Rant thread

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I can't deal with the world anymore.

I feel anxiety all day long. I take meds for blood pressure. I think I have OCD. Can't drive, can't give presentations or attend meetings very well (I shake and get dry throat enough where I lose my voice), just have a few burnout bums for friends because I can't handle any higher relationship than that... I talk to almost no one really.

The world seems dreadful as all hell. I see little point in living. People fucking freak me out. I come from a poor backwater family. The entire modern world of careers and education, rapid technology improvements, global scale business and experience, etc. is all alien to me and makes me want to kill myself. I'm not very competent at any job I work at. I don't do drugs and almost never drink but I might as well be a burnout too because I'm just about as useless as one.

I mean, really. I just want to have a quiet life. 5-9 job. Come home, relax. Get a couple days off around holidays. That doesn't seem fucking possible anymore. The internet and computer technology seems to have opened the floodgates on people like me. The working world is INSANE to me. I can't fucking keep up with it. Stocks? Project management? Networking? I am spending all waking hours just trying to maintain an office job, and it still feels like my efforts go nowhere and I am a complete shitter no-life poorfag with no connections. And I don't like traveling, which basically kills my chances at achieving ANYTHING decent nowadays.

It's made me a cruel person. Cruel towards myself. I don't want to let anyone in anymore. I avoid porn. Wish I had a girlfriend, desperately need one... but girls freak me out. The entire relationship game freaks me out. My entire capacity for human relationship seems fucked at this point. I really hate everything.

:(