What to do, and how to get over my feelings?

Last spring/summer, I told them about my plans, and they told me that I could for sure get them to co-sign a student loan. They sat there and watched me apply to school after school, spending hundreds of dollars, only to tell me when I started getting acceptance letters than they weren't going to co-sign a student loan for me and that I didn't deserve anything like that. It was like they were playing some cruel joke on me. Maybe they were.

I can't even really describe the feelings I felt from them from the moment they said that. It was like I hated everything about them because they strung me along. They knew how much I wanted it, how hard I was working in classes, how many calls I was making to different schools.

Fast forward to this year, I'm about to be done with community college, and my parents fed me the same thing at the start of this school year too. The only thing is, I recently found out that's a lie too. Now my parents are telling me to just go to the local online/night school college, but to make matters worse, they're letting my little brother go away to school, to one of the schools I wanted to go to. It feels like they're playing a huge joke on me. I haven't spoken more than maybe 5 words at a time to a family member in close to the last 6 months, and usually less than that.

I only see hate when I see them. More than I have ever hated anything in the world. I can't figure out how to feel. I can't tell if I'm being a petulant child or not. I can't tell if it's fair or not for them to treat my brother and sister better than me AND give my brother literally the last thing I would ever ask my parents to do, not even for them to pay for my college, for them to help me go so I can pay for my OWN college.

And I can't tell what I should do, Just move away and cut my family off and just try to go to school like that? Keep my head down and just go to the online school? I hate living here so much it makes my head hurt and I think I need to consider a therapist too. I don't care if this sounds like the worst blog post ever, if I didn't post this right now I was going to lose my mind.

>>17923876
if ur that mad at them i would get out of there asap and away from them who cares what you do just do what you want. some time down the line if they hit you up about seeing each other or catching up or anything just straight tell them in ur opinion they were shit parents and u want nothing to do with them and to fuck off and them hang up on them etc

Your parents sound irrational. Have you ever questioned them about how they act towards you and your siblings?

>>17923906
They claim I deserve it and that I'm the only one that does anything wrong in our family and I'm the reason for any dysfunctions in our family.

>>17923923
wew
have you ever talked to anyone about this?

>>17923944
I've tried a few times, but nobody understands. Literally nobody can understand that my parents hate me and nobody can understand that my parents would not only prevent me from going to college, but let my brother go to college. I tried talking to my last girlfriend about this issue when it first came up and she broke up with me because I was in such a shitty mood.

>>17923955
what about within your family? do you have any family members who you enjoy and are not cunts like your parents?

>>17923976
nah, I'm not really close to anyone else in my family or my extended family. my sister acknowledges that my parents treat me like shit but that's it.

Yeah sounds like my family. Of course my parents are nowhere as cunty. They still treat my brother way better and blame me for all problems in the family.
I'm pretty sure it was something to do with when OP was born. Like it was a really shitty time in their lives or something and since they're not good people they transferred all the anger onto a child.

>>17923980
>my sister acknowledges that my parents treat me like shit
she really is the only one?
regardless, it's a messy situation and I'm honestly not sure what you should do. it seems it would definitely be for the better if you were to get away from your parents, but I don't know if you are capable of supporting yourself yet.
do look into seeing a therapist. someone needs to know about how your parents treat you. maybe they can intervene in some way.

>>17924017
She is the only one.

I want to get away, but my area is so expensive and I don't have a car so that disadvantages me a bit. I could maybe make it work if I worked full-time, but even that would be hard.

I really should. It's just therapy is so expensive, and what can they do? I'm over 18, my parents don't have to do anything for me

haha anon, I know this fucking feel
my parents are the same but thankfully they want to maintain a "social facade" of a happy family so I can basically extort money out of them for my studies despite their hatred out of sheer social comparison and shaming, because they now know I'd "tell on them" to the rest of the family is they didn't

Point is, your situation is shitty. Your parents are objectively not treating you right. Your brother going to that specific school seems like a big-ass coincidence when you know how your parents function.
The most important thing for you now is to realize and accept that your parents are fucking awful and crazy: when everyone is drilled with the Loving Family bit all of their lives, it can be hard to accept the contrary, even when faced with the sheer evil shit the likes of your parents do to you. I thought I had it all figured out when I was 20 until I started talking about my family sitiuation to people who actually listened and I realized just how fucked up it was (I thought my family was just not very loving and hug-friendly but I literally had repressed memories of violence and humiliation and shit resurface, so you know.)

The number one thing you need to do is talk about it and get out of the prism of their education, to really understand that writing 3 whole posts to barely graze the surface of how they treat you is not normal. Favoring some siblings is not normal. Them lying repeatedly to destroy your future prospects and make you lose money is not normal. And really, being emotional blackholes to the child you were and the adult you are is not normal.
Now this you can do with either therapy or friends you can trust (tip:Family Values are ingrained very deeply, literally since birth, in everyone. Some, even close, friends, will be VERY angry if you start talking about the bullshit your family is, it's a defense mechanism. If people don't understand, drop the subject, or drop them.)

>>17924127
tl;dr: it's going to be hard, but if you want to actually live, you'll have to ascribe your own value to yourself, realize that they won't change, ever, that your situation is not okay, and that you'll have to get their or some money by other means than just "normal parents paying and maybe not actively hindering my studies and future life"

>>17924127
I don't have any friends that really get it. They either outright don't understand or feed me some variant of "you're so smart and capable, I know you'll find a way to make your dreams happen".

Thank you. I knew it wasn't cool. They lie to me so much I can't even look at them anymore.

I guess it's therapy for me.

>>17924153
friends not understanding was the hardest part for me, I found
some would just plainly not understand and shrug but some friendships I did lose because talking about it was "disrepecting my parents and family values"
looking back on it I truly don't miss the latter friends but it sucks for people to bring you down when you're only just starting to realize the scope of what can be called a lifelong trauma, you know? Opening up to people about deeply scarring shit is always a gamble, but not doing so won't get you out, so go forth anon

>>17924153
if anything, keep making threads on here? Those kind of problems usually get constructive posts

>>17924181
Hmm. Trauma. That's a good way to describe how I feel. I've honestly lost a lot of friends and lovers over the past few years for doing this. Just being open and trying to reach out for help...had a girlfriend that hated when I would tell her about my family, and not because I was whining, because she hated the idea that I could "disrespect" my family. Meanwhile her family treated her like a gold nugget.

I probably come off really whiny. But I promise I'm not.

>>17924190
I think I might just have to.

>>17924227
Heh, that's why it works so well: by treating you like a whiny brat and punishing you like one regardless of your age, they get you to complain about stuff only a whiny brat would complain about.
I had a hard time opening up about this stuff exactly because it was so childish, ridiculous and unbelievable, until I realized all of that wasn't on my end

The friends who got the most angry at me opening up were the gold nuggets of their family too, looks like it usually goes that way... Must have been really hard to have the person supposedly closest to you refuse dialog and honesty, that's rough ano

>>17924270
Yeah it sucked, that girl sucked because she just kept messing with my head. Cut her off the second time she came back. Whatever

Bump. I want more input. Want to know what to do with my life and how to sort my feelings.