GENERAL RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

>>17893625

duck out if the compromises make you miserable. duck out if you get miserable. duck out if it just makes you uncomfortable.

the goal is not to force a relationship to keep going. its to find a relationship worth keeping.

there is literally no benefit to frankensteining a relationship other than possibly sex, but you're better off withotu it if it isn't working.

emjoy the relationship for as long as you can. and if it goes south, leave, cuz all you're doing is preventing yourself from finding the good one that might last.

lasting isn't the point, it isn't the goal.

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>>17893625
in a 10 year relationship
my friends are in similarly long relationships

we all quietly talk about how long term relationships kinda suck.

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>>17894449
How come?

Why do you stay?

>date night at LEAST once a week. Courting never ends, even after marriage. Never become complacent.

>Never become the woman of the relationship. Girls, never become the man.

>If your partner wants to "take a break" or dumps you, tell her what you want and walk away. "I want to work things out, let me know if you change your mind." Then never contact them again. If it's meant to be, they'll reach out.

>Focus on keeping things fun and playful. Love is fun and playful. How your partner feels when they're with you is how they'll feel when they think about you. If you always make your gf cry, feel bad about herself, or just angry/annoyed, she will feel that way about you even when you're not around.

>If you're the male, focus on yourself. Don't text your gf all the time, let her text you. When she texts you, arrange to meet up. In the meantime, focus on your career and passions. This makes you much more attractive and easy to love. No girl wants to date a guy who is constantly badgering them, telling them what to do.

"Are you still at that party? Don't drink, don't talk to any boys."

>Girl feels upset and will drink and flirt with guys to spite you and make herself feel free.
Number one rules, these are golden. Absorb these.

"You must love your partner in a way that makes them feel free."

Read that a few times. Meditate on it.

Golden rule #2:

Communicate with your partner. Have heart to heart talks. Communicate everything that needs to be said. If something is better left unsaid, don't say it. This especially applies to men. Don't be overly emotional, but don't be Geralt of Rivia.

>>17893625
Investing in savings habits so you can afford plastic surgery for the poor bitches ugly face is a great option and lifestyle choice. This rainy day fund is for when it is clear in the long run that their physical attributes are definitely not improving.

>>17894456
because its just easier to stay than to go
I get the vibe this is how everyone feels
some people are in seriously boring relationships and not getting what they need at all, but splits are a pain in the ass and if you are a financial team then you lose half your team and its just a bunch of stuff. its a pain in the ass.

retarded question coming in
can i date a girl if i have low money/living with parents ?
what can we do together?

I have a very traditional view of marriage so some people may not like my advice.

Treat your marriage like it's the only one you'll ever have. Before you say I do, look at your spouse on a terrible day and ask yourself "do I want to be next to that for the rest of my life?"

-let your spouse know when you're upset. Don't play that bullshit "silent" game. But also be respectful when talking to your spouse and do not attack them. Instead of saying "I fucking hate the way you fold laundry", say "I feel the laundry would be better folded this way so blah blah blah".

-have sex regularly

-back your partner up. Even if you disagree with them, back them up in any argument but confront them in private. The second you disrespect your spouse in front of others, others lose respect for your spouse.

-accept when you have issues and accept help. No marriage is perfect and an outsiders view can be appreciated (sometimes)

-but above all, if you have ANY doubt when dating or feel like something's not right, leave. Being together x amount of years or getting married isn't going to change that feeeling.

>>17894473
Alright Corey Wayne, calm down. At least make it look like you didn't rip it right from the book.

8 year relationship reporting in

-Love yourself first, and your partner second. Sounds selfish, but being miserable is contagious. If you're regularly making sacrifices for the relationship or your partner that make you miserable, the other person can feel it.
And since you're not telling the reason, it keeps feeding itself back in the couple, until a point where both will be miserable with tons of unsolved problems.

-Don't be afraid to fight. Not physically, obviously, but don't be afraid to argue. As long as it leads to solving problems, the net gain is positive.

-Have sex. Buy toys. Bring other people to your bedroom, go to swing clubs, go to stripers, go as crazy as you want. Never refrain of talking about new things to do. One of the ultimate goals of a relationship is to have a trusted person to have sex with. So if your sex life isn't plentiful and fulfilling for both of you, there's only two paths ahead: a crumbling relationship or a sad couple. If your boundaries don't match, either accept it or move on. Nothing selfish in breaking up for sexual incompatibility (see tip 1)

-Be each others best friends. Be intimate. Fart in front of each other and laugh on how bad it smells. Drink until you throw up. Be free. No point in holding yourself in front of someone you're intimate with. If you're not best friends, there's no point to it.

-Always, and I mean, ALWAYS be yourself. Don't try to be someone you're not to impress a new date. Don't take her to fancy restaurants that you don't go, to movies you don't watch, to clubs you don't like. These create false early memories that you're not willing to wear as a facade all the time, and things that the other one will miss in you if you stop doing. So always be authentic to what you like. Take your first date to your favorite street hotdog. Go watch silly kung fu movies. This will let her know who you really are, and if she's not happy with it, good ridance. Better sooner than later.

>>17894499
Yes, although living with parents past highschool is a bit weird. Depending on where you live you should be able to make it without a lot of money outside the home.

You can do whatever you want to, really. There's loads of free things on in most cities, and other things like movies are cheap, and so are many restaurants.

>>17894473
What's 'the woman' or 'the man'?
I really think that a relationship should mean that you focus on the other person as well as yourself. Not to harangue them, but at least to care about how they are and if they're doing okay.

Did you just copy this out of a PUA book or something?

>>17893625
for anyone that is seeking relasionships advice, see this article: https://markmanson.net/relationship-advice

this author covers pretty well all the essential points of a healthy relationship

-Being lonely is bad and few things are worse then being lonely but, being bound to someone you can't stand is surely one of those things.

-If he/she's rude to waiters or any other kind of staff that's a red flag.

-Don't do long distance relationships. Way too easy to cheat, a relationship is risky enough as it is but, that's stacking another stack against you.

-Sometimes a short term gf/bf can be a good thing.

-Never need them more then they need you.

>>17894473
But Geralt is deeply in love with 3 different women

3,5 years here.
Met my high school crush after years last week. Got along really well, I'd date her if we were single, but none of us are. We had a great day but haven't spoken since. I realize this isn't meant to be but now I feel guilty for starting to get emotionally attatched again. All I want is the same chemsitry and fun back in my current relationship.
Any advice would be appreciated.

>>17893636
Holy shit. You just summed up dating and relationships in a couple paragraphs. That really helps me in the 7 year relationship that im currently in

>>17894449
Not sure if this was already said... but can we get a support group going? Like a more permanent whatsApp or something?

As far as general relationship advice goes, is there a reasonable way for me to be in a relationship where I only see the girl three days a week or so?

Frankly, I need my space and time alone to recharge, maintain my friendships, develop myself, and restfully sleep. I've been avoiding relationships since my last one felt so suffocating in terms of time spent together. How does one communicate this without building resentment or suspicion?

Right now I live with my best friend and coworker. We get along well because we're both cynical ass holes with our own agendas and a healthy appreciation for distance and privacy. We have plans to move from our small city to a large epicenter of culture and trade, in hopes of getting better paying jobs with greater chance of promotion. I've always been sad and single and I've gotten used to that fact. I don't like people, and every relationship I've had I've gotten bored with. Now I'm okay with just being myself and living by my own standards, which means I'm not talking to many girls or going out to bars.

Now, my roommate is the opposite. He's been in a string of relationships ever since his divorce, and his current girlfriend is the one he wants to attempt another long term relationship with. I've gotten to know her as a friend, and we both share the same taste in music and comic books, which my roommate doesn't reciprocrate. It was still surprising when she came up to me at our holiday party to tell me she had a huge crush on me, and even used the word "love" once. Granted, she was drunk, but I was floored. It wasn't just rambling, it was something she always felt, but just now told me. This completely changes the way I see her, and now I can't get her out of my head. She's a seriously attractive person, and the thought of getting intimate with her is exciting, but the thought of getting between my best friend and his girlfriend is disgusting. We both agree that is sucks that our circumstances have made our situation difficult. In five months this woman will be living in the same house as me, and I'm wondering if such a relationship could even work. Do I pretend like nothing happened, or is my friendship or their relationship now totally fucked?

4 year relationship with brand new baby reporting

- Dont get too comfortable, keep the fire going. Gifts, praise, dates, and whatever it may be, remind your partner why they fellinlove with you the first place.

- Persue your career and life goals you may have.. nothing makes your partner happier than boasting how successful you are..

- Understand that this relationship is now your imedate family.. crazy to say but if I have listened to my parents about my wife now just because they didn't like her, I wouldn't be as happy as I am now. She's perfect.. and that comes to my last advise

- DON'T LET OTHERS INFLUENCE YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

>>17893625
7.5 years here.
Just be cool, man.
Your partner wants to go out drinking one night without you?
>Be cool.
Your partner hasn't messaged you all day?
>Be cool.
Your partner wants to spend the day with their friends, rather than with you?
>Be cool.

Really, there's nothing worse than having a partner who is overbearing and who won't let you enjoy the things you want in life. If your partner wants to do something without you then let it happen. Sure, you might be nervous about something happening...but so what? Let it happen. The more you try to stop it, the worse it becomes. Not saying to be a doormat or anything, but if you establish this understanding amongst yourselves from the start then you will see how much better the relationship will be.
This all goes back to trust though, you need to have the trust to make this work.

>>17894479
Then work harder to address why the relationship feels that way (e.g communication) or leave. Every relationship plateaus after a while, but that doesn't mean that life ends or you have seen and experienced all there is to experience with a person. You just feel comfortable and lazy because the "thrill" of the first few years is gone. So? That doesn't mean you stop working to make the relationship better than it was the day before. Go on trips, make up little games around the house, go to a restaurant and pretend you're on a date for the first time, etc. This is the type of mindset that invites cheating.

How do you develop better communication in a relationship when it comes to issues? Fights between me and my gf of 2 years generally go

If she did something wrong:
>I get [negative emotion]
>she knows it, notices I'm [negative emotion]
>likely knows why but asks why I feel that way
>tell her/it's obvious
>she immediately starts defending herself and making lots of excuses which just makes it worse for me
>generally it's not big shit and I just want an apology and for her to try harder in the future
>get even more annoyed at her dragging it out and not seeming remorseful at all
>she usually eventually gets annoyed at me for feeling that way
>claims I'm either punishing her by nonintentionally expressing the negative emotion, blackmailing her (by being quiet and seeming annoyed/upset)

If I do something wrong:
>she feels [negative emotion]
>she tells me what made her feel that way
>after clarification I usually apologize and tell her I'll try not to do it again
>she drags it on for hours usually using falicious arguments and trying to categorize the way I'm acting into some overarching trait which usually applies more to her than me
>it drags oooooooonnnnn
>she doesn't propose any solutions, she basically just bitches at me the whole time
>I usually end the conversation because it's going no where, usually when she starts arguing something completely retarded

I love her but arguing/fights with her just feels like her trying to clear herself of any guilt and trying to just plain attack me. It's never productive and I'm often just trying to find the things to say to make her leave me alone. Even when I'm the one upset she does more harm than good and makes everything about herself. She'll come up with buzzwords to describe me and spend hours trying to prove that I'm that buzzword. In a word she just exhausts me in a dispute.

I like this girl from a while. We had a fling and then tried to remain friends. I still notice some signals from her even if she told me she didn't like me anymore I still think she does.

I had to run away from her and her social circle(who liked me) because the doubt was killing me. I didn't tell her the real reason but I think she figured it out. Should I confront her?

>>17895573

Crushes come and go while you're in a LTR. If you're happy in your relationship you'll eventually grow out of them. If you're not, you have to balance the pros and cons and see if it is still worth trying to salvage it.

>>17895588

Just be clear from the beginning that you have your hobbies and likes to have your alone time. And wait for someone who understands it and comes aboard either way.

Lot's of couples see each other this much or even less for whatever reasons and work.

>>17895652
My gf is just the same. I either just tell her to her face that she's dragging it for more than it needs and turn my back or block her until she cools her head.

They just don't learn it, you have to find your own way of dealing with it that pisses you off the least. Mine is telling her to her face whatever she's doing that's pissing me off, being extremely clear about it, and just cutting contact if she drags it for more than I can take.

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>>17895597
I'd say she is not the one you should be prioryizing over your best friend. She knows her crush on you is only going tobfuck things up for you and your friend but she still went ahead with seeding this idea in your head. What kind of person does that?

>>17894587
>>17893636
man so many good advices i'd like to share with this girl

but she won't heed my words

>>17894511
>Before you say I do, look at your spouse on a terrible day and ask yourself "do I want to be next to that for the rest of my life?"
I'd say make sure you get a good night's rest and a well balanced and hearty meal before decided that, also be sober.

People tend to have worse judgement when they don't meet the above criteria.