gf has a backup man

>>17921874
>red flag, isn't it?

Nah. Do you fucking think?

They all kinda do.
Does he have a gf?

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>>17921874
beyond red flag. beyond red alert. beyond fucking DEFCON 1

Get out of there. It's gonna hurt. Fly, you fool!

>>17921874
I'll try not to be mean OP but I hope you are not serious and baiting us. The reality is you are plan B

>>17921874
It is deeply disrespectful and definitely not normal.
You should tell her so and she needs to tone down/quit things with him or break up with you.

I do believe that friendship between men and women are possible and have a few good male friends, I do believe that it is fairly normal to meet people you have good chemistry with and would date if you were single while in a committed relationship, but you don't mix the two.
I have met a few guys that I'd go on a date with if I wasn't with my boyfriend, but since I'm committed to him I made my best to avoid them. I didn't became their friends, didn't cuddle with them in bed, didn't tell them "oh if I dump my boyfriend I'll date you".

Your girlfriend is playing with fire, and being really disrespectful.

>>17921874
This is going to haunt you for a time, once you marry her. Like >>17921906 said
ask her to tone it down with him.

>>17921906
This, so much.
Who the hell put their best friends as a romantic plan-b, anyway? That kind of stupid stuff is reserved for shitty hollywood romantic comedies (and pro-tip: the best friend always wins). It just means that they are somewhat sexually attracted to each other but just need a push to actively start a relationship.
You sound nice, OP, and definitely deserves more than a girl who "keeps someone around just in case". Also, one of my bestfriends is a boy and we don't "cuddle". Ew, no, that is a giant NO.
Would you find it normal if she did that with her grown brother? Yeah, you shouldn't here either.

>>17921906
thanks for the advice but i think i should have explained their relationship a bit clearer.

they don't have a romantic history together, she's not into him romantically or sexually even though she can imagine some kind of timeline in the future where they're together strictly based on the fact that they're interacting so well.
her best friend, on the other side, is into her and told her many times.

i personally don't know if i would label it disrespectful since i know how important close friendships can be regardless of the committed relationship you're in. asking her to tone it down seems like a reasonable idea though.
>>17921877
i'm trying. do you have any advice?
>>17921880
i know and i have no clue if i should challenge a relationship i'm happy with because of a possible future scenario that's inside my head.
he doesn't have a gf.

>>17921941
>she's not into him romantically or sexually
that's some bullshit if they're cuddling and talking about being in a relationship plan b.

but if you're devoted to staying in this mess of a situation you gotta go talk to her about this.

>>17921941
It makes absolutely no sense to say you'd date someone you're absolutely not attracted to sexually or romantically.
I wouldn't say I'd date my best friend even if we get along really well together - I have no sexual or romantic feelings for her. I feel the same way for all my male friends - some of them are good looking, all of them are fun to be around, but I don't want to date them and I never felt any attraction for them. Even if I was single, I wouldn't date them.

Do you have any close male friend you're good friends with (assuming you're straight)? Would you say you'd fuck them if you were single and they're your plan B?
If she says something like that, on some level, she is into him.

Moreover, being physically intimate with someone shows you have feelings for them on some level - do you cuddle strangers?

On the other hand, even assuming she isn't into him at all (which I don't honestly believe in), interacting with someone who is into you when you are in a relationship is disrespectful.
I always made a point to cut out of my life, or at least reduce my contact to the bare minimum, every person who showed sexual interest in me - out of respect for them, for my relationship and for my partner.
I would never play with their feelings and keep them around as a plan B.

I think she's lying to you, and being a bitch towards him. She needs to get her priorities straight.

I agree that close friendships are important, but that isn't a friendship. He doesn't owe you anything and can desire to fuck her as much as he wants, she owes you respect and spending her time around someone she is interested in and telling him he's her plan-b, while knowing he's into her, DEFINITELY is disrespectful.

>>17921975
i really much agree with you, thanks.

to give some more perspective: some time ago she told me that when i'm not with her, it occurs to her that she has a obsessive need for warmth, closeness, love and security. that means, for example, that when i'm not around she suddenly needs and seeks hugs or cuddles with other people. that is the case when she's with him as well. she was then picturing herself in a situation where i would be the one to do that, and she agreed that she would feel as uncomfortable as i am.

she also told me that she's aware of the moral dilemma that comes with having such a unresolved implications in a friendship, but she's assuring me that she would never, with me in a relationship, would act upon it. it is clear ,however, that it is still very disrespectful that she's doing that with him while having in mind that he's in love with her.

i want to believe, because i know how the human brain can make incomprehensive decisions. but im thoroughly afraid that this is just her making excuses so that i don't leave her.

>>17921874
Ignore all the other posts here.

Always always ALWAYS have backup women. At least 3 on the back burner while you pursue one you actually like. When that eventually breaks (which it does, women are worse commitmentphobes than men) you'll have 3 fresh vaginas to play with.

>They're
cuddling when sleeping in one bed, etc.

You're not taking offense to this?

>>17921925
>gay anon
>best friend is a 10/10 latina from loaded family of doctors
>tfw our plan is to get married at 35 if we don't have families by that point and start one
Life is good for me atleast but a straight guy is just gonna fuck your girl sorry

>>17922092
It sounds like excuses. And shitty ones, at that.
She's still being a bitch with her best friend and putting her boyfriend on an unconfortable position.
Idk, if I were you I'd talk a bit more about it.
Not today, though, she sounds the kind who is easily paranoid.

>>17922092
>some time ago she told me that when i'm not with her, it occurs to her that she has a obsessive need for warmth, closeness, love and security
And she can greatly suck it up.
I bet she wouldn't be happy if you got an obsessive need of getting your cock sucked while she isn't with you and you went to some random girl asking her for a blowjob. Sexual and physical intimacy are, for most people, reserved to their partner if they are in a relationship.

>she also told me that she's aware of the moral dilemma that comes with having such a unresolved implications in a friendship
Yet she isn't doing anything to fix it.
A good rule about opposite gender friends, if you want them to stay friends, is to avoid those kind of thing - it never ends well when you're friends with someone you have feelings for.

>but im thoroughly afraid that this is just her making excuses so that i don't leave her.
Even if she isn't making excuses, you don't have to put up with her shit.
Don't necessarily leave her, but have a talk with her and tell her what the boundaries of your relationship are.
You cannot have your cake and eat it too. If she wants to have this kind of relationship with him then she should break up with you. It's either one or the other.

>>17921874

> cuddling when sleeping in one bed

your gf has fucked this dude at least once I guarantee it

Yes, it is a gigantic red flag and you need to tell her it's him or you

>>17922156
i think the blowjob comparison isn't very fair but setting boundaries in my relationship is a good idea. thanks

>>17921885

op has to be troll bait

nobody is that dumb

otherwise op - get a clue find a different gal

leave her dude

OP is a cuckold.

>>17922407
nice buzzword

>>17922426
nah here it's actually warranted.

>>17922426
His gf has a man on the side, that's cuckoldry.

Definitely leave, she's obviously prepared to leave you. People who love each other usually don't think about a "back up" unless they don't think they'll love the person they're with.

>>17921874
at least she's honest, most would just jump onto the next cock after a break-up anyway.
For now just consider him a beta orbiter, you could make her shut it down, but it's probably more hassle than it's worth; Enjoy cucking him.

>>17921874
Run like the wind.

>they're cuddling when sleeping in one bed, etc.

And you haven't broken up with her?

Jesus fucking Christ, how big of a doormat are you?

Op, I started out as the back up guy to my current girlfriend.

She was in an ldr with him. Where he screwed up initially was by not trusting her, it put her in a situation where she started lying to him. Basically, he couldn't keep his shit together and all I had to do was basically treat her decently. I made very little effort to break them up, I wouldn't have physical contact with her beyond a hug until she ended it.

I would try talking to the guy in a nonconfrontational manner, if you start shit with him it will likely put you into a losing situation. Your confidence seems to all ready be wavering. I hope its not too late for you to mend things.

It has become apparent that this is just how some women date, they never want to be alone and will stay in relationships that are somehow flawed...until something more entertaining comes along. Good luck.

There's a combination of a few different things that are a cause for alarm.

For one, the fact that she's OK with having an obsessed beta orbiter, has close physical contact with him, and then tells you about it indicates that she has a very poor sense for boundaries. Sure, it's great that she's honest but still: no boundaries.

Then there's the fact that he's her best friend. It's already been shown that she lacks boundaries, so it's highly likely that she'll talk to him about fights and relationship troubles that WILL occur in the future (it happens to every relationship). Every relationship guru or old-fag/old-faggette will tell you that spilling your relationship problems onto your friends is a recipe for disaster in the long run - your friends will often back you up since they've only got your side of the story even if their intention to try and be objective and this ends up driving a wedge into the relationship. If that has a tendency to happen when the friends have the best of intentions, what do you think will happen when the friend has ulterior motives?

If you really love each other, that means respecting your partner's feelings. Doesn't mean that she needs to totally ditch the male friend, but she does need to put a bit of distance there.

If marriage or a serious future is anywhere in the cards, then your lover needs to be your best friend PERIOD - you are stuck with them for the rest of your life (hopefully). Sure you can have best buddies outside of the relationship too, but if you're serious about it they need to be one or two steps below your SO.