I'm frightened by my own sexuality

It can, but you have to be mindful because obviously you're fishing in a pond with both sexual and all around sadists. There exist people who want what you want but your average cute guy isn't going to get turned on by cutting a woman or breathplay.

Go straight to a fetish site to hook up or find a relationship. Make sure that within your sexual play, your partner respects your boundaries. Stick to safe words and safe signals for when you can't make noise (like holding something heavy you can drop). Make sure he does aftercare (snuggling and reassuring to transition from rough sex to everyday loving relationship and not cause nagging insecurity afterwards).

>>17899087
To be honest it can be difficult to make the distinction beween a true fetish and being less easily turned on by porn after a long dry spell.
Lot of people with a not very active or not active at all sex life have weird fetishes they wouldn't never to enact in practice.

>>17899101
How do you find the right person? I've done the fetlife thing in the past. And I've basically come to terms with only ever being with men older than me, but when I have found one that seemed like he might be good it doesn't end well. Maybe it's the aftercare thing and I need to emphasize that but they hurt me and I really like it during only to find them cold and mean outside of sex.

>>17899133
I've done this in practice. Quite a bit, at least in the past.

Sadomasochism is extremely common, anon. It's so exposed even in the media that even if you had an SO who wasn't into it they'd probably be comfortable trying it.

I have sexual proclivities that would 100% no-wiggle-room land me in federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison for the rest of my life assuming I didn't get shot in the street if I ever gave in. I regularly hear my own mother and family members talk about the vicious and brutal justice they would bestow upon anyone who even THOUGHT of the sex acts that turn me on.

You've got nothing to be afraid of.

>>17899160
You've made me curious. What do you look for in a sexual relationship?

>>17899166
>What do you look for in a sexual relationship?
Simple. I don't.

Be thankful you're not in my position and recognize that your kink isn't even remotely crazy. People are into scat, ageplay, furry, etc.

If there's a spectrum of common and acceptable on the left to uncommon and unacceptable on the right, S&M is the second from the left next only to feet. You're boilerplate, girl.

If you're just looking for sex I'm sure there are plenty of S&M meetup sites. If you're looking for a relationship S&M is so common and normal that I find it extremely unlikely a partner would be unwilling to try it.

>>17899194
My wants and desires are next to feet on the scale of acceptableness? That's not reassuring at all. Foot fetishists are fucking weird, especially the ones I've known.

Still wondering what your fetish is and why you came into my thread to feel sorry for yourself. Are you a pedophile? Because if you are you really should be in therapy. There is absolutely no excuse to ever fuck a child.

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>My wants and desires are next to feet on the scale of acceptableness? That's not reassuring at all
Then you're a prude.

Enjoy feeling bad about having one of the most common kinks in the history of the world. 85% of people asked admitted to engaging in S&M and that's almost certainly under-reported due to embarrassment.

I came into the thread to try and give you some perspective and maybe make you not so afraid of your sexuality, but it seems like that's not really what you were after.

>>17899242
No one wants to be reassured by a pedophile, especially when it's sexual insecurity you're being reassured over. I was sexually abused as a kid and the thought of a pedophile reassuring me is just sickening. Please seek help before you cause serious harm to someone.

as was said before, fetish dating is the way to go for you and maybe /fit/ people, look for SM groups in your areas and munches i think they were called.
There are a lot of weird guys in that area, but it's as always: For a lasting relationship you need a good chemistry and trust, anyhing else can only account for a FWB at max.

But you have the community on your side, basically all those meetings have SJW rules which means, you can approach men but they cant approach you and get thrown out for inappropriate behavior.

>>17899228
not that guy, but there is no therapy beeing offered to pedophiles.

>>17899194
Although you sound like a massive edgelord, I want you to know you're not alone either.

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>>17899256
>I was sexually abused as a kid and the thought of a pedophile
cool story, bro

I hope your kids die in a car fire

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>>17899256
what are you looking for then on a site that is notoriously pedophile and used to host many underage pictures years ago?

Somehow this thread triggered the shit out of me. Maybe I'll just never have sex or a relationship ever again.

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>>17899291
Sounds like a bunch of lucky guys just dodged a massive bullet

If you're this ashamed of S&M I can't imagine what would happen when whatever poor schmuck you were dating revealed his kinks.

>>17899087
Yes it absolutely can, but there's "safe pain" and "unsafe pain." Like what exactly do you mean by:
>I want him to hurt me. Really hurt me.
A GOOD sadistic dom knows a hundred ways to hurt you without damaging you. But you're not going to find a loving, caring partner who will damage you.

this thread has kind of triggered me. mainly because im bitter at how easy women can get relationships and sex. feel like this board is full of too many normies

>>17899291
here we have people that may praise diversity and acceptance but cant accept that there are pedophiles on this planet. Way to go.

Also you now have learned, that you can only cure logical problems with advice, for curing emotional problems you have to talk to real people.

>>17899313
sounds like a bunch of unhappy chicks just dodged a massive bullet of having your child.

kek

>>17899307
I don't know exactly what I want. I've been tied down, cut up, caned, and even like punched in the ribs. Anal sex feels good just because it hurts and I like when guys force me to do things I don't even like- such as really rough blowjobs. Idk.

>>17899326
Seriously get the fuck out of my thread. No one wants to talk to a fucking pedophile, least of all me. Go away please.

>>17899342
No way, bitch. I'm making you do something you don't like.

Turned on yet?

Maybe get the fuck off /adv/ if you don't want /adv/ice

Seriously, though, there's a thread two spots up about a guy who loves his girlfriend's shit. Get over yourself ya dumb bitch.

>>17899087
Yes, I didn't know I was into it until my ex brought it up one day... We never got into anything that left actual injuries, but lots of light bondage/restraints, hot wax, cat'o nine tails, spanking, Hitachi magic wand

God it was amazing. She was mentally ill in other non related ways but I still love her and wish I could've found a way for the relationship to continue without hurting me and messing up both our lives. I wish I knew you haha, I would love to give you what you want in this regard.

Best of luck, but all the pain I inflicted upon her was from a place of love and sexual pleasure, if I ever even went slightly to far she didn't even need to say, I knew from her reaction.. so it was fun and safe and I hope to find such a woman again some day

>>17899400
Honestly bringing up your kid-fucking desires is pointless. If you want acceptance, then I suggest suicide.

OP, my ex was also abused by the likes of this guy. Just ignore his shitposts..

But to some extent, learn to take what you can from 4chan and leave the rest. Trying to engage in battle and "make" people leave your thread is silly

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>>17899434
Yeah, what relevance does a genuinely vilified sexual disposition have in a thread about a girl with literally the most common kink of all time worrying about her kink being abnormal or vilified?

I don't see a connection at all!

Such abuse. Much triggering.

>>17899410
I would want a lot more than that light bondage stuff. Hot wax doesn't even hurt.

How was she mentally ill? And why did your relationship end. I'm really curious to hear about that.

>>17899228
I'm with you, dude. I'm not really into S&M -- although I'll dip into it once in a while with my fiancee for novelty's sake -- but it's about a bazillion times more normal-seeming to me than foot fetishism. Which is just fucking icky to me. No insult meant to foot fetishists, but ... euch.

You're way out of line with the pedophile shit, though. If he is in fact a pedophile, understand 3 things:
1) he's made it clear that he doesn't indulge his fetish, ever (i.e. he hasn't offended and doesn't plan to);
2) therapy isn't really very effective when it comes to "treating" pedophilia, and neither are drugs -- it's something pedophiles are pretty much stuck with for life;
3) there are laws that make it IMMENSELY difficult, even for pedophiles who have never broken any laws and never want to, to get therapy without their therapist reporting them to the police.

Basically, if that's what he is, it's not something he ever asked for, he's done absolutely nothing wrong or illegal, and you're shitting on him for it (after he took the time out of his day to give you advice). Negative cool points there.

>>17899508
Why are we still talking about the pedophile? I don't give a fuck about him or his whiny bullshit. But all pedophiles definitely should seek therapy, and the authorities should be aware of it. They are a danger to society and should be watched very closely in case they try to give in to their desires. Maybe you don't understand just how harmful they can be.

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>>17899533
>wahhhh wahhhh wahhhh I like sex and its wroooooong
>who gives a fuck about other people i don't care about them pay attention to meeeeeeeeeee

>>17899533
Because you were a dick to somebody who tried to give you advice (whose original post was reasonably constructive), and because somebody else told him to kill himself, and that sort of shit is generally frowned upon on the advice board? It may be par for the course for 4chan, but less so here.

Listen very closely to what I am telling you: the laws in place mandating that all pedophiles be reported to the authorities are what makes it EXTREMELY DIFFICULT FOR PEDOPHILES TO SEEK THERAPY (you know, the therapy you want them to seek?) It is very hard for pedophiles who ARE AWARE THEIR DESIRES ARE REPREHENSIBLE and DO NOT WANT TO OFFEND to find any kind of support -- support which can help them manage their sexuality and keep from hurting anybody. These laws make them more likely to offend and VASTLY MORE DANGEROUS, not less.

Do you understand what I am telling you?

I'm sorry about what happened to you, but that doesn't make you an expert on this, and it also doesn't excuse your behavior in this thread. I know what I am talking about here; you are speaking out of ignorance.

And let me be absolutely clear, in case there's a language barrier here (although it doesn't seem like there is): "pedophile" (somebody who's attracted to children, something they have no control over) is distinct from "child molester" (somebody who's actually gone and done it).

MOST child molesters are pedophiles -- but not all pedophiles are child molesters. There are, believe it or not, thousands of pedophiles who aren't child molesters and are just as sickened by the idea as you are -- yes, really.

why is this thread about pedophilia now. make your own thread if you want to talk about that.

>>17899587
because all the actual advice has been given out

S&M is common. Being ashamed of it or frightened by it is stupid. The end.

>>17899587
You literally brought it up, motherfucker. You pressed somebody who gave you advice to share more than he wanted to, and the first person who said the word 'pedophile' was you (assuming you're OP).

Anyway, I've said my piece, but think more carefully next time when you flip out at somebody if you don't want people to then start talking about it.

>>17899444
trips for truth, also she called so far about three different people in this thread pedophiles when noone actually said, they were into kids.
she just asumed it because some anon said he was into something illegal, and she cant even think of anything else and so she throws it around like it was an insult here out of all places...

>>17899602
he didnt even share that, Op just assumed it was about Pedos
>>17899533
you didnt just call one guy a pedophile but three different ones. you are a degenerate low live bitch for throwing such an insult at everyone that wants to give you advice in this thread.

>>17900301
>>17900317
wow okay, just call down guys. if i called anyone a pedophile who actually wasn't one, then i'm sorry. i didn't come here to pick dumb internet fights but for advice.

it's kind of hard talking about this stuff, and it's not anything i could ever admit to my family or friends. maybe i got a little defensive.

thank you for your excuse, that means a lot

>>17900337
it depends on who you talk to, you will probably find a lot of girls in your social circle who have read fifty shades of grey or watched the movie (second one is coming out soon aswell) that's a great conversation starter, find people who are talking about it, let the book lay around at your place and see where things go.

you may feel bad about it, but thats the normal female insecurity you have there. suck it up and play dumb once it's not rocket science.

I also don't think your mother would need to know this, but your friends definitely can help you. they have experience with guys and might know people who are into it.

Maybe join a gym and get into fitness, pumping men can be really aggressive and demanding.

>>17900394
i'm worried that i won't be able to have experiences that really satisfy me sexually unless they're sorta violent. and if that's the case then how can i just start dating random people hoping they'll be into it? my mind goes to very dark places. i think more than the average person's. and i'm kind of afraid of letting anyone know how crazy i am.

a lot of this probably is insecurity. dunno if it's "female insecurity" which is sort of passive aggressive and rude but yeah.

>>17900429
I understand that you have a complex about it but people have already told you that what you're into isn't that extreme at all. Everyone has some kind of fetish or kink. S&M is an incredibly common thing to like and you shouldn't be worried about it in terms of dating.

You're like someone with a papercut worrying about bleeding out. You're fine. The only thing you need to do is stop worrying about it (I know, easier said than done). You're not sick or crazy for wanting to be a submissive in sadomasochist play. Just make sure you have a partner you trust.

I'll repeat this since it's objective and you can't dismiss it as simply my opinion: studies have determined that between 70 and 90 percent of people have sadist or masochist sexual fantasies and would be willing to engage in S&M. Your tastes are about as strange as liking Chicken.

Oh, and if you're worried about not being able to get off without getting punched in the mouth you've probably just gone too long without a fuck and won't need anywhere near the stimulation you do to masturbate. Worst comes to worst you can use your imagination.

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>>17900429
The next time you're in a public place with a crowd I want you to do an exercise for me.

I want you to remember these statistics and apply them to human faces.

In a place with 50 people I want you to look around and go "those 20 people are sexually attracted to feet. That one guy can't get an erection without smelling armpits. Those 6 guys and 4 girls love eating shit/piss"

I get the impression you're seeing a world where you're the only one with a kink much less a "socially awkward" one, and that's just not reality.

>>17900429
I am not totally experiences, but out of the two innocent normal girls I have/had as GFs one was into bondage and ice play and the other one is at least into chocking and hair pulling and i am still digging deeper with this one.

I myself had adventures into BDSM but found out quickly that I am not a sadist or turned on by pain.

Still I have no problem with doing stuff for my GF that only gives her a kick that is deeper in the BDSM spectrum because it's so fucking common and normal.

You might be afraid about it now, but you also know that you would very much enjoy and be happy if you had someone with whom you could talk about it, is that correct?

You just need to come up with an innocent way to start such a conversation that makes it possible to deny everything. Fifty shades of Grey is such a topic.

>>17900457
>>17900485
>>17900490
this may have actually helped. thanks.

but all of this leads me back to: is it okay that i'm like this? the things i want are very morbid and they honestly seem unhealthy. is it okay that i want to be cut, injured, and all that? it reminds me of self-harm, which is something i used to do a lot. now i have ugly scars i wish i didn't and i'm starting to get them covered with tattoos. and we know that self-harm is bad. right? this could all just be mental illness. or like a symptom of mental illness. my sexual fantasies are really violent and they often end with me dying. obviously those are just fantasies and i don't want to actually be murdered hopefully but wouldn't this scare anyone? and isn't it a sign that something is very wrong with me?

>>17899087
Can sadomasochism be a part of a normal, healthy relationship?
Um. Of course. This is America.

>>17900775
I've been through those thought patterns with a separate problem.

You need to understand (and I don't mean intellectually, I mean emotionally) that there is a difference between fantasy and reality and that you are not and never can be fully in control of your feelings or fantasies.

You ARE, however, in control of your actions. You may be too young to feel comfortable with this conclusion but I promise you it is true.

I must be as direct as possible here:

Being into S&M or extreme S&M is not wrong, evil, or a symptom of mental illness.

A fantasy that ended in death is not extraordinary, strange, or special, and by no means should be feared.

Sadomasochism can absolutely be part of a normal healthy relationship, especially if you're in America (rates are significantly higher or at least more reported indicating higher social acceptance)

It may sound cliche and it's definitely difficult but you need to learn to accept yourself.

>>17900905
i really don't know. appreciate your words, but still feel like i'm going to continue avoiding relationships and sex out of fear. maybe it's irrational but i don't know how to stop the feelings of guilt and stress.

>>17900775
No, it's not healthy or normal. As other posters mention before, S&M does not have to, and should not, involve actual injury. It's fine to enjoy pain, and there are safe ways to inflict pain without actual bodily damage. S&M can be part of a normal, healthy, loving sex life, but you need to find a partner who's going to do it properly. FANTASIES are one thing, but you should not be with a guy who's willing to cut you up for real

>>17901480
and see that's what i thought. i liked it when a guy did cut me and burn me with cigars but i felt dirty and hated myself afterward. it's like i'm inclined toward self-destruction whenever i express my sexuality. not healthy ugh.

>>17901480

BDSM exists on both sides of the injury line. you are pushing an agenda that it "should not" but you cant take other peoples freedom from them and so your word is in vain.

There is lots of injury in BDSM. needle play fire play, ice play, breath play, beating, fisting, rape hell even mutilation is in there.

>>17901506
The feeling dirty thing is just your own emotional reaction, which you can change like this guy explains >>17900905

>>17902283
You're being ridiculous. It is not HEALTHY to permanently damage yourself for the sake of a fetish. It might be within the spectrum of things that people do, but so are actual rape and murder and theft, etc. Your "everything is permissible" attitude isn't helpful when OP is actually expressing a desire to change.

>>17901506
Well, the whole point of S&M is giving up control, so again, you should be looking for a partner that practices safer sadism. It doesn't HAVE to be self-destructive. There are guys out there who could tie you up and torture you for hours, inflict more pain than you've ever felt, and you'd wake up the next morning without a scratch on you. There are a hundred ways to do it.

This can even exist in the context of a loving, healthy relationship, but the guys who'd cut you up or burn you probably aren't gonna be like that

>>17902722
> Your "everything is permissible" attitude isn't helpful when OP is actually expressing a desire to change.
And your "THAT'S WRONG THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU" bullshit isn't helping when the whole point is that OP is afraid of fantasies and needs to accept her sexuality to find healthy play. You're doing the opposite of helping.

IRL play shouldn't result in permanent injury but being attracted to the idea or fantasizing about said unjury is not something to be worried about. OP is an abuse victim who doesn't need people telling her to fear her sexuality.

>>17902919
But that's literally exactly what I said. She's not just talking about fantasies, she's talking about real-life experiences where she's had guys cut her and burn her. I'm not judging her for her kinks, I'm not saying there's something wrong with her, I'm saying that there are much safer ways to indulge those fantasies. If she keeps fucking around with the type of guys she's had in the past, she's going to get herself killed.

She came here for help because she's already decided she doesn't want to repeat those experiences. She doesn't want to be mentally conditioned to "be okay" with something she's not okay with. I'm trying to let her know there's a middle ground where she can enjoy pain & masochism without so much risk or injury.

Did you even read my post, or are you one of those people who thinks that any form of moderation is Puritanical?

>>17903003
>I'm not saying there's something wrong with her

>>17901480
>no it's not healthy or normal


You need to be more fucking careful with your wording when talking to people who want to hear they're broken.

I don't think I like this thread anymore. Don't even want to think about these things anymore. Sorry.

>>17903024
That's disappointing, because the real unhealthy thing is not addressing your problems.

Get therapy.

>>17903023
The activities she's talking about are not healthy or normal. I stand by exactly what I said. Fantasies are fake, so there is absolutely no reason to judge whether they're "normal" or not. We're talking about real life here. Pull your head out of your ass

Safe S&M can be healthy and normal, but again, that's not what this thread is about

>>17903039
Wow.

You should be kept very far away from people with any kind of self-esteem issue or abusive past.

This isn't about being right or wrong its about your word choice and approach being fucking harmful. No, the problem is not having had bad abusive sex in the past. That is the cause. The problem is fearing her sexuality which you are making worse.

>>17903051
I get that your intentions are good, but positive reinforcement is not the answer to everything. Sometimes, people who have been abused fall into a pattern of seeking out abusive relationships. I'm not going to tell her it's "okay" to keep chasing guys who will hurt her that badly, especially not when she's asking for help.

Once again, I can't make it clear enough that I'm not shaming her fantasies, I'm not telling her she's broken, and I'm not calling BDSM "weird." I'm trying to draw a clear distinction between healthy and unhealthy ways to indulge those fantasies in real life, with real partners.

If I used the "wrong" word somewhere along the way, I'm sorry, but I think OP is mature enough to understand what I'm saying

>>17899194
You act like S&M isn't a broad, wide-reaching descriptor for a ton of sub fetishes that all have their own place on the spectrum you mentioned.

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>>17903075
>>17903078
why do people on this site prefer to be technically correct rather than helpful

Daily reminder that paedophiles should be rounded up by the government and executed on live TV.