Terrified my insecurity will destroy my relationship

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I have a wonderful girlfriend who loves me so much, but I'm so insecure and afraid I will ruin everything.

I have always thought I was horribly ugly and no one could ever want me or be attracted to me, and I'd always be alone. She came into my life and told me she had always fancied me, she'd stare at me and tell me that I was the most handsome man she'd ever seen. She'd look at me when we were kissing and apologize and say it was because I was turning her on so much.

I always feel like it's a lie and have gone so far as to root through her messages on her phone and laptop to find things that contradict it but I can't, she's been telling me the truth the whole time, which is great, but now I'm even more worried than ever.

Sometimes I break down and cry over silly things, and I can't be the man she fell in love with a lot of the time because I'm on the verge of tears and feel like I'm being choked. I'm so scared she will get sick of me because of this and leave me.

Recently I have been so scared because she doesn't stare at me or compliment me like she used to or stare at me when we have sex or kiss and I can't understand why. My head fills up with so many bad thoughts and I'm scared she doesn't think those things anymore, we've only been going out for like 2 months. When I kiss her it turns her on and she still initiates sex but it takes me a long time to make her orgasm and she has her eyes shut when I finger her and I'm so scared she thinks of other men or is attracted to other people. She tells me whenever I'm in doubt that I should remember she feels about me the same way I feel about her, but I can't believe her, I stare at her constantly but she doesn't do that anymore and I'm scared and confused and don't know what to do.

I'd appreciate any advice, I can't keep being like this it's ruining something so perfect