Why flirt with a married woman?

>>17897358
>>17897358
Because you're unobtainable and it makes people want you more. Think about it: it doesn't work out for them because of a circumstance they can't control, not because of their own failings. It's an easy way to have emotional (or sexual) attachments without the risk.

I have problems with this too, especially now that I'm in a very fulfilling relationship. People see the confidence from being happy and are attracted to that. I know it's annoying, but take comfort in that at least you're radiating with happiness and that's pretty cool.

Honestly, I would tell them you have boundaries and don't appreciate the way they're talking to you. If they don't respect that, they're not your friend.

As a man in a relationship, one of my biggest concerns with a woman is when she "accepts" flirting from another man. You have the power to shut it down. You "not wanting to be a bitch" comes off as "you actually like the attention" to your significant other. Lay it out in no uncertain terms. If they want to be friends, then stop it there. If they want more in ANY way, it can not and will not continue. Block communications.

However, I can't claim to 100% understand your view. Its easy for me to drop ancillary relationships for my main focus. If I believe the other is honestly hurt by it.

Tl;dr - would your significant other approve of the behavior on either end? If not, I believe you have your answer.

>>17897406
That makes sense. I just don't have many friends so I don't like to drive people away. The one friend who does this a lot is, as I said, an old friend, and one of a small number of people that contacts me frequently to talk about pop-culture things.

>>17897401
Again, I feel bad saying anything negative, but I think setting boundaries might be the best way to deal with it. It's worse when it's something like a student, because then he can just go complain about me to my university though, or so I fear.

>>17897431
Don't be a weasel, you like the attention in spite of it constantly challenging your fidelity, and you made this thread to seek validation for an activity which clashes with your morals.

It is an absolute fact in our society that women can crucify men for unwarranted sexual advances, and the only reason you are experiencing any amount of 'trouble' is because you allow and condone it.

You will not find validation.
Change this behavior immediately.

>>17897431
Well, the hopefully I'm wrong. But most guys will sell any line of bullshit to get what they want. It may not even be sexual, it may be some emotional or social fulfillment he's getting from you. Either way, with the small bit of info I have, and speaking as a guy, this friend wants something other than friendship. As I said, if your other approves, good on him. But maybe he doesnt, and at the point if you arnt ready to sever ties... It sends a BAD message.

that sounds pretty annoying OP, you just have to be more blunt. You can do it without being rude. I'm flattered you think I'm beautiful but I'm married and not interested in anything at all with you beyond friendship and I don't appreciate your flirtatious comments (or if they are a student just tell them that what they are doing is innapropriate, ultimately you have the authority as a professor or teacher or whatever you do).

>>17897358
>I get guys I'm friends with online trying to flirt with me


she thinks her guy friends are actual friends.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gg1t_nGaDLs

File: tits2.jpg (59KB, 599x450px) Image search: [Google]

59KB, 599x450px

>>17897470
This guy has a point. If you really didn't like it, you'd be direct and clear and would ignore anything afterwards.

Being dishonest is not good. Being dishonest with yourself especially so.

>>17897540
But I really do not like it. It makes me feel incredibly awkward and my husband hates it. At the same time, as I said, I don't have many friends so for some guys I don't block them, I just say it "thanks, but it makes me uncomfortable". For others, like co-workers and students, I don't know how to say I'm not interested without potentially getting in trouble for being "such a bitch" to them.

I mean, I never once hit on a married man. If i learned a guy was married Im sure I would have immediately backed off. I don't get this.

>>17897557
>my husband hates it

How, exactly, is this not enough to make you cease communications? If you honestly love him and want a future with him, why would you continue acting in relationships that he hates? Would he not give up the same for you?

No no, the simple fact is, you're not ready to be in a monogamous relationship, obviously. You crave the attention. Break it off with your man before you fucking destroy him.

>>17897581
What in the hot fuck are you talking about? Why would I get married if I wasn't ready for monogamy? I don't want to be an asshole and lose some of the few friends I have unless absolutely necessary. I have lost all my female friends because they all became insane SJWs and wont talk to me anymore because I'm not a feminist. Now my only friends are male and half of them are guilty of this random occasional flirting that makes me feel really uncomfortable.

Also, again, for the new people adding me like students and co-workers; I'm terrified to be mean to them out of fear for my job.

>>17897612
>random
>occasional

Obviously it's percistant enough to ask for /adv/ice about it. No, you want validation. You want someone to say "no, it's okay other men flirt with you and you respond in kind. As long as they don't actually put it in, it's okay lolololol".

Nah, as I said, if your hubby us ok with it, the go on kid. But judging by your responses, he would and you know it. O can't convince you if shit, so just to ahead n meditate on it.

>>17897633
>respond in kind
Not at all what I said and not helpful. I specifically said I don't respond in kind. Maybe we should both go back to /pol/ but that was why I was asking here because I didn't want to be called a coalburner for asking why the fuck men are trying to hit on a married woman.

>>17897652
Ok, let's be obvious then. Either..

>you're hot
Or
>you're attainable

Same reason chicks get hit on 24/7.

Now, why you get hit on as a married woman specifically? Because you're attainable despite the ring. These other guys hold themselves in higher esteem than your husband. And the longer you entertain any bit of the flirtation, the larger that confidence grows. Oh, and the less your husband feels like he's fulfilling you.

If you honestly want it to stop, then stop it.

>>17897358
I didn't read your fucking essay but guys want what they cant have. That can explain 90% of advances toward you.

Y'all really will just take any excuse to cut a woman down, huh?
Half of the threads on here are about how scared /adv/ is of actually entertaining a conversation with a lady, but whenever something like this comes up it's all "just speak your mind"

He wants to make a porno. Not just any type of porno. A homemade porno. One with just you and him. Your husbando will come in at some point, but your friend will be expecting this. All three of your reactions will be shocked, and it will be real and caught on camera. Your friend will proceed to lower your husband's pants, and he will whisper to you: "Biggie cheese enters the room." Your husband will be confused, but his sight on the situation will be clouded as your friend shoves his throbbing 2 incher inside of his gaping asshole. It turns out that he was actually at a gay bar, and after he took some black dildos up his rectum, he was tired and just wanted to go to sleep. Your friend bends him over and starts rapidly fucking his asshole, and you go behind him, watching his sphincter get tighter after each thrust. Suddenly, you start feeling a weird sensation yourself. You begin shitting on the floor, and your two lovers stop to watch you roll on the floor shitting on the nice carpets you bought recently. After 3 hours of whatever that was, your friend tells you that he uploaded the video to the Internet. All 3 of you look on Pornhub and see that you made the front page as the most liked video. Then you all highfive. The end.

perhaps you hot and naturally flirtatious, which

>>17897794
... which makes them think you like them or something

>married
>talking to "guy friends"

set yourself up. break all contact. like now.

>>17897612
You gotta drop this idea that shutting down a dude who's trying to push your boundaries makes you a bitch. It doesn't. I mean it can obviously if you're a bitch about it but just don't be a bitch about it. I know that weird fear surrounding it. It's easier to get over than you think, just have to be willing to put your big girl panties on and try it a few times.

What's more important to you, maintaining your relationship with your husband or maintaining a friendship that may only be tenuously based on the guy getting to flirt with you and you accepting it? The real friends will cut the crap and start showing some respect. The ones who don't? Well that's on you to ask yourself why you're so afraid to lose people you honor with the term friend who don't think of you in a reciprocal fashion.

Good on ya for not falling for the feminist sjw bullshit too. Could seriously hug you for that one lol.

>>17897852
How do you not be a Bitch about it though? I say I'm married, I'm not interested, it makes me uncomfortable, etc but that never works.

The one time I flat out asked a guy to please stop he flipped out, called me a cunt and then posted all these mean things on social media about me,tagging mutual friends about how awful I am. That was before I was married,but that's where the concern comes from.

>>17897944
>he flipped out, called me a cunt and then posted all these mean things on social media about me,tagging mutual friends about how awful I am.

that's just one autistic guy lol

girl, i read that you said you lost all your female friends and now you just have guy friends. you should recognize the fact that, its really hard to have real friends. people contact with eachother if they are gettin something from you. those girls werent your friends. at least half of that guys are not your friends, and wouldnt even talk to you if you were not bein givin them female attention- thats your value here. so, harsh world. cut them down if you can live with this reality. act on your priorities. consider yourself lucky even if you have 1 (one) real friend. good luck

>>17897944
Understandable if you had a bad experience, no worries. First thing to understand is some guys are just like that. Some will react that way regardless of whether or not the girl was a bitch about it. Keyword here being some.

Next thing is to keep these guys in context. That sort of reaction screams childish, impulsive, waahhh I didn't get my way so now I'm lashing out and throwing a fit. It's more indicative of character than of circumstantial situation, i.e. you were likely not the first to get called a bitch by that guy, you likely weren't the last, and behavior fitting that pattern is likely not isolated to just falsely calling bitch.

So the takeaway here in case it happens again is to remind yourself that anyone familiar with him who sees it will likely suspect he's overreacting once again, and anyone familiar with you who sees it will wonder who the crazy fuck is claiming you're a bitch when they all already know you're not. In instances where it's a new acquaintance or mutual peers or potentially jeopardizing to your professional standing or just anything else where things could be murky, post a reply to his outburst with a screenshot of the exchange you had so people can decide for themselves and then be done with it. Keep your involvement to a minimum. Don't take any bait that follows and end up in a he said she said public back and forth over social media or it's guaranteed to turn into a shitshow and you'll both look like idiots.


As for how to get the message across and not be a bitch about it, aim for neutral and matter of fact and you'll be good to go. Don't shame, don't ridicule, don't show anger or upset, don't plead, don't be indirect hoping he'll get the hint, don't try to soften it, don't try to save his feelings, don't try to hurt his feelings, don't be warm, don't be cold, don't be unkind. Just say the thing.

I know you're not meaning to do so but you're taking hubby for granted by letting this continue unabated. Realize that, k?

>>17897358
Don't even think about it, we think about sex %100 of the time until we're 80 then we think about it %90 of the time. If you tell them not to flirt with you once and they keep it up just block them don't give them a second chance.

>>17897944
I think you have the problem of not being aware of the people that you let in your life.

>students contact me on social media
This for example, why the fuck a studend would contact you on a PERSONAL media?
You need to start asking yourself what people expect from you from the get go, and if they don't respect the boundaries cut them off.

>but muh friends
You can try and find some decent ones instead?
because so far it seems that you are sticking to it because of the attention.

You're a woman
Like 80% of every girl I know gets the exact same shit

Here's how you respond
>im married mate knock it off

So, I'm 27 and a professor in a college town; it's pretty much impossible to make friends. I will only add students if they first email me about it; as this student did because he had a family issue and was requesting a pass to take a test at a later date (which ofc I couldn't allow, but I was trying to be a nice prof by talking to him).

I'm hesitant to kick any of my few remaining "friends" out of my life. The students I just stop responding to, idgav, but the people I've known for years; that's difficult to just say piss off when they do the random "omg you're so hot" shit.

I just want to see a pic ffs, OP must be hot as fuck

If you want an another angle on this: Telling them to sod off is beneficial for them as well. Instead of hopelessly pursuing you, perhaps they can focus more on a girl that could be interested...

With students making advances - it seems to me that you're giving them wrong signals from the beginning. Perhaps you should reconsider your entire approach with them. Is it possible that you're too friendly? Acting more as a friend than a professional in classes? Do you let them call you by first name? Unless you want to get closer - and let them become emotionally attached, you shouldn't respond to their personal problems more than is necessary from your position.

>>17897358
OP, i suggest the following:
if it really bothers you, ignore them. maybe they'll stop and get the message. if they continue to pester you, consider blocking them. i understand that you may see some of them as friends, but sometimes these things must be done. perhaps give them a warning about an impending block if the behavior continues, but absolutely do not engage with them if they whine or try to argue about it.
i would not be concerned about being seen as a bitch. it would be nice if everyone could be kind and respectful, but that's not the world and that's certainly not what they're doing with their advances. you must also have faith that the people who matter to you will understand why you had to put your foot down.
you should not compromise you and your husband's comfort for those that are making the innappropriate comments. i am surprised that your husband has not said anything to them.

>>17898388
But then they might not shower her with attention anymore :(

>Why do they do this

Most probably you look hot. You won't get so much flatter as you get older and less desirable.

>and how should I respond to it?

You should tell them, that you're married, you love your husband and want no more than simple friendship from them. And if they're not ok with that, then gtfo. If they're still keep trying, block them.

What you're actually doing, is playing the "unattainable bitch" role. For some men when you say no, but you continue the friendly relationship means that you're open to anything, just hard to get. And they take it as an invitation.

My GF was the same, she learned the hard way. It's better to be clear and cut off a bad relationship early. You got more and worse enemies the other way.

>>17898567
>Most probably you look hot
kek OP was waiting for this the entire thread.

File: printer.jpg (37KB, 640x627px) Image search: [Google]

37KB, 640x627px

All guys are driven by our dicks unfortunately and despite now being good looking, successful and intelligent I've done exactly what OP described multiple times in the past.

The best solution is to

>Talk to your fella about it and decide on reasonable boundaries
>As soon as they're breached tell the person you like talking to them as a friend but you're in a relationship and when they fuck with your boundaries you don't like it and it shows they're being a shitty person
>Respond accordingly

That's honestly the best approach because 1. It can only really go one of two ways and 2. You're being open and honest enough that you're not being a dick, so if he responds throwing a hissyfit or getting butthurt then that's his problem

God speed

>>17897358
If OP were really a woman this thread and the anon responses proof that OP cultivates the come ons. OP knows exactly what is going on and why. She behaves like a 14 year old prick tease and does it to make herself feel good.

Too many of the OP replies uses male phrasing

>>17897557

These are just orbiters, with what most marriage and relationships mean these days they know the statistics are on their side and if you show them you like them even if it's only as a friend they might take that as future potential if something goes wrong in your relationship. Or hell they might even hope one day you suddenly fall for them while you're still with your husband.

The last thing I would call these guys is true friends, you want to keep them around because you don't have many friends but that's basically settling for their shitty behaviour and disrespect for your relationship to have the friendly attention even if it's purely platonic on your side.

Now if you want to keep them in your life but feel too awkward to or "bitchy" to tell them straight up, just start conditioning their behaviour, when they compliment or flirt with you just shut it down without any positive reinforcement, either change the subject or if you're messaging just send them a "haha...". They should eventually get the picture, but keep in mind even if they change their behaviour they will likely still see you as a potential partner.

>>17898639
>"haha..."
i mean, im at the OPs side but, thats just annoying as fuck

>>17898701

That's kind of the point, it's negative reinforcement for their actions. If her behaviour to normal friendly chats is positive and anything that crosses the line is met with those kind of responses then I think a logical person would be quick to get the message.

>>17897358
>insert girl with guy friends shit meme here

>>17898724
ye ur right. tho i also know that how insistin orbiters can get. OP should stop bein an attention whore and learn to say "fuck off" to ppl, if u ask me

>>17898427

I sympathise with your predicament. It's is hard to shut down unwanted attention (flirting) without damaging the rest of a friendship. But before wasting time on strategies to deal with it there is a question to be explored, specifically are these male 'friends' friends that would fuck you irrespective of it being harmful for you or the friendship.

Let me elaborate but lay down some context. Firstly I routinely fuck married wome and I've had lots of them. I enjoy seducing them and they enjoy it too, so I can speak from experience. I can be friends with women and not want to fuck them and so I don't flirt other than when it's socially acceptable.

Then there's the women whom I'm friends with but quite happy to fuck if the opportunity arose. These I compliment and flirt with in low key ways to gauge their interest in a fling.

By far the largest number of married women I have sex with are bored, discontent, socially isolated or sexually curious (married as virgins or had minimal prior sexual experiences). Some women take years to crack and frankly most do, seeing me as a safe option to explore desires with.

With that in mind, when a woman says "please don't say things like that" I will usually respond with "sorry, I was being nice and didn't realise you were uncomfortable" even though I know I am pushing boundaries. But.... if one doesn't try one doesn't succeed. But once asked to stop I do but I'm also less likely to be as interested in the woman because I will be moving on to flirting with another prospect.

Whether you OP realise it or not, men get a kick out of complimenting a woman even if she's unobtainable and it can be the stimulus that keeps a man-woman friendship going. Removing the sexy-fun stimulus withou something else to replace it will reduce the reward guys get from being friends with you.

But that's life.

>>17898427
>I'm 27 and a professor
I'm 26 and an RA in college town here
you're full of shit lol

>>17898786
I too fuck married women or those in relationships and flattery is an incredibly effective aphrodisiac. Rarely will a woman stop it, in fact if I back off they will initiate. It always results in a fuck session, always and it doesn't matter if the woman insist they love their partner, adoration from multiple men is like a drug for them.

looks like some poor bastard is about the get cucked

>>17900188
Considering the time of OP's post, I think he already was.

>>17897358
>married woman
>posting anime
>asking for advice on a 1000 thousand ways to cook kani forum
Really works my synapses

>>17900188
May God be with him. Nothing can be done now.

>>17898588
What the fuck is "male phrasing"?>>17898845
Maybe try harder? I'm a new prof, hence why this is new to me. This is why you're called sophomores.
>>17900240
I posted when I went to bed and when I woke up. I'm posting going to bed again now.

Anyway, a lot of good advice apart from some here, so thank you guys. I already will type things like "haha.." and ignore for a long time if they start the flirting. My one friend I have directly told a dozen times that I don't like it, but he still does it. I have ignored him for a year before when he kept doing it. Now he has a gf and is still doing it.

As for students, I actually have gotten some very negative reviews for being too cold and strict. I ask them to call me "doctor anon" or professor, not Mrs. anon, not firstname - doctor. I don't like to get close to students outside academe, but this student found my social media and I didn't know he was student at first. I don't even use my real name on soc med and I dont use a picture of me so I dont know-how he found me, so I assumed he was a collegue or something. Then I just didn't want to be rude and still feel rude after telling him I think it's innapropriate. Trust me, I have no problem failing students, but that's why I don't want them crossing this personal line.

This thread is weird because married women have always been more blatant flirters than single girls my own age. Girls in their early twenties still act like middle schoolers with a crush whereas my previous therapist (married, mid 40's) straight up told me she wanted to fuck. And boy would I have.

Like others have said, they come onto you because they think they have a chance. And you feel uncomfortable because you feel like being married means you have to supress flattery. One day, years from now, you will encounter a young, handsome student with incredible intelligence and a personality that strikes all the right chords. And you'll find yourself more attracted to him for obviously being interested but completely respecting boundaries.

Don't like being hit on? Don't give them attention.

>>17901877
Because older women don't give a shit anymore.

As for OP stop being a whore and talking to these men. You have no respect for your husband. It's obvious you like the attention and are lacking something in your marriage. COMMUNICATE more with your husband and avoid these scum bag losers that go after married women.

>>17901924
Cont.

Be bold and stick to your morals (if you have any). It sounds like you are very conflicted about "what to do" since ignoring them/blocking is just so complicated. In that case I would tell your husband about these men. He'll give you the "support" you need to delete them from your Facebook or whatever. Don't hide this shit from your husband. Especially if one of these men are friends with him. That's just fucked.

Bottom line, GROW UP. If you want to remain faithful in your relationship and want a monogamous relationship then start cuttting out these loser men in your life.

>OP doesn't cut off flirting men
>teehee why are these silly boys still pursuing me?

You're retarded.

File: 1465498201938.jpg (98KB, 504x470px) Image search: [Google]

98KB, 504x470px

>>17898639
this guy knows whats up

they are FAKE FRIENDS, better to not have friends than to have fake friends

I wouldn't be surprised is these fake friends have fooled themselves into thinking they actually are interested in OP for just purely friendship, but in that case they're just bad friends and should fuck off.

this is also why actual friendships between men + women are rare, usually one side is only interested in friendship because orbiting