Vague but bear with me

>>17883847
Well whenever I would act myself around people it was always met negatively.

Dad would get mad at me for things I liked. For example if I liked some stupid comedy and wanted to watch it with him he'd just refuse and act all disappointed. This extends into virtually every aspect of myself.

Friends mostly just like me on the surface. It would start with the usual shit talking with friends "hahaha you actually like THAT?" whenever I'd try to show them an interest, but in a lot of ways this would also extend into how we would interact and what have you.

I'm having trouble condensing all this but I think that paints a better picture. The older I get and the more I meet people the more I learn that real friends don't do this, at least not seriously.

When people do this to me I usually take it as a cue to slowly start shutting them out of my life the more negative things get. Then, sometimes, they start lashing out at me for receding, which only makes me want to recede more.

>>17883842
i fake happiness

>>17883842
it means you are really a fag and spending too much time around str8 people

or the reverse

>>17884489
Its just seems lke like that takes me nowhere.

>>17884548
Definitely not the case.

I feel you OP, I'm a giant looser on the inside that's into shit like K-On and Love Live, on the outside I act like chad around everyone including my family. You should keep pretending because no one will ever accept you and it doesn't get any better.

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>>17883842
>What do you do if you fake your personality around everyone you know including family and close friends?

>>17885530
>>17885534
These are very conflicting.

For the record though it isn't things like being a weeb or anything like that.

It's more about me wanting to move far away and achieve things. I want to be proud of who I am and be able to live my life. I want to be able to look back and have some pride in my life's accomplishments.

But as a kid when I shared these thoughts they were dismissed and rejected so it became habit to dismiss and reject this side of myself.

The more I think about it the more I realize that growing up, many of the adults in my life were very condescending.

>>17883842
yeah, don't worry about it

find new friends

>>17885661
Well, your thoughts might be pretty silly indeed (at least relatively to what skills you have) or the people around you might indeed be overly negative and condescending.

Besides, if you don't live your live the way you want to, the only person you're faking to is yourself and the fake shit you show the others is actually you.

>>17883842
I get that feeling, too. But the thing is, literally everyone does this. You adopt the way you come across to others in different social contexts.

I'd say it's perfectly normal to be a completely different person in your own mind than you are when you're interacting with other people. Unless you have some sort of multiple personality disorder or some shit.

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>>17885674
I'm working on it. It just sucks because my "best friend" claims to know me so well but doesn't. Partially my fault but also his since whenever I'd try to talk to him I'd just get dismissed as usual.

>>17885675
I don't think they're super unreasonable. I just want to move away and, eventually, make around $60-80k while my wife takes care of the kids. I would also like towards having a career I care about that also allows me some free time. I don't expect any of this to happen overnight, or even in the next 5 years but I know if I keep at it then I'll get there eventually.

>>17885726
I have two people who know me very well and neither them really understood what I was saying in regards to this. I figure I just had a lot of coincidences in my life that led to being surrounded by arrogant condescending people and me just thinking that was normal.

I'm no psycho though. It's not like a light switch where one moment I'm ur angle and the next I'm ur devl.

It's just that I realized that the people arround me really aren't the best, at least for me. I don't hate them or anything I just want to be able to be myself and live my life.

Sorry, rambling again.