How to deal with martyr complex? I can't help it, even posting

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I also feel I see art in a way different way other people do, I feel art truly is the meaning of life, and all great artists are aware of it and they try to tell it through their art, but i'ts hard to see. Human communication is flawed, you can never express yourself through words (fuck you books!), you must do it in another way, in a fictional way.
Reality must be represented with fiction to be truly understood. There is no bad art when it's created with passion and love. If your motivation is money or something materialistic, it just doesn't work.

Fear is such a weird idea. Fear benefits humans in so many ways, but it's like a double edged sword (like basically everything in life from love to hate). I fear being insane, being wrong, doing all this research for nothing; if life's a game, I'm not playing, I'm trying to find out why would I be playing. I'm reading the rules, over and over while other people are enjoying themselves. Maybe I'm not good at this game, or I just don't understand it so I don't like it. Or maybe I like it, what is liking things anyway, do I like questioning things; well I suppose that's pretty obvious, but people like cocaine and that's not good for you.
Do I care what's good for me? I feel I care more on what's good for humankind, our planet, our future, space and basically everything in the universe.
I also understand why most people don't care, because they'll be dead. I believe in some form of reincarnation and I understand how something like that is easy to call bullshit. But my ideas on "afterlife" are exactly as valid as anyone else's.
The more detailed your story (mostly referring to religions like christianity or islam), the more unlikely it is to be the reality. The more simple your beliefs, the better.
What I mean by that is this: why do people assume you only live once, and even if you did; why would you not care about the future of your children, your siblings children, your neighbours children and children at all.

You're like a 14 year old that just discovered Alan Watts and Nietzsche

Your ideas aren't original, you're not better than anyone for believing in them and you haven't done anything to even come close to proving your worth hearing. Currently you're a fool, babiling in the street but go a head and think that because you wear rags you're the next Jesus

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This picture speaks for me so much.
There's a lot of talk about a third eye, spirituality, peace and love. But for EVERYTHING you will ever do or experience, you NEED another person to experience it with. But the concept of "the one" is bullshit, that another person can be literally anyone, if you're on the same level of understanding. Everything that exists is always trying to find it's perfect state of energy, it must be the same with consciousness, how could it not?
I see this in art, but uncertainty is a bitch.
I've experienced with psilosybin, lsd, mdma and a few others and I'm looking forward to seeing what dmt does
Happiness is a construct
>>17889866
This is exactly why I can't talk about my thoughts with anyone, they're not finished and you're not supposed to share unfinished work.
But that's also the reason I NEED to talk about my thoughts, because I need other people's opinions and thoughts. I can't just circlejerk inside my own head, it leads nowhere but uncertainty and confusion. I have no one to talk to because people don't care, and (I don't want to seem rude but fuck it) when I post anonymously on the internet, the response isn't exactly helpful.
I also explained how I hate saying out loud my thoughts, because of the contradiction. I know my ideas aren't original, but there's always something that hasn't been discovered or realized.
But when I can't find answers on google anymore, what am I supposed to do? I can either ask other people or try to figure it out myself.
I've been trying to figure it out myself for a few years now and the stalemate feels real.
But sharing it with people isn't easy because I'm afraid of responses like yours.
Like I said, I fear I'm insane, mentally ill, crazy. But on the other hand I don't even believe in those things, they're only labels to put on people who think different, who don't fit the norm, who people don't want to deal with. Dehumanization is easy and fun for the whole family, no need to deal with those lunatics

>>17889891
Go circle jerk on Reddit about your intellectual deep thoughts that are totally going to be original and haven't been written about over an over

Reddit.com/r/Psychonaut/

You'll fit right in

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I don't want to think by myself anymore, can someone share their thoughts on the things I've talked about, or something completely different if you'd like. I don't want to ramble a wall of text of basically nothing, I just need help, I need another perspective, I need someone who WANTS to talk about things like this, because I know the people around me don't want to share, it's a burden and I'm ok with that. I just need someone who doesn't mindlessly agree with everything I say, but doesn't slam me down without giving me anything to work with either.
But being introverted as fuck is hard, I'm way too careful with people, I don't want to do or say anything to anyone, because I'm not sure if they want to hear it. I'm not sure where to find the people I need to find, and even if I did, I'd be afraid to approach them. I suppose I have some serious trust issues, probably going to copypaste this thread and show what I've written to a therapist or something along those lines.
Consent is a weird concept.

Perhaps you should start listening to others and stop caring so much about what you think

>>17889903
Yeah, no circle jerking allowed here on 4chan eh?

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>>17889936
Then please tell me what you think.
No one ever shares anything like this with me.
And when someone does share something personal I don't know what to say because I'm afraid I'd hurt them, because their problems are so insignificant on a larger scale; but I might be terribly wrong! What if my issues are (well they are, but compared to materialistic issues) insignificant.
I don't want to tell them how I really think they could fix their issues, because it's so obvious to me, so they must already be aware of it and there must be something I'm not getting. I'm also afraid of accidentally manipulating people and that's not what I want, I want people to do their own decisions. I question the freedom of choice, but want to let other people have it, even if it were just an illusion. I want people to do whatever they want, even when it's clearly something that's wrong to me.
I have a friend who's a drug addict and he has some shady business, I feel I should intervene, but then again he has every right to do anything he wants with his life the way he pleases.
If he asks me something I say you can do anything you want; while I feel we both know I disagree with his choice, I might say something along the lines "I wouldn't, but you can do whatever you want". I feel I'm enabling his bad behavior and it makes me feel bad, but on the other hand I don't want to interfere because who am I to tell him what to do?
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-anatomy-addiction/201207/are-you-empowering-or-enabling

I want to help him, I want to help everyone; but they need to ask for my help.
It's exactly like an old saying in Finnish folklore Kalevala "This is what I needed from you, but I couldn't get it by asking, you needed to make the initiative" Or something along those lines.

>>17889824
hi fellow thinker mate

firstly
>>17889866
>>17889903
>>17889936
dont even bother replyin ppl like these. even if you be the kindest and welcome their thoughts, at most they will stop replying. they get off on stepping on people. that their whole point.

secondly
you are really smart and intiutive. my advice is try to go easy. things will clear up with time. good luck

>>17890029
Thanks for your reply.
First I wanna say that I understand (or at least I think I do) why I shouldn't reply to those posts, and that kind of boosts my thoughts on my ideas of martyr- and messiah complexes. On the other hand I'm not sure if I even believe mental illness exists at all, so maybe I'm just afraid people won't trust/understand/care my thoughts, because they believe I'm mentally ill, and when I say I don't believe in mental illness that doesn't really make the situation better. It's kind of the same when I say I've taken psychedelics, it's a red flag for a lot of people that "yup, no point in listening to this guy". I tell myself I don't care what other people think, but I that's a lie; how could I not care about what other people think? I'm a human, I need other people's trust/appreciation/attention etcetc to function.
I post a lot of link to interesting videos on social media, things like pro's and con's of nuclear power, climate change, addiction and other human behavior related things and how to understand them better... No one cares
I share a video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqizgbRpzaI) about how to make roads safer and boom, likes, comments, attention, all the good shit.
Makes me feel weird. I mean yeah, a railing system like that would be neat, but I think it's a bit more important to understand why people get addicted to things, why politics is pointless, why psilocybin or mdma can be used for so much good in the world or just the idea of a 4th dimension.
I suppose I'm lonely, and that's fine, I'll manage like I have so far, I'm actually happier than I've been in ages.
I just want to share my happiness, because what's the point if there's no one to be happy with.
Loving unconditionally is amazing and I feel sad that people choose to hate over love, hold a grudge over forgiveness, judge over giving a chance.

>>17890029
>my advice is try to go easy. things will clear up with time. good luck
You sound like that wise character who knows everything and also knows he can't share it with people, because they need to realize it themselves.
Or maybe that's just me reflecting myself on you, because that's all I know.
Or maybe it's both.
Anyway thanks for your reply again. Feels good to type

>>17890029
>>17890079
>>17890087
Yes, only feel good when you get a reply that validates you

>>17890096
Hey man, I didn't mean to be rude, all the posts in this thread have been helpful in different ways.
And I think I've mentioned in my posts what humans lust for, appreciation, acceptance, attention...
I wanted criticism at the same time I wanted approval. I got both.
Of course I only "feel good" when I get validation, but that's not the point. I don't want to feel good, I want to feel in general.
I cry when I listen to music, I smile when I see some amazing art, I laugh at the most dumbest puns or guy gets hit in the balls humor.
But I do all that myself, I want to feel with and through someone else, doesn't matter if it's sadness, anger, love, whatever (actually spent like 5min thinking if I even feel hate, maybe I should. But I don't want to).

Yes I only feel good when I get a reply that validates to me. But I feel the other replies too, and to be honest, you guys haven't given me much to work with here

This thread: I have just discovered Alan Watts and I'm a sage now

>>17890183
Please tell me what makes you feel that way.
Only writing one sentence doesn't really give me anything to work with.
I've been listening to Alan Watts's speeches for a while now, I've also watched several ted talks on various subjects, I follow more than 10 educational science channels on youtube and I've watched all they have to offer.
In the meanwhile I think about things myself, and I do realize that the things I think have most likely been thought of before, but it doesn't matter, because I still thought of it, and isn't that amazing?
I thought the same thought someone else did, without knowing they had thought of it before me!
Of course my writings are impacted by the information I gather from places that aren't my own head. But there's no way I could only be with my own thoughts, I need to know what other people have to say.
I'd like to become a hermit and spend massive amounts of time alone, but I'd still always come back to see what's going on, what other people have thought of, what's new?

Could someone please tell me what they think?
Otherwise I might have to come to the conclusion that I'm the only conscious being and basically god. And that wouldn't be very nice.
Help me out here, please.