Am I Going Insane?

Being quick to anger isn't a sign of psychosis.

>While I'm sleeping I'll sometimes feel like I went numb all over and I'm vibrating as well as a very fast heartbeat.

How do you feel it if you're sleeping? Do the vibrations feel like you're causing them, or something else is?

>I have compulsions to do weird stuff and mutter to myself when I'm alone

Does it feel like you're being forced to do that by something other than yourself?

>While sleeping, I'll suddenly hear a scream from inside my head, like someone trying to wake me up

How is this any different from a nightmare?

>>17874585
>How do you feel it if you're sleeping? Do the vibrations feel like you're causing them, or something else is?
It wakes me up, it feels like my bed is vibrating but when I stand up the feeling persists, I had my pop grab my arm to make sure i wasn't trembling and he said I wasn't.
>Does it feel like you're being forced to do that by something other than yourself?
I don't know, I just find myself doing them fluidly
>How is this different from a nightmare
Because I'm not fully asleep when it happens

>>17874557
I just read your post, you're not "crazy" but you most likely have an anxiety "disorder".

>While sleeping, I'll suddenly hear a scream from inside my head, like someone trying to wake me up

Pretty common. Extreme cases are called exploding head syndrome (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exploding_head_syndrome). Speaking from personnal experience I generally associate those with "relaxing" while being in a stressful/anxiety inducing environment. It's a fight or flight response, the type that's most likely triggered by my subconscious trying to get me out of bed because my surroundings - on an emotionnal level - are shit and/or dangerous for my psyche. A kind of "don't let your guard down" signal. Used to get those when I was still at my mom's. A subconscious wake-up call for me to get out of here ASAP if you wish. She's a very anxious and emotionally unstable/weak person and it always fucked with my own feelings.

I'm back at my parents' after 4 years leaving independently and I had one or two of those while half-asleep. Nothing major, small cymbal-like sounds, small voice-like things. And guess what, their lifestyle and problems are slowly starting to eat away at me again!

While I wouldn't worry over such things, those are signals you should be attentive to. Do not undermine their potential interpretation, but know that this is just your brain firing signals for you to notice an underlying condition.

>I have compulsions to do weird stuff and mutter to myself when I'm alone, like to vocalize the thought static that runs through every-bodies brain. A funny joke, a line from a movie, having a mock conversation with somebody on a topic of an article I read.

Again, nothing weird. I play scenes in my head a lot, even smile to myself because of made-up dialogues or made-up situation. Usually situations I long for, or some distant reality that I can connect with to escape reality. This is daydreaming...

cont.

>>17874649
continued

As I was saying, this is nothing but daydreaming. But the more you do it, the more you must ask yourself, are you really here? And if not, why are you passing up on experiencing what's in front of you?

At least, those would be the questions I'm tempted to ask myself.

Now daydreaming is healthy, until you spend more time there than here.

>While I'm sleeping I'll sometimes feel like I went numb all over and I'm vibrating as well as a very fast heartbeat.

Feeling numb and "vibrating" sensations, especially in the ears are, most of the time, related to night terrors and sleep paralysis. Again, I would recommend you to read the following article (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sleep_paralysis). In your situation and from what I've gathered it could be related to stress/anxiety issues.

>I tend to get angry pretty quickly if somebody is belittling me or trying to bully me, like I go from zero to violent threat almost instantly. However I don't act on it, I find another way to really piss them off the same amount I am.

Feeling irritable usually comes with being anxious. I often get pissed over little stuff when I'm emotionally/mentally affected by semi-related shit. You should not let your emotions get the best of you, because I am sure the real issues lie elsewhere.

>>17874649
>>17874657
anon from those two posts here

OP you most likely have an anxiety disorder. While I'm no expert I think I can help you a bit, but first can you answer a few questions?

>what is your current situation like? do your live with your parents and siblings? how are you relations with them?

>do you have an occupation or are you studying?

>do you have hobbies?

>do you exercise?

>do you sleep well and at regular hours?

>what's your diet like and do you eat at regular hours?

>

>>17874670
>what is your current situation like? do your live with your parents and siblings? how are you relations with them?
Both, bad followed by low todecent
>
None, I constantly study history though
>
Video games and Politics
>
No, trying to find the drive to do it though, I just get huge bouts of depression some days
>Do you sleep well and at regular hours
No because the disorders in my sleep behavior I detailed
>Whats your diet like
I try to limit junk food and get a steady balance of veggies/meats/grains

>>17874590
Nothing you said suggests psychosis. I'm with the other anon on this. Seems like some kind of anxiety issue.

>>17874675
>Both, bad followed by low todecent
Can you describe a typical interaction with each of them and how it makes you feel?

>None, I constantly study history though
Cool! Any specific era/part of the world?

>Video games and Politics
So /v/ and /pol/ basicly! Yeah well, me too. Anything you'd be willing to try for a day or two? Skydiving perhaps, that kind of shit?

>No, trying to find the drive to do it though, I just get huge bouts of depression some days
I spend most of my days being a depressed slob too, yet I pride myself in being a very good walker. When I was travelling through Europe 3 years ago my backpack buddy and I used to walk around 65km a day. Makes the blood flow, not unlike running.

>Do you sleep well and at regular hours
Have you tought about other factors that might come in the way of a more regular sleep? Do you have difficulties falling asleep or just staying asleep? If so, do you wake up often and possibily disoriented?

>I try to limit junk food and get a steady balance of veggies/meats/grains
Looks like you know your shit. Do you drink coffee or energizers? Do you smoke?

>>17874696
>Can you describe a typical interaction with each of them and how it makes you feel?
My dad is
A) The king of all Whiners, he will whine about anything and everything he can and even when you do everything he barely shows appreciation for it
B) Doesn't want to have a conversation with me because hes an esoteric Green anti-gunner and I'm a hard-right ethno-nationalist with 6 firearms in his collection. He constantly wants to get me on the antidepressants that hes on even though he had finally gotten off of a decade long alcoholism binge a few years ago only to pretty much pick it right back up after getting on them. I've read the documentation on this shit too and see that it has either no effect on most people or is harmful.

Sister
A) Occasionally have a laugh together
B) Doesn't respect anything I have to say or think even if she asks me
C) Belittles me more often then not when I just want to have a conversation
D) Is absorbed into her phone 6 hours a day most of the time she gets back from work and on her days off shes asleep or in her phone, I really just feel alone in my house because of this, I've told her and she says its not her problem. She knows I have insecurities about my mental health and she antagonizes me about it which I can't contain my anger when she does.

>>17874696
>any specific era/part
Europe and United States exclusively pretty much, but I know the history of Japan thanks to Bill Wurtz on youtube
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh5LY4Mz15o

>Skydiving
HAha I'm broke, Looking for a job rn because I lost mine last month. Basically I want to do anything that could get me friends because I haven't had any of my own in ~6 years.

>Other factors
A new bed that I can't afford

>Do you drink coffee or smoke
A very light coffee in the morning and no I don't smoke

>>17874707
Well, what you describe sounds very familiar to me. I hope you don't mind if I expand a bit further on that.

Before I moved out I used to have a lot of anger towards my parents, or my mom + her boyfriend and his daughter to be precise. Y'know, recomposed family, fucked in the head kid that I was because of a dead father, traitor of a mother, cuck stepfather and dumbass stepsister, the likes.

Now when I left, it felt like such a relief not be associated with those people. My mom is what /pol/ would consider a coalburner, a woman clinging to a man and lying to herself about his value because otherwise she'd be financially fucked. But I can't blame her, she's my mom, she needs to survive somehow so she lies to herself. She tried to jumpstart her own business many times but she got old, tired and confused. So they live like old people, my mom is very talkative but my stepcuckfather is not. Now I'm also 24. I look at them while we're eating dinner, and it feels awkward, just awkward and tense and heavy and everyone is miserable and doesn't communicate for real, but somehow, and I don't know how the decorum still holds together. Maybe because it has to, but I can't stand to be a forced witness to this shitshow. I can go into details if that can echo with your own experience, just ask.

Anyway, I'm back at being angry and pissed at the whole masquerade and lack of communication. Yet I can't bring myself to bring up those issues to them, they're giving me food and shelter while I'm looking for a job to free myself once again from the shackles of their shitty lives.

What really pisses me off and makes me have intrusive thoughts such as "grab your steak knife and plant it in his jugular if he doesn't say a word in 5 seconds", is that, at the same time those people are family. I cannot hate them like I would a stranger, and I yet I think I'd hate them more than a total stranger actually.

cont.

>>17874730
continued

So that's the thing, OP, there are a lot of factors at play for both of us, but I think that the common denominator in both our anxieties is that home stopped feeling like home at some point.

We both sound like we're trapped, living through other people's eyes. Having to submit to their conditions and little constructs for the social peace within the home, and with that, the love we certainly have for them deprecates and erodes itself.

Now I'm not going to tell you what you need to do because that is something you need to figure out yourself. Those parameters you need to tweak on your own.

But maybe you should try to plant one if not both of your feet out there? And I mean, literally. Go for a walk every two days?

Here's the thing with intelligent people, they tend to get lazy. They take the shortest, most efficient paths. They get too comfortable and get stuck in hard-wired habits that give them all the hormonal rewards but none of the actual achievements.

When you're out, walking or running or exercising, living in your body and not your head, you tend to get only what you deserve. Nothing less, nothing more. But you build a tolerance and you start asking for more, you start to see further and suddenly the 2km you were initially up for don't seem like much of a challenge, and so on and so on...

My question is this, do you feel challenged? Thrilled by something? Even a distant, vague prospect? Or a short-term one? Do you feel like living on your own would ease up your relationships with your family?

>>17874740
>My question is this, do you feel challenged? Thrilled by something? Even a distant, vague prospect?
I want to father 6-7 children