Yo please help me, how do I stop being literally dependent on

You sound like my wife.

You think you've got problems? Try being me right now.
I've had to go sit on the shitter twice in the past hour or so and the leaky, fiery mass of sub solid crap that I'm currently excreting has set my asshole on fire.
Think of that.

>>17924673
You think I haven't experienced digestive problems? Can't you offer better advice than "think of problems worse than yours"? This is definitely not a worse problem. I'd rather have more frequent digestive issues than lose someone so important to me.

>>17924656

>how do i stop being literally dpeendent on my boyfriend for happiness

even if you stay with him develop a life that exists outside of him. Friends hobbies and other such things that bring you joy.

>>17924656

welp we can't tell what is going there just from a few posts

if could be that you are normal and your bf is a jerk - so find a new bf

if could be that your bf is normal and you are clingy - again find a bf that likes clingy girls

you've got some self awareness of yourself pay more attention to what is going on

good luck

People will say "get hobbies get friends" but that's putting a bandaid on the real issue

I'm just an armchair psychologist, but I know for a fact that dependency issues stem from a lack of identity/sense of self.

If you're serious about this, see a therapist. Or break up (in which case you could still probably use a therapist)

>>17924846
Recommend therapy either way. It would help.

>>17924846
Yeah, getting hobbies and friends has ALWAYS been difficult for me, single or not. How do I solve these identity issues then? What other options are there for concrete things to do... I'm not seeing a psychologist yet.

>>17924656

As someone who had a dependent girlfriend, you need to change.

He wants you to change because your complete dependence on him is EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY. What if he died? What if he couldn't be around you anymore, or needed to move across the country and had to break up with you? The entirety of your life would disappear because it's all attached to one person.

Make your own identity.

>>17924868
>spend time alone (with yourself)
>meditate
>examine your childhood, what forms who you are today?
>keep a dream journal, read a little Jung, practice dream interpretation

this is just off the top of my head. They're not really concrete solutions, because this isn't a concrete issue.

>>17924875
What happened? Did you break up with her? What about her other positive qualities (if she had any)? Can my positive qualities make up for my dependency while I'm still trying to work it out?

>>17924904

I broke up with her once for making poor decisions shortly after I told her what needed to be done.

>supporting her on college loan money
>both poor
>spending myself into the hole every semester in order to help her feel better about her life
>the second she started getting money for college of her own, asked if we could budget the money together
>instead, she blew $2k on a laptop she didn't need and all of her money was spent in two weeks

She was pretty. She was artistically talented. She was intelligent. But she lacked confidence in herself to the point that she would constantly bash herself, and never believed a word I said when I differed on her self-image. I had to be part of everything she ever did; making calls for doctor's appointments for her son. Talking to her professors when she struggled with classes. She was so dependent I felt like her father more than I did her lover, and it was a very... broken dynamic.

She never understood when I was hurting and needed help. I always had to be there for her, she never had to be there for me. And if I ever wanted anything for myself, I was selfish - while I did everything I could to make her life comfortable. We would only spend weekends together and one day in the middle of the week because she had a child and lived at home. And I would cook all of her meals, do her laundry, massages, help her with homework (IE I did her homework for her most of the time).

I don't know what your qualities are. I don't know what kind of a person you are, so I can't say whether you will be any different.

>>17924913
Well I'm definitely not that dependent. I'm the one who reminds my boyfriend of homework and psychiatric appointments and when to head out for work or actually go to sleep to wake up for work and the like. I definitely don't borrow money from him and then use it all. I am definitely there for him - I guess unless it is respecting personal space. That, along with having difficulties believing that I have good qualities when he assures me that I do, is my problem.

>>17924921

Allowing for some personal space through trust is important, since most people need some time apart to recharge and refresh.

You sound like you're much more mature than my girl was, so there's already a more-than-silver lining.

I guess the real moral of the story here is that it's okay to depend on people for things when you need them. Just not for everything, all the time.

When he says you're too dependent, what does he mean by that? What sort of things do you do that cause him to get upset?

>>17924929
I usually get upset when he asks for more alone time than four days a week - we'll spend like three days on the weekend together. I start to wonder: what's wrong? What did I do? And even while I wonder on the inside, my responses become noticeably shaky. I ask him if he's read my messages when he doesn't respond right away during a conversation online, and I'm only insecure because I'm still worrying that he's spending this time alone because I did something wrong.

In reality, he just wants that time alone. To recharge and refresh, like you said.

But in the process of being noticeably insecure, he becomes really upset and pulls his words away (this is online), while I try to get him to explain what's wrong. And then he stops wanting to talk.

I mean these are such petty things in comparison to loans and real-life dependency issues, but I think these are a real problem of dependency. I don't have enough self-control to leave him be while we're apart and just trust that he will want to see me again soon. I try to fill up time doing my own thing, but that isn't effective - then it's like everything is secondary to him. I want to have something of my own that is equally important so that I can want that alone time, too.

He'll express how much he doesn't like needlessly comforting and assuring me that I'm worth it and all, and I'll truly understand for a while and nothing bad happens. But then I become insecure again when he needs alone time, and each time he just gets more and more pissed off and intolerant of me.

>>17924929
Do you have any advice for this?