/vent/

>>17902639
Fuck off Michael I dont play that gay shit. I love you but can't we just be bros without being butt buddies?

Just kill me.

Fucking kill me.

I'm an asshole to people because I want to show my anger to the world, but at what cost? Now I have no one to run to. I have no where to go. The worst part is I get everything I deserve.

It's all my fault.

>>17902662
it's not your fault.
No one is too far gone to come back.

why the fuck am i so stressed out over this girl on tinder? i've fucked lots of girls and i can't even remember the last time a girl made me nervous. so why the fuck is this random girl i matched with on tinder making my hands shake and my heart race? i can't even think or see straight. it's been a couple hours since i messaged her and the fact that i have no reply yet is making me nauseous. i've talked to hotter girls on tinder and in person with no issues before but this girl makes me feel 10 years younger in high school trying to talk to a girl for the first time. fucking shit god dammit.

>>17902639
Ex of 4 years cheated half a year ago and I still feel like shit. Had a fling with a chick from uni that I liked, had a few dates, got a lot of work done, switched to a nicer job, continued working out, got better in muay thai, contacted old friends, meet all the time with a friend with whom I laugh a lot all day but feel like shit. I'm kinda okay with her being out of my life, but the cheating hurt so fucking much. I knew the relationship wouldn't last till year 5 but still loved her dearly. I just don't understand how she was able to pull this off. Never would've thought she was the type to be this fucking disgusting. I think about her all the time, often dream about how I smash her head in like a gorilla. Last time I was so depressed was 10 years ago as a teenager.

Marrying a small breasted woman with no sex drive was a fucking awful idea even if she's really good in a lot of other ways.

>>17902662
It's your fault. But it doesn't have to be like that. You can change and you can apologize.

I want to stop seeing people and situations in all or nothing terms and I'm angry with myself that it's still so hard for me.

>>17904572

This shit makes me so angry. I'm not even OP or anyone posting in the thread. How do you even cope with this? The fact that some people are just better than you by default? The fact that there is literally nothing you can do but accept defeat?

I feel like I'm never going to live up to my potential
I graded very high when I was a teenager
Very high
But I faffed about for 10 years and now I'm almost 30
I feel like I'm never going to accomplish all what I could have

You ever watch Good Will Hunting? I'm not even going to say I'm comparable. But the emotions are.
That scene when Ben Afflect tells Matt Damon that he hopes that every time he rolls up, he hopes Ben has gone.
That scene resonates with me
Except unlike Matt, I've gotten to the point where Ben would kill me

I could have been anything. My grades have never been below 3.99
I'm not saying I'm smart.
Smart people don't have my life

But I'm good at school. If I had good decision making, I'd have someone by now.

I think I drink a lot because of my wasted potential
I can't ever turn back time and maximize my potentail
So better get drunk all the time

im surrounded by negativity and its making me negative and my personality is super negative and i fucking hate but can't help it

I am probably over thinking this.

Messaged a girl ~30min after I got a text from her. My reply was kinda question like, and would typically call for an answer, but for some reason she did not reply yet, and its been a day. Granted she did just leave to drive 9hrs out of state that day, so she's probably busy with stuff there...

>>17904805
What particular negative things are you thinking about right now?

>>17904831
Women only see texts as entertainment. Asking a question makes it a chore

>>17904882
Eh, she always replies to what ever BS I say.
And this message was no different in content than those previous.


And besides, she tends to act more like a guy than anything else. Wears kinda bell bottom jeans, cowboy boots, loose sweatshirts, and uses a run of the mill Jansport type backpack. So, really, I doubt the standard explanations apply to a tomboy like her

>>17904892
So what are you worried about?
If she's reliable why are you going into histrionics over a few minutes of her silence?

I've met about 2 women in the 15 years I've been dating that I feel like I can really 100% relate to
I'm feeling it now
I miss them
I want a woman I can relate to
I want to tell her how I feel

I know I won't and can't.
Not for a long few years.

I'll hold that need inside. That's what booze is for

>>17904943
Eh, usually replies quickly. Just is out of the ordinary for this gap of response

after just assuming I'd single for all my life, last summer I dated this guy and we had an amazing relationship... for a month, until he dumped me because he would like to have kids in the future and I don't.
soon after, he began fucking another woman in a sex buddies relationship and later, I met this guy that seemed interested in me... until he fucked me, then began ignoring me and I finally dumped him.
so I guess I'll just stay single forever.

>>17904950
She has diarrhoea and can't pick up her phone
He dog ran out so she chased it
Her phone ran out of battery power.

You're being a bitch
If she doesn't talk in 48 hours, then be worried

All you want from me is sex, I'm smart enough to know that but also stupid enough to keep it going.

>>17904959
I guess so. I just have a tendency to massively overthink shit

>>17904963
Is it such a bad thing to want to connect with someone you feel so intimate about.

I am better than this. I was in no need for someone in the first place, it was only my lack of motivation that made me pursue an abusive relationship(?) That ended up helping me to some extent at the cost of certainty of my sexuality, or the cost of my sexuality as a whole.
It made me realise that sex is pointless, disgusting and isn't something to break a sweat for.
It taught me to love myself more and pay more attention to myself, 'cause I deserve it. I have always been willing to give all of my attention and love to someone else, neglecting my OWNself, yet this abusive relationship showed me that I should direct all of this to myself.
I guess I am going better...

betrayal is a bittersweet.
i still love you now and then bit im getting better.
you just dont get everything ive been through to get to this point and everything ill have to afterwards to mend my shit together
in other words fuck off

Only a dumbass like me would feel so hurt over a long distance relationship. We never fucked. We never even met. Just met online, and made a stupid promise to go see her when I didn't even have a single fucking thing to my name.

Then 2 years later, I'm stalking her past profiles riding off of nostalgia and guilt. I JUST WANT TO FUCKING LET GO! I fucked up, but I want to fix something that probably shouldn't be fixed because I might abuse the fucking situation. Again.

And I'm too scared to even look for another relationship. A real one. I hate being a fucking loser. I don't know how to not be a fucking loser though

I wish people would care about me. Show me empathy and sympathy every once in a while. Remember things I say. Acknowledge that I'm talking. Show minimal amounts of interest in things I bring up. I try my best to do all these things for everyone. I can't realistically expect the same treatment from absolutely every person I encounter, that's impossible, but couldn't they put in a little bit more effort? Hell, I was talking to my partner the other morning and they were straight up ignoring me. No eye contact, no nods, not even the empty "mhm"s they give me when they're clearly not listening. Just silence. There was no background noise in the room so it wasn't that they couldn't hear me. It really hurt, you know? I brought a part of the conversation later in the day and they had no idea what I was talking about. "Oh, you brought it up earlier? Maybe I didn't read your text fully". I didn't text it to you at all.

Maybe I'm doing something wrong since I keep encountering this sort of problem, both offline and online. I don't know. I'll be over at my friend's house and talking about something, and you can see his disinterest as clear as day. He'll ask me something then lose interest almost immediately after I start talking. It hurts. Yet when I stay quiet for a while, he or his family members will ask "why are you being so quiet?". What else am I meant to do? Chatter on to someone who is about as responsive as a brick wall? This happens no matter who I'm with.

I don't know why I keep talking to my group of online friends. They'll respond normally to each other, but I get one or maybe two-worded responses. Like I could probably get ran over and I would get a response like "That sucks", if that.

And holy fuck, is it that hard to remember a significant piece of information about me I've been telling you all for nearly 5 years? My partner remembers at least but just about no one else does and it's infuriating.

Whatever I'm broke. I gave you my time that's all i could give. Fuck it.

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Happy birthday to me. Well, in a few hours.

The end of a decade. It's a fucking shame that an abortion has the marker for the end of our 10 years as what I thought was partners.

The way you acted and denied the fact you where likely pregnant for 2 months. I even said something 1 month in, you just said it was "Hormones."

I guess love does blind, or maybe obsession does. Do I hate you for getting the abortion? No, not at all. I know we aren't ready for a child together. We are hardly a couple anymore. I don't want a kid to deal with a broken home because of you.
It's funny how when we took those test, both reading "pregnant" you still denied it. Upon the news, your immediate response was "I don't want it to ruin my life, I don't want to get fat, I can't be pregnant." I always thought you dependable, reliable. I been deceived, you are shit. Not me. I tried to save this relationship, but it was apparent you had no intentions on meeting me half way. No, you wanted it all.
1/2

I've told you so many times that my body has been completely unresponsive to sexual shit lately but you don't seem to care at all. I don't know how to react.

What's annoying is that once you get a boner, it's as if you ABSOLUTELY need to have sex with me or whack off or else you'll be horny for literally the rest of the day. How common is this? For example, you'll drag me away from things if I'm busy or say I'm about to go and do something so then you can fondle me. You'll play with me for potentially hours and not give up until either I say my body isn't doing shit as usual or I force you into me. It's partially my fault for not denying you sex right off the bat, but we haven't had regular sex in so long. It isn't fair for you. I don't really like giving blowjobs anymore, but you refuse to go down on me "because vaginas are gross" so I guess we're equal now.

>>17905184
1/2
You wanted me to be around, supportive, and loving.
Yet when I asked for time, when I made plans and dates, you flaked.
You always had something in the way. Always would get mad at me for saying that you were busy. You're right, you aren't busy, you simply don't have time for me.

The comedy comes that now you are trying to say that you wanted to abort because "I don't want it to get in your way". Funny girl. Hilarious. Trying to pin the guilt on me. No, with how often I get to see you (about 1 to 2 hours a month) you expect me to know more about you than you apparently knew about yourself?

I'm done. I don't hate you because you got an abortion. No, I hate you for who you became. The baby had nothing to do with it. Stop blaming others for your mistakes.

>>17905207
2/2*
now 3/2
As I write this, we are still together. I am waiting for you to recover from the abortion. From what you wanted. I will continue to smile and hug you like I still care about us, but maybe you will feel the facade.

Once that is done, once you feel better, I will tell you all this and walk away from the smothering ruins of a relationship you gave up on long ago.

I don't know what you want from life, but it's clear it's not me.

I hope life treats you better than you treated me.

I want to stop loving someone I haven't talked to in four years. Every girl I've dating her has just felt like a chore. I've actually decided to just stop dating for a while because I want to be able to love the person I'm seeing instead of feeling like I have to see them.

I just want to be free of this curse.

>>17905034
You don't like me though, let me move on.

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Fuck it. I told her if she wanted me to be stop being friends with them she can fuck right off. No slut no matter the number is worth it over a bro whose been there on the streets with me. She got pissy about it and stop texting me but I'm about done with her game playing ghosting ratchet ass bullshit.

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I'm fucking scared anons.
Everyone I know that went to college( about 8 people more or less ) made the poor choice of picking a meme degree and now they work at McDonalds while $20k+ in debt, still "trying to find out what I want to do with my life".
Sure my situation isn't as bad as theirs, but I'm scared that I'll be stuck a wagecuck forever because I don't have two parents like everyone they have, who will support me by simply existing or toss money at my useless degree.
The irony in all this, the "stupid" students that were being laughed at by teachers because they'd never be successful all took trades, and in one or two years they'll be debt free and making tons of money, all while laughing at the "smart" students.
I know that I want to be an artist. Trying to enter university will take nearly two years and I'm already twenty, I don't want to graduate with an arts degree at 26 and be in debt till 30, this all puts so much pressure on me, so obviously I'm not getting a useless fucking arts degree.
So now I have to wagecuck again, save up for materials and shit while practicing every single day until I either make something out of myself or get lucky somehow.
I'm just happy I'm not shit at what I do and the fact that I'm not in debt is a plus. Last thing I'd want to be is a beginner artist with an arts degree :^)
Please anons if I fail and go senile just tell me lies about how good I was and all the great things I accomplished..

i give up

im subhuman. im inferior. i have failed as a human being. i will not pollute the gene pool.

goodbye.

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>>17905327

I'm only superstitious about one thing. Maybe I made a mistake. When i was a kid I made a deal to god or the devil or whoever and traded love for artistic talent, and sometimes I wonder if someone was listening. I distinctively remember myself thinking that yeah, I will trade any romance for art, please. Since it seems to have come true. I think it robbed me of my original wish for white picket fence family. I wanted to live a sad life for the sake of art and that happened too. My own family is all i ever wanted as a kid and now I feel eh about it. but at least people think i'm a concert pianist when i play piano. Mom and dad expect me to get married next but i don't know what to tell them, that i'm 22 and there hasn't been anyone ever and that i don't feel wired for it anymore. Why did this happen to me. I don't recognize myself. My younger self would cry .

i really do think i must have made some kind of deal that came true. Like i wasn't that good at it before and then the switch flipped and now i'm going to be alone forever. I'm not even religious but that's my secret. I'm too scared of losing the piano to wish that I had love back again. Yeah i just don't know man. It's really like an SO anyway. I have to spend time with it all the time already.

>>17905343
im doing you guys a favor. ive given up and completely realized what the superior race is.

ive literally turned down tons of girls, eradicated any concept of marriage or having kids. my genes don't deserve to be passed on. i will just be a dust in the wind. a mistake of nature that should never be remembered.

>>17903867

The only solution is murder. Kill her Patrick! Kill her! She dishonoured your manhood now you must even the odds by chopping her fucking face off with an axe to show her who the real boss is.

I miss the illusion of love.

>>17905354
Wanna go out for a subway sandwich?

>>17905357

Not so fast >>>/ck/8412008

>>17905262

Of course I like you. I see myself in you and I want you to prosper. I know we can make our way through this endless maze together. I just need your help now that I'm weak.

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I've gotten to the point of being so lonely that I can't even have any friends anymore. I've tried, but every single person I've been friends with I end up falling in love with, bust because they're the only people I have in my life. I'm so desperate to be in love that I'm not even sure that I actually like these people, but at the time I'd literally do anything they asked me to, I'm so in love. I've already lost three friends like this because things became too awkward between us, giving me a 100% failure rate. I'm already crushing on another very, very close friend which makes me afraid. Fucking kill me, please.

>>17905359
Aww shit nigga you caught me.
The reason I love subway sanwiches is because they cost $3-6 which is pretty darn cheap and they come in a variety of flavors, my favorite being the mint subway sandwich. I also like buying a few cookies to shove in my subway sandwich while I eat it, and my favorite selection is to tell them, "Just put everything in it" as I watch the horrified employee try to fit 30 different ingredients into such a tiny sandwich. At times the guy who made my bacon would take it out of the microwave with his hands - NEVER AGAIN. I told that fucker to stop burning himself and to put the bacon on the bread as I was tired of seeing him do such a thing to his lady hands.
Anon you wanna fuck or what? I'm tired of talking about sandwiches.

>>17905372
Fuck yeah anon you know my number

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my last eight and only conversations in social media are ones where i do help people with shit like studying or translating or whatever, they send thanks and some smiles, emoji

meanwhile i have no friends

welp

>>17902639
I wish you could actually just be honest with me instead of pretending to be like everyone else

>>17905386
You should know that those who don't play by the game end up empty and alone

Have the last seven years of my life been one big setup for dissappointment? 'It'll be better after high school' I told myself during my junior and senior years. 'It'll be better after college' I told myself again as I spent 4 years trying to learn a 2-year hvac trade course because of bullshit school overcrowding. All the while, I've seemingly set up this idea that once finished, that I'll be rolling in cash and out of my parent's house early as possible. And if all that does happen, then what? I've spent so much time chasing this goal for nothing other than security, that I've begun to wonder if the perpetual feeling stagnation in my life will get better at all.

Why the fucking fuck are you so insecure and shit unless you're online? Seriously, knock that shit off. You're not gonna get anywhere by staying nowhere you fucking loser. Get up and do shit other than play your PC. Idc what others said, fuck you get up and make your goals true. Fuck you, me.

If you don't like me because I'm "boring" and you think that being "boring" is the worst thing in the world, you are probably a literal example of an emotional child.

If you think I don't look good due to society's standards, guess what? Your beauty isn't going to last forever either, so it's your loss.

Seriously, just lower your standards and stop getting a high on making people like me depressed and dejected. It's not going to bring you good attention, it's just going to make you more lonely in the end. That guy you're encouraging to work out? He's no different from anyone else, quite frankly.

Just state your standards upfront and stop giving people false hopes in the first place. It would also help bring you less unwanted attention, too.

The older I get, the more I realize my mom is pretty much responsible for how fucked I came out. I don't think she realized how complaining to me about my dad wasn't a good idea. I don't think she realized how her trying to teach me how to be a man instead of my dad would fuck me up. I don't think she realized that yelling at me or hitting me when I messed something up would just make me not wanna try new things out of fear of the negative consequences of fucking things up. I don't think she realized that her way of having conversation - that is, her talking on and on about something that I don't really know about and taking over the conversation whenever I try and bring something up - would fuck with my conversational skills. It took years of completely distancing myself from her and everything she ever tried to teach me to finally be content with myself as a person. I hated myself for years, basically because of her. And now she wants to be friends? Now she gets sad that I don't call her that often? What world does she live in? I would never say I hate her, because I can at least give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she just didn't know what she was doing since her parents were fucked up, but I don't really ever want to talk to her or see her again.
>>17904801
>I think I drink a lot because of my wasted potential
>I can't ever turn back time and maximize my potentail
>So better get drunk all the time
This hits a little too close for me. I think parents and teachers need to stop telling kids "you're doing well now but you could be doing so much better if you actually tried" because then the kid gets the implicit suggestion that they can keep doing well without ever trying, and they end up with a shitty work ethic (not saying this is you, but it's me).

I'm sorry for being an emotional, dramatic fuckhead.

I love you so god damn much. I wish I didn't. I know you don't feel the same and that's fine, what kills me is that I feel we're drifting apart even as friends.
You were my best friend. We used to do everything together. I don't understand why that had to change. I often feel that you're not even interested in talking to me anymore.
I know you have your own life, other friends, other people you love more, I guess the problem is just that I don't really. You're the only one I ever talked to much outside of parties and the like. I feel that you were the only person that ever really understood me. You made me happier than I've ever been. I feel lonely without you.
All I want is for things to be how they were. I just want to talk to you and spend time with you like we used to.

I miss you
I love you
I'm dumb
sorry

>>17905416
On another note, I think I'm pretty deep in love with a girl I should want nothing to do with. I know she's unstable, I know she already said all she wants to be is friends, I know my friends liked her until they got to know her and think she's weird or not good for me now, and I know we're not compatible at all but I still think about her. Too much. I still daydream about her, even though I know it's unrealistic. I thought she would be like every other girl where yeah I missed her and thought about her at first, but that getting another girl would help me forget her. But it didn't. And even though I have another girl waiting in the wings for once winter break is finished, I don't think she'll make it better either. I had no idea one person could make me feel the way I feel right now.

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TFW she doesn't love me anymore

> She dated me for the perks
> Could escape from her parents by hanging out w/me
> Bought her stuff
> Took her out
> Went through huge lengths and effort for us to hangout
> She barely put effort into it
> Being w/me was a chore for her
> I was her bank
> Her messages became few and far between, usually about what she'd want me to buy her

The smart thing should be to downgrade to sex only, and move on, why didn't I see the warning signs at the beginning? She was never girlfriend material, I should have kept her as a fuckbuddy.

I don't get my needs met, she's not willing to meet them, I go above and beyond. It's a one sided relationship.

There's only this small part of me, the idealistic part, that wants to try one more time. I don't want to move on and feel like I could have done more.

But there's barely any hope. To think that I had been craving real, honest love, and I thought I had found it with her. I wanted to know what it felt to love and be loved, but that won't happen.

I had such high hopes.

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>>17905385
Do you have a Skype Anon? I'll be your friend.
>>17905401
Surely there's something that you're looking forward to doing now that you've got all that under your belt. Buying a house, getting a girlfriend, something? One thing I've learned is that life always has something new waiting for you, so don't worry Anon.
>>17905417
Tell me about her/him Anon. They sound like a wonderful person.

>>17905417
Have you tried maybe expressing these feelings to the person you're talking about?

>>17905401
I survived that way until I graduated.
The feeling of stagnation goes away.

I think I quit 4chan.

It made me way too mentally unstable, mentally weak. This video motivates me too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hhx6IfKrvEQ

The only time when I feel confident, social, happy, is when I'm hanging out with my super extroverted friends and we get to do dumb fun shit. But I feel like walking away from 4chan is just walking away from my problems. What's your take?

I'm only 18, but I'm going to stop drinking. Every time I get too drunk I end up humiliating myself to insane levels. On holiday, there was a free cocktail bar, which I totally abused, got chatting to some dude, went back to his hotel room for a few more beers and his parents turn up, also pretty drunk. I then proceeded to FaceTime my ex who'd been admitted to a psychiatric ward and crying like a baby about her welfare and emotional state. My friend's mom even held my hand and passed on a few words of wisdom about getting better herself. I'm worried that with that incident, I ruined any attraction she still harboured for me (in the past month, she'd been flip-flopping between wanting to be with me and the guy she left me for, because I go to college and live in another town now). She claims the phone call "did nothing" and that she often feels she still loves me, but do you think my drunken meltdown made me look like a weak fag? I've had a drunken meltdown once before around her.

>>17905417

Fuck that hit me like a truck. I'm in the same situation, buddy. Just be strong, do it for yourself.

I'm so ugly I don't think I'll ever see and touch a hot woman naked.

I'm falling in love with my gfs sister and I don't know if I should tell her. All my instincts yell "Fuck no!" because theres almost zero chance we could get together.

Every time I think about getting the courage to reach out and talk to people online I freak out and withdraw even more. I hate being lonely and I hate the idea of always bugging my only friend about my stupid problems. I want to make more friends I can laugh with and talk about my interests with. How the fuck do I get the courage to go through with it and not be afraid of being an awkward retard?

I can't be the only one who thinks that this girl is into this guy? She regularly mesages him with stuff over 100 words

Like these two.

>Oh! I forgot about the New King Kong movie! It appears quit different than the older ones. Personally, I find King Kong vs Godzilla to be the best (old school). I am not that smart (lol); just passionately curious. Not taking math this semester, in fact, I'm not taking a science either. After talking to Professor, I decide to seek a more harmonious life than that of scholarly crunch; it feels right. Go back to Disney (lol). It's pricey though . . . A bottle of water? Like five dollars! If I was you, I would wait until they finish up with the new Star Wars attraction in Hollywood studios/MGM. Borrowed a book from Professor, and now it's all dogged eared. . . embarrassing. Reading anything good? Have you ever wandered around five points/riverside? When your at campus, you should check it out. A lot of coffee shoppes and bagel/smoothie places. Peanut butter smoothie = yum.

or this one

>Ppssst! A job does not equal a life- trust me. Your right about the first week of school being a lite load: Disney should be ok. Cecil is not that far from Kent, which class is that one? Urgh! I need to go to bed, just got home, but Moby Dick with Patrick Sterwart is on!!! My eyes turn into hearts every time I see that man- he's so cool. Needless to say, I freaked out when I saw him in the trailer for Logan. That was the second best trailer (in my opinion) during the previews for Rogue One; Guardians of the Galaxy 2 being number one. Baby Groot is the best. Love Groot, in fact, I have the pop figure of him in his little pot. He's the only plant that has not died (lol): I have a black thumb.

fuckin OP posting furry shit and no one cares pls

I'm not gay and have always been against that anime stuff but... I'm starting to consider getting a husbando

I really like the character and want to have him as my best friend and I don't like people at all normally.

It's so weird but I really feel like it's the right thing to do, I have a sex drive and women arouse me but the thought of sex doesn't, men don't do anything for me at all. Just so weird because I have basically been against it my whole life because I thought this whole waifu and husbando thing was escapism 101 but now I'm seeing it differently because I really like this character and I want to spend time with it, including its flaw and nobody in the real world is even close to comparable.

It's like if this character was a real 3d person I'd want to be best friends too but it isn't because he doesn't exist so I have to make due kind of thing.

>>17906587
Ideas?

I think that she might be into him, but she stops talking to him at random for a couple weeks. This tends to be around when ever they are supposed to meet up, but she finds a way out at random.

I miss you and wish we could work something out.

I feel like we're drifting and I hate it, I've been thinking about my ex a lot and other girls. You barely talked to me the past 2 days, haven't told me I love you back, and you're out with your friends right now at your stupid fucking work cultists parties. I'm home alone bored as fuck, I kind of wanted to come. I'm starting to feel like I don't love you anymore when you're not around. I don't know what to do.

I have loved you so madly and desperately for years now, years where I gave up little parts of myself, thinking one day, finally, I'd be the person you wanted to marry. I'd finally be good and true and whole and worth loving. Whoever this person is that is left over is just broken and sad, as sad as I was the day you found me. I had given up then and I am ready to give up now too, but the thought of hurting you more destroys whatever is left of me. I am sorry that my brain is so fucked up. I'm sorry I made promises I can't keep and that I am not the girl you see me as. I have always wanted you to be happy and I am sorry I was wrong when I pictured it with me.

I miss when you weren't depressed. I know the last year has been tough on both of us, but it's killing our relationship.

Sometimes I resent you for not getting help.

The last year has shown me the darkest sides of your personality and I can handle that but if you continue to live in a pool of worry and negativity i cannot continue this relationship. simple as that.

i cannot be the only person in this relationship that can see a good future, and i deserve to be with a woman who knows how to look at the bright side, at least sometimes.

is that too much to ask?

>>17908070
Oh and stop making excuses about why you won't go to a therapist. I know it's hard, but I cannot be the only therapist in your life, sweety - i'm not even a professional.

>>17905567

That's fucked up. You should break up with your gf and move on because It's not gonna happen. I'd never date my sister's leftovers

I am the only man who has ever respected you, loved you unconditionally, and would have liteally died to protect you. Why couldn't you see that? Why have you thrown your life away just for fleeting moments of pleasure, and a lifetime of self loathing and being disrespected? Why couldn't you see that I am the only one that will ever accept you for who you are and would never do anything to hurt you? You have been with countless men and it always ends the same, with them leaving you and hurting you. I have never huurt you nor have I ever left you, but you have done this to me a dozen times, and I always welcomed you back with a smile. I am ashamed that I couldn't let you go because you are a toxic, junkie slut, but I loved you still. If you ever wake up one day and realize that I was the best for you, I hope you realize that YOU caused me to reject you. You had so many chances for true love and happiness in your life, but you decided to be a heroin addicted stripper whore instead. You brought this on yourself, and I have nothing but pity for you now, and you will never have my love again, whore. I hope you feel the same way you made me feel now. I know you are lonely and miserable, and it makes me happy. It proves to me that those who dont respect and take love when it comes to you get what they deserve and never find it again. Fuck you!

I'm seriously considering getting an arranged marriage. I have no social skills and I want a virgin. My parents and siblings would not accept the marriage but I wouldn't care.

seriously thinking about getting committed. again, this time by choice. i can't handle being here, alone in my thoughts. do you know how tough it is to be permanently fried with certain knowledge thanks to a skank that likes to fuck people over and choose ugly girls with no teeth over you? no, you don't. my family doesn't get me and they never will. i'm always grateful for the things that you actually need in life, not things that aren't necessary. but w/e, being a psycho bitch with conflicting views isn't too hard some days.

>>17908203
Have you considered going to church? Becoming a Christian?

Aside from the forgiveness and all, you can learn how to love people. It can help you get with someone that you actually want, looking beyond the virgin thing.

God can help you find what your good at, anon.

>>17904238
Run well you can nigger

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WHY DO PLATYPUSES EXIST I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT

Our texts will become less frequent day by day. One day I won't reply. Or you won't reply. And we will simply disappear from each other's lives.

I'm doing my best to accept the impermanence of these Winter days.

Is it worth? For now.

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I'm so confused and feel like shit. Met a waitress that immediately smiled at me last week. Talked a bit, asking if I seen Rouge One yet. Said no but am I going to. She went on on how it was a great movie. Anyway, went to go see it yesterday night, and went back to the same restaurant. I mean, what are the odds she even remembers me? Oddly enough, she's there, and as I'm waiting for a friend to show up, I tell here I just saw Rouge One. Of course we end up talking about it for 10-15 minutes, on and off as she checks her tables. Enjoyed the conversation.
Friend shows up, get table, order, and eat. We're done, he leaves, I stay a bit longer. Talk to same waitress for bit before I leave. She's asking all sorts of questions about what kind of games I like, what I play, what I play on. Asking a lot of questions about me. I don't want to answer all them there, so I ask her for a pen to write my number down. Before I hand it over, she says "Oh, someone will get mad if I have that." And a blow right to my little ego. I said, "Ah. I got you. I'll see you later." SO bummed out right now.

I carry the weight of the world.

This burden is as light as a feather.

They underestimated disorder. Chaos is my second home.

>>17908264
Please dont f.
-T

Brain won't turn off. I can't stop my racing thoughts. I just want to go to bed. Why.

I have this strange complex that I can't explain beyond "I don't want other people to win". For instance when someone suggests I get counseling I feel like doing it even less, because to do that would be to let them win almost. But it's more than that. I feel anxiety at the idea of following any sort of a path that is laid out for me. Many of the "rites of passages" that I should have completed by now, like getting a drivers license, a job, etc., I still haven't done, simply because the idea is creepy to me.

I have persistent thoughts about running away and dying of starvation/hanging myself in the woods

>>17908113
>That's fucked up
You don't have to tell me that, I know already

>You should break up with your gf
I have put 7 years worth of energy and money into our relationship. Plus I still kinda love her and have probably more in common with her than her sister

>move on because It's not gonna happen
with my social skills, all I would be moving toward would be a life of solitude and that's seems like the worse option

>I'd never date my sister's leftovers
and that's one of the reasons why there's zero chance of getting together

I think I'm in love with him.

We're both in long term relationships and we both feel the same way.

I've moved across the country but the feelings got worse.
We talked about it to try and get it off our chests.
It made it worse.

You're getting married soon and I'm trying to live a normal life with what I have.
Why did this happen?

My heart hurts.

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I had a girlfriend for 7 years. She was blonde with a juicy ass and big tits (9/10). When she broke up with me, I was suicidal. Eventually, I got over her, but my family never got over my suicide attempt. What got me over her was meeting someone new... An Asian girl who was twice as sweet and even more beautiful (10/10). Now she has left me after only 10 months, and I'm having suicidal thoughts again. I don't want to live in a world of constant heartbreak, but I could never hurt my family like that. My existence feels like a cosmic joke and I wish I had never been born. I know there are people who have it way worse than me. This doesn't help. It just compounds my self loathing and guilt. Why must life be so full of such torment?

Fucking New Years.

I feel really lonely. Family all lives across the country and never talk to me. Friends barely hangout with me. Keep having close friends drift apart, not being friends anymore. I blame my appearance (uglyness) on almost everything thats happened to me. I want a gf someone that I can love and that will love me, but I know that will never happen because im insecure and lack confidence. Really lost in life. I think going back to the gym and finding new hobbies will make my life better. I hope things work out.

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>>17902639

"My music is a pillar on which whole world has been build"

Why can't stop saying it? It has stuck in my fucking head, holy shit. God, I am not autistic but what the actual fuck? Fuck W40k, fuck eldar!

No matter how much I lift I'll always be a awkward nerdy beta.

>>17904831
If she was leaving 9 hours out of state I would of called her it probably would have meant a lot to her

Try calling her again today anon and good luck I hope your questions become answers

>>17908070
Why didn't you offer to take them to get help? Seeing a pro is a big step for those who actually need one.

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Don't know what to feel, if I should be sad or angry or kill someone or kill myself. Having to watch one of my coworkers be in a loving relationship with my crush because I'm an idiot.
>six months ago
>working at coffeeshop
>one of our regulars comes in, smoking hot foreign guy
>always smiles when he sees me, I smile back like a tard with ice cream
>this has been going on for maybe two months, but he hasn't made a move
>not sure if he likes me, the only time he has seen happier than when he sees me is the time we found we went to the same college
>too chicken shit to make a move, decide to test him by dropping a remark that I am in a relationship into conversation
>he asks me about my vacation the week prior, I drop hint
>for only a fraction of a second, his face droops and he looks like the saddest puppy ever, but he quickly recovers and continues the conversation cordially
>tell my coworker did you see that? He totally does like me!
>She shakes her head, "You told him you were married."
>wat
>huh
>"You said it was nice to see your mother-in-law last week."
>almost faint

He used to smile at me all the time and act shy. I'd clean tables and I'd always be waiting to look over and see him smiling at me, it made my day. Then I said that and never recovered and now he's been with my friend for almost four months and I can't even be mad because she hasn't rubbed it in my face but she so fucking happy all I'm gonna do tonight is drink a whole bottle of gin and maybe not care about it anymore.

I hope you realize your mistakes tonight. I hope you reflect on how stupid you've been.

>>17909079
I do. She is stubborn, which I'm learning is a huge part of her personality. She did go to a therapist for a little while, then her insurance changed, then we moved...

>>17909195
I hope they find happiness. Love.

>>17909102
that's what you get for playing stupid games

>>17909102
You fucked up.

>>17909195
I've realized for a while. I hope you had a good time with that guy.

You are the saddest, most pathetic fucks I've ever seen in my life. ALL of you have no one to blame but yourselves. You make me sick.

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I'm debating on going out by myself tonight and wandering around aimlessly downtown Chicago or just staying home alone but at least I'll be warm.

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>>17902639
I fell in love with a girl a year back. We had an off/on series of short relationships while she cycled through the same three fools. I tried to keep her, but in the end we went to different unis. She was totally toxic but I try to keep in touch with her and still ask her how she's doing, because I believe in good karma (without getting attached of course). Well, recently, I figured out she turned into a guy, and has a nine inch dick. Kinda demasculinizing, huh? What's worse is that my friends know about this and always jest about my "ex-boyfriend". I know they do it jokingly, and mean no harm, but they don't know I'm bi. Time has passed and I don't really mind anymore. It's just sorta devolved into a funny story. I guess I deserve it for being a fag, kek.

I'm always fucken depressed ever since I broke up with my misses.
I feel nothing all the time like nothing but depression. Christmas and New Years has been the worse because I think of how we should be hanging out instead of me being alone.
I don't care about getting her back but just want this loneliness to go away. Want someone to care about me.
I'm sad

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>>17909470
Cheer up, anon. Think of it this way. Time is only perceived on one point, because us humans have created a system that revolves around that idea. Also, our limited perception isn't capable of processing the entire line of time. However, if you open up your chakras and become one with all of existence, you will feel nothing but infinite love and happiness.

>>17908069
Who are you?

>>17908699
Your happiness will come when you learn to love yourself, anon. Others can contribute, but no one else can do it for you. I'm sincerely sorry for your situation, but accept these hardships as the past. Reevaluate what you did wrong, without punishing yourself for it. With this will come growth. Emotional healing will take some time, but you must clear your mind first. Best of luck.

I hope you like the way your painting is turning out. The one I just streamed.

I love you. I miss you.

>doc said I'd hear from him in 2 weeks
>been over a month now
>this has happened multiple times

I cant even count on the people who are paid to care for me

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Wish this was us.

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Should I send her and wish her a Happy New Year?

>>17909582
No

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>>17909588
Why...

>>17909582
Yes yes yes.

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>>17909599
>>17909588
Oh, forgot to mention that I asked her out and said that she'll be away with her family, and gave me some cold-shoulder-tier answers.

Every time I try to improve myself, it never works. When I try to initiate small talk, it's not enjoyable. When I quit the internet for a week to get into reading, I didn't enjoy what I read. When I try to get skilled at Counterstrike, I realize it's just more work and less relaxing than just playing and sucking at it. I've tried meditation recently, and that emptiness inside me still comes up. I have a problem that I don't understand, and I'm becoming a shell of a person.

>>17909617
This

>>17909566
we'll be pioneers

>>17909551
>going to be us

... and a happy new year, faggots.

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I hope that she understood that i asked her out for a date and not a simple friendly chill

Thanks for everything, Papa.

>>17909049
She usually goes there every other month, so it's not like its a special occasion for her. I don't really wanna seem needy by messaging her if she hasn't replied.

I could message her in a few days I guess?

I need you to knock on my door, open a window come inside to hold my hand once more.

Everything is fine (though it ain't)

>>17904963
>>17905034
>>17905262
>>17905361
>strangers on the Internet actually LARPing their personal emotional lives response after response
Ventfags are delusional, what kind of nonsense is this?

So i've been friends with this girl

We're super close

I'm pretty much in love with her

I knew she had a boyfriend and I was willing to accept that and respect her boundaries and respect the fact that she's in a committed relationship.

I was perfectly okay with being "just friends" because I'm capable of being a mature ass adult about it and she's been a better friend to me than anyone else ever has

Just when I just started to become okay with this and come to term with these feelings, she spontaneously confesses to me that she does have feelings for me but she's deeply committed to her boyfriend and he knows that she has feelings for me and he told her that if I happened to be bisexual that he would consider a three way relationship between them which obviously isn't happening

What the fuck, dude

Why can't things just be simple.

I just got done falling in and out of love with her for fucks sake

>>17902639
These aren't novels, these are sentences at most.

Really getting a kick out of humiliating that annoying chink pig pretending to lurk 4chan, she's so fucking ugly that if she got doxxed literally everyone on the internet would tell it to go kill herself. Fucking subhuman trash.

>>17909996
I want you to be here to hold mine

Happy new year, sweetheart. I hope you enjoy yourself. To be honest with you, even though I value a commited relationship, I still wish for you to abandon your house of cards just to be with me. I love you with all heart.

>>17910198
Where are you? and I would.
unblock me on facebook? or... email me? or... try to get on skype? or... gchat? or... twitter?

-White cat

There is no way in god damn hell that little girl ISN'T mine. Fucking look at her! Look at that little fat princess! Seriously... just fucking look at her. Those lips. Those eyebrows. Cheeks. eyes. Blonde as fuck. She's a little blonde white chinese girl. She has so many features of mine, even my mother. Like, holy shit.

You... NEED to talk to me. Is your father doing this? Is he the one that hired the PI? That's insanity if so. Will he not pay for your treatment if you're with me? What the fuck is going on?

shouldn't you have your insurance by now? Did you get fired...? Or did you have to quit because of medical issues?

I have insurance you realize this right? You could, she could, be added to it very easily.

God I wish I knew what was going on. I keep looking at that damn photo... trying my fucking hardest to not get my hopes up.

I love you.
I see you online skype but I'm not receiving any messages from you. :(

Dear filipino fat piggu

Your fat cellulite is the definition of feminine beauty because while your ugly fat ass may not be butterful on the outside it is definitely making my heart stop with all the cholesterol on the inside. It really oinks like you lol.

Dear chinkiful ugly wife

Keep dreaming bitch you're the definition of failed abortion you gross pig. Keep sucking dicks because that's the only way trash like you survive in life. Fyi your face is still ugly as fuck the photoshop needs to stop. Get off the internet.

Love storybro ;P
Fuck you ugly cunts.

>>17910285
seriously. if it's just your father being a racist grumpass or thinking I'm dangerous in some way... I'm sorry I'm not chinese or mexican like your "best friend". I'm sorry I don't have money RIGHT NOW. I'm kinda fucked up in the head at the moment with my depression and other issues. Putting a conspiracy around me sure as fuck isn't helping.

I miss you. I love you. God how I love you. Having a family with you is all I wanted. I NEVER wanted that ever before in my life. Not with any other woman. Seeing you holding that little girl makes me so insanely happy.

Then I think... the leukemia. Was it you that had it? or the child? Did she die? Is that what caused your extreme and sudden depression? Is that why you can't talk to me?

Was I a father of a little girl that lived and died without me ever knowing? When you look at me do you see her?

This is all so fucked up. I don't know what to think right now. I love you. No matter what is going on I love you. I miss you. I want to be holding your hand right now.

Please, let me be there for you. Your pain is my pain as well. This is killing me not being able to be there for you. I love you so much more than for your beauty, or for sex. The bond we shared, the love we shared... baby, please.

are you here? Not on this board but... here. Physically. Are you physically near me?

I honestly had good intentions to begin with, but the more I realised the truth and had to deal with people and society. The more harsh I had to become until eventually turning into full time cruel mode. Strangely I am more set to acquire success, prosperity; socially, monetarily etc than ever before. Really it seems like the only nice guys are either ones being taken advantage of , or the elite who are too smart, well trained, rich or whatever to have to worry about anything.

I'm sick of being a fucking failure and being a parasite on my parents.

I hate the government and businesses in my homeland.

I still can't fucking believe we elected Trump. Even stupid Hillary would have been better.

I'm sorry I didn't spend more time with my grandpa before he died.

PAPAW, TAKE ME WITH YOU!

[SCREAMS INTERNALLY!]

I...I might need a head doctor or something...

I want to give us another go and start over. Would you be up for doing the same?

>>17910396
Uhhh... YES.

Fucking of course. Black cat + White Cat is love forever.
<3 <3 <#

>>17910118
You know the LA in LARP stands for live action, right? As in, not on the internet. It would just be RP

When I was young, there was nothing, nothing I wanted more in life than to find my soulmate. A person who belonged to me, and me to them, a person who I knew would always be there, a person I could stand with against this awful, bloody world.

But, over time, not meeting anyone like that made me cynical. Seeing how fleeting, how fickle everybody was, how impermanent love seemed, made me doubt that true love was possible, made me think that the idea of soulmates was foolish.

Then I met you.

I know we didn't start out well. When I first met you, all I cared about was having a bit of fun in this hollow, empty world. But being with you, every time we talked, every time you looked at me with your bright eyes, full of love, every little note you wrote me, every time we kissed, every night we spent together- I fell more and more in love with you.

But I struggled against it. I didn't want to let myself fall that head-over-heels for you. I didn't want to let myself think that you were my soulmate. I thought that love that intense was a weakness. So I pushed you away. And I know it hurt you.

But it didn't work. No matter what happened, I fell more and more in love with you. But...by the time I admitted to myself how much I loved you, by the time I allowed myself to think of you as my soulmate....it was too late. You had already given up on me. Oh, you'll never know how much that hurt. I will forever, forever hold a grudge against you for that. It may be unfair, but you wounded me like no one else has, and god willing, no one else ever will.

Now it's years later. You're marrying someone else. And I'm always going to wonder if maybe I met my soulmate and fucked it all up.

It's funny how the world works. I loved you the most, and I hated you the most out of anyone for the way you abandoned me, the way you didn't give us a second chance. My new years resolution this year is to finally forget you.

Sorry it all worked out this way, V. Maybe in another life.

>>17910453
This is why you should never, EVER be silent with your love and affection.

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>>17910453

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I cant fucking believe I'm falling in love with you. I've done this so many times to so many close friends, I guess I'm just so lonely that the second someone gets close to me I fall in love with them. When you said all that during Christmas, it was all over for me then. Now I'm in love with you and you don't feel the same way. You don't even know how I feel, I'm too afraid it'll hurt what we already have if you knew. Now I'm really jealous when I see you hanging out with anyone else at all, and I stay up all hours of the night just so I can be there when you wake up from your weird nightmares at weird hours and have someone to talk to. I'm in love and it's driving me crazy.

What the fuck do I do now, /adv/?

>>17910464

To be fair, I wasn't silent about that. I always let her know I loved her. It was just that I always kept most everything else about me closed off to her. I always tried to maintain the impression that while I loved her, what we were was just two adults having fun in each other's company, when what I felt towards her was so, so much more than that.

>>17910473

Do you want to know what the worst part of it all is?

She had a similar story. When our relationship was young, she'd occasionally tell me about how she'd dreamed of finding her soulmate when she was young, how the divorce and separation of her parents scared her, made her think love wasn't real. She reached out to me so fucking much and, fool that I was, I kept my fucking mouth shut, never telling her my side, because I was afraid if we connected over that things would get too deep. She seemed sadder and sadder whenever she mentioned it, until finally she just stopped mentioning it completely.

I was such a fucking idiot. Such a fucking fool.

So what are you waiting for darlin?

I tried to message you but of course my shit is all hacked/broken/fucked up still so...

Tonight is going to hurt but I'll live. I'll keep waiting. I'll keep being patient. You told me there wasn't anyone else. You also told me "You never loved me J..." which was a complete lie. I love you. I love all of you.

I'm tired of making crazy guesses. Whatever has been going on is extreme... how the fuck can you expect anyone to react normally in this situation?

I want to believe that if someone is loved then they wouldn't be put in a position of suffering but it's happened to me multiple times in the past so I don't know what to believe.

I do know for sure I love you. That was always for certain.

>>17902639
I wish you felt the same about me. I mean, you say you do but since you said we haven't really talked as much and I'm beginning to think that you just liked the attention from me. And since I told you that I didn't want to flirt or anything anymore unless you were going to make a move, you just kind of stopped talked to me. That makes me think even more that it was about me giving you attention. So now you've probably moved on to find that elsewhere. I've tried talking to other people but I can't help but hold out the hope that you'll come around. It's so stupid. It's always the same story for me.

>>17904882
No we don't.

>>17904831
It's likely that she is busy. I'm sure she'll get a hold of you soon.

>>17905101
You need better people in your life.

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You fucking tell me that i'm a cunt that doesn't like, respect or appreciate you or ony of my other friends and then the next fucking day you're just sening messages to me like you never said all that shit. If I'm that much of an asshole then why are you still contacting me and having casual conversations with me? What in the actual fuck? You're fucking confusing me lady and I can't handle this shit with all the other retardation that is currently plaguing my mind.

>>17909874
Did you say date or that you wanted to take her out? You guys gotta stop doing the whole, "wanna hang out" thing.

>>17910576
I didn't mean to reply to you OP. Unless you're who I'm talking about. Are you, OP?

I wish you loved... cared? 1/100th what I do for you.

Do you?

I wish you did. I know I'm not the greatest catch in the world. I give what I can, however little that is. It's all I have. My word and my love.

And my dreams.

Why couldn't you just tell me that you spent the past year fucking around

Why did you hold my hand it made me think you wanted something.

I was beginning to like you. Our conversation was going really well but I haven't heard from you since. I went through my last email and it doesn't seem to say anything weird that could've scared you off. I hope I hear from you soon. I don't want to be disappointed again. It's so frustrating.

>>17910629
At the same time...
is that why all these people are in on this? You have been contacting literally every single person I know, knew, or had any kind of interaction with. Coworkers, past lovers, other love interests, family, friends, past friends, peers...

Do you send them here as well? To fuck with me? Or to get to know me?

>>17910630
This person "fucking around" as in, randon sex or "fucking around" as in "pissin about" "doing nothing." "being lazy" ect...?

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>>17910630
is this to me? That you think I'm lazy? That you think I wasn't working hard enough to get to you?

Need I remind you that you didn't get to doing ANY work yourself until october?

Also do you forget what depression is? or that other thing yeveryone claims I'm "faking"? Who filled your head with bullshit this time? Did you watch that TED talk about the surgeon, depression, and ECT? Did you watch any of the documentaries, articles, and more I sent you on schizophrenia?

You were so unloving towards me. You never believed in me. You were so clearly trying to push me away. How many times did you REFUSE to go see an apartment? How many times did you tell me "NO DON'T COME YET."? When I was about to see you... we had the ticket, hotel, everything and then you compeltely disappeared.

How could you possibly think that would help me? Every time you refused to see an apartment it killed me. It killed my meaning in life. I had hope, a tiny sliver... and that was to see you again. Every time you pushed back the date that sliver got smaller and smaller.

I just wanted to be with you because I love you. I love you. You told me you loved me too. You would push me away and then pull me back in.

Im sorry I'm fucking depressed. This is what real depression looks like. A man that doesn't give a fuck about anything. Doesn't have the energy to get out of bed. A reason. A will. Fucking every day, every second I think about killing myself. To reach the end of a day is a small miracle.

Then now everyone is fucking lying to me. Attacking me. Literally conspiring against a mentally ill man just because he loved a girl.

Because he loved a girl...

>>17910702
I just wanted to love and be loved.

Instead I just got people being mean to me. Mocking me. Insulting me. Kicking me while I was down.

I'm sorry I blew up in october, ok? I meant my apology and then I caught more shit for it. Saying I was faking it. Not genuine.

Why? What the hell? Why does everyone think I'm a liar? that I don't mean my loving words? My apologies? I know I said nasty things when I was emotional. Christ, I have a fucked up past dealing with that subject. I'm sorry I have PTSD. I'm sorry I have trust issues. Fucking look at what's happening to me RIGHT NOW. Literally everyone in my entire life is lying to me. EVERYONE. And you fucking KNOW THAT. YOU FUCKING KNOW IT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE THAT FUCKING STARTED IT.

I curse a lot but I don't curse in anger. It's just a bad habit. Remember how I was in person? When I would rant about "NOT LEON" in "The Evil Within"? It's hyperbole, dramatic for comedic effect. Frustration, not anger. Annoyance, not rage. I'm nothing but heart.

I just wanted to love and be loved... because of that you turned everyone in my life against me. To lie to me. I don't know why.

You know me, how troubled I can be. You know how I think people are capable of being good in the end. I want to believe all of this was a ploy to help me, not an act of revenge. Just... an incredibly stupid, poorly thought out act of caring that backfired immensely. Instead of motivating me you left me face down in the mud suffocating.

It's not your fault. I'm just fucked up and broken. I can get better but this is just how I am. If you can't change me, will you still love me the way I am?

Of course not. No one has and no one will. It's not your fault. You shouldn't feel guilty for how you feel... but at least be honest with me. At least tell me the truth.

I just wanted to love and be loved...
and I loved you. I still do. with all my heart. I made a promise....

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>try to be a nice person at work
>get fucking stomped on
>try to be a nice girlfriend
>get fucking stomped on
>try to at least keep finances in check
>haha i'm the only one paying for anything gl with that
can a meteor just fucking end me my god everything has just been pointing at suicide so yeah

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Im almost 30 and have never had a girlfriend. I have ended up wealthy and own 3 small homes, and rent 2. I could currently live well the rest of my life working a part time job. But I feel like an emotional failure. Everyone says im very kind, ect, but I dont think im very attractive. I have had a few women interested in me before, but they were all bad fits. Most of the women I like have usually ended up with guys that I feel are emotionally abusive.

I wish i could just pay a few thousand for perfect match.

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I live in my parent's basement, I don't have a good plan for my future, I don't have any discipline at all, I don't have any people to hang out with, I don't even have one person to really talk to. I have no self esteem, I don't believe in myself even one bit. I think my nose is huge, maybe it is. I dress like shit, I probably smell like shit.
My mood swings between “completely pissed off” to “completely miserable” to “hysterically optimistic” with nothing in between. I don't eat enough, I drink too much soda. I don't have a license or a car and I can't bring myself to do anything about that no matter how miserable riding the bus makes me. I spend all my time reading books about how to be a better person and build a better life but so far I haven't done anything to do either of those things. Girls scare the shit out of me because I'm so insecure, and I really want to fuck them so bad, They scare me because I want a long term relationship so I cling to someone and try to make them stay around as long as possible, which is apparently counter-productive.
The worst of all, is that I don't ever change. This is who I've always been and no matter how many mirror-pep-talks I have with myself I still wake up every morning the exact same person I was the night before, literally NO improvement ever. Also my circumcision is kinda botched and my dick is like 2 inches long when soft.

found out that my friends were doing some new years party without telling me. They've excluded me from events multiple times now.. what a fucking way to start a new year. Probably just going to break away from them and live a lonely life. Just another year of losing fake friends who i thought were actually my friends. I would consider trying to get a girlfriend but i've been unsuccessful in my previous attempts. My most recent attempt (about 6ish months ago) she laughed at my face for asking her out..

getting sick of living right now..

>>17902639
I want to fucking kill myself but im too much of a pussy to do it.

I'm hundreds of miles away from home and the only person I know is the guy who drove me here and kept being an asshole to me once he started drinking. Even the fucking other people at this party told him he was being an asshole but he just kept drinking with the intention of he being too drunk to drive me back home for work. I now feel way more farther away from everything than I actually am.

I actually had plans for new years for once. I was going to be going out to the bar with a few friends, nothing crazy but I was still looking forward to it. However the fuse for four wheel drive kept popping on me, so I sent it to the mechanics. They assured it was fixed, but it blew again. So now I can't even get over the hill in front of the driveway due to snow.

Part of me wishes I had gone for a trade instead of an engineering degree so I could have moved out on the spot. But I'm entering my third year, so I may as well see it to its finish.

OP, "I miss the person I thought you were" hits close to home.

To V -- I keep reminding myself that love isn't something I have to earn; it's just random, basically. If you don't love me, there's nothing I can do about it. You obviously don't feel it and never did. If I didn't live nearby, you would never even talk to me. You don't miss me when I'm not around. You want everything to be as easy as possible. None of this is my fault, and none of this is anything I can change.

I was never interested in casual sex or sex without emotions, but I'm getting so desperate for human touch that I'm considering changing myself and starting to actively seek out these kinds of connections. How do I do it, though?

i love you. why didn't you choose me? i was right here the whole time. why didn't you open your eyes and see me? why didn't you listen to me? everything could have been so nice, so tender. i think about you all the time. we were almost together. why couldn't it happen?

Worst New Years. I feel numb.

>>17902639
Mom...I am so sorry and I feel extremely guilty of what I put you through.
Real Life is such a bitch, and she is mean. I can see why you became what you are today, because I wish I wasn't forced upon this world to deal with bills, food, utilities, and ESPECIALLY a job. I can only imagine what pains you went through to get to your peak job. Even at the top, you still had to deal with nasty people, from work, from customers, and from us (especially me).

I can never forgive myself for what I've done to you. Though I haven't killed you, I feel I took part in your mental breakdown, which ultimately mentally killed you. I never knew anything, and only now, have I opened my eyes.

It's upsetting, and I want to cry, but the tears can't flow.

They only came close to flowing yesterday because I was also a shit brother to my brother. I treated him so badly, and like some odd form of PTSD, memories of what I've done to people came flooding back. I had no idea how nasty of a kid I once was and I'm surprised no one dropkicked my ass somewhere...until two years ago, when I first got my job and I lived with someone else due to chance. My brother lives in a decent home now, but he's far and away. You say you have a home now, but back then, you only relied on your ex to give you room and board, which was dodgy at best.

I can only do so much, as even now, my job has no pay to keep both of you. I can't even keep one of you, which upsets me even harder.

I just want us reunited, I want to redeem myself from what I've become towards you, and I want us to live in comfort, safety, and harmony...with money as well.

You had a job and you have an amazing resume, but I know you lost the will to continue. You have a job now, but I fear you'll lose it soon due to lack of willpower. I felt like total shit when I first started, and I know you are, too.

I bid you both good luck, needed love, and painfully high sorrow.

Numb and apathetic. I was so sad about something just a few seconds ago and now it all returned to nothing.

I want to fuck my girlfriends sister.

I've been in love with you for years, and I never wanted to fix you, I still don't. But if the drinking continues I have to accept heart break and leave. I will always love you but this can't keep happening. And fucking stop trying to excuse it with my past behavior. It's fucking unrelated.

You have no idea how I really feel about you and it feels like my heart is ripped out every time we hangout because of it. If I could tell you I want to get closer with you I would but I just can't.

>>17910990 I feel you 100%

eat shit fucking cuntmotherfucker die righto fuck you too

I love you. I've had a fucked up life so far and I can honestly say I love you. You bring me closer to happiness than anything else ever has, yet you unknowingly throw me into further depths of depression. I wish I could tell you how I feel but I'm sure you don't feel the same way and it would fuck things up. I know you say you care about me and that you love me, but I don't really feel it. I know we're both depressed and we bond over it, but I really want you in my life, more than you already are. I think I would actually be happy if I knew you were mine. No one else has ever made me feel this way and I hate the fact that nothing will ever come of this. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone like you again and that makes me want to kill myself more than I already want to.

I am not happy with my life and I don't know how to do anything about it.

ARGH.

Also, happy new year. Hopefully this year will be better.

If I'm not having sex with you until marriage, the least you could do is not go clubbing without me and respect our relationship enough to not hang out with guys that have feelings for you. It's fucking disgusting.

>>17910206
Initials?

>>17911395
P.K.

>>17905327
thats the spirit :)

>>17911412
Primal Kunt

there's too much going on at once. males are confusing. i should probably lay off the dick for a while.

>>17911425
That would have been an awesome name

>>17911087
checked

The girl I like(d) and seemed to like me back kissed another guy. I'm not even that sad, just a little annoyed and frustrated, I thought I finally met someone, but I made a mistake. Again. Sometimes I feel I'm gonna spend the rest of my life completely alone, other times I just try to forget her and focus my attention towards other girls, but I still think about her.
I'd really like to forget her and move on but I can't.

Went to a strip club for the first time.

I was I was rich enough to go every night, now.
It's not just about ass 'n' tiddies, because if it were, porn would have killed the industry.
I get that it's just a business transaction, but damn they know how to make a guy feel like he's actually wanted. It was nice.

>>17911449
>I WISH I was rich enough to go every night, now.

Fixed.

im just gonna emotionally abuse women this year idgaf anymore everybody is getting it lol

I never went to college because I'm a sheltered person who can't do nothing on his own and the hustle and bustle of life confuses me.

>>17911157
then come here and fucking help me with it. Sitting there from afar judging like you're a perfect little princess does no good.

>>17910595
Hopefully. She said she's going to be there for around a week or so. So hopefully she gets back to me when she either is just leaving or when she actually is back here

I'm the toy you can't put down.

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Why did you choose him over me? I really did mean it every time I said i loved you, but i guess you didn't mean it when you said it back. You where alone A, alone and doing nothing but languishing away. And i still loved you. I helped build you up so you'd finally message your friends from high school and go have fun with them. Maybe things would be different if I lived in NY with you. Maybe Omar would have left you alone and not tried to approach you. Maybe you should have loved me instead of used me to escape yourself. And when I'm in your shoes languishing alone and cold, you don't seem to care at all. You've blocked me now, you say it's for my own good, but i know it's because you don't want to face what has happened. You'll try to run away and you'll be right back to that room of yours languishing just like me. This time, I won't be there to help you. No, i'd rather let you stay and rot there. But I still love you. and that's the worst part.

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It's a shame you're not attracted to me. If you had been, you'd be here to enjoy this victory with me.

Instead your shithead bf abused your dog so much that it mauled both of your arms and you had to put it down for xmas.

Now you're a cripple and he'll undoubtedly dump you with the rest of the christmas garbage.

Sucks for you, hun.

I wish you could see the life with me that you threw away for him. It's beautiful up here.

I told my girlfriend I was done and wanted to break up.

She begged me and told me to give her about a month to completely fix her own shit, and I let her.

I'm reluctant, but this is the road I've chosen for now.

I used conditioner on my beard and lotion on my skin and it's pretty awesome skin isn't scratchy and beard is smooth and light.

>>17911760
>2017
>having an online gf
lol

If my mother died tomorrow, on some levels I would feel relieved. It would mean I could not ever talk to her again and not feel guilty about it.

I feel like I've begun to fetishize suffering and being depressed; at the very least I feel more creative in such a state, and being content seems to bring an unsettling complacency that begins to scare me. I was depressed for so long there was a sense of comfort in all of it, and now that I'm crawling out I feel unpleasantly blank.

And I don't really know what to do about it.

>>17911760

bitches ain't worth it friend

embrace madness, become a flame, consume the pain of others and burn all the brighter for it, life is strength

>>17902639
My entire reality is a joke, and it seems that I'm the only one that isn't laughing
All I could feel from some months to this point of time was anger and sadness

>>17911482
Well, you're not missing much.
I bursted out of my shell there, but there literally wasn't any hustle and bustle. Sure, we get papers and exams to do, but that doesn't matter as you have extended time on assignments.

Getting a job is actual hustle and bustle, I can assure you. Unlike school, you have to do everything right then and there, or else you'll risk being fired.

I know you don't care for me, that i am nothing more than a friend but I would literally kill just to run my fingers through your hair one last time

Dude the graduate is such a sad film, normally idc but tfw no gf to tall about with shit like that such a movie

I dated a girl in 2014 and I still haven't gotten over her. I can mangage to forget about her for short periods until I start talking to her again, then I get the feeling again. The relationship was never toxic, and pretty much never fought, but we split up because she moved to another country. Every time I think about her I feel like she's perfect for me.

You were right, we both need to work on ourselves.

I still think that we're compatible. I'm still in love with you, even. I'm worried because this whole not-responding-to-texts thing is textbook "how to get over a breakup fast" stuff, and you don't miss me like I miss you.

I hope i see you again. Maybe not soon, in 2 months or so, But I hope that next time I send you a cute dog picture I get more of a response than "seen 12:04pm"

I need to fuck the shit out of you.

I just realized how apathetic I've grown in the past year. I used to care about not wasting entire months, and I used to keep an ongoing record of the seasons passing and the direction my life was taking. Now, even niche hobbies are losing their interest. For example, the interest I had in visual novels is all gone. In the past I could feel real emotion from them, but it no longer works.

Now I don't know what to do. Why is this happening?

>>17912608
Take an interest in this dick bitch

>>17912639
Up yours, faggot.

>>17912640
:'((((((

How the fuck did you manage to interpret "I've never had a job before/this is my first job" as "I've worked previously"? I've told you this how many times over the past three months?

It came to a point where her " :) " make my heart jump. Just because it's so rare between all " :D" and "XD". Simple smiley makes me think she actually smiles too.

God I'm obsessed about her.
God the technology fucked society up.

>>17911569
I'm trying to help you, I just don't know what to do when you push me away.

>>17913211
I don't know who you are I was just kinda projecting my situation. A bunch of people trying to "help" me with my "addiction" problem.

JAW to RCO (and crew)

I just want my woman to come to me. Come get me, take me with you wherever you want to go. canada, mexico, usa... wherever I just want to be with you. I love you, I miss you. I trust you. I just NEED you.

>>17912212

>Current year
>not having a 2D gf

Fucking normie scum.

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Am I selfish for wanting someone to save them selves for me to get to them?

I'm going to America really soon for three months and there's this girl I completely fell for that's over there, but now she's dating some hipster bearded guy.

She said so many meaning things to me, like how I "make her heart flutter" and all that, but now she barely speaks to me, not an actual word in 2 weeks.

Am I the bad guy here?

All these feelings are killing me to the point of where I'd take walks down in the middle of the street at 3am when it's freezing wearing a shirt and jeans. And the worst part is that I hurt my self repeatably over this stupid fucking shit.

Now I'm just so angry and I want to scream.

I feel like a god damn child

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WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU JUST ASK HER OUT. YOU'VE BEEN SUPER INTO HER FOR SUCH A LONG TIME AND SHE'S SHOWN SIGNS OF CLEAR INTEREST.

WHY THE FUCK DO YOU FREEZE UP. JUST ASK HER YOU FUCKING DUMBASS! BUT NO INSTEAD YOU'VE BEEN ACTING LIKE A FUCKING SPAZ AROUND HER PROBABLY DRIVING HER AWAY.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO GRAB DINNER?" SIX FUCKING WORDS. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU THAT YOU CANT SAY SIX FUCKING WORDS TO HER?! AHHHHHHH

I just wanna blow my load in warm pussy. I wish I was confident enough to get a girl. Or at least have the looks.

I hate myself. I hate every mistake I've ever made and can count just about every fuckup from the last several years. The biggest is going to college. Ironic, really. Most people think they're wasting their life by not going or getting a shit degree, while my degree was in finance, the thing that was supposed to help me live on my own. Now I've been struggling to find even minimum wage shit and will likely be stuck at home for the rest of my useless life, which will probably only be another 5 years if I go through with ending it all when I'm 30

>>17913992
You need to do better, wingman.

I'm only 30, but I often feel like my life is already over. I've burnt all my bridges, lost all my friends, and lost the only girl I ever could imagine marrying. And I find now that it's so much harder to make friends, to fall in love, than it used to be. Everyone seems so distant all the time. I feel like even if I found someone, there would always be an unbridgeable gap between us, just because people grow more withdrawn as they get older.

I don't want a life with no friends and no true, passionate, intense, close love. For the past three years, I've rung in the new year considering whether it might be best to kill myself. I don't think I ever will, but still, I don't want this awful, foggy loneliness to be my whole life.

>>17914073
same. only 25 but feel like i'm forty years older than that

>>17914073
I'm also not that far away to turn 30. I know how you feel. It's a harrowing and a hopeless situation. Some days you feel fine but you're mostly just feel like you are descending deeper and deeper into the void. Life is starting to feel like a movie theater and you are the only one watching it.

>>17914073
>>17914117
want to start a depressed loonies club? Only we're invited... and other people who hate themselves/their future

lol i'm still annoyed i haven't heard back from ppl i used to know. fuck this. i tried and it obviously is never worth the effort oh and i think i should just stay off the internet unless its for school.

>>17914130
I thought 4skin was already a depressed loonies club?

>>17914140
Tol a point, but /r9k/ harbors those types. /pol/ has poor anons affected by the shitty political climate, thus converting them to depressed loonies witnessing countries go to shit.

/adv/ just has depressed, desperate people looking for answers to questions complicated to other people. In return, the answers are usually cookiecutter due to the nature of some questions.

In short, not the whole site, but a massive chunk of boards. Not this board, though...until the 'tiny-baby man'strikes back.

>>17909660
>>can't wait

I wish I was a stud. A stud who could land a hot girlfriend/wife and convince her to tattoo my name above her vagina. That'd be the dream. To have a submissive wife/girlfriend who would let me leave a mark on her forever.

>>17914156
i'm not afraid of my own shadow anymore thanks to /pol/, i sincerely love that board and every anon who posts there

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>>17914156
Be careful. You'll summon him.

I want to pick up a bundle of sticks and end up with a colossus, but I'll ever be is the same old tired faggot, just with a stupid skill I can show off to fill the void gained from being a heartless suicidal sack of shit.

I know she doesn't respect me anymore. I just wish she was honest.

>>17914156
>>17914227
Fuckin lol'd. He's already posted several times in this thread. I've gotten pretty good at figuring him out, sadly.

>>17914408
>>17914227
>>17914156
>I wonder who is behind these posts

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>>17914156
>Not this board, though...until the 'tiny-baby man'strikes back.
I feel like I missed something terrible

>>17914166
>>> yussss : 3

>>17914419
When you get as well known as I am, the trolling, the haters, become much more dedicated. It's flattering, really. Especially when it's so obviously the same guy trying to pretend it's some kind of big deal, that it's not just one super butthurt mega fan.

She has the same kind of people harass her too. Just... way too dedicated.

Haters gonna hate.

"Pay attention to me." Is this at me or another guy that you've already moved on to? It's so hard to not talk to you when you post shit like this on your social media. Is it too much to know if you've already moved on? I just want to know if you're done for good.

It feels like my boyfriend is cheating on me when he watches porn yet refuses to fuck me. I wouldn't feel this way if he actually fucked me. It's been so long since I've seen his erect dick I've forgotten what it looks like. I watch our old sextapes and cry. I don't even want to cheat because I just want his body and his dick and his connection. No one can replace that.
Yet he still can't break his addiction to watching porn for hours a day while I'm at work and while I'm asleep. He doesn't even masturbate to it because he can't get his dick up for anything, so what's the point????
At least disinterested wives give out their pussy out of pity and give head, but I can't even get him to pleasure me with a vibrator. I'm a firm believer in pleasing your partner even if you don't feel up to it, otherwise you're wotholding sex from them which is unreasonable when you expect them to stay with you and ONLY you! I wish I would at least get a pitty fuck or some form of sexual release from him. I can't even masturbate without him getting uncomfortable so I never get to release all my pent up sexual energy.
I get that he's depressed and desensitized to sex but it's frustrating being so patient with him through his relapses. Being rejected sucks but it's worse when you're being rejected constantly from someone who used to fuck you right because you crave it to no end. Fuck porn and fuck our overly sexualized culture that's making men and women have an emotional disconnection in the bedroom or not having connection in the bedroom at all! I love porn and watched it a lot but I honestly can't watch it anymore without feeling depressed and jealous that everyone in watching is getting fucked and moaning and pleasured while I'm sitting there extremely sexually frustrated and rejected. I never knew that needing my partners dick could be a cause for depression.

>>17914649

If your bf can't get it up for anything and can't even bear to touch you, the porn isn't the problem, he probably has legitimate, clinical depression in the form of very deep anhedonia or perhaps even some physical condition

You legit need him to go to the doctor right away and get him some pills because suicide is probably not far off

My narcassitic mother is leaving me and my sisters because apparently we were rude. Guess what, I wasnt being rude, I was simply disagreeing with her delusions. My sister was but that's your fault for not teaching her anything since she was 8. What did you expect to happen when you didnt raise a child properly. Fuck this house. And now I'm expected to take care of them even though I've already sacrificed a shit ton of my teenage years attempting to fix shit, and am now in some shitty university because I couldn't move to a better area since I had to stay with you.

No we don't know what your crush is thinking, no we don't know why your friend isn't talking to you, no we don't know what that specific tone of voice meant, no we don't know anything. I am about ready to shot myself, this board is making me angry very suddenly and I don't know why, maybe I'm tired. Stop asking dumb fucking questions, lurk moar stop being shit cunts. Use google.

FUCK SHIT!
Goodnight

>>17914649

Why does he watch porn if he can't get an erection and doesn't masturbate? I mean literally - what is the point?

>>17914654
He is depressed and we finally got him insurance so we can get him situated with therapy and meds. I have depression really bad so I can understand, but it's been exhuasting waiting all this time for him to finally get help. Also his porn watching but refusing to look at me naked in the same way feels like a slap in the face. I know that he watches it out of habit though and that he's just trying to get aroused in some way but it still makes me feel bad.
Hopefully he will start to feel better with treatment because seeing him so sad and unhealthy like this does break my heart especially because I feel like I can't help him feel better. I miss the man he used to be so much but I'm willing to stick it out for him because I genuinely love the guy. I just wish he would kiss me again. It's just frustrating and on my mind way too much.
Thanks for the advice though anon, it made me remember to remind him to set up his appointments for later this month.

>>17914676
He says that it's visually pleasing but not to the point of physical or mental arousal. He watches it out of boredom too. IT doesn't make sense but he would watch it for hours so it's just a habit now minus arousal. I believe that he doesn't masturbate to it because I've walked in on him watching it with a completely receeded dick. I also can't smell his fluids anywhere when I could before. The rare time he does have sex he ejaculates a cartoonishly large amount which never was the case before. He says he looks at me the same way and wants to have sex but just can't.

>>17914678

Let me ask you something: Do you ever come on to him, or do you just kind of wait for him to try and fuck you?

A lot of guys find that a little sexual aggression in a girl is extremely hot. Maybe try being the one to initiate and be really forward about it. Have you told him how much you miss him fucking you? I also suggest maybe looking into boner pills if he is literally incapable of getting it up.

>>17914690
Trust me I initiate constantly and always have! I pander to his fetishes too. I'm very sexually secure with him. We had a great sex life in the past. He's pretty submissive and I'm dominant so I've never had trouble coming onto him and he's always liked that about me. We have a lot of the same fetishes too. The problem is that he just can't get it up since he started obsessively watchig porn when he never did before. Having depression is making it harder for him too but he did have it before and he was still able to fuck and be fucked.

>>17914714

Well I will just say it again: The porn watching is a symptom of something deeper, not the cause. If he literally cannot get an erection, either his depression has gotten much, much worse, or he has some physical problem. You should probably bring him to a regular doctor as well, not just a mental health one.

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I am completely fucked. I think my depression has erased my mind to the point that I can't have any coherent thought or the ability to socialize with people. I can't start a conversation or open up to people without being overwhelmingly nervous, I can tell people are being throwned off by my incoherent speech and volume and nervous body language. I can't even chat with my old friends on facebook.
This shit is awful, I need to burst out of this foggy bubble of utter misery and solitude. I want to be happy again. I feel like I'm dying.

I know things with me went wrong, I think I know where and why even, but I don't fucking know how to fix things. I used to be the weird kid everyone laughed at. Became extremely self aware, would isolate myself with videogames, drawing, and always kept my room door closed. Had some family issues even over stupid stuff that didn't really matter. I would obsess over my oneitis (and years later after I recovered from that oneitis, another oneitis). I decided to go to arts school, turning my escapism tool into my actual craft and making me hate drawing. A terrible decision, but it was the only feasible option I had as I had no other skills or knowledge at all. Eventually went into a state where I'd have to make a huge effort not to start crying out of the blue.

I'm no longer in that state, I'm recovering. I've found more things I love to do (horse riding. Pretty good, I get to deal with people, animals and it's outdoors), but I'm still doing my university arts degree which I hate and can't overcome how fucking pointless it feels to me. Not to mention the whole hyper pretentious atmosphere in there where everyone sounds like the most stuck up, hypocritical snob. I also feel slow, dimwitted, less alert than I used to be. If someone tries to pull some shit on me, I'll probably just let it slide and even remove myself from whatever place or situation I was in for that to happen. I go way too much with the flow and don't have any drive to change that. I'm considering going to a shrink, maybe that'll help. I used to go to one when I was a teen, so could be a good idea.

don't know how i feel anymore

Every time I see your face I smile. I feel happy... and then extremely sad. I miss you and your french curve eyes.

2017 I've made up my mind.
I'll apply for schools overseas, and I won't be disappointed if it doesn't work out.
I'll apply for jobs overseas, and I won't be disappointed if it doesn't work out.
Then in a few months I'll try Dallas and if that doesn't work
I'll move out and get married and spend the summer spanking her with a paddle

>>17908225
Why would I want some white slut that will divorce me when I can get a submissive brown qt instead

This waiting fucking sucks. I need you, NOW. I don't even understand WHY I'm waiting just that I have to. For some reason... I feel like this is the month. Something is going to happen very very soon. I love you, I miss you. You know I am devoted, I am loyal. You know that now, for sure. Right? No more questioning my loyalty? No more questioning my intentions?

I dream of you every night. Every. Night.

I really want some churros. and orange juice in a bag... weirdos, olololol

I'm the most dull and uninteresting person in the world, everything I do, have and my looks just scream 'boring'.

>>17915606
>I feel like this is the month. Something is going to happen very very soon.
That's what you said last week and the week before that and the week before that and the month before that

>>17905372
I love you btw

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>>17912372
>that feel
I'd also love to grope her ass, tho

>>17915627
no, I didn't...

From the beginning I knew it was "a few months" judging by the things I knew. It COULD have been sooner but she was held back by something. Don't know exactly what but I have a few theories.

It's funny how lately it gets all silent when we're left alone, it wasn't like that before after all, we could sit in two for an hour and just talk about whatever it was and now it's awkward. I think there are too many things to say that aren't easy to say. Guess I'll have to be the one to step my game up and ask you to talk to me one on one sometime soon, even though I'm afraid of what you have to say.

I'm happy to know you're wearing that necklace everyday, and that you were genuinely happy about getting it. Not only because it means you liked it and I wasn't sure about that, but it also means there's something that may make you think of me, even just for a second when you put it on, and this makes me feel kinda fuzzy inside.

Hope you had a good day at work today.

I've been so angry today I've done nothing but break my own things all day. As soon as I woke up I started throwing books at my wall and started punching my wall until my knuckles bled. I even broke my guitar. Then I went to my car to scream where nobody could hear me. No I just feel so high strung and stressed out and I can't calm myself down. I'm just hating myself so much.

My ex girlfriend wanted to hang out last night saying she missed me, and then she started telling me why we wouldn't work out, told me I couldn't get laid, and just pointed out all of my flaws. I feel like such a loser because she's with this guy she cheated on me with when we were together. And I hate hearing about how happy she is now and I'm all alone. I know cheating isn't good and she did something wrong, but it still makes me feel pathetic. I was a virgin before her, and she's told me I'm terrible in bed, and that makes me feel like a useless fucking pathetic worm. And I came back to my apartment last night to find my roommate having sex, and my ex kept saying I was jealous. And I just keep thinking what if she's right about me.

Not to mention I'm stressed about school. It's halfway through break and I haven't enrolled in any classes. I failed two classes last semester because I was depressed and never went to class because I never got out of bed, and I was already on academic warning because I got an F and a D the previous semester. I have no idea what I want to do in college and I feel like I'm wasting my parents' money, but I don't know what else to do. I don't have any other plan, so I figure I should get a degree, but I'm not smart. I started out in a humanities degree but I decided that was fucking stupid because that's what I heard from the people around me, so I tried a couple of STEM majors, and just found I was too fucking dumb to understand the material. I feel like all the fortune I've been given is wasted on me.

The only person I've ever loved and who loved me now hates me. And I feel like I I'm about to die. I feel dead inside.

>>17915963
Cont.

Somebody who's intelligent and wants to do something to help the world like become a doctor or a scientist deserves to have parents who will pay their rent and tuition. Not someone like me who's just so led around by emotions that he fucks up everything that's given to him. I feel like all I do is hurt the people who are close to me and make them worry about me. And I know this is all a big pity party but goddammit, this is my experience and I don't have anyone to tell about it, so I might as well vent about it somewhere instead of just making my only friend's day shitty with my baggage. I don't have a social life, I barely go out, and right now I don't even want to. I want to lock myself in my room and hide from the world. Because I have nothing to do, and nothing I want to do. I don't understand why I'm not like all the other people around me and I can't just be a part of their world, have friends, even have a relationship, and just be happy. My mom talks to me and she just wants to see me be happy and she's so worried about me, and I feel bad that I can't be like that, but I can't lie to her and act like everything is fine either.

I don't deserve to have people care about me as much as they do. What do I do for them? I just upset them.

And I don't know where it all went wrong. I wish I knew. I wish I knew where to begin to just be a normal, happy, successful person but I don't. And nobody can tell me. Therapists don't give me any advice, they just sit there and listen. Self help material all seems like bullshit designed to scam people like me out of money from what I've seen. I don't know what to do. I don't care anymore about any teenage special snowflake shit. I'll watch the dumb fucking TV shows. I'll go to the stupid parties. I'll work in a cubicle. I just want everyone around me to quit worrying about my wellbeing. It's not fair to them that they have to put up with me.

>>17902639
I just dont understand why she has to make this so hard man. I missed my chance to kiss her New Years, i sat down on the porch swing and waited for her but she just stood there awkwardly. Like I get it, you're shy and dont like intimacy, but you say you like me, you think im attractive and that you wanna be with me. And i get that im the guy and i need to make the first move, but you couldve made it easy by just sitting down next to me and i would've taken care of the rest. Im trying, like really trying to make this work and i wanna support you and your anxiety issues but you have to start making an effort and reciprocating.

>>17916049
Fuck I know how girls feel now when guys can't take a hint

I just wish you would text me and then things would be alright. I want you to know I want to help you get through whatever you're going through, I just can't tell if you like me anymore or there's someone else or what. Maybe I just too attached too fast, but it sure felt like you felt the same way.

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>Live in rural area
>Complete middle of nowhere
>Closest neighbor is 30 minutes away by car
>No work
>No towns
>Nothing for miles and miles
>No car
>Been here for years
>Don't know how to get out
>No money
>Internet is garbage
>All my friends live out of state


Been here for about 6 years now, it's insanely boring and I only have 100$ to my name

What the fuck do I do? I'm stuck.

I really really wish i could set my mind off her.
But she basically became the other half of my self-conscious over the past 6 months.
We never even met but she'd always tell me about her day and also reflect on whatever I've been doing. I got to know her so well. It felt like she was always with me, in a way. And that gave me the most amount comfort I ever got from anyone in my life.
She told me she loves me and would rather be with me than anyone else. (And I genuinely believe that.) But she lives in another country and everyone knows LDR's never really work out.
She's also been struggling with depression that hits her in phases sometimes and when that happens she doesn't talk much.
And whenever this happens I always get caught up in my feelings, simply because I can't feel her presence in any other way than chatting. So I get worried for "my other half" and start to overanalyze everything. And it hurts so much, because sometimes she just ignores me. I feel so selfish to make it about me.
I cannot be in love with her though right? That's silly, we've never seen each other irl.
I do love her a lot and would want to be with her all the time.
I don't have false hope for this to get anywhere serious though. I know this can't be kept up for long since unlike me, she's probably not gonna be settled with an only virtually existing relationship. And that thought also hurts a lot. That someone else could take her love from me.
We did agree to meet up this year though. That's really the only thing I'm looking forward in my life rn.
I should really learn to take care of myself and get busy with life and not constantly miss her. But I don't want to give her up and replace her with someone else.
Sigh.

>>17916089
Jeez dude

Boy, I hope I don't actually have diabetes. Gonna go to the doctor about it tomorrow.

Am I justified to estrange my family?

>Mother separated me from my father at the age of 9 even though she had been out of my life since the age of 3.
>She didn't tell me before hand that she was with a new guy and that I had a step brother.
>Older brother who had lived with mother for at least 4 years at the time sexually molested me a few months after my arrival and was physically abusive.
>Mother slowly pushed my real father away from me and didn't make an effort to let me talk to him.
>Step father was a shitty father figure and didn't do anything for me and my older brother.
>Still living at my mom's and sick of their bickering and my mom constantly coming to me to help her try to resolve issues with my step father, constantly saying she will leave him but never doing jack shit.
>Help family with stuff even though they've hurt me plenty of times and have betrayed me.
>Get sick of it and lapse into depression and avoid them
>Family never offers serious help just leave me stupid notes

I'm 23 now and I'm planning to move out and leave to another country and never look back. Am I commiting a serious mistake, should I try to resolve the issues or cut ties?

>>17916089
gofundme?

>try almost every dating app
>can't for the life of me attract a mate on any one of em
>realize it's just an orbiter chamber for attention whores
>go out
>approach girls
>some too young, others not single
>repeat cycle
>tired of the bullshit
>tired of looking
>tired of being single
>8 years since last serious one
>no dates, no nothing

31/m/miami

>>17916582
well, after the girl dumped me i had a friend give me head, but i basically had a mental breakdown from how bad i felt, just ended up missing my ex more.

point is, longest dry spell ever, between terrible shit jobs and only child solitude for years living by myself.

>>17916587
the "head" thing happened two years after she left, old news now.. but just clarifying.

I really should not have masturbated on the bus when I was a Freshman. Oh well, at least I'm not in jail for it. Still brings back bad thoughts, even if they aren't suicidal anymore

To anyone who masturbates everyday: Cool it with yanking your wieners

>>17916582
even worse, i get good reactions from almost every girl i approach, but, still either taken or too young.

it's annoying.

>>17916595
After some contemplation I remember that I displayed my actions to no one intentionally. I'm no worse than R. Crumb, since he displays his weird stuff openly. Sucks that I can't approach people from highscool as a result, tho

>>17911412
Podesta Kum

My father tried to contact me and buy me gifts after years of absence solely in the hopes of getting back with my mom, after he saw that she has a new bf and that she wanted nothing with him he cut all contact and blocked me everywhere, again.

It took me 2 years to take a hint and realise nobody will ever show interest in me but it's k because you don't like her personality anyway.


But Fuuuuck I am just so laughable.

fuck you mom you crazy psycho bitch, you want to blame me and send your fucking money all the way to nigeria to some nigger you think is someone else but he aint, dont want to fucking help me re enroll into highschool so i can move on with my life but yet your so eager to boot me out the door anytime you have a problem that you created. i hope you choke to death in your fucking sleep you horrible excuse for a mother you fucking bitch you make it impossible to talk to you

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>tfw infatuated with my half sister who I'm very close with

Why am I such a degenerate, why do I want so badly to fuck her, I've grown up with her ffs. Best way to kill myself?

>>17912212
We dated online for like 2 weeks then I went to go see her for real long distance man

Why did you have to keep your feelings from me before it was too late to work on our relationship? You had months to process this eventual break up, but I was blind sided by your feelings because you made me feel so secure before confessing them. Why would you kiss me on new years just to break up with me that very afternoon?

What caused you to feel this way? It's not that you came into this relationship unaware of these things and now that things are finally financially stable, emotionally, and I'm able to work is when you decided to leave me. I didn't need you to be my fixer upper and now our relationship will only be memories of me at my worst before I could have given you me at my best that I've been progressing to.

I don't want you to be stuck in a situation that you hate, and you have to do what's right for you no matter what, but your emotional distance gave me no chance to make up for the things that are affecting your decision. You didn't allow for a dialogue until it was too late and now I'm left with the security pulled right out from under my feet and a broken heart needing to move in the absolute worst months to do so out of the year.

I'm trying so hard to stay rational, to be healthy and have a good grasp on my emotions, but it feels like this relationship is dying without giving me a chance to fight for it. You were, and I suppose still are, the nicest person I've had in my life. It depresses me to think that I'll be living a life without that. Your companionship means the world to me, I couldn't love you more. I'm scared now for my future happiness and confused where your feelings for me have gone. I'm trying so hard not to pressure you, and to leave it alone if you don't want to address it, but it's just too hard. I want to scream, cry, and run to you for comfort, but even know all I can think is how that would negatively affect you so I don't allow myself to do so.

I feel so lost.

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>>17917386

>>17902639
Should i choose imperials or stormcloaks

>>17918309
They are both shit

Guess what?

I thought my weight and eating habits were fine for my size, but now my period has stopped and I keep losing weight rather than maintaining. I think I might have to accept that I'm not as healthy as I thought I was, both physically and mentally.

>>17902639

All those goddamn dreams, sleepless nights and tears wasted on something so fucking stupid. I guess some people aren't meant to be happy.

You should have fucking left when I first told you to get out.

>>17918689
Why?

The only thing in life I find interesting is gaming.

>>17902662
you are a piece of shit only if you don't learn from your failures

My mom controls every single aspect of my sister's relationship and I feel really bad for my sis.

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Lets revive this conversation, because its starting to die again and im starting to feel lonely. I wanna just chat about stuff, fuck the one word responses, ever since thursday, I've felt more confused about you. I feel like I've become more attached to you. keep talking to me, i wanna have another long chill conversation with you before I go to bed.

I've been feeling quite empty lately. Feels like I fail at every attempt to improve my life. I'm a walking failure.
I think I shouldn't annoy you with my issues. I'm sorry for bugging you. Nevermind me.

Why the fuck did I even date you if I didn't like you? If it was to fuck that went fucking great. I wish your whore ass would have never made it into my fucking life, go send more fucking nudes to everyone except me god fucking damn. What did I do to deserve this? And fuck you will for fucking with me at every opportunity about her that you could, I didn't do that to you when you had a fucking girlfriend. You know how stressful you make my life? As if I have enough to worry about this isn't adding anything good. And fuck all of your goddam feelings I'm sick of caring

>>17904779
When life is a losing game, the only winning move is not to play.