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I met a guy on an online community we are both part of. We've been talking for a month and two weeks now. We've never met in real life. We talked for many hours a day and we became close really quickly. The thing is, he's been married for 10 years and has some problems in his marriage. He told me they've been like room mates for the last 5 years or so, that he's been wanting to get a divorce since but he couldn't because he was always afraid of being alone.
Fast forward 3 or 4 weeks later, he tells me he has developed feelings for me. At first, I told him that I didn't want to get involved with his stuff. He said he wanted to get a divorce since before he's met me and that his wife was aware of it and trying to meet new guys. I tell him I have no such feelings for him regardless and that he shouldn't pursue me. Something important to consider: when I'm rejecting someone, I'm super nice about it. Not only that, but with all the stuff he had said to me that day, I was very confused. He's told me some of the nicest things someone has ever told me. He's super caring, sweet and always tries to help me out through my problems. Maybe I didn't get my point across very well since I was choosing my words too much. So, even though I rejected him that day, he decided not to give up on me.
Even if he got divorced, I wouldn't be able to reciprocate his feelings anyway as I don't think we'd have chemistry together. And I think he deserves to be with someone who likes him the way he is. That's the right thing to do in these cases, I believe. I tried explaining him that as nicely as I could (may have come off as self depreciation?) and told him to look for someone else... He dismissed it.
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I can't blame him, the way he dismisses me is really my fault. The way he treats me so nicely has been making me rather confused/indecisive and it shows. Not only that, but also the fact that I choose my words not to hurt him and have difficulties getting my point across leads him to think I could have feelings for him I'm just not aware of. I've been losing sleep over this. Where did I mess up the most? What's the right thing to do here and how to go about it? I really don't want to hurt him and would like to keep his friendship if possible.
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Online relationships are imaginary. He's not who you think he is, you're not who he thinks you are. You've never met, there is no chemistry. Your brain is playing tricks on you using chemicals.
Stop doing this, it's unhealthy.
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>Where did I mess up the most?
Believing the problem is your fault.
>He's told me some of the nicest things someone has ever told me. He's super caring, sweet and always tries to help me out through my problems.
>The way he treats me so nicely has been making me rather confused/indecisive and it shows.
He's thirsty and he's preying. That's all this is.
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>>17897649
sorry for your failed online relationship
>>17897641
tell him that his divorce is a big decision and you definitely dont want to be a part of it, even if you care for him very much, you decided to cut the contact with him for a year, so you dont affect his life in a way that you dont want to. say see you soon and delete
yes this is not a cotton candy decision so you gotta suck it up babe
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Don't talk to him for 6 months then see how he is.
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>>17897641
You need to be strong with him. If you "lead him on" and be like you have been he'll never give up and things get creepy.
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>>17897649
Not true at all. The guy I've been the most attracted to ever was someone I met up with after getting to know online. Don't just write off online. Sometimes it gives you the opportunity to meet someone really great.
That being said, it sounds like this guy isn't getting the hint. He's infatuated with you and won't cease to be as long as you're still talking so I don't really get what this thread is about. You're gonna have to either cut contact or tell him you don't and never will have feelings for him which will destroy your relations anyway.
Can't just have all that attention and affection without him having expectations
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