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Should I break up with her

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19 virgin until I met her about a month ago.Started chatting with a girl, 18, we have a lot of things in common, music, movies, tv shows, humor, political beliefs even vidya.Always hoped to find a soulmate, someone who is with me from start to finish and she seemed to be it.We have sex one day,and after we start talking.She started having sex when she was 14. I was shocked and everything started to hurt.She had two boyfriends before me, both older than me, he was 21 when she was 14.I struggle with it,I can't look at her the same,I keep telling myself that it's only sex,It hurts even more because I really think she is the perfect girl for me,but others got to her first.

I am jealous of her first boyfriend.He got to have her when she was young, he got to be her first,he got to use her and then leave her.I want her but I want her 14 yr old version.I know that's retarded.I don't think that I'm in love with her,nor do I know how that feels, but I still love her,I care about her,but I keep getting anxiety pains, my chest hurts,my stomach hurts.I am now thinking that I should leave her, find a 14 old just like her as her first did,and have her just to myself

I actually talked with her about this,she said she understands me, that she loves me no matter what, that she would wait for me if I were to leave, that she would change the past if she could, that she never felt love like she does now, that she was a different person then.I feel like garbage, we talked about our future together,because I want just the one,I don't feel like chasing other women and I don't care for random one night stands.But I feel betrayed,I feel pain and I don't think I can keep on going

Tldr Should I leave the (almost) perfect girl because of her past and go chase for a perfect girl? will I find someone with her personality? exactly like her but virgin I guess.I am afraid and confused, I just want her, but purer and only mine
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What's wrong with the cat? Looks as if it's crying?
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>>17905656
You're a nutjob.
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>>17905660

I know, but that doesn't help
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>>17905656
OP even if you go for a 10 year old there is no guarantee some guy hasn't already been there. Girls start early and you are fortunate there have only been two before you.
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Its a life lesson, people make mistakes, get hurt, etc.

Learning to live with this and accepting it is THE way to go imho. People will hurt you, you can run for that, but you will never truly experience happines if you do not learn to get past situation like these; Invest in this girl, invest in yourself, invest in learning and do not invest in clinging to feelings that are not constructive. You van always talk it over in a yeat or two.

Tldr: Try to think long term and learn to learn from life instead of reviewing without perspective.
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>>17905684
sure there's no guarantee, but I could keep trying until I find one who is...who's also smart, and witty and loves me...
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>>17905688
but if I could find one just like her, but also a virgin,which is better, shouldn't I try?
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>>17905695
you aren't going to find that going for a 14 year old when they are still young and dumb. Well, that sounds like what you want. Young and dumb.
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>>17905702
Well she was young and dumb then and isn't now, if I find a young and dumb one and stick with her couldn't she become smart as well?
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>>17905700
>which is better
No it's not. Why would it be?
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>>17905722
because there would be one more experience we could share that we can't now

it's something more
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Dude you' re missing the point so hard
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It's just that now I can't seem to enjoy anything we do because I keep thinking couldn't I do it with a better person? Like we planned to go traveling this summer, and I just imagine what if I went traveling with someone who's only mine? If there's someone who's mostly the same, who I could share one more experience with, who would love me the same, shouldn't I search for her?
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>>17905737
what is the point?
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If you think her entire worth as a human being is tied to her virginity, yeah, leave her. She doesn't need a pathetic asshole like you in her life to make her feel like shit. As if she"owes" you anything at all for existing!Why don't you just get a sex doll instead you useless wanker.
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>>17905778
It's just that... Why did that fuck get to do it? why should I forever miss out on that experience?
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>>17905656
>but others got to her first.

You're not mature enough to date anon.
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>>17905656
The girl you fell in love with is the product of her past, as are we all. Who can say in what ways her previous boyfriends helped shape her into your perfect woman, or whether the imaginary virginal her would have the same personality she has?

In an odd way you really should be grateful to those guys for the part they played in producing her, and triumphant that it is you - and not they - who got the final perfect product.
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>>17905792
Hey, a lot of people are saying that its just an experience, it doesn't matter, etc. But as someone who's experienced what you're talking about, I know what you mean.
My wife and I met at 21. both virgins we were each others firsts for everything, even first kiss. What we have though is a huge exception to the rule. Its a fact that most people (male and female) don't care about finding the right one right away anymore, its more about experiencing everything. Time's are changing man. If I were you I'd get over it, it seems like she really loves you, regardless of how you feel about her.
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>>17905801
I know that and she told me the same, but couldn't I find someone like she was and just shape her into the perfect girl?
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>>17905803
Yeah others told me that times are changing, but that is pretty much the "current year" excuse. I still want my perfect girl

also how do you feel about your wife? I am not sure what being in love is anymore
I think about her, and I smile when I see her, I want to protect her and I care about her, but then I also have these thoughts of replacing her
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>>17905656
Ya need some motherfucking therapy, son.

>>17905658
Probably read OP and somehow understood it.
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>>17905808
Are you genuinely that selfish? Just because someone else stuck his dick inside her doesn't mean that she becomes inferior. Even if you really think this way, the odds that you come across a sample that is better is so much lower given that there are tons more crazy bitches and plain janes out there.

Now I know that nothing anyone says here will convince you. Heck, the more bullshit people try to tell you about how retardedly insecure and selfish you are, you try to rationalize it away and convince yourself that their criticism is somehow supporting your stance.

Don't ask for advice if you have already made up your mind. Seriously, we have enough of these threads here.
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>>17905835
I don't think that she becomes inferior,but she would never be completely mine.we would never be just us always.It is an experience I would miss out on

And crazy or not, there are people out there who are similar enough and can also offer that right?

And I did not make up my mind,because I realize what a great girl I would lose.The thing is that I also believe it's possible I could get a greater girl. it's a gamble I guess
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>>17905656

>wah wah, I wasn't her first!

yeah, you should break up with her, so she'd can actually have someone who appreciates her.

>inb4foundthefemale
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>>17905892
k
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>>17905656
>>17905860
So, you're looking to find a virgin to start a long term relationship so you can share her first time together. Let's assume she's perfect and you love her like your current non-virgin gf loves you now.

Here it gets cruel. What if this new, perfect, ideal new virgin girl starts having insecurities about how someone got to you first? What if she leaves you to find a virgin male so they can experience something together for the first time? Will you wait for the ideal girl who you love just like your current non-virgin gf? Would you endorse the ideal girl leaving you since you did the same to your current non-virgin gf who loves you?
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>>17905923
I thought about that as well, but isn't that pretty much settling down because you think you can't do better? If there's a chance for better (in your opinion) shouldn't you take it?
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You're fucking retarded, OP

I suggest a 9MM lead aspirin.
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>>17905933
i think this one needs a bigger dose, like 12ga high-brass buckshot
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>>17905930
No monogamous relationship would be stable with such a mindset. A this point, I's recommend disregarding monogamy and looking into an "open relationship." Google can give you fine details. The gist of it is that you never have to settle for any one person whose value you perceive to be lower than your potential; you can constantly peruse more value, never settling down for just one.
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thread tl;dr?

OP sees women as objects and would probably be best off joining a polygamous cult
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>>17905943
But that's not really what I want. I want just the two of us. I guess I have 3 criteria now, which I didn't have before. Smart, understand each other, virgin. I don't care about looks that much.
She fulfills 2/3 of them. shouldn't I go for 3/3 and stop? after all I did found 2/3 in the first try maybe I could find 3/3
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>>17905960
that's my dilemma, and I would like to ask, did anyone ever find someone similar enough to an ex? or is everyone just too different and once lost are lost for good
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>>17905656
You're both children and she isn't your soulmate. You'll date for a few months.

This is why everyone should have a slut as their first girlfriend. No expectations and you learn to kiss properly.
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>>17905964
>>17905960
Slightly related, what country are you from?

From a western (American) perspective you're treating women as property, have insane standards, and clearly don't value the relationship you have if you're willing to destroy it over the fact that women have sex.

In my mind if you truly cared about this person the possibility of replacing her with "someone who meets all the criteria" would never have occurred to you.
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>>17905964
One of my buddies' brother married his first chick and my other buddy fucked her back in high school and she was cheating.

They're still happily married.
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>>17905978
All you need to do to learn how to kiss properly is get kissed wrong

>socially awkward girl I like but never get to see is visiting
>we have a moment alone
>go to kiss her
>she tries to make me eat her gums
At least she was eager
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>>17905990
I'm American and don't think of chicks I'm with in long term standards like him in the first place. If I did think of a girl as "the one" then she damn sure better be perfect.

Fact is though that he's just a kid who doesn't know himself or relationships well enough to even judge his compatibility with this girl. Everybody thinks their first betty is something special until a few years afterwards.
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>>17905990
east euro but societal values are the same
It's just me that's not quite right and I know
And you are right about the last one.I shouldn't be thinking about replacing her huh? maybe I don't love her enough
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>>17906005
bruh you're 19

fucking 19

stop taking yourself seriously
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>>17906009
What should that even mean? If I were a 28 yr old and made the same thread would you treat me differently? or would you just call me autistic then? age is irrelevant

When should I start taking myself seriously?
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>>17906021
You wouldn't make this thread at 28 because hopefully you will have been laid by then. And you wouldn't hold romantic idealizations of who an actual person is in your head anymore.

Watch 500 Days of Summer. It illustrates my point well.
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>>17906032
thanks, I will
But why should one give up on romantic idealized love? it is not impossible
Isn't giving up just accepting that you couldn't do it?
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>>17905656
The issue boils down to: should I leave a relationship with someone I am irreconcilably incompatible with? I would say yes.

I love the legion of white knights who are angry at why you two are not compatible.

But, the issue may be that you aren't compatible with any one girl at all.
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>>17906051
No, you'll come to realize that life isn't perfect and neither are you or the chick you're with. But are you perfect for each other?

And her liking your interests or agreeing with you on politics isn't important at all. Compatibility isn't about that. It's about how you actually treat each other and how you live. It's about how much you're willing to do to keep with a chick. Don't expect that at 19, just enjoy who you're with and keep learning. You'll probably be a very different person in 5 years anyway.
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A 14 yo girl with a 21 yo dude isn't normal. Sure, everyone gets poisonous and insecure thoughts about their GF's past from time to time, but this is on a whole other level.

How was she even socializing with men that age? That's not just precocious sexuality, that's entirely terrible decision making, at whatever age, and clearly a horrible family situation.

Yeah, I get that everyone makes mistakes when they're young, especially girls, but honestly, I think you should just cut ties. The both of you clearly have very different views on intimacy and sexuality no matter how similar you seem to think you are. If this bothers you then you have a right to end the relationship and find a more compatible partner with less of a questionable past (ie. being literally statuary raped).
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>>17906072
He lives in Lithuania or Croatia or some shit. It's really not that odd.
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>>17906072
I'm not sure, 14 year olds party and stuff
and here it's not hard to get alcohol or get into clubs

>>17906076
Romania actually but It's not considered normal here either
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>>17906082
I live in Arizona and know a girl who was fucking a 25 year old when she was 14.

Although she does porn now lmao
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Bottom line:

No you should not break up with someone for not being a virgin. That's silly and you'd be best off getting rid of that particular insecurity. As long as the relationship is otherwise healthy just try to move on.
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>>17906091
Bottom line is Romanian homie should get in that as much as he can because it's 18yo pussy
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>>17906091
>No you should not break up with someone for not being feminine. That's silly and you'd be best off getting rid of that particular insecurity. As long as the relationship is otherwise healthy just try to move on.

That logic applies to literally anything, mate.
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>>17906101
sure it's nice, but it bothers me that she knows how other men feel like, how she could never give me the "gift" of knowing only me
It's not that I think her body is used or something, it's her mind. If I could erase her memory or other autistic stuff I would

And no, I don't feel inferior to her exes,of that I am sure
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>>17906110
Wife cheating? Don't be insecure about it. Just move on. Wife shooting heroin? Same thing. Gaah, ppl are so insecure
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>>17906124
Lmao, dude get over it. People fug. And you'll get to fuck more chicks after this doesn't work out. Quit making her into someone she isn't in your head.
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>>17906124
Want to know a secret?

Virgins suck.

Taking someone's virginity isn't receiving a gift, it's a fucking chore.

People use the gum analogy (would you use a chewed up piece of gum) but that's retarded. Women are more like baseball gloves: before use they're inflexible and useless. They need to be broken in first.
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>>17905662
Well it does... You need to realize you have found her. This is BETTER than having her first. My first lay was with the most beautiful girl in my high school and she was a virgin.. guess what... It was tight, she was innocent, perfect physically.. And yet, from the sounds of it I would take your girl every time if I had to give up the memories of the Virgin I fucked.

Maybe you are too young to realize this... But previous relationships are learning experiences.. She hasn't had many, she's not a used up slut by any means. Be a man and grow up, or do her a favor and tell her that you don't have the balls to do this and leave her, make sure she doesn't wait up so she can find someone decent and mentally stable
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>>17905743
If you have to ask then you are simply too naïve to understand it.
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>>17906132
that's nice and all, but it's not what I want. I would just like to find someone to be with for the rest of my life as soon as possible. She is so close to what I want that I can't just say lol bye, yet not quite perfect which makes me consider leaving for a better one. But I am not sure that a better one exist, nor am I sure how to find her


>>17906143
I would have plenty of time to "break her in"
What kind of man wants to have her half sexually trained by someone else?

I know that my behavior is not the norm or something but it is what I want.
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>>17906151
>I know that my behavior is not the norm or something but it is what I want.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIX0ZDqDljA
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>>17906151
>What kind of man wants to have her half sexually trained by someone else?
Most.
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>>17905656
You are fucking autistic, keep her. You're not going to do any better and you're going to regret it
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>>17906146
sure that having her is better than having her first and losing her, but If you could find someone similar enough, have her first and keep her isn't that even better?

Again I am talking really long term here, not just heh we dated for two years.If we would just separate after 2 years I won't bother.
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>>17906151
You sound like you're talking about upgrading your PC
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OP, what do you gain with her being a virgin?
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>>17906162
so I shouldn't even strive for it?
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>>17906174
>it
her

we're talking about people, not cars
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>>17905656
Are you looking for a short-term relationship? Are you looking for a girl to marry/spend the rest of your life with?

If it's a short fling, you should just put up with her since you're trading her in soon.
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>>17906171
a new experience,memories,closeness
I want to be with a virgin.say I stay with her forever like I want.Missed experience,could have been forever with someone who also had that
>>17906178
it the ideal
>>
I came to /adv/ to ask why nipples have an onion aftertaste but this thread is far more interesting
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>>17906185
What nipples are you sucking on?
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>>17906181
>>17906169
>>17906151

>>17906185
I offer only the best :^)
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>>17906182
>it the ideal
your ideal woman is still a woman, a person

I get the feeling you're still not internalizing this; that a woman is a person just like you.

What if someone cloned your current girlfriend but the clone had her hymen intact and no memory of sex with other people. Would you dump your current girlfriend like so much hot garbage for her clone?

What if the roles were reversed: you got together with a virgin girl and fell desperately in love with her, but after being together for a while she decided to leave you because you'd had sex before meeting her. How would that make you feel? Do you think that would be fair?
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>>17906194
Go suck on a tit real quick and sabor it for a few moments. It always leaves a weird aftertaste. Nothing uncomfortable but it makes me curious.
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>>17906196
Yes I would dump her
and no I don't think it would be fair

I have thought about it and still haven't found a solution
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>>17906209
Huh, I sucked on some on tuesday but that chick hates onions.

You sure your chick doesn't eat a lot of stir fry or something?
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>>17906210
>Yes I would dump her
>No that wouldn't be fair
Then how can you stand there and tell me you care about her when you'd be willing to inflict that unfair pain upon her? That's not what people do to the ones they care about.

You seem to be lacking in basic empathy.
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>>17906217
He cares about the idea of her, not her.

I've been telling him that the whole thread. He holds a romantic idealization of her in his mind that isn't actually who she is.

Go watch 500 Days of Summer Romania homie.
>>
That's why you don't have that conversation bro.

You don't wanna know.
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>>17906216
It has happened more than once with different girls, but not everytime. The last time I sucked my gf's tits they tasted like that but I think it was because we did a lot of stuff that day around town.
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>>17906229
I actually just started watching it
>>17906217
and I absolutely don't want to hurt her,I cried yesterday all day when thinking about that, but I have to put myself first. I do get constant pains from thinking about it. like really, head and chest for a month, I'm starting to forget how I felt before
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>>17906229
Is there any psychologist around here? Isn't OP a woman hater or something similar?
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>>17906243
why hater? I care about her but I care about me more
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OP here any chance to find a virgin on tinder?
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>>17906243
Hater may be too strong; he seems to be more interested in what the woman can do for him than who they are as a person. I'd chalk that down to middle-eastern society more than anything.
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>>17906270
I care about who they are as a person.Otherwise I would have no problems leaving her. I want the same but better. everyone has some preferences. would you stay with an ugly girl with a great personality?
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>>17906284
>I care about who they are as a person
>I want the same but better
These two statements do not support one another.

If you would be willing to leave them because you just want an upgrade then you don't care about them, you care about what they can do/mean for you. That's not the same thing.
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>>17906286
huh I get now what you mean
but I still don't want to lose her
welp I guess i best convince her to convert to islam, convert myself and get a harem going
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>>17905656
>Should I leave a girl that I love to go become a pedophile?
Gee OP, I don't know.
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>>17906301
I see. Your solution would be multiple wives: her and a virgin girl like her.

Will this system be fair: will they be able to invite men into the marriage since you can invite women in?
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>>17906309
made me chuckle
fine maybe not 14 old, that age stuck with me because her first got to do it
clearly some deep psychological stuff about me wanting to be her first and I think that I could relive it by doing the same
or smth dunno lol

>>17906317
It wouldn't be fair but I seem to clearly not care about her in a romantic rose-tinted you are perfect way, but in a more realistic I care and want to protect you way, we could have fun over the years and have children together. can that be transformed into romantic love? I've never felt the same way she says she feels about me
>>
Ok OP, here are two options for you:

- The sensible thing to do: Talk to her about this and go to therapy together.

- The 4chan-ish thing to do: Talk to her about this but blame her for being a whore, then she'll leave you and find out about the monster you really are.
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>>17906347
oh I already talked with her about everything. She is not the most mentally stable person either so she says she understands everything. And I don't think she's a whore. I hate that others got her first. I hate them. I hate life for not making us meet sooner. But not her ever.
It's just that... maybe I can find "her" again, this time fast enough to be just us

And I know how it sounds,and we both suggested therapy, but at the end of the day, The thoughts of "find her younger self" appear again
>>
I dealt with the same thing when I was younger. I met a girl who meant the world to me but she was more experienced sexually then I was and that made me upset. The thing to keep in mind is she didn't know you at the time and she didn't do it to hurt you or be malicious in any way. She will never be able to change the past and you will never be able to find a perfect virgin qt.
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>>17906563
how upset did it make you? constant pains?
did they go away?
Were you in love with her?
What happened in the end?

and I don't think that she did it to hurt me or anything like that.It's just that she's not everything that I wanted
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>>17906634
Are you everything that she wanted? If she followed your rules then probably you are not even worthy to be with her, but she's with you regardless of that fact. If she can compromise not being with a perfect man, you should do the same.
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>>17906784
She says I am. but why compromise? would regret not follow you for the rest of your life?
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>>17906792
Just to be clear, she's not a secondhand waifu pillow, is she?
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>>17906824
funny
>>
>>17905656
Man you sound extremely retarded. Are all teenagers these days as dumb as you?

I know this is 4chan and it encourages a special kind of autism, but grow the fuck up already. It's time.
>>
>>17905978
>Slut as first girlfriend
Yeah, that was my experience. I guess I learned a lot, but the experience was essentially meaningless. Wasn't attached to her at all like some people catch major feelings for their first.
>>
Found out this girl fucked two black guys the night I met her. They were brothers. Idk if they were both the same night, but yeah.

I'm struggling with that shit. But in this stuff, you have to ask yourself, is your affection for her bigger than your pride?
>>
>>17905656

You're a child and you're stupid. Neither one of these girls is your soulmate 99.9999%.

Virgin is a ridiculous meme, but if she's banged a football team full of guys stay away.

Just relax. Your edgy little teenage emotions will fade in time.
>>
>>17906347

>Going to therapy with your teenage girlfriend
>sensible

You're possibly even more delusional than OP

>>17906359

>she is not the most mentally stable person either

Stop talking to her and focus on being a kid. Find a better woman.
>>
>>17906359
You will never find her again, you can find something else, maybe even something that's better than her. But you will never find HER again.
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