds gay, but most people don't really make their friends a focal point.
you can have a friend you've known for the length of three of your romantic relationships and still treat them like a casual friend becuase society tells us nothing is more important than romance.
consider taking that ot the next level. become the center of your social circle and create lots of fun manly bonding activities. focus more on 1 on 1 or smaller groups as opposed to the popular dynamic of large loosely affiliated groups of friends hanging out. those dont bond people.
>hobbies
you mention them, but what are they? consider working on something that ends with somethign being made. you can appreciate it yourself or have others appreciate it. its fun.
>dope puppers
dope puppers indeed.
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She sounded like she need space to grieve.
Having a romantic interest when you're grieving is very taxing. Married women go to their moms and sisters when something big happens. It's just the way life goes.
The problem is clear,you need to learn to be alone. You clearly can forge relationships easily. But a marriage after a few months is a red flag (to me) of a person attached to other people. I'm sorry but true happiness doesn't lie with other people. Work on that.
You should love from a position where you are selfless and serving their needs. Don't be a doormat but do be a guardian.
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I didn't read the greentext thing, because I'm sure it's irrelevant.
The reason why you can't be content because by being single is because your idea of happiness and fulfillment involves having a partner.
It's kind of like having an addiction. You don't inherently need that thing to be happy/content/comfortable, but because of your habits and beliefs you crave it. So you can't be happy/content/comfortable without it. Of course, the comparison I made is pretty far-fetched, there are differences, but the principle behind it remains the same. You created the need for a partner just how a fast food junkie creates the craving for mountains of unhealthy food.
Thing is, most people have created this "need" for themselves, since interpersonal and sexual relationships are something we naturally crave and every piece of media or entertainment thrown at us tells us that we need a partner for our life to be complete.
So to be content about being single you have to convince yourself that you can be content while being single. Convince your subconsciousness, that part of the brain you don't have access to that dictates your emotions, your mood, your preferences and so on. But, sadly this is so much harder than it sounds and I can't offer you any real advice, only a little insight. I have no idea how you'd go about breaking this "addiction". I mean, you can do the usual cliche stuff, like focusing on hobbies and passions, living a full life from the other aspects, being socially active and so on. To some extent these things will help and it may even "cure" you, but it's not a sure-way practice to become content despite being single. You can also try meditation, but that would take year of daily practice before you see serious results.
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>>17940497
>Bitch did like bitches do
That is a bad mindset to have, enjoy being a virgin for the rest of your life :)
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>>17940497
If your by yourself and alone, it means your in bad company
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>>17940531
>But a marriage after a few months is a red flag (to me) of a person attached to other people.
No way, two years to get engaged, then about another year before the wedding
>The reason why you can't be content because by being single is because your idea of happiness and fulfillment involves having a partner.
Ugh, man, you're probably more right that I would like to admit. That's no easy thing to overcome like you said. I'm pretty good at stopping cold turkey on things I don't like, but that's a whole different ball game
>That is a bad mindset to have, enjoy being a virgin for the rest of your life :)
"Bitches" =/= "women"
>dope puppers indeed.
So dope
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>>17940584
>married
>'enjoy being a virgin for the rest of your life
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>>17940551
> . You can also try meditation, but that would take year of daily practice before you see serious results.
There are some immediate benefits. You'd be surprised how happy and blissful you can feel with just using your mind.
It makes sense, if your mind can make you depressed, it can make you happy.
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One of the biggest things that I've been able to pinpoint is how spooked I am of how I'm going to meet someone else. I'm an introvert, I want to be with an introvert, newest girl was an introvert and it was awesome. I married someone who went to the club and hung out where single people my age went, I don't want that again. unfortunately, until they earn it, I'm simply not that trusting anymore.
I tried a dating site after the divorce and that was pretty depressing too.
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