Just Offing Myself

Anyone who can help with this is already in a better place OP

try benzos. bars and alcohol will work wonders.

>>17891591
All I have is a bottle of prozac, and not a lot.

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Don't fucking do it
But if you do it don't be a fucking idiot

Hot bath tub and slice your wrists

>>17891600
I've tried to slice my wrists before, but I can't push through the pain, if It was super easy to slice I would.

>>17891562
anon have you tried church?

>>17891562
If you're dead, you won't know the sweet memes yet to come

>>17891626
Yes and fuck that.

>>17891629
That's ok. I'm over that now...

If you really wanted to, you'd have done it already. You tried to cut your wrists and stopped because of the pain? Like, pain is your body telling you you're taking damage, that might lead to death. So you want to reach the destination without running the road?

Pussy

>>17891630
ok it helped me some at one point in my life.

>>17891599

This list is bullshit. Aceitomenaphan can kill you but it is an excruciating awful slow death from eventual liver failure. Also I fail to understand how a stab to the chest is less agonizing than drowning.

what about all of the puppies you havent petted yet? What about all the yummy food you have yet to taste? What about all the awesome new video games that will come out in the future

>>17891639
I never said I wasn't a pussy, I'd much rather die in my sleep, or somebody kill me. I want to die to stop all possibility of pain.

>>17891642
It's all just a variation of things I've already felt. I'm so beyond it... No matter what the pain is always there.

>>17891644
WHat about the puppies? They havent felt your pets. Go camping and sit by some water for a few hours. Maybe it wont change your mind. Maybe it will. But it cant hurt to do it, could it?

>>17891651
I've tried it all. I just think about jumping in the fire, every time I see a gun I just want to shoot myself with it, a knife I want to slit my throat, pills I want to overdose, I just, don't. I want to not NOT do it anymore.

>>17891644

Physical pain? You have a chronic illness or condition?

>>17891661
mostly mental but I have a lot of physical pain too, mostly due to the mental, I've let my body deteriorate to where a lot can't be fixed.

>>17891600
Or hair dryer in tub filled with water. You only need one second of courage.

>>17891671
The breaker will just cut.

>>17891671

Won't work on a GFCI or newer AFCI breakers. It will trip before your heart stops.

>>17891666
have you tried watching Joel Olsteen on tv? Hes a pretty good preacher.

>>17891678
I'm far past religion. I will never believe in it.

>>17891666

Does medication not work for you? I feel like a zombie and my dick doesn't work too well but I am mostly numb, and that is a good place to be.

>>17891657
Well obviously you dont really want to die, or you would be able to do these things. Ever heard he phrase "Fake it till you make it"? If you put in enough effort, you usually end up a least a little better in the end.

>>17891666
Nice trips

There's a line in Paradise Lost that I always remind myself of.
It's when Satan is first cast into hell.
He says:
"The mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven."

This is going to sound heartless but your problems are in your head.
Tough shit.
That's how mental pain works

There are plenty of cheery people shovelling shit everyday
That's how it works

You need to find the kernels of goodness in yourself and your world.
I think cooking is really good for that

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>>17891678

Joel Osteen... he is a mockery of Christianity and Jesus would beat the living shit out of that fraud.

Pic related, his house.

>>17891685
I know what the side effects are so I refuse to take them. I don't want to use medication, I don't want to be numb, I want my broken brain to be ok.

>>17891689
I can't try any more. I'm tired of trying.

>>17891691
I know, I see people happier in shittier situations ok, I don't need to know that I don't have the worst life ever. I just know that I can't handle it.

>>17891666
I have a lot of mental pain too. I somewhat belive I am burdened with sin. I have been a pretty bad person I feel. I have done some bad things and said some bad things. But I believe my recent mental pain is part of my lesson on how to be a better person and I hope one day I can hold my head high again. But for now I have been ashamed of myself and my actions.

>>17891696
>I know, I see people happier in shittier situations ok, I don't need to know that I don't have the worst life ever. I just know that I can't handle it.
I'm not saying you're shit because you can't handle it
I'm saying it's possible to handle it

You make it possible

You need to find the small things
I can practically guarantee the small things and I've been in some shit places
But I was able to keep going because of the small things
Like sitting under a tree in the summer reading a book
For just one afternoon
It was good

Morale is like a fire. Sometimes all you need to do is keep an ember burning

Also alcohol helps

>>17891696
But you can dude. You are thinking, seeing, and breathing right now. You are pretty amazing. You have the capacity to be okay, youve done it this long. You really are stronger than you give yourself credit for; we all are. Humans have survived a really, really long time. Thats pretty amazing if you think about it. If they can all do it, so can you. I promise you have at least one person routing for you. Me. Because I know you are strong.

>>17891709
For a long time I liked the small things. But stuff like that doesn't mean anything to me anymore, and adds to me feeling like shit. All I was told for christmas today was "I never see you smile anymore." and I know it.

>>17891718
I wish all your words meant something, but they don't. People tell me "But I don't want you to die" but it has 0 value to me as selfish as that is...

>>17891709
I think I would stay away from alcohol at least it doesn't help me.

>>17891727
>All I was told for christmas today was "I never see you smile anymore." and I know it.
I means they love you man

So what's the problem?
Girl got you down?

Think yourself too ugly?

Didn't get into Harvard?

>>17891696

Well everybody reacts differently to them. You have a neurological issue with depression. It is a chemical imbalance that exacerbates hopelessness and pain. It is an illness that can be treated just as you might be treated for meningitis.

It is nothing to be ashamed of either. I have crippling OCD where without medication I am unable to leave the house even. My life, my mind is like being stuck in a anxiety ridden labyrinth where I keep finding myself back to the beginning. My life fell apart. People left me and I preferred it that way for a while as I let everything deteriorate. I grew comfortable in the hell I have created for myself because it was what I knew. I wanted to die and would think about killing myself to end the cycles and constant anxiety.

I sought help finally because I decided I didn't want to be comfortable anymore. I wanted to just try something first before giving up completely. The medication was a god send. I felt NORMAL and it is a practical miracle.

You just have to decide if you want to put a quarter of the effort into trying medications that you would put into killing yourself. I think it is worth trying one last thing before resorting to that?

By the way, I completely sympathize with the decision for self termination, I just would hate for you to resort to that without trying all your options.

>>17891733
Doesn't matter much what's got me down. I've gone for years like this, at least 10 years. I'm just tired of not killing myself. They love me, but I don't love them. Or it means nothing to me.

>>17891736
I understand the reasons I am like this. It's all just chemicals and connections. I just want this closure.

>>17891727
Then your problem is with empathy. No wonder your life is terrible. Humans are supposed to care about each other. When you cant do that, thats where the problems really start. Talk to a therapist about empathy.

>>17891743
I care about some people.

>>17891742
Nigga, I can tell you young as fuck
So open up

>>17891745
Just give me what I initially asked for.

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>>17891727

Dude, I feel the same way everyday, I've just learned to hollow myself out and go on auto-pilot 90% of the time.

I've come to despise people in general now from it.

Basically, just try and maybe keep going, I look at it this way, if things ever get too bad or too rough, there is always an "End" switch, and "Escape" button.

I'd suggest just toughing it out if you can, if you can't, find help, or read some articles online about depression and suicide, in the US at least, depression is not taken seriously in ANY capacity.

I feel your pain, everyday I wake up I want to die, every night before I go to sleep I want to die... but the porn man... I just can't let it go...

But in all seriousness, just try reading some articles about depression and how to "self-handle" or "self-medicate" yourself.

>>17891743

>Humans are supposed to care about each other.

Ho, ho, ho that is some rich shit, I haven't seen anyone care for another person in anyway since I was a kiddy, that shit is a fairy tale, life and humanity are cruel, merciless fucks who will swallow you whole as soon as you trip or fall. Humans are shit, life is shit, humanity is shit.

>>17891750
If a 10 year old asks for a beer, you tell the little shit to fuck off

You don't want to die because if you did, you'd take a knife and make your forearms look like the fucking Nazca Lines

You don't want to die, you just feel like shit and imagining suicide makes you feel better.

The harder things are to do, the greater the reward. That's life in general
It's pretty fucking shit most of the time
But it's like a hurricane
You push through the hard stuff and every so often you find just peace in the centre of whirlwind of shit
And that's it.
That's why you keep going

>>17891744
Then pretend they felt the same way you do. What would it feel like for you when they decide youre not good enough for them to stick around? DO you know how absolutely awful that would feel?

>>17891754
I've been toughing it out for a long time, and I'm just tired. There is no point in living a whole life of just toughing it out. To me anyway, but that glimpse of hope keeps me holding on, even though it's a crock of dogshit.

>>17891757
Yeah I "don't want to die" because I can't push past hope. I want to forget about it now.

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>>17891761

>and I'm just tired

Honestly I feel the same way as life goes on too, it just gets to be too much bullshit after a while, like a star that you keep rowing your boat to in an ocean, but the star never gets closer, but you keep rowing endlessly, until you die.

>even though it's a crock of dogshit.

I agree, it is kinda bullshit, but who knows I guess, but like you said, and I have to agree, it gets tiring as fuck when your hanging from a cliff and there are people above just walking casually by without even batting an eye.

They may say they care and all this shit, but words are cheap, action is where the value is at, words are simply dead echoed, hollowed whispers to me.

I tried to funnel my depression, self-hate, anxiousness and sadness into my hobby of art/drawing, but it gets to be too much, like pissing in a fire as you are trying to stay warm after a while...

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>>17891778
Yes this exactly. Like you can see the good in the world, but it's forever unreachable. I've tried to put it into music, writing, painting, everything. But it's not enough.

>>17891786
Yeah well that's life
Welcome to it, nigga

But here's the thing
It doesn't matter.
None of it matters

>>17891793
No shit none of it matters. You don't need to feed me that nihilist shit.

>>17891796
Yah, so if none of it matters, just have fun

What's this abloo abloo abloo shit about life being shit

You're dead 100% at the end anyways

Go get your dick sucked and get fucked up
You have had your dick sucked, right?

>>17891807
Yes I've had my dick sucked numerous times. Well I want it to be 100% over sooner.

>>17891813
>says no to more blowjobs
Ok fag

>>17891821
But I also am saying no to ever fucking a guy. Or even considering it. So checkmate, living fag.

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>>17891826
>doesn't want his dick sucked by a girl
>says he's not a fag
Hmm....

>>17891754
I was taking your post serious up till the porn part and started laughing. Then I realized it's the same with with me except for video games and anime, and I stopped laughing.

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>>17891829
But I don't want my dick sucked by a guy either

>>17891833
Just because you aren't a flaming fairy doesn't mean you aren't a faggot

Look, I go ask people "Hey this guy would rather be dead than get a BJ", you know what'd they say? They'd say "Take a look at this fucking poofter"

And they'd be right
Enjoying sucking dick in Hell

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>>17891786

For my hobbies, I've seen some fruition come out of it, I made a little money on commissions, both for prawn and some actual real professional work and some minor teaching. (Although that shit is far and few in between and happens like once a year or so since I don't pursue it)

But it doesn't fill the gap or hole, it's like an empty crevice that needs to be fed constantly.

I always wanted to be an artist or animator, or be rich and make art for a living, but that will never happen, I can barely function myself as is, it just gets to be too tiring to try and keep reaching higher after a while, it's just like I wanna sleep after a while, for the majority of the time.

>>17891832

I was actually kinda a little serious about the porn part, lol, but yeah, video games kinda don't do it for me anymore, they just get to be same old hat and boring, I never got into anime, and most good movies I've seen or re-watched, thinking about that I might get back into reading, it sorta still interests me.

>>17891841
I get it, the joy and positivity is so miniscule it doesn't matter really. Just enough to keep you not dead.

>>17891841
Try exercise, mate

I know that "want to sleep for too long" feeling

Exercise help
Having a fit body makes everything bodily (i.e. pretty much all things) better

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>>17891844
>>17891846

Btw, I am not OP.

>>17891846

I try, but usually I can barely get up off my ass to do anything. Though I do work out and I am not fat-bastard levels fat, I do have a husky thing going on, but it's not as simple as that, I've tried that, hell, I even got really in shape, but it did nothing for my depression, I actually felt worse because people simply treated me the same and I didn't really feel any increase or decrease in energy, just that same dead, sluggish feeling of depression.

>>17891865
No I know, I'm Op.
here>>17891844

>>17891846
Can confirm a regular diet and exercise fixes a lot of the low grade blues that people call depression.
Truly depressed people don't reach out or want to talk about it.

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>>17891868

>Truly depressed people don't reach out or want to talk about it.

They do, but usually people say the same bullshit after a while, and they stop talking about it, "we care", "get over it, you big baby", "there are other people with worse situations", people silver lining other people's situations and down playing them.

I've been "depressed" since I was a child.

It's depression, not "low grade blues", if you've felt sad, low energy, or any other swath of negative self emotions for long periods of time, it's probably depression.

I should get back into a healthier diet, but as OP said, it gets tiring as fuck after a while, I've tried the whole song and dance of eating healthy and being healthy, but it is a hard lifestyle to maintain, especially with crippling depression.

It doesn't help when you have no friends, cept' for on games, and family isn't there for you worth a shit, or any resources to use without shilling out the ass for it in cash.

>>17891896
I'm just sitting awake waiting for a miracle.

>>17891868
No, truly suicidal people don't reach out or want to talk about it.

They just fucking do it. That's why you see the families on MSM so shocked as if they couldn't comprehend their widlde angwel was in fact a traumatized wreck that managed to hold it together til _ and just happened to be good at emotional disguise (which isn't difficult lol).

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>>17891844
>>17891867

>Just enough to keep you not dead.

Basically that's it after a while, but it wears down on you hard and heavy, and it slowly peels away till you are an empty husk of your former self.

>>17891912
You need to understand that you are who you choose to be

What a person is, isn't anything that's real

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>>17891914

It's pretty damn hard to be the person you want to be, when it is usually impossible in society, to do so in reality, I wanna be wealthy and draw shit for the rest of my life and not be a poor-fag. But that will probably never happen, and I don't know where to turn to, because all the other options just lead to a boring life and existence that I really don't want to feed into and I would usually rather fiddle with the idea of "offing" myself rather than being at the bottom of the barrel or not doing the thing or things that give my life even an ounce of significance and meaning, where I am delegated to be at the bottom to scrimp and scramp and be unhappy and told my life has meaning and value, when I can be replaced in a heartbeat.

There is no value, there is no self, there is nothing but the illusion that there is something greater, because not everyone can be number one, but everyone can be a number zero, I just want to be an artist, but it is unrealistic, and in and after that, there isn't really much if not at all in life that makes me want to keep going on.

>>17891938
You fell for the cuck meme of "What you do for a living is what you are as a person"

Nothing is stopping you from drawing
Most artists have a financially secure life before they sell their art.

Can you draw for 8 hours a day?
Na
Why not work during that time?

You ever watch the Shawshank Redemption?
There's a line about how there's something the prison can't ever get at. Something they can't take away
You see how that's relevant?

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>>17891949

>You fell for the cuck meme of "What you do for a living is what you are as a person"

No, it goes deeper than that, to my childhood, but that is what simply had me hanging on for life, that I might be able to live the life that I wanted, but I doubt I can make a living from it.

I can barely function as is.

>>17891965
Yeah, childhood fucks everyone up
It did me

But you're an adult now
Now you're responsible for everything you feel and do
Yeah, so some of your emotions has a tilt
But knowing that tilt means you can tilt back

You got a talent, bro, and a dream

Better off than most people

Nice leg pupper, btw

>>17891562

Get some rope
Go to a construction lot
Get some stones/cinderblock
Tie the cinderblock to rope and rope to you
Jump in a lake

There. You're dead. Drowning is pretty painful tho.