my brother's probably going to jail and i feel bad

>>17873427
>beating his girlfriend who probably deserved it
That's not how any of this works. No matter how crazy she is, he choose to stay with her.

Spending some time might help him to rethink the mess that his life is now and who knows, he might learn something and start doing things differently afterwards.

Best you can do is keep in touch, visiting him and writing letters as frequently as possible.

>>17873439
>That's not how any of this works. No matter how crazy she is, he choose to stay with her.
oh god i know. they're horrible for each other. they feed each other's addictions and beat the shit out of each other all the time. he's not even supposed to be within a block of her after the first arrest but it hasn't stopped him at all. and the second arrest happened AT her place with her there. which looks so bad for him.

i'm really scared of losing him. i've lost so much and i don't think i can handle it if i lose him. it's scary to think about what he's probably going through. and he never was in great mental health. i'm afraid he'll kill himself if he feels he can't handle this. but he doesn't even want me around.

idk

>>17873427
>but he is a good person inside
no, he is not. addicts cannot be saved. they can save themselves, but there is nothing others can do but shun them.
>his girlfriend who probably deserved it. she's a crazy fucking bitch and stabbed him
she is also an addict and cannot be helped by anyone other than herself.
> i've been acting like a bitch to my brother
>my approach has been one of tough love.
this is not productive. the only effective method is to disregard him until he gets his shit together. difficult, given the biological relation, but it is what must be done.
> i wish there were something i could do to help but i don't think there is.
short of sending (see:paying to send) him to a good rehabilitation facility, you are correct. and rehab only works if he wants it to.
source(s):multiple counts of personal experience resulting in disdain for addicts


>i feel guilty for not being a good sister,
im going to let this one be for now out of respect for your situation.

>>17873427
didnt you make a thread some days ago about what to get him for christmas?

>>17873449
Certainly a shitty position to be in for you too but as you already noted, there isn't much anybody else, even you can do, no matter how much you want to help. No matter how great or shitty sister you were (and at least going by the info posted, I don't see anything wrong with tough love), in the end it's his life and his decisions, and some people manage to mess shit up even with ideal conditions.

Even if he doesn't want you around to visit, at least he'd reply to letters or? That stuff helps to keep sanity a lot.

>>17873454
That's a bit too simplistic. The approach can work on some people but others will be driven even more in the hole and would do better with some level of support.

Same sources here, mostly with opiates and I guess the drug itself is relevant for the approach too. Leaving an alcoholic alone sounds like a pretty shitty idea while it could give a pothead a reality check. Etc.

>>17873461
yeah, i did. he had court today and it was just supposed to be the courts setting another date (because everything is fucking slow and complicated in the court system), but the DA mentioned all this about finding out about the second arrest and now he's very possibly in some pretty serious shit.

>>17873454
>no, he is not. addicts cannot be saved. they can save themselves, but there is nothing others can do but shun them.
he is a good person. i grew up with him and i know what he's like. he's lost right now in the drugs and things but he is a good person.

>she is also an addict and cannot be helped by anyone other than herself.
i don't care about her. he needs to get away from her so they both can start healing.

>this is not productive. the only effective method is to disregard him until he gets his shit together. difficult, given the biological relation, but it is what must be done.
but i'm afraid he won't ever get better, and i feel partially responsible for where he is right now. what if he overdoses and dies, or commits suicide? maybe i'm freaking out a little bit but now things seem so real and i'm scared. what do i do? how can i feel better about this?

>short of sending (see:paying to send) him to a good rehabilitation facility, you are correct. and rehab only works if he wants it to.
>source(s):multiple counts of personal experience resulting in disdain for addicts
we sent him to rehab last year. he was there for a month and didn't try at all. he felt like we abandoned him and forced him to go (we kinda did force and coerce him into going). when he got back he moved in with his gf and basically cut us out of his life for a long time.

>im going to let this one be for now out of respect for your situation.
really? you have to be a dick, even now?

>>17873472
i'll write him and visit when i can. why do i feel so bad now? i've been expecting him to go back to jail for a long time but now that it's happening there's this horrible sinking feeling that won't go away. it's made worse by him possibly missing out on our christmas stuff. i miss him so much already and he's not even gone.

>>17873515
It's given that you'll feel bad if a sibling you care about makes a shitty decision after a shitty decision, and even if you KNOW the consequences it's not the same as experiencing them. You'd be pretty cold if you didn't feel at least a bit bad about it all even though it's absolutely not your fault.

My sis constantly makes dumb decisions too (although just when it comes to money mostly) and it makes me feel bad from time to time since the shit is so elementary and I tried to talk her out of it this or that, but there is only so much one can do for another person, especially if they don't ask for help.