Gf breakup confusion

>>17895464
Simply : Treat her like a human being and don't put an act. You need to treat her like you'd treat her normally. If you're an asshole, then change your behavior and she'll see it.

Your attitude right now is why she is gone
>I was selfish
>first relationship
>need her back ASAP

You are selfish, and arrogant.
This is your first go, even if you fix it the shadow of how you 'used to be' will always haunt you and her.

I used quotes because it's a bit misleading otherwise, because without them you might believe you ever changed or ever could. Nobody changes we just edit out behavior that others do not like; just because you put a blue film over a red light doesn't make it blue.

For you to in any way believe you are meant to be with her and only her is showing of a very skewed perception in relationship dynamics.
The only reason you want her back ASAP is so she won't fuck anyone else, you don't care about her at all.

She did you a disservice by telling you what you did wrong, because now you will just pretend as opposed to you discovering it for yourself and perhaps coming close to an emotional restructure.

RIP

>>17895487
I'm >>17895483 and I disagree. I was just like him, and I got back with her.
I was too confortable, for example : I don't like birthdays so I didn't make her one. (while it's a very important date for her), I used to trash talk her (it's just bantz, bruh)
So she left me. Months later, we came back together and I understood that I just needed to treat her not like I would like to be treated but what would make her happy.
I really changed. I'm not putting an act to let her be with me, I try to be kind to her and do my best to make her happy.

>>17895496
But yeah you're right, I changed first for myself (because treating people like shit is a shitty behavior) then we came back together.
Op, change first, she might come back, eventually. And even if she doesn't and find someone else, you'll come out as a better person.

Stand up for yourself.

"I love seeing you, you know I care about you, but I don't want to be just friends. Let me know if you want to work things out, take care."

Then STOP TALKING TO HER. Go full no contact. No texting her ever again until she texts you wanting to work things out.

>>17895487
>when people dont know the true power of the human mind
Its called willpower.

>>17895487
You cant tell someone they dont care about someone else. Thats just arrogant, and stupid. How do you know how somebody over the internet feels? Troll under the bridge. Also, i never said anything about being "meant to be together" do you read?

>>17895516
Man that seems like it would be a good idea but I dont want her to forget me. At the same time I dont want her to get used to being just friends.

I feel like she's better off without you tbqh, if you didn't care about her feelings then, why now?

Do you want her back for her sake, or for your own ego so you can say you 'kept the first one'.

Honestly, first relationships rarely work out. I'd advise you both to stop seeing each other till the wounds heal a bit, then maybe go on to friendship. From the sound of your original post, you don't actually care all that much about her as a person; you're seeing this as a 'if I do this, she'll stay with me', like people are some kind of equation.

The reality of a breakup is that once it's happened, all the things that annoyed you about that person bubble up to the surface, and it stays there even if you get back together. Hence the low success rate of remarriage.

Take her words and use them to better yourself for your sake. Forget her, you already fucked that up. If you really change, by the time you change you'll get more girls, maybe her, but don't count on it

>>17895574
The first problem was that i didnt realize i truly loved her until about 3 months nefore she left. And the other problem, is that real assholes dont know when theyre being an asshole. Thats what makes em such assholes. Because they dont care. And just because im not giving you guys a sob story doesnt mean i never loved her or never cared about her. I just never realized what I was doing to her, until she told me it was over, and i had to ask and wonder why. Another person who thinks people cant change. Typical.

>>17895640
guys that get dumped for mistreating women are like the criminal that suddenly finds Jesus when they are in trouble. Soon as the heat is off they bounce right back to being an asshole. I suggest you work on yourself independent of any woman and if you think you are a better person try again. This girl is a fool to still be hanging around with you. Once you realize she isn't coming back you'll be a real dick.

>>17895663
People that think people cant change are the reason people dont change. If a warm hearted person can grow into a cold hearted bastard then vice versa can be true as well. I dont understand you 4chinners. No optimism.

>>17895496
Exactly. Thats what I want. I just want her to know that im serious. Shes just too afraid of disapointment to try again. She has bad anxiety, born with it.

Op here. Should say that she cried in my arms after we had sex, so I know she still has feelings for me.

>>17895554
She won't forget you. Stop trying to force things to happen. Give her time and space for her feelings to develop. Chasing her will push her further away.