How do you guys feel about your first loves? Or any long term

>>17874273

people have a weird habit of only understanding the emotion they are feeling in that moment. for instance, when you are in love, you assume that love will last forever and thats why you should get married. then a few years after your break up you often look back and think 'i dont tihnk i ever liked that person'.

a funny smaller scale version of that is just most 'depressed' people. they go out, have a great time, live a normal life with friends. then they go home. suddenly they feel sad cuz they are alone, and that becomes lonely. they can only understand emotions they feel in that moment so they go online and post about how they are 100% always lonely and sad every waking moment of the day, and how they only pretend to be happy so their friends don't worry. They get to have their happy normal lives, then play the victim, and be a noble hero all at once.

then the next day they're with friends again and feel like they're best buddies and its destiny magic friendship and they mean the world to each other... until they're home alone again.


romance is the longer term version of that, generally. despite this, humans are also conflicted, so after a break up you're going to have nostalgic moments and meh moments. more often than not the sad feelings are brought up because of a specific memory. remembering sex, or cuddling, or watching a movie, or a joke, or something specific. the 'meh' feeling is just thinking about them or the bad parts.

>>17874316

as for me, its hard to say. when i look back there are so many relationships i can hardly call real relationships. they were shallow and didnt get far. there were some that seemed to get far, but i barely remember because they were insignificant for one reason or another. im convinced others only seem more important because i kept minor contact with those ex's on facebook so its brought up in my mind a lot.

there are very few relationships i look back on and hate. many im just indifferent about and struggle to remember. some im more nosalgic on and remember them fondly but not much more than just 'fond'.

there are two that i look back on and still feel some burning feelings both good and bad.

>>17874316

This makes a lot of sense thanks, we are slaves to our emotions. Just 2 months ago I thought I would never stop loving them, either my memory is terrible or I've fallen out of love pretty quickly.

>>17874338

well its a lot easier to fall out of love when someones 'pushing' you out of it, but yeah, even if nothing goes wrong love often fades because most men aren't actually with a girl they liked, they are with the first girl who agreed to settle for them.

many people are slave sto emotions. some are not. many are simply in a relationship with their emotions. they still react to them obviously, but htey dont let them define behavior.

being anger doesn't have to mean attacking someone. being sad doesn't have to mean having a break down. being in love doesn't have to mean pursuing.

>>17874273

Worst mistake I ever made. I chose the wrong girl and fucked my life up, often I have to work hard to convince myself that I'm even salvageable at this point. I just feel regret eating away at me allot of the time. I don't hold any ill will towards her though, she did'nt do anything wrong ultimately.

i'm about 7 years removed from my first love. it took me a long time to really be at peace with the breakup but I can say that it does get easier.
looking back on it, I didn't realize how abusive and toxic our relationship was at the time. she would hit me if I said stuff she didn't like and she'd hold me to ridiculous double standards (she was openly talking about hooking up with some random dude on an international trip, but I couldn't talk to a girl that was our mutual friend while waiting to pick my gf up after school)
I can look back on it now and accept the good times for what they were, but this girl will never be a part of my life again

>>17874273
First love was a four year, semi-abusive relationship where I copped it half due to feeling sorry for her and half due to it being AMAZING when the relationship went well. Had to move away for college, really put us on the rocks - within a year of me moving, she'd become controlling, neurotic and just all around awful to date. I eventually ended it, good decision overall.

Looking back, I can't help but see the negatives and just being glad I got out before things got worse, even though the negatives weren't horrible. The positives were there, sure, but they're generally positives that can be substituted with others (e.g. seeing friends, meeting new girls).

Call me a sociopath, but I never had a defined feeling I could call 'love,' though - so maybe your experience was different.
>>17874345 probably has something to do with what this champion said

>>17874345
>>17874445
>>17874364

My relationship started from mutual attraction alone, I thought we would have nothing in common and I was half right but over time I grew to like her as a person and enjoyed her company, our love built over time and I guess after 3+ years together the cracks started to show with our personality differences and she fled.

It's hard to say that what I felt was "real" love but I know I had strong feelings for her and wanted to spend our lives together, with nothing else to compare it to I guess that's my benchmark for the feeling of love. Hopefully the next girl has me feeling similar or even better.