Help! my gf is a fucking moron.

>>17897910
It'll be much like raising someone if you try to fix that, or perhaps she is just too dependent on you and you need to grow some distance in that way.

are you fucking retarded
call that shit off

imagine having this much pent up resentment for someone BEFORE you even get married

recipe for catastrophe

>>17897928
but whats the guarantee i would find someone better?

i'd like to find a way to deal with this before throwing in the towel. nobody is perfect...

>>17897910
Man the fuck up and get her in line. Who cares if she's stupid? All she has to do is follow orders. Hammer that into her and you'll be fine.

Unless you want a "smart" chick. Then yeah call that shit off.

>>17897934
shes my partner, not a soldier under my command. Dumb people still like to make independent decisions.

i have tried explaining things simply to her but she is usually uninterested (or more comfortable in ignorance) or gets angry im so bossy.

>>17897933
nah dude anon is right, you don't have to break up with each other but don't get married unless you're sure

>>17897941
Men and women have natural roles. She just needs a man is all.

Stupidity is a deal breaker in my eyes if she's stupid now she'll be stupid for your whole life if after 3 yrs you're already sick of it imagine how you'll feel in 10 yrs

>>17897933
one day you will tell her what you thought of her all this time. How will she feel about that?
Maybe you should not get married yet and try to communicate that she should be more aware or pay more attention or try harder, try to always keep it a communication and not a thing you say to make her feel bad.

>>17897945
i am happy to lead on most things but she is not a soldier or game NPC. she will do things on her own.

example:
>anon how do i tax form? :3
>like this
>nooooo anon thats wrong!
> okay then show me how its done?
>uuuh but i dunno

its a shallow example but its that typical woman "i don't have any ideas of my own but yours are all wrong" shit women do.

"manning up" doesn't mean being a pushy cunt for the record. and you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

>>17897910
If she's really that stupid and you're together for 3 years and even consider marriage ... you're hardly any better.

A stupid partner is somewhat okay for a relationship if you have low standards and the person is at least hot, anything more is madness.

>>17897983
have you ever had a relationship? people build emotional bonds that allow them to ignore flaws in a person. since nobody is perfect its something we all do.

also dat ass holy fuck.

>>17897996
Being stupid seems too much of an initial flaw tbqh, it's easy to tolerate when it's a dog or some friend you see here and there but your partner? It'd be too much of a pain for me even if the ass was godly. (Never dated below poly-lingual college level chicks)

Besides, with marriage you're even past that point. Being stuck with a legal relationship with a dumb person sounds like a pretty stupid idea. What makes you think you can't do better?

You can't fix stupid.

>>17897910

Ok, it's like Ron White said (I'm paraphrasing): You can fix her looks any way you want as she ages, tummy tuck, butt lift, boob job, whatever. However:

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID.

If she's that dumb, and it's pissing you off now, get rid of her and find a smart girl. You marry her, and you'll just divorce her down the road, and that's IF you don't end up beating the shit out of her because she goes too far with the dumb one night.

>>17897945
There is a difference between being a husband a second father.

>>17898015
eh is easy to brush off stupidity as cute.

my previous girl was doing her 2nd masters. never once have i missed that horrid wench. so i don't think smart girl = eternal happiness.

>>17898030
>eh is easy to brush off stupidity as cute.
For a week or two, maybe a month of you or she is lucky. Afterwards it usually becomes too apparent to brush off. Perhaps she's overall not that dumb and just silly about SOME things?

>so i don't think smart girl = eternal happiness.
Nah, obviously not but it helps to avoid many, many problems. It's not like a partner needs to a genius, just the difference is ideally not too large between you and them. If you found a girlfriend, you're clearly dating material, so should be able to find one that is at least not painfully stupid.

>>17898044
i think dating a smart girl made me realize how unimportant it is. a genius can still have the emotional intelligence of a 7 year old. moreover she uses her smarts to be a cunning bitch.

but obviously there is a balance. i guess what im really asking is how do others deal with stupid people without being a snobby cunt or getting too stressed about it.

>>17898066
Best course of action is to avoid them. If there is no way to do that, try to appeal to their emotion instead of reasoning, which takes some practice (kids are pretty decent for that).

There is no really decent method for long term commitment with them though. Best case scenario is that you're going to get drained.

Although most actually stupid people are stupid because it's hard to teach them something new, not because they are actually dumb ... so if you're willing to invest a lot time and effort, there might be some hope. If the person in question at least shows some openness to improve.

>>17897910
Your problem isn't that she's stupid. Going by the >>17897965 example your problem is that she's not aware that she's stupid/hasn't accepted it. It's totally possible to be stupid and humble, or submissive, or good at typical feminine stuff like baking/cooking/sucking dick and sticking to that niche only, or just a charming ditz.

Basically, if you want to fix this you need to have a sit down and talk to her, not about the fact that she's dumb but about the fact she'll eg ask for help and then try to reject the help midway through and how that's annoying. If you do this type of stuff it's quite a bit of work but can eventually make both of you more content.

>>17898066
Not only is this extremely true, but the worst thing in the world is a girl who thinks she's smart/that it's important to be smart.

>>17897910
First of all, be clearer. Are you talking about stupid, as in no common sense, or ignorant, as in doesn't know a lot of stuff?

Ignorance is simply a matter of not having learned something. You learn it and are not ignorant any more. Stupid is forever.

But more important than that is what your post says about you. If you have been with her for 3 years, it is clear that you haven't been demanding much in the way of intellectual companionship, and were happy with the externals (and, I assume, the sex). It's a bit much for you to suddenly start criticizing her for not supplying something you haven't asked for up to now.

>>17897910


If it weren't for her stupidity it would be something else you would pick out, understand this is more a reflection on how stale things have gotten and less about this character flaw you see in her, I'm sure when you first started dating or most of the first year you didn't feel this way.

In saying this it doesn't look good for you guys, unless you find a way to deal with it where it doesn't grow your resentment and frustration then it will likely end in a break up. Either you will start lashing out passive aggressively to the point where you both fall out of "love" or there will be one big outburst and fight which will end in a break up.

I'd find out if you can and are willing to tolerate this prior to moving further with this girl.

>>17897910
my fiance is the same way

for example, I asked him to purchase some tomatoes from the grocery store. Later, I got busy and didn't check my phone, but I got home and there weren't any tomatoes.

> Where are the tomatoes?
> I went to the store but there were so many tomatoes! I didn't know which you wanted
> I look at my phone
> it's full of text messages like
> hey babe what tomatoes you want
> there are ones on the vine
> round ones
> oval ones
> canned ones
> slices ones
> which ones you want babe

and in the end, he didn't buy any fucking tomatoes. I feel like I'm going to have to carry this marriage, at least until he learns self-confidence

>>17898666

Was he always like this? I've known guys including myself who start out relationships pretty confident and self assured and over time get conditioned to asking for permission from their girlfriends due to their girlfriends demanding or nit-picky natures.

For example I'm a pretty laid back guy and easily pleased with most things, where as an ex of mine very fussy and way more inclined to complain or make decisions about activities/movies/food etc so after a few years of some minor disputes here and there I just didn't care enough so I would ask her what she wanted in most cases as I was happy either way, and making her happy was my goal. And yeah she eventually started complaining that I never made decisions for myself.

In your case he sounds a bit silly to have not chosen anything when you didn't respond, but maybe reflect on the reason why, maybe he feared you would get upset if it was the wrong kind, that he blew money on it or whatever else.

>>17898684
No, he's always been insecure and unsure. He's always been very fearful, since the first date. He's very fearful about everything.

Why am I with him? I'm settling, and I am hoping he will resolve his confidence issues. He recently had some major life changes before we met, so I hope this behavior is a symptom of dealing with that life change. I really really really hope that once he deals with the effects of those life changes, he will become a capable man

In the meantime, I deal with this insecurity by
1. Only giving him very simple tasks
2. Giving him very clear and VERY explicit instructions with those simple tasks

For example, if I need him to go grocery shopping, I only tell him to purchase foods if they are packaged and labeled, like
> purchase the BRAND flour
> get the BRAND eggs
> get the TYPE OF and BRAND butter
> get the CUT OF and TYPE OF MEAT

Yes, it's very tiring and annoying.

>>17898666
Holy shit, this is such a "guy" thing to do.

>>17898684
Weird, for me it was quite the opposite. At start when I was totally insecure fag I wasn't sure what to do and would act the same but these days I just buy whatever seems right and if someone complains or wants to be a smartass I just shrug and tell them to do it next time since they know better.

Though most of my girlfriends were chill about stuff like that, only my mom or sis tend to bitch when if I buy the wrong salad or chips.

>>17898700
> but these days I just buy whatever seems right

This is exactly the life skill I want him to learn

> What vinegar you want babe?
> What kind of shirt do you want me to wear?
> Should I wear my black pants, my brown pants, my jeans, my dark blue jeans, my black jeans, or my khakis?
> How much should I tip?
> When should I refuel the gasoline in the car?

I get text messages like this all the time. Maybe he thinks it's cute or funny, but it's not cute or funny at all

>>17898704
Well, you can help it by NOT being overly specific and encouraging him to make own decisions, perhaps shopping together few times. Also for groceries, helping you with cooking should give him a decent overlook over what all the stuff is for and what the differences between white and red vinegar are.

Obviously this also means not being too harsh and laughing off when he fucks up completely with something.

The other stuff sounds too facepalming though. I get asking your partner the "what do I wear" question for specific events or rare occasion but if it happens too frequently ... sounds like a major fucking pain. At least it will prepare you for kids.

>>17898666
sounds like he's just fucking with you kek

>>17898714
I think it's also because he never cooked in his life, despite being a relatively advanced age. A combination of college cafeterias, mother never teaching him to cook, and eating out a lot. He really doesn't know what the different foods are.

I'm really not looking forward to being a second mother, as this anon said.
>>17898026

I already taught him how to laundry his own clothes (use detergent, that's important) and clean household objects (you have to use a cleaning agent, just wiping with water isn't good enough). It was really gross seeing the layers of black goo being cleaned off his apartment.

I just think of all the fucking things I need to teach him to do, and it demoralizes me. I think because he's a boy, his mother didn't think he needed to learn these things.

>>17898694

Not to point the finger or anything but you sound like you're projecting a lot, you're settling for this guy which shows your own insecurities, people don't settle unless they think they don't deserve or could find better.

Also maybe try buying your own shit and stop telling him what to do, maybe over time if he's forced to make his own decisions he will start to do so. You could also try asking him instead of telling him things.

>>17898736
>I think because he's a boy, his mother didn't think he needed to learn these things.
Not necessary, some mothers are just overly protective of their kids and don't teach them any life skills.

My own mother couldn't cook for shit before she left home for university because her own mother always discouraged her from doing it. My sis isn't great on cooking either because she never had to. The only reason I learned it myself was because I am a perfectionist and always had things to bitch about when others cooked, so the solution was either to stop bitching or doing it better myself.

>>17898745
Yes, I think this guy is the best I can do. That's the definition of settling.

It doesn't matter how I ask him to buy tomatoes, he'll still waffle around and be indecisive. Ultimately, I do want a husband who is capable enough of going to the shop and making the decision of which of 10 varieties of tomatoes to purchase.

>>17898752

Have you tried telling him all of this? If you did it in a calm and encouraging manner he might get the picture and starting acting in kind. From what you quote he sounds like a nice guy, I'm sure if he's so eager to please already he will look to start making his own decisions on the small stuff if you tell him you would really like him to.

You come across passive aggressive and a little snobby, I don't know you at all so this might not be the case but I wouldn't be surprised if he is fearful of making wrong decisions around you so he abstains completely.

>>17898750
sigh, I will have to teach him to cook eventually. Otherwise, it'll be a lifetime of
> yum, microwaved scrambled eggs!
> who wants pizza take out?

Later this week, I'm going to test him on how well he cleaned the apartment.
> did you put the detergent in the washing machine before running it?
> show me how you mop the floors
> how did you clean the tables

>>17898756
he is very eager to please and learn, which is why I haven't cast him away. and fuck you, you'd be passive aggressive and snobby too if your fiance kept a literally smelly, apartment covered in a black layer of grime and high dining consisted of microwaved eggs

>>17898498
>good at typical feminine stuff like baking/cooking/sucking dick
kek

>>17898763

>"I will have to teach him"

>"Later this week, I'm going to test him"

>"Show me how you mop the floors"

>"How did you clean the tables"

LOL and you wonder why an insecure person like himself isn't changing. Talking down to him and correcting his way of living is a sure fire way to boost his confidence!

>>17898767
Easy for you to say. You're not the one who has to potentially live with a grimy, greasy, crusty, smelly, bacteria-infested house.

>guy complains about chick without giving examples
>either "teach her" or "break up" responses

>chick complains about guy and gives examples of life skills rivaling a seven year old
>LOL INSECURE CUNT, IT'S YOUR FAULT

>>17898772

Either live with it or leave him, you're contributing directly to the things you are complaining about, if anything he will only get worse with time. The fact that you speak so lowly of him yet still feel the need to "settle" speaks volumes about yourself.

>>17898772
>God, I can't fucking stand my fiance
>Oh well, can't do any better, haha!

Lol I don't understand people like you. This is a guaranteed divorce case.

Also this guy >>17898780 is right. The way you approach the problem seems to only contribute to it more.

>>17897910
Just break it off man. I dated a girl who was dumb as bricks for ages before finally realizing that it just isn't worth it. You're never going to feel 100% emotionally fulfilled by someone like that.

>>17898780
> dat false dichotomy

It sounds patronizing, but he knows he is deficient in basic life skills, and he is eager to learn. Despite my contempt of him, he loves me so much, so we're going to get married in a month.

once he's mastered this set of life skills, then he'll be more confident, and we won't have to go through this any more. Hopefully

Next up:
> when showering, it's important to use soap, and lather
> put shampoo on head, and lather
> basic cooking techniques

Right now he's sweet and kind and giving and as clever as a chair and half as useful, but within 2 years, he'll be sweet and kind and giving and as clever and useful as a chair. Or at the very least, he'll know how to take a shower and laundry his own clothes.

>am I just being picky

Jesus, seriously? You look down on her, she enrages you and I can't imagine that you really have much of an intellectual partner in her, and you ask if you're being picky for potentially not marrying her because hey, she looks good and is friendly?

Also, for the love of god you have been together for three years, you should've realized that this was a big complication before talking wedding plans.

>>17898785
Yes, but I'm not going to end up single with 43 cats. In my culture, you have to met married, and there isn't divorce. If the marriage ends up in indifference, so be it.

>>17898791

Or hopefully he grows the balls to drop your condescending ass when you teach him the life skills he needs to find someone better.

>>17898798
I know you're mad that I'm teaching a not-capable man to be capable, but he appreciates it and he loves me more for it.

Now could I be a nicer teacher? Sure. But I'm not.

>>17898796
>In my culture

Which one is that? How old are you?

>>17898807
Japanese, Christmas cake age (26)

I'm actually quite lucky to get a man like him at my age, because normally the only men available are very very old, or gasp divorces or single fathers, or foreigners. Obviously the man is still single, my age, and is single because he smells and his apartment smells, and lacks social skills, but it's the best I can do.

>>17898821
>Japanese, Christmas cake age (26)

Ohh, that explains a lot. This lack of genuineness you present seems to run very deep in Japanese society. Although maybe I'm wrong.

>Obviously the man is still single, my age, and is single because he smells and his apartment smells, and lacks social skills, but it's the best I can do.

Ahaha, I'm sorry but this is hilarious. Have fun with your marriage.

>>17898821
>Christmas cake age
Damn, it's actually a legit term.

>>17898834
I am a little jealous, because I would like to be excited about my future husband, and show off my ring gleefully, squeal about my dress, etc.
But my marriage, and I believe a lot of our marriages, are based more on the importance of simply being a married person. I understand this, and he understands this as well. We had "bio-resumes" in which we listed our marriage qualities
> Name
> Age
> Education: good to finish uni
> Height
> Weight
> Career/Job: engineer, doctor, etc.
> Hobbies: put something like painting, piano, violin, girl sports
> Picture of yourself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irfd74z52Cw
Check the video at 1 minute mark. It was something like this.

You don't understand the societal pressure to simply get married.

It is also very possible that I will grow to love him in a few years time. I've only known this man for 4 months. It's a little bit of an arranged marriage. Even so, I think he loves me.

>>17897965
>"i don't have any ideas of my own but yours are all wrong"
Well, maybe they are all wrong. Ever think of that?

I don't need to know how to cure cancer to tell you that crystals and homoepathy won't do it.

>>17897953
This. Also, there is every chance that your children will inherit her stupidity from her.