Girlfriend of 4,5 yrs rejected proposal, what to do?

Did she say why she didn't want to get married?

Did you ask?

By the sounds of it, the institution and spectacle of marriage is a much bigger thing to you than it is to her.

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>>17881699
>Girlfriend of 4,5 yrs rejected proposal
REKT

You discussed marriage before but it never came up that she wasn't interested in it?

>>17881721
This

Shit or get off the pot.

Looks like she's still just sitting there though.

>>17881699

you probably have this happy ending movie picture idealized fantasy of popping the question when you think the time is right.

but you also probably have already known something was not lining up with your expectations and giving you warning lights already.

who buys a house with someone they wont marry?

did YOU buy it, or did SHE, or did you actually co-sign a loan together?

>>17881699
>We had discussed marriage before and I hinted very often that I will propose soon
And how did she approach this?

>>17881699
Has she explained her reasoning? Because honestly, if your relationship is solid and she's serious about staying together for the long run... you lucked out, man. Honestly, marriage ruins a lot of good relationships. It's not just a big romantic gesture, it introduces this aspect of financial/legal "leverage" that can turn things a bit sour and competitive.

And in many cases, the romance tends to die a bit once your situation changes from "we choose to be together every day because we're in love" to "we are legally and financially bound to each other for life, unless we want to have a messy, expensive, emotionally horrendous divorce."

Marriage really isn't all it's cracked up to be, most men do it because their girlfriends push for it like crazy. Stop crying and think about this. You might've really lucked out here.

If the "big gesture of commitment" thing is important to you, you can talk about just throwing a big party LIKE a wedding for your family & friends, and just leave out the part where you legally get married.

She did something she feels guilt and remorse about, granted

You already have everything set and planned, but she doesn't want marriage? Something very strange is going in her head, granted. Hire a PI and investigate her, she might have cheated you in the past or is thinking about breaking up and didn't have the balls to do so yet, and that's the last exit out for her

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>>17881730
>did YOU buy it, or did SHE, or did you actually co-sign a loan together?

Also curious to know the answer to this one though I fear OP has realised he's a gigantic faggot and done a runner.

>ring tattoos
>HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!1

>>17881721
She never said she wouldnt marry me before I proposed to her.

>>17881712
She just told me she doesn't see me as her husband but still wants to be with me. She never said before that she woesnt want to marry me.

>>17881730
We bought the house and signed the loan together.

If that happened to me, I'd just dump her.

I know that sounds rude as hell, but if she didn't wanna be with me, then just who the hell does she wanna be with? Time goes by man, commitment is important.

I've known people with fear of commitment, usually younger girls. One of em had no father and probably thought I'd leave her like her dad did..

Dunno what to tell you bro, because whatever advice I give you may be premature.

>>17881764
Yeah but specifically

Like when you said 'hey, what do you think of marriage/how do you view marriage" she never said 'oh I dont believe in marriage' ?

>>17881786
Yes she never said such thing she said, that she wants to get married with me sometimes. But I still cannot understand why she said no.

>>17881740
I don't want to believe such thing, she has always been most reliable human in my life ever.

>>17881699
So when she said no and you asked her why not, what did she say?

>>17881838

I know it sucks, and off course I can't say for sure what's going on, but it sure looks like she's hiding something. Impossible for us to know why exactly, but it's very clear that she considers marriage is something she's not worthy of.

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>>17881801

Sucks to be you dude.

>I still cannot understand why she said no.

If I was going to commit my entire life to another human being, I think I'd like to understand that person inside out and trust her with my life. After all, life is a fucking huge thing to the individual and it shouldn't be given away cheaply.

If she can't give an honest, justifiable and understandable reason why she doesn't want to marry you then frankly, you're staking too much on this person.

In the grand scheme of things, four/five years isn't that long. It's short enough to be able to cut your losses and still have more than enough to invest in another, more suitable person or indeed, yourself.

Sure, it will hurt like fuck for a bit and the house thing could be messy (though you could rent it out and split the proceeds if you can be amicable) but you're only alive once and after that, you're dead for the rest of eternity.

Best of luck with whatever happens and maybe don't idealise another person unless you have 100% honest, unequivocal, bombproof certainty in said person.

>>17881850
She said she will not marry me because she doesn't see me as her husband,

>>17881888
Get her to fucking elaborate. Does she not see you as her husband because you're inadequate to fill the role? Or does she not see you as her husband because she doesn't put any faith in marriage and just sees you as her partner for life? Or is this just a really on sided relationship that she doesn't want to feel stuck in?

You need answers that 4chan can't provide before you can figure out where to go from here.

>>17881902
ok I can get her to elaborate but i think still that i will dump her, I want to get married to her but since she says no I don't think I can continue this relationship anymore....

>>17881956
What do you want out of marriage?

If she's still interested in being with you and spending your lives together and having kids and all that, then you have someone to spend your life with. If it's the financial/legal aspects of marriage then I guess it's time to move on.

>>17881956
Well, mariage seems to be a big thing for you, she must know that.
Maybe she doesn't want mariage (for whatever reason) but never told you in fear of hurting and losing you.
Think of that, buying a house together is actually a way bigger comitment than mariage, ask about her opinion on mariage and try not to be judgemental and not to push your view on her. Be open.

>>17881888
>She said she will not marry me because she doesn't see me as her husband,

sell the house. seriously. you bought way too soon with way too little commitment level agreed upon.

the longer you wait to detach yourself from this mutual financial issue, the more miserable you will be when it comes crashing down.

>>17881888
Translation: She is waiting for the upgrade boyfriend to come along any day now and you are her backup plan.

Bail.

>>17881978
For me marriage is the final sign of commitment and I want to be married to love of my life. For me it's important that I can be real Husband of a woman I love the most, and not only boyfriend for the rest of my life.

>>17881979
Yes she does know that marriage is important for me.But i think marriage is the biggest commitment because you can buy a house or get children with total strangers..

>>17882028
>you can buy a house or get children with total strangers
You can get shitfaced and wake up married to a hooker in Vegas or even marry the first vagina around you just to be allowed to fuck...

She's been with you for more than 4 years, she chose and bought a house with you, she would have to pay the loan if you leave, she must really be trusting you.
She and want to fill this house with your children so she has plan for the future and you are part of it, is it the biggest commitment? I don't know but it is still pretty big!

>final sign of commitment
>marriage is the biggest commitment
Again, she is maybe just not into mariage but the pressure might be too strong. She never told you she didn't want to marry (you) but did she ever told you she would ever want to marry ?

>>17882028
I agree with you as far as what marriage (can) signify between the right people. But this anon >>17882117 is right on point. You already are getting commitment from her.

>>17881699
This just sounds to me like a case where you two differ on your opinions on the importance of marriage. After 4.5 years and owning a house together, there really isn't anything more that marriage will offer you, both legally and socially speaking, maybe she just doesn't see the point and considers it a waste of money? Especially since you're the sort of person who spent tens of thousands on the *proposal*. I'd hate to see what you expect to do for the engagement, wedding, reception and honeymoon.

>>17882133
>After 4.5 years and owning a house together, there really isn't anything more that marriage will offer you, both legally and socially speaking
Wise anon is wise. May his wisdom enlighten the OP.

>>17882160
It's not wisdom, it's common sense and a basic knowledge of the law.

Sounds like you have a pretty great (minus some communication stuff apparently...) relationship OP.

Figure out whether that relationship is more important to you or formalizing that relationship is more important to you.

Do you know if she just isn't into marriage, period?

>>17882339
She has told me many times she wants to get married.

>>17881888
That's a pretty bold statement. She doesn't see you as a husband? Wtf?

>>17881888
You're fucked, bro. I'd walk away, except you were a dingus and bought a house with your GIRLFRIEND and not your wife. I'm sorry that happened, but I'd cut this girl loose. If she says she loves you and she's committed blahblahblah then marriage is just a drop in the bucket, and a pretty marginal price to pay to make the man you allegedly love happy. It's clear that she doesn't value you, or the relationship the way that you do. Pack your bags buddy, actions speak louder than words and hers are pretty deafening

>>17881764
Leave her.
She doesn't want to be alone and DOES love you, but she's windowshopping. She's waiting to find the man she does want to be her husband and she WILL leave you for him.

>>17882372
This. You're fucked OP, you're just the fill in. Best thing you can do is not waste any more time with her. Tell her you want to sell the house, rent an apartment, whatever. Do what you have to do. But get out.

This idiot
>took out a loan with somebody he wasn't married to
hahahahaahahah

>>17882391
It'd be okay if it wasn't a partner.

Leave her, either yout completely misunderstood the relationship or you completely misunderstood the relationship. Next time don't be stupid.

>>17882370
Stop fucking posting with that trip

>>17882355
Just not to you?

You dun cuck'd son

>>17882510
I always thousht she would want to get married to me... :(

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>>17882493

>>17882591
You're not funny or Pegasus

literally crucify her.
that's what i would do in your position.

>>17881699
based on the free shit u gave her she is a spoiled brat. she thinks marriage is boring thats why she said no.